Only your best friend could get away with being so honest, but as Leah eyed herself in the mirror she knew Kathy was right. The sallow, pinched face that stared back at her seemed a world away from the sunkissed cheeks of a few short weeks ago. Even her eyes seemed to have paled and her hair fell in a limp, sad mass around her shoulders.
Still, by the time she’d showered and used every trick in the book, even Leah was pretty pleased with the results. Standing back, she admired her reflection in the bedroom mirror, a tiny well of excitement building at the prospect of a long overdue night on the town with her friend.
‘I hate to do this.’ Not bothering to knock, Kathy came into the bedroom, mobile phone in hand and an apologetic grimace on her face. ‘Dale just rang, he’s got flu. I know it sounds really wet, but I don’t think I should leave him.’
‘He’s not a two-year-old, Kathy!’ Leah grinned, sure her friend would come good, sure that a few months of wedded bliss surely hadn’t rendered her quite that pathetic. ‘He’s a doctor, for heaven’s sake, he doesn’t need a babysitter.’
‘I know.’ Kathy shrugged. ‘But he sounds really sick. He’s asked if I can come home. We could do the restaurant another night,’ Kathy suggested. ‘It wasn’t as if you were that keen anyway.’
Maybe she hadn’t been particularly keen but, having gone to the effort, having finally decided to go out, it was a bitter blow when it was swiped away from you. Sinking to the sofa as Kathy left, Leah let out a disappointed sigh, not even bothering to get up when the door knocked almost instantaneously.
Kathy must have forgotten her bag—the intercom hadn’t even gone off.
‘It’s open,’ Leah called, swallowing back the tears, not wanting Kathy to see she was upset.
‘I could give a lecture here.’
Leah froze, literally froze as the voice that had filled her dreams for the past weeks finally materialised.
‘I mean,’ Cole said, letting himself in and walking towards her with infuriating stealth, ‘if I was the kind of guy who got hung up on that type of thing, now would be the perfect opportunity to warn you of the pitfalls of living in London and leaving your front door wide open.’
The first thing she noticed was his tan and for a second it infuriated her, that he had the gall to look so disgustingly healthy, the gall to walk in here looking so divine when she felt so drab in comparison.
‘There is an intercom system.’ So ridiculous was her greeting even Leah let out a low laugh as the explanation left her lips. Cole was here, he was really here, and she was talking about security. ‘You have to know someone to get past the front door. I thought you were Kathy.’
‘I know.’
A flicker of a smile dusted his lips. As for Leah, the penny finally dropped.
‘Kathy knew you were coming?’ Leah looked up, truly appalled at her friend’s lack of honour. Any decent friend would have warned her. It was like the This is Your Life cameras turning up with absolutely no forewarning. ‘She knew?’ Leah checked again.
‘Apparently you’re not the type of girl who would want to be caught without her mascara on, so she came up with this plan to lure you out for dinner.’
It was easier to focus on the superfluous, easier to talk about the meaningless than to comprehend the truth.
Cole was here, he was really here, and as realisation hit, as truth finally dawned, Leah fell on him, ran to him. Pride, indifference, the million greetings she had rehearsed in her mind didn’t merit a thought as he scooped her into his arms, kissed her, condensing four long lonely weeks into one passionate embrace…
‘I’m sorry,’ he said finally, when he came up for air, ‘sorry for all I’ve put you through. Even though I couldn’t see it at the time, I know now that you were right to go,’ Cole said softly, as Leah started in confusion, only breathing out when he spoke again. ‘Not that I want a repeat, of course.’
Sitting on the sofa, he pulled her onto his knee, wrapping her in his arms, and Leah curled up like a kitten as Cole buried his face in her hair, taking a moment to enjoy the closeness before the inevitable talking started.
‘I couldn’t believe you just let me go,’ Leah admitted. ‘I knew it was right to leave and everything, but deep down I was hoping it would serve as a wake-up call, hoping…’ She swallowed hard. ‘Hoping you’d at least try and stop me. I didn’t really want to leave, Cole.’
‘But you had to,’ he said slowly, and there was no question in his voice, just understanding. ‘Fay told me what flight you were on. I drove to the airport and I watched you leave, Leah. I watched you go through the doors and I could see you looking through the crowd, trying to find me, to see if I’d come and stop you…’
‘You were there,’ Leah gasped as he took her hands.
‘Oh, I was there, Leah. And the easiest thing in the world would have been to shout out to you, to beg you to stay, to tell you I’d change.’
‘Then why didn’t you?’
Cole let out a long sigh. ‘How many times a day do we see it in our work, Leah? People swearing they’ll change, that this is the last drink, the last hit, the last time they black their wife’s eye, the last time she’ll let him?’
‘Too many.’
‘If I was going to promise you that, then it had to mean something. The day you left I went up to Special Care to see the baby.’
‘I saw you,’ Leah admitted.
‘I kidded myself it was just for an update, but the nurses offered to let me hold him.’ Lifting her chin, he turned her to face him. ‘I was so angry with you, Leah. Till that point I truly thought I was right but, holding that little boy, I realised what I’d lost, realised that it wasn’t you I was angry with at all but myself. And…’ he swallowed hard and it would have been so easy to jump in and save him the pain, but she held her tongue, knowing this needed to be said ‘…
I was angry with Heather too.’
‘For leaving you?’
Cole shook his head. ‘She didn’t have any choice in that.’ He pulled her closer, buried his face in her hair. Resting her head on his chest, she listened as he spoke, listened as he told his awful story because, quite simply, he had to.
‘Heather and I had tried for a baby for ages. We were just about to go off and have all the tests when, bingo! Heather didn’t want to tell anyone, thought she might somehow jinx the pregnancy, but almost the second she found out she started doing up the spare room. She was so excited, so happy to know she was going to finally be a mother. I had some annual leave due, so we decided on one last romantic holiday before we were laden down with carry cots and nappies. ‘We went to Cairns. That’s why I ignored you on the plane, that’s why I was so rude. The last time I did that journey, I was escorting…’
His voice trailed off as her eyes screwed tightly closed. No wonder he had snubbed her on the plane, no wonder he had asked for his eye shield. Why wouldn’t he have wanted to shut out the world, why wouldn’t he have wanted to block out the memories when the last time he had travelled that path had been with his dead wife’s body?
‘It was one of those holidays with all the water-sports included, Heather’s perfect holiday. She was incredibly fit, loved all that sort of thing. She wanted to go out on a jet-ski. I didn’t want to at first, given she was pregnant and all, but Heather just wouldn’t let it drop. She insisted she knew exactly what she was doing. The water was like glass it was so smooth. We had a ball, like you do when you’re on holiday.’
Leah gave a pensive smile, trying to imagine this difficult man letting down his guard like that and aching for the day she might witness it. But as she felt him stiffen, heard his breath coming shorter, harder, she knew the horrible bit was coming and braced herself just to listen, to not react, but it was hard, so very hard.
‘There were some kids on jet-skis, just having a laugh, mucking around, but suddenly they were on top of us. One of them lost control and Heather swerved to avoid him and we both tipped off as they came close.’ He was talking in an almost det
ached mode now, reciting the events like a newsreader. ‘It was over in seconds. I came up for air and I honestly thought she’d be waving at me. We had life jackets on, and the water was calm after all, but she was face down, not moving…’
Leah hadn’t meant to cry. She’d tried to stay strong but she gave in then, hot, salty tears slipping on to his chest as he spoke, each word an agony in itself.
‘She’d broken her neck and that was it. There was nothing, nothing I could do. We got her to shore, I gave her CPR, did everything I could…’
‘Did you get her back at all?’ Leah choked, and felt rather than saw him shake his head.
‘She died in my arms on the beach.’
‘Oh, Cole.’ She didn’t even try to be strong, just wept in his arms for all he’d been through, for all he’d suffered. But not only for Cole—for a baby who hadn’t stood a chance and for Heather, too, a young woman on the threshold of her dreams who’d lost everything.
‘We should have known better,’ Cole rasped, and the agony behind his words caught Leah unawares as finally that austere mask slipped, finally he let her in, showed her the true chasm of his despair. ‘What the hell was Heather doing on a jet-ski when she was four months pregnant, how irresponsible was that? And what the hell was I doing, letting her go on?’
‘It’s called living, Cole,’ Leah said gently, lifting her head and watching him as she spoke, sad, so sad for all he’d been through but so very proud of him for finally sharing. ‘We make choices every day, some good, some bad. With hindsight you might have done things differently, but neither of you deserved what happened. It was an accident.’
‘I know,’ Cole admitted. ‘I know that now, but it’s taken a long time. When I was holding the baby the dad came in and we spoke for a while, and I could hear myself in every word he said. “What the hell was she doing, getting a train? She should have been at home, she was a week overdue, for goodness’ sake.” The same pointless arguments you berate yourself with when you’ve lost someone, the same futile bargaining you put yourself through as you relive the day it all ended, trying to work out how it could have been done differently. Listening to the baby’s dad, I realised it could just as well have been me talking.
‘I love you, Leah.’ His eyes raked hers and she didn’t even have to say it back, it was all there in her eyes. ‘I think I loved you the first day I met you and certainly by the second day.’
‘I loved you then, too.’
‘We’d have ended up in bed, you know.’ He grinned and it was so nice to see him smile, such a relief to see the light back in his eyes, that Leah smiled too.
‘You’d have thought I was cheap. I’d have probably had a lecture the following morning on the perils of casual sex!’
‘Probably.’ Cole grinned. ‘But what I’m trying to say, and even though it’s not much of a defence it’s all I’ve got, is that though we barely knew each other I already had feelings for you, Leah. And no matter how you play it down, the fact is you nearly died in my arms that night.’
Her heart stilled for a moment. Seeing that first night from Cole’s perspective, she truly registered his fear.
‘I couldn’t face it happening again. I couldn’t bear to find you only to lose you, but I lost you anyway,’ Cole rasped. ‘I was so busy trying to hold onto you that I pushed you away.’
‘Cole, it wasn’t your over-protectiveness that pushed me away. I could deal with that and I knew you were trying. It was you who encouraged me to go back to nursing, you who encouraged me to go on nights—it was your emotional shutdown I couldn’t take.
‘Have you seen someone?’
‘No.’ Cole gave a slight grimace. ‘Unless you count daily phone calls from Kathy, telling me what an idiot I am, telling me to buck up and do something.’
‘Kathy’s been ringing you?’
‘Ringing me?’ Cole gave her an exasperated look. ‘I think her phone must be on permanent redial. I swear if I hadn’t flown in last week she’d have come and got me herself.’
‘Last week?’ Leah stared at him bemused. ‘You’ve been here all this time…’ The thought that he’d been in the same country and hadn’t even thought to look her up, the knowledge he had been so close and hadn’t thought to contact her, was almost too much to comprehend.
‘You were working,’ Cole said patiently, ‘which, according to Kathy, meant the flat would look like a bomb and the inhabitant something similar.’ He stared at her non-comprehending face. ‘According to your friend, girls like to look their best when an unexpected guest drops by.’
Truth, however farfetched, however impossible, was starting to dawn. ‘This was all a set-up.’
‘She’s probably outside with a glass against the wall.’ Cole grinned. ‘I chose the dress…’ he gave her a slow smile ‘…but I take no responsibility for the restaurant tomorrow.’
He’d really got her confused now.
‘Tomorrow night.’ Cole smiled. ‘Your mum just went off, ringing up people, booking bands and balloons.’
‘Mum and Dad know that you’re here?’
Cole nodded. ‘Call me old-fashioned but I wanted to do things properly. I asked their permission.’
‘For what?’
It was a stupid question when surely there could only be one answer, but after so much pain, so much agony elation seemed to be hanging around reluctantly outside the door, terrified it might be shooed away, terrified it might somehow have got things wrong. But a very nice aquamarine bag was heading its way into her hands. It was topped with a white bow and unless Leah was very much mistaken she could feel the weight of something nestled at the bottom.
‘Happy birthday,’ Cole said gruffly, handing her a card, which Leah promptly ignored. ‘You’re supposed to read the card first,’ Cole nudged as Leah completely ignored him, tearing at the bow with shaking fingers. ‘Leah.’ Looking up, she took the card with a reluctant sigh, politely opening the envelope then frowning as a ticket fell into her lap.
‘What’s this?’ She read it for a moment, the ring almost forgotten as she read the voucher slowly before turning to him, an incredulous tinge to her voice. ‘You’ve paid for me to take a parachute jump?’
‘Two, actually. One in Australia, one in England. It’s up to you, Leah.’ For a second she could have sworn he looked nervous. ‘If you can’t leave I understand…’
‘You’d live here?’ Leah gasped. ‘You’d give up your job…’
‘In a heartbeat,’ Cole said, ‘if it meant keeping you.’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ Leah gulped. ‘I’ll clean the windows in Emergency if it means I can be with you. It was never about the job, Cole. I just couldn’t give everything up if I didn’t have all of you.’ Staring down at the tickets, a tiny frown puckered her brow. ‘But a parachute jump! Why on earth…?’
‘I wanted to show you how much I’m trying, that I’m not going to hold you back…’
‘Cole, you’ve never held me back. The only person you’ve held back is yourself.’ She let out a low laugh. ‘It’s a wonderful thought, but I haven’t got some sort of death wish—the last thing I want to do is jump out of a plane. Anyway…’ she gave him a slow smile ‘…it wouldn’t be very responsible.’
‘Don’t.’ Shaking his head, Cole put up his hand. ‘I am trying, Leah. Don’t throw what I said back at me.’
‘I’m not,’ Leah said softly, and this time she looked nervous, this time it was she who couldn’t quite meet his eyes. ‘It’s a wonderful gift and I know how hard it would have been for you to choose it, but…’
Catching his eyes, so infinitely divine were they, so blazing with love and adoration, even a Tiffany ring nestled in its bag couldn’t drag her away. ‘What I’m trying to say, Cole, is that I know how hard it would have been for you to choose this for me, and as much as the thought truly terrifies me, under any other circumstances I’d be thrilled to accept.’ She swallowed hard, watching as a frown creased his brow, knowing he was waiting for an explanati
on and wondering just how best to give it. ‘You see, jumping out of a plane wouldn’t be very responsible for a woman in my condition.’
For an age he didn’t say anything, just stared back at her, the silence growing around them until finally Leah rushed to fill it. ‘I know it’s not ideal timing. I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did…’
‘How long…?’
‘Eight weeks.’ Leah gulped as Cole stared back at her.
‘You’ve known for eight weeks?’ He gasped, and Leah quickly shook her head.
‘I’m eight weeks pregnant.’ Still his eyes didn’t give a clue. ‘Which means I was pregnant when I abseiled down the embankment.’
‘You didn’t know, though,’ Cole said gently, a tiny smile inching its way along his lips. ‘And it certainly doesn’t seem to have done any harm.’
‘But I had all those tests for my chest injury,’ Leah gulped. ‘I’ve been going through hell wondering if it could have caused any damage. I rang Dr Crean’s office when I found out.’ She saw the start in his eyes and carried on talking quickly. ‘But it wouldn’t have done any harm either. I didn’t have a chest X-ray or anything.’ She was gabbling now, trying to pour out a million jumbled emotions, to condense them into one succinct sentence. ‘I had a scan a couple of days ago and the radiographer says that everything looks perfect.’
‘Everything is perfect.’ Cole’s strong words stilled her momentarily, quelled her fears, made the world good and safe. ‘We’re going to have a wonderfully healthy baby and put all the nightmares behind us now, Leah.’
‘You’re not upset?’ she checked, and Cole half laughed as he shook his head, his hand incredulously exploring the flat plane of her stomach.
The Consultant's Accidental Bride Page 14