“No, but I’ll ask him to call as soon as he gets in. How are you?”
Her heart pounded in her chest. “I’m fine. Considering.” She noted the girls listening intently. “Naturally, I’m concerned about our son.”
“He’s fine. Still doesn’t like to be told what to do. You know, teenager stuff.”
“No, I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen Josh since you moved him into that…that woman’s home.”
Grady sighed. “I’ve been wanting to call, Marilee, but I didn’t know if you’d talk to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked up the phone, only to put it back down because I was afraid calling would make matters worse.”
“How could things be any worse, Grady?”
“I think getting lawyers involved is going to make them much worse. I was sort of hoping we could wait on that…you know, see what happens?”
“You mean wait and see if things work out with your girlfriend? And if they don’t? What then, Grady? Do you expect me to take you back?”
There was silence on his end.
“Is that what you think?” she demanded.
“Marilee, I don’t want to argue with you. I just think you’re being hasty hiring a divorce lawyer.”
“I don’t wish to discuss this further,” she said. “I suggest you have your attorney contact mine if you have anything to say on the matter. In the meantime, please ask Josh to return my call.”
She handed the phone back to Winnie, who slammed it down on the receiver.
“Good for you, Marilee,” Ruby said.
Nell and Clara looked concerned. “Are you okay, dear?” the older woman asked.
Marilee took a deep breath. She was trembling. “I will be in a minute. It’s just that I haven’t talked to Grady since all this happened.”
“He’s trash,” Winnie said.
Clara patted Marilee’s hand. “Josh will call. He’s probably over his mad spell by now.”
Marilee wasn’t so sure.
Winnie sighed. “I guess this means we won’t be leaving the house today. And the newspaper is full of garage sales.”
“I’ll run you over to a couple of them,” Ruby offered.
Winnie looked pleased. “Thanks, Ruby. Hey, did I show y’all the bassinet Marilee bought me last week?” She hurried upstairs for it. When she came down she was beaming. “Marilee and I spray painted it. Looks brand-new.”
The women made a fuss over it. “I can’t wait,” Nell said. “It’s going to be so exciting having a baby around.”
“And I just started my sixth month,” Winnie said. “Do I look pregnant?” She offered them a side view and everyone laughed.
“Either that, or you swallowed an eighteen-wheeler,” Ruby said. “Does the baby kick much?”
“All the time.”
“Winnie swears it’s a girl,” Marilee said. “All we’ve bought are girl’s clothes.”
“Have you come up with a name?” Nell asked.
“I’m working on it. I don’t want to give her just any old name. It has to be special.”
Once the women left, Marilee spent the rest of the morning trying to find something to do. Leave it to Winnie to keep everything in such good order, she thought, including the laundry and ironing. Marilee sat at the kitchen table, studying the room’s outdated wallpaper. If only she could afford to replace it. That wasn’t in her budget, though, so she would have to leave it for now.
She watched the clock. Winnie returned with a few items, announcing everything had been picked through. “Has he called?”
Marilee shook her head. “Well, it’s time for me to get ready for work.”
Winnie looked sad for her. “I wish there was something I could do.”
“Thanks, honey, but it’s up to Josh now.”
THE NEXT MORNING, MARILEE climbed the stairs and went into one of the guest rooms, the spare Josh would occupy if he rejoined her. The drab olive walls and ugly drapes weren’t the least bit welcoming, and she couldn’t imagine her son sleeping in the room. Of course, she couldn’t imagine him sleeping in LaFonda Bonaire’s mobile home either. She pushed the thought aside.
“What are you doing?” Winnie asked.
Marilee hadn’t heard her come up. “Thinking I should re-decorate this room.”
“For Josh?”
“Uh-huh.” Marilee tried to gauge the girl’s reaction, but there was none.
Winnie looked around. “First thing we need to do is burn those drapes. They are ug-a-lee!”
“My mother got them on sale.”
“Sometimes it’s best to walk right past those clearance tables.”
“There’s enough dust in here to choke a horse.”
“We can handle dust. Just not the drapes.”
Looking around the room, Marilee wondered where to begin. Winnie placed her hand on her hips. “You going to just stand there like a bump on a log or do you plan to help me with this new renovation project of yours?” She reached for the drapes.
“You really feel like helping?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
They went to work. The drapes hit the floor with a big whoosh, sending dust everywhere. They carried them to the garage and stuffed them into black garbage bags. In the utility room, Marilee grabbed a bucket of cleaning supplies, and Winnie followed her upstairs with the broom and mop. The venetian blinds were old and ended up in a garbage bag beside the drapes. Winnie opened the windows and began sweeping cobwebs from the ceiling while Marilee emptied the closet, carrying everything to the attic. She would have to go through it later. The two women stripped the beds, scrubbed walls and woodwork, swept and mopped, and in two hours the bedroom was spotless. Marilee scanned the room to make sure they’d gotten everything. She suddenly caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and chuckled.
“Look at me, I’m a mess.”
Winnie joined her in front of the mirror. “So am I. Only thing, it shows up more on you ‘cause you’re white.” She chuckled. “Hey, we make quite a pair, don’t we? You a skinny little white woman, me a big fat black woman.”
“You’re not fat, you’re pregnant. I was as big as a barn when I carried Josh.”
“I’ll bet you were beautiful, just the same.”
“So are you!”
Winnie looked at her. “I know what I am, Marilee. Nobody’s ever going to crown me beauty queen.”
Marilee felt sad for the girl, although she knew it was the last thing Winnie wanted. “Has anyone ever told you anything nice about yourself? How pretty your skin and hair are? How cute your dimples are? Or how you light up a room with your smile?”
Winnie made a sound of disgust. “Yeah, one guy did, and I was so glad to hear it I climbed in the sack with him. End of story.”
Marilee suddenly felt depressed. Why hadn’t someone taken the time to tell the girl how special she was? “No, Winnie, it’s just the beginning.”
The girl didn’t speak for a minute. When she looked up, she frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re going to cry. You know how I hate that. It’s not good for the baby.”
“I am not crying.”
Winnie grabbed a paper towel from her pocket. “Tell it to this sheet of Bounty.”
HALF AN HOUR LATER, Marilee and Winnie had both showered and scrubbed themselves free of grime and dust. Marilee had climbed into her old sweats and Winnie had donned her maternity jeans and an oversize jersey. They stood before the refrigerator, staring inside.
“We really need to do something with this hamburger meat,” Winnie said. “I was going to make spaghetti sauce but somebody talked me into scrubbing walls instead.”
“You volunteered.”
“Whatever.”
“Let’s cook it on the grill outside,” Marilee suggested. “We need fresh air after being stuck in this house all day.”
Marilee headed for the garage. There she found her father’s barbecue grill covered in plastic. It looked new, as if her parents had seldom used it. She rolled it to the bac
kyard and returned for the charcoal and lighter fluid. When Winnie carried the hamburger patties out, she found Marilee trying to start a fire.
“What’s wrong?”
“The charcoal must be old. It won’t ignite.”
Winnie put the plate down and gathered sticks and pine straw, piling them on top of the charcoal. She poured a heavy dose of lighter fluid on it, struck a match, and a flame shot up. It died within seconds. Marilee gathered more sticks while Winnie poured the entire can of lighter fluid on it. Nothing. Winnie tossed the almost empty pack of matches into the grill.
“Well, this is a bust,” the girl said. “How long has this stuff been sitting in the garage anyway?”
Marilee shrugged. “Not much telling. Looks like we’re going to have to cook the burgers in a skillet.”
Inside, Marilee put the hamburgers on while Winnie sliced a tomato and onion and washed several leaves of lettuce. “These taste great,” Winnie said after biting into hers. “Not like those flat, scrawny burgers you get at the fast-food restaurants.”
“Homemade burgers are best,” Marilee agreed. “Josh used to love it when I cooked them.” She muttered a sound of disgust. “I wonder if LaFonda cooks for him.”
“Don’t even go there, Marilee.”
They finished the rest of their meal in silence. Marilee felt tired and out of sorts. She insisted on cleaning the kitchen and Winnie didn’t argue, since she had to study for an exam. The girl climbed the stairs slowly, and Marilee heard the door close to her bedroom a moment later.
By eight o’clock Marilee had cleaned the kitchen and mopped it, and straightened the living room. She decided to make hot chocolate, then made a second cup and carried it upstairs to Winnie’s room. She knocked on the door lightly. When there was no answer, she peeked inside and found Winnie already asleep, the algebra book on the bed beside her. Marilee closed the door and tiptoed downstairs.
She sat down at the kitchen table and sipped her chocolate, making a list of the businesses she would call on that week on behalf of Blessing Home. The more Marilee thought about it, the more annoyed she became that she literally had to beg people in Chickpea to help with the project. Oh, they’d been more than happy when the old courthouse and city hall building had been restored, even when a portion of the costs had come out of their pockets. They didn’t want eyesores in the town and they were mighty proud of their square. The merchants hadn’t minded spending money having the fronts of their buildings painted to resemble Rainbow Row along the Charleston Battery. They wanted to make the downtown attractive, so they could draw people away from the strip-shopping centers.
Those same people thought it was important that the garden club kept the flower beds tended. The historic society had no problems getting funds to renovate the old homes along Main Street, so tourists would make it a point to revisit and spend their money. But nobody cared about a group of unwed mothers, or how they were forced to live in a house where the plumbing and wiring were worthless and the house itself unsafe.
No, she wasn’t just annoyed, she was mad as hell.
She was madder still that Josh hadn’t called. Either Grady was pouting because she hadn’t agreed to hold off on the divorce, or Josh was still punishing her for…for only heaven knew what.
The pencil snapped in her hand, and Marilee jumped. She hadn’t realized how tightly she was squeezing it. In a fit of temper, she threw it across the room.
A noise outside startled her so badly Marilee knocked her hot chocolate over and it spilled across her papers. Dammit, dammit, dammit! She hated to curse, but really, she was at her limit. What now? She jumped from her chair and ran to the door, then gasped at the sight. Her barbecue grill was engulfed in flames. She wrenched the door open and found Sam dragging her garden hose toward the grill.
Marilee stood on the back stoop for a few seconds as Sam sprayed water on the fire. “Do you have a fire extinguisher?” he called out. She ran inside for it, suddenly realizing she had a splitting headache. Outside, Sam grabbed it from her and smothered the grill in white foam.
With the fire out, he stepped back and looked at her, breathing hard from the exertion. “What the hell were you trying to do, set the house on fire?”
Marilee gritted her teeth as she cut off the spigot. That sounded like something Grady would say. And here she had not thought her mood could worsen. She turned and planted her hands on her hips. “Yes, Sam, that’s exactly what I was trying to do. Burn the damn house to the ground with Winnie and her unborn child sleeping upstairs. But you had to come along and stop me.”
He arched both eyebrows. “Testy tonight, are we?”
She glared in response.
Sam tried a different approach. “Marilee, you should never leave a grill unattended.”
She remembered his last visit to her house and became angrier. “Stop talking to me as if I were a child.”
What the hell was wrong with her tonight? Sam wondered. He felt his hackles rise, but said nothing. Picking up the can of lighter fluid, he shook it. “It’s empty.”
“That’s because we used it all.” She had the sheer pleasure of seeing him gape in astonishment.
“You used an entire can to build one fire? Jesus, Marilee.”
That did it! She stepped closer and pointed a finger in his face. “Do not use the Lord’s name in vain in my backyard! I won’t allow it, do you hear me?” Marilee didn’t even realize she was shouting.
Sam glared back at her. She was beginning to piss him off. Here he’d been minding his own business, taking out the trash, only to find a fire blazing in her yard. He tossed the can to the ground so hard it bounced several times before coming to a rest beside a stack of burned twigs. “Gee, I’m sorry I tried to help,” he said, his voice filled with sarcasm. “I should have called the fire department and let them stick you with a bill.”
“And that’s another thing. Stop trying to rescue me!”
“Someone has to look out for you. I never know what to expect when I come over.”
She knew he was referring to the day she’d tried to hang herself, and she thought it sheer tastelessness to throw it in her face. She hitched her chin up and offered him a withering look. “Then why don’t you stay away?”
He reacted as though she had just slapped him in the face. He sighed so deeply both shoulders heaved from the effort. “I can’t.”
Their gazes locked. “That’s your problem.”
“I’m making it your problem.” All at once he reached for her and pulled her against him. She struggled, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and locked his fingers until her thighs were flush with his.
Marilee’s look turned from anger to outright shock. “What do you think you’re doing?” she cried. “Let me go!”
“Why? Afraid you might feel something for a change?” His voice held both a challenge and an accusation.
“What do you know about feelings?”
His handsome features suddenly took on a hard look. “I feel things.”
“Yeah, below the belt,” she blurted, regretting the words the moment they left her lips. Her face burned with shame. Her only saving grace was the moonless night that hid the extent of her embarrassment. She felt a shudder of humiliation. She had never, ever spoken to a man in such a way, not even Grady, who deserved it.
Instantly, he released her.
Her eyes stung at his reproachful look. “What kind of game are you playing with me?” she demanded. “Do you feel sorry for me, is that it? Poor Marilee Abernathy, whose husband dumped her for a cheap waitress? Or do you get some kind of perverse pleasure out of watching me claw my way through the pain and humiliation so I can try to rebuild my life?”
“I don’t feel sorry for you at all,” he said, his temper rising.
“Then what, Sam? Are you hoping I’ll be so grateful for your attention I’ll climb into bed with you?”
He clenched his mouth tight. A long brittle silence hung in the air.
Tears streamed do
wn her cheeks. “Is that why you’re working on Blessing Home? Do you even care about those girls, or are you hoping I’ll be so appreciative I’ll do anything to reciprocate?”
“You’re way out of line, Marilee.” He backed away. “Tell you what. In the future, put out your own fires.” He turned and headed toward his house.
She watched him go, feeling an acute sense of loss. If ever there was a time when she needed a friend, it was now. If ever there was a moment she simply needed to be held, that moment had come.
Marilee wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to shelter herself against the night air as the tears continued to fall, but she couldn’t chase away the anguish. A deep despair seemed to have attached itself to every living cell in her body.
Sam was right about one thing. She never wanted to feel again as long as she lived.
Her shoulders sagged as she walked into the house and closed the door.
AN HOUR LATER, SAM SAT on the edge of his bed, still trying to come to terms with all that Marilee had said. She had seen right through him, seen him for what he was—a user and a taker. He had never once done anything for anybody without expecting something in return. While she freely gave of her time and love, he took all he could get his hands on. He had been plotting to get her in his bed, no matter what. He had been willing, like an experienced hunter, to approach from any angle. To act like a concerned friend until he learned her vulnerabilities, then go in for the kill. To prey on loneliness or her need to feel worthwhile as a woman.
He knew what women wanted to hear, and he’d used the knowledge to his advantage more than once, without regard to whether it meant hurting them in the end.
Guilt gnawed at him now like a metal claw, hooks grasping the tender lining of his stomach, pulling, pulling. He had always taken because for some reason he felt the world owed him. But owed him for what? he wondered. Losing his father? Thrusting him into the role of an adult before he was ready? Hadn’t he gotten past all those old fears and insecurities long ago? Otherwise, why would he have left the rat race in Atlanta and returned home to a simpler life?
A New Attitude Page 13