“I’m sorry, what?” Zach asked.
Emma’s smile fully surfaced. “I’m a surrogate.”
“Oh,” Zach said. “That’s cool.”
“Yeah. I thought so too. I met Lucas and Jordan through Heather. She’s known Jordan for years. He makes clothes for foster kids and beautiful, custom wedding gowns for low income brides. He and Lucas adopted one of Heather’s teenagers, and now that she’s in college, they decided it was time for one of their own. So, I offered to be their surrogate.”
“That is pretty awesome of you,” Cael said.
Emma shrugged. “I really felt for them, and finding a surrogate is so hard sometimes. It was the least I could do. Lucas and Jordan are so sweet together, and they’ve done so much for the kids in the community.” Her thoughtful gaze shifted between him and Zach. “You know, if you two ever think of having kids, let me know. I’d be happy to help.”
Zach about choked on his drink.
“Uh, yeah,” Cael chuckled. “That’s not going to happen. Zach and I are just friends.”
Emma looked confused. “Really? Because you two seem, I don’t know. Closer?”
“They do make a cute couple, don’t they?” Chloe chimed in, raising a brow at her brother as she nudged his shin beneath the table with her foot.
“We aren’t a couple.” Cael widened his eyes and gave her a look, silently begging her not to say anything that could inadvertently reveal the true feelings he harbored for Zach. He wiped his sweating palms on his pants.
“We are close,” Zach said, his voice hoarse as he still tried to recover from almost inhaling his drink. “Just, uh, not like that.”
“Exactly,” Cael added. “We just mess with each other. It’s what guys do.”
Zach held his glass to his lips. “Yeah. What he said.” He downed the rest of his vodka and ginger beer, following it with another small cough, no doubt the alcohol still burning in his windpipe.
Emma didn’t seem convinced, but let the topic go. After appetizers and another round of drinks—Cael opted for water this time—Cael’s awareness of Zach’s slightly closer proximity increased, as it always did when they sat close, but they were usually at home on the couch playing video games or watching TV, not in public with his sister and her friend watching his every move.
For the last fifteen minutes or so, Zach’s thigh had been pressed against Cael’s. The warmth from that connection seeped through his pants and burrowed through him, nestling itself deep in his chest and groin. Zach didn’t wear cologne, but the subtle musk and citrusy scents coming off him intoxicated Cael, driving him crazy.
All Cael could think of was how much he wished this were a real date. He’d give just about anything for it to be real.
Chapter 7
Zach blinked multiple times as his head spun a little.
“You okay there, Zach?” Chloe asked. She took a bite of chicken Caesar salad.
“Uh, yeah.” Zach poked a piece of Cajun grilled shrimp with his fork.
“Hittin’ those mules a little hard, I think.” Chloe raised both eyebrows, wrinkling her forehead.
“I’ve only had three.”
“In less than an hour.”
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” Zach scooped a bite of shrimp and broccoli tortellini into his mouth, hoping the food wouldn’t kill off his buzz too early.
Alcohol was good at numbing a lot of the pain he’d been experiencing lately, and with Cael here, Zach felt as though he could let it sweep away the harsh reality of what had become his life, if only for a few hours. Zach could trust Cael to keep him in check, look after Taylor, and make sure they all made it home safe.
Speaking of Cael, why did he have to look so good tonight?
The moment Zach had laid eyes on him back at the house, Zach’s brain had shorted out for a good couple of seconds. The man was gorgeous, dressed in a long sleeve sangria-colored button-down with the top button undone and black Dockers, all of which emphasized the perfect body beneath. Out of nowhere, Zach had imagined walking up to Cael and pressing his lips to his as Cael pulled him close with his free arm and deepened their kiss.
Zach wasn’t supposed to be having that kind of thought about his best friend. Since then, he’d tried to forget what his brain had imagined earlier, but with Cael so close all evening, looking and smelling amazing, being his usual charming, funny self, and helping with Taylor, forgetting had been next to impossible.
A strong arm came around Zach’s shoulders. Cael pulled him into his side. “Zach will be fine. He needed a night out to let go a bit. That’s what he’s got me for.”
“Aww.” Chloe crooned. “You guys are so adorable.”
“We are not,” Zach retorted, straightening as Cael released him.
Their waiter chose that moment to check on them. Perfect timing. Zach needed the distraction, and another drink.
“Come on, Zach,” Chloe said after the waiter left. “Tell me you haven’t thought about kissing my brother before.”
“Yeah, no,” Zach said, hoping no one would see through the lie.
“Cael has,” she deadpanned.
Zach felt his cheeks heat. Cael didn’t want to kiss him, did he? The crotch of Zach’s jeans suddenly felt tighter, blood rushing downward. Cael wanting to kiss him shouldn’t be turning him on, but it did. Fucking hell, it did a lot. Thank fuck for all the alcohol. He could blame any sort of redness in his face for it.
The waiter returned with another Moscow mule, setting the copper mug in front of Zach and refilling waters for everyone. Zach happily tossed back a welcome sip.
“I have not,” Cael replied. “Now, can we talk about something unrelated to me and Zach hooking up in any sort of way, because it hasn’t happened, and it’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?” Chloe asked.
“Because it won’t.” Cael glared at Chloe. Some unspoken conversation took place between them until she sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Fine. I’ll drop it. Geez. You’re no fun.” Chloe looked at Zach. “You know I’m just messing with you guys, right?”
“Yeah, I know,” Zach said, having to concentrate on his words.
The alcohol fog in his brain had really settled in. Zach tried to pay attention to the conversation, but found himself zoning out more often than not. His gaze traveled around the table as he observed and listened. Chloe talked about school and filled Emma in on things she’d missed over the last year or so. Emma talked more about MoMA and Manhattan. Cael kept Taylor entertained, fed, and mostly quiet as he talked about work and even a little about Abbey.
Something about listening to Cael’s voice soothed Zach.
Nobody had said anything else about him and Cael being more than friends, but the idea hadn’t strayed too far from his mind. Maybe it was just the vodka, but the thought didn’t seem too far-fetched. Best friends fell in love with each other all the time.
Wait.
Love?
Glossy eyed, his mind muddled from the hard liquor, Zach looked at his best friend. His gaze roved over Cael’s face then fell on his lips as they moved, but Zach paid no attention to the words. When Cael stopped talking to listen to something Emma said, his tongue darted out a little to lick his lip. But it wasn’t until Cael bit his bottom lip that Zach’s heart stuttered and he tore his eyes away.
Fuck.
As Zach stared vacantly at Taylor, waiting for the panic in his chest to subside, Cael grabbed his thigh and squeezed. Zach blinked, flicking his gaze to Cael.
“Hey,” Cael said. “You ready to head home?”
Zach opened his eyes wide and blinked again, thinking hard on the question that was asked. “Uh… yeah.”
“Yep. He’s drunk. Better get your man home.” Chloe’s voice sounded far away, and Zach wondered if he’d imagined them along with the warmth erupting in his chest and heat prickling across his skin.
The drive home passed by Zach in a haze.
Cael parked in the garage and killed the ignition.
Zach didn’t move.
“Pook? You still awake?”
Zach’s eyes fluttered open, and he struggled to keep them that way. “Huh?”
“We’re home. Taylor’s asleep. I’m gonna get her and put her to bed. If you’re not in the house by the time I’m done, I’ll come back for you.”
“‘Kay.”
Zach gave himself a minute then climbed out of the car. As he headed for the inside of the house, the room started to spin. Zach braced his hand on the hood of the SUV and closed his eyes, waiting for the dizziness to stop. After a minute of not moving and steady breathing, the spinning stopped.
Zach made it as far as the kitchen when Cael appeared from the hallway. Cael slipped past him to the fridge. Grabbing a cold bottle of water, Cael twisted the top off and handed it to Zach.
“Drink.”
Zach didn’t argue. He tipped the bottle and swallowed a few gulps. “Thanks.”
“Feeling sick at all?”
Zach shook his head. “Dazed. A little dizzy. Definitely drunk.”
“I can tell,” Cael chuckled. “It’s still a little early. You wanna watch a movie?”
“Sure.” Zach stood frozen in place, staring at the buttons on Cael’s shirt.
“Alright. Come on.” Cael clasped Zach’s hand and pulled him to the couch. “Sit and keep drinking, just not too fast.”
Zach did as he was told. Cael sat beside him and grabbed the TV remote. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, Cael scrolled through the on-screen guide.
“Can I ask you something?” Zach said.
“Go ahead.”
“Have you really thought about kissing me?”
“Sort of.” Cael glanced back over his shoulder at Zach. “What can I say? You’re cute.”
Zach knit his brow. “I’m serious. Have you?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just tell me.”
“You sure you want to know? I don’t want to disappoint you with the answer.”
“Dude.”
“Fine. Yes. I’ve thought about kissing you, but can you blame me? I’m gay and you are a good-looking guy.” Cael selected a movie they’d seen before and fell back against the cushions, setting the remote on the sofa beside him. “But don’t worry. I won’t kiss you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Not worried,” Zach mumbled, struggling to keep his eyes open. “I think I might…”
***
Zach groaned and rolled over onto his stomach, pulling the pillow over his head to block the sunlight. Even that didn’t stop the brutal pounding in his head.
Shit, how much did I fucking drink last night?
Eyes closed, Zach fought the ensuing hangover headache chipping away at his skull and tried to go back to sleep. Five minutes into his attempt, he gave up, but he still didn’t want to get up. Instead, he tried to recall what exactly had happened the previous night, but the best he could remember was Emma thinking he and Cael were together, Chloe teasing them about it, and something about kissing. Thanks to four Moscow mules—or was it five?—most everything else was a blur.
The pillow still on his head, Zach opened one eye to check the time. Nine-fourteen.
Zach’s eyes flew open. Shit! He was late for work. Zach jumped out of bed only for the head rush to increase the jackhammering in his skull tenfold. He fell back down and covered his face with the pillow.
“Fuck it,” he muttered. He was taking a sick day.
Zach lay in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. His eyes popped opened again. Taylor. He at least needed to get her changed and fed, and preferably off to daycare so he could just rest. With a deep breath, Zach groaned and dragged himself out of bed.
As he passed the mirror on his way to the toilet, Zach realized he was wearing only his boxers. Hmm. He didn’t remember changing out of his clothes before bed. Vague memories of the night before swirled in his muddy brain. Flickers of Cael stripping Zach out of his clothes… Zach teasing Cael about getting him in naked… Zach trying to kiss him… Cael telling him no…
Shit. Maybe Zach could pretend he didn’t remember anything.
After taking a piss, Zach pulled a soft, gray T-shirt over his head. As much as he needed coffee, he headed for Taylor’s room first. He walked in to her bedroom and found her crib empty. That could only mean one thing. Cael.
Zach made a beeline for the kitchen. The house was quiet with no sign of Cael or Taylor anywhere. He smiled when he saw an almost full pot of hot coffee waiting for him. For being only friends, Cael was too good to him sometimes.
Zach poured a cup of brew. As he added milk and sugar, the front door lock clicked. Zach looked up as the door opened and Cael came in with a white plastic bag of something, and no Taylor.
“Oh good. You’re up,” Cael said, flashing Zach an oddly adorable grin that made Zach’s heart skip. What the hell?
“Not by choice.” Zach drank down some of his coffee as Cael unpacked the delicious smelling bag. The caffeine slowly permeated the brain fog. “Where’s Taylor?”
“Daycare. I dropped her off, went to the gym for a quick climb, then stopped by Waffle House on the way back and got your usual.” Cael removed the flat cardboard lids from both foil food containers.
“Man, I could fucking—” Zach stopped short, the words catching in his throat.
“Kiss me right now, I know.” Cael smirked.
Zach blushed, feeling embarrassed over what happened last night, wondering what he didn’t remember.
Cael hiked a brow. “You know, you’re cute when you’re fresh out of bed nursing a hangover.”
“Shut up,” Zach said, unable to keep the stupid grin off his face. “Why’d you let me drink so much last night anyway?”
Cael grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured himself a cup of coffee. “First off, those things were a lot stronger than I expected. Second, I did stop you, you probably just don’t remember.”
“I don’t remember a good chunk of dinner and almost nothing after we left the restaurant.”
Cael gave him that smile again. “Come on, let’s eat.”
“Wait, what was that look for?”
“What look?” Cael sat down at the dining table with his food and coffee.
Zach sat across from him. “Fuck, do I even want to know what happened last night?”
“Probably not.”
Zach dragged his palm over his face and groaned.
Chapter 8
Cael struggled to figure out what was going on with Zach. Last night had definitely tested his self-control. Zach had practically begged Cael to kiss him, but, as much as he wanted to, Cael had refused. Zach had been drunk and not thinking clearly. Cael chalked it up to stress and loneliness, and he was thankful Zach didn’t remember much of their evening together. Easier to sweep under the rug that way.
Cael spent nearly every afternoon and evening at Zach’s house. For the most part, things stayed normal between them, but the ache in Cael’s heart became ever more present than it had been before. In the wake of everything Zach was still dealing with, Cael did his best to bury it along with everything else he felt for Zach and focus on just being there for him and Taylor.
Of course, Zach hadn’t been entirely himself. Though he faked it well around Taylor, Cael knew better. Anytime she was occupied or sleeping, Zach would go into his own little world. Increasingly quiet and distant, Cael could barely coax a smile out of Zach some days, let alone a laugh. Every day was a little worse than the day before. Every day, Cael watched as a little bit more hope slipped away. Knowing any day could be his sister’s last was slowly killing Zach, and being unable to take away his pain was destroying Cael.
Today, Cael arrived home to Zach later than usual. One the other therapists had called out sick, so he’d covered her late afternoon and evening client appointments, and he’d been so busy, he hadn’t had a chance to talk with or text Zach at all throughout the day, other than a quick message to say he would be late. It was nearl
y eight when he pulled into Zach’s driveway.
Cael let himself in and wandered into the family room, dropping his wallet and keys on the end table as he passed through. The house was strangely quiet. Normally this time of evening, Zach would be planted in front of the TV, watching something or playing one of his many video games, but the TV sat dark, and Zach was nowhere to be seen.
“Zach?” Cael was careful not to speak too loudly, knowing Zach had likely put Taylor to bed already since her bedtime was around seven. Having not eaten since lunch, Cael grabbed a small can of V8 and leaned back against the kitchen counter, drinking it down a few sips at a time. After finishing the can, he rinsed it out and tossed it in the recycle bin beneath the sink then went in search of Zach when he still hadn’t come out.
After a quick sweep of the dining room and office, Cael headed down the hall. Taylor’s door was slightly ajar. He peeked in. Soft music played, and in the dim glow of the princess night light, he could see Taylor asleep in her crib, but no Zach.
The guest room was empty, so that left only his bedroom. The door was cracked open about a foot, so he knocked lightly. “Zach? You in here?”
No answer.
Cael checked his bedroom and adjoining bathroom. Even the closet. No sign of him.
He made his way back to the kitchen and opened the back door, stepping out onto the porch. He found Zach there, sitting in one of the cushioned patio chairs with his back to Cael, a small fire going in the pit in front of him.
“Hey, Pook,” Cael said, walking around and dropping into the chair kitty-corner to him.
Zach lifted his vacant gaze from the flames and looked at Cael, pressing his lips into a slight smile. “Hey.” He took a long pull from the beer Cael hadn’t seen until he’d come around to his side.
“You look like shit,” Cael smirked.
Zach took in a long, deep breath, then puffed his cheeks as he slowly let it out.
“I’m fucking exhausted, man. I had no fucking idea how hard it was being a single parent, if I can even call it that. Half the time, you’re here helping me. I don’t know how Abbey does it, but I have a shit-ton of new respect for her and every other single mom and dad out there.”
Before It's Too Late (Troubled Hearts Book 3) Page 8