A New Attitude

by Charlotte Hughes

  Marilee opened her mouth to respond, but the girl was gone. She was sipping her coffee in silence when someone knocked on the back door. When she opened the door, there stood Nell.

  “I heard about the counseling session you have with your son today. I just dropped by to give you this.” She handed Marilee a worn rabbit’s foot. “My daddy used to carry it with him everywhere, and said it brought him good luck. Keep it with you.”

  “Thank you, Nell.” Marilee pocketed it. “Would you like a cup of coffee? Believe it or not, I’m running ahead of schedule.”

  “If you’re sure you have time.”

  Marilee poured her a cup and was about to join her at the table when the doorbell rang. Ruby and Clara hurried in. “We can’t stay,” Clara said, “but we wanted to stop by and let you know we’ll be rooting for you today.”

  “That’s very sweet.”

  “We brought something for good luck,” Ruby said, pulling a crumpled dollar bill out of her purse. “This was the first dollar I made when I opened my business. I keep it taped to the cash register. Even though I’ve gone through slow times, thanks to that bitch, Martha Grimes, who’s always trying to steal my customers, I’ve managed to keep my bills and staff paid.”

  “And I brought you this little cross I keep on my nightstand,” Clara said. “I’ve derived a lot of comfort from it over the years.”

  Marilee was touched by her friends’ thoughtfulness as she stuck the bill and rosary in her skirt pocket. “I couldn’t ask for better friends,” she said.

  The girls bid her farewell, and Marilee rejoined Nell at the table. “Looks like I can’t go wrong, with all these good-luck charms.”

  “I’ll be praying for you all day, dear.”

  “I don’t know if it’ll do any good,” Marilee said wryly. “I haven’t set foot in a church since—well, since Grady was asked to leave Chickpea Baptist.”

  “You’ll go back when you’re ready.”

  When it was time for Marilee to leave, Nell offered to straighten the kitchen and lock up. The two women hugged. By the time Marilee stepped out her front door, she felt more confident. All at once, she spied Sam coming up her front walk, and that confidence plummeted to her feet. Marilee felt an unwelcome blush staining her cheeks.

  Sam stopped dead in his tracks, his gaze riveted to her face. He couldn’t help but notice how pretty and fresh she looked. She managed to appear both professional and very feminine at the same time. “Have you seen my mother?” he asked politely.

  Marilee wrestled with her emotions. They had not spoken in weeks. If they happened to be leaving for work or checking their mail at the same time they only nodded. “She’s inside.”

  “Thanks.” He started up the steps to her front porch.

  “Uh, Sam?”

  He paused before turning in her direction. He didn’t want to have to look at her and remember the words they’d exchanged the last time they’d seen one another. He didn’t want to remember the shame he’d felt that night and afterward. She’d made it plain what she thought of him, and he hadn’t thought too highly of himself since.

  Finally, reluctantly, he turned. “What is it, Marilee?”

  “I’m so very sorry.”

  Surprise showed on his face. “Why are you sorry? Everything you said about me was right on the money.”

  “I had no right to say the things I did. You’ve shown me nothing but kindness. And I’m the last person in the world who needs to judge.” She stepped closer. “I was upset about other things that night, and I lashed out at you.”

  He offered her a tender smile. “Marilee, I know you’ve been to hell and back over this business with your husband and son, and if there was something I could do about it, I would have already done it. But you were right about me when you said all those things, and I needed to hear them. They say a true friend won’t lie to you.”

  She smiled self-consciously. “At least you still consider me your friend.”

  He grinned. “That doesn’t mean I’m not going to look at your legs every chance I get.”

  She chuckled. “Scoundrel.”

  “Yep.”

  “Rogue.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  But they were both laughing as she made her way to her car.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE CHICKPEA MENTAL HEALTH CENTER was less than five minutes from the funeral home. Marilee had been told to arrive early so she could fill out the necessary forms. Once she passed them to the receptionist, a lanky, red-haired man came out, introduced himself as Royce Malcolm and invited her back to his office. “I know we talked over the phone, but I’d like to look over the forms to refresh my memory.” As he read, he nodded thoughtfully. “Looks like you’ve had quite a time of it,” he said. “What do you hope to accomplish today with your son?”

  Marilee fidgeted with her hands. “I want to mend our relationship and get him out of his present surroundings. I want him with me so I can offer a stable, loving home.”

  “Don’t be too disappointed if it doesn’t all happen in one session, Marilee. We’re just testing the waters today.”

  “I don’t even know if he’s going to show up, Mr. Malcolm.”

  “Call me Royce.” The phone rang and he answered it. When he hung up, he smiled. “Your son is here. Are you ready for me to bring him back?”

  All at once it seemed as though the air had been sucked from Marilee’s lungs. She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

  Royce got up. “I’ll be right back.”

  Marilee noted the changes in Josh the minute he stepped into the room. “You’ve lost weight,” she said. “Aren’t you eating?”

  He just looked at her, and she could sense his anger. He obviously didn’t want to be there.

  Royce pointed to a chair. “Have a seat, Josh.”

  Josh sat down. “Will this take long?” he asked Royce. “My dad’s waiting for me in the parking lot.”

  “I’m sure your dad won’t mind waiting,” the counselor said.

  Josh sank farther down in his seat.

  Royce looked from Josh to Marilee and back to Josh. “Your mother has asked that we meet once a week because she thinks the two of you should work out whatever problems exist in your relationship.”

  Josh didn’t respond.

  “I know the past weeks haven’t been easy for anyone concerned,” Royce went on, “so we thought it might be a good idea to talk about it.”

  The boy grimaced but remained silent.

  “I couldn’t help noticing you became a little angry when you first walked into the room,” Royce said. “Would you mind telling me why?”

  “She asked if I was eating. If I wasn’t eating I’d be dead.”

  “Have you lost a significant amount of weight?” the man asked him.

  Josh shrugged. “A little, I guess. I haven’t weighed myself.”

  Royce turned to Marilee with a question in his eyes. She cleared her throat. “He looks to be down about fifteen or twenty pounds. I’m concerned about his health.”

  Royce looked at Josh. “That’s a significant amount of weight to lose in a matter of weeks.”

  “I walk a lot.”

  “Walking is a great form of exercise,” Royce said, “and it reduces stress, so there are a lot of other benefits other than weight loss.”

  Josh looked at him coldly. “Is that why you called me here today? To discuss my weight?”

  Marilee was embarrassed by her son’s behavior, but she remained quiet. She assumed Royce was accustomed to dealing with angry teenagers.

  “I think your physical health is important,” the man said. “Especially now.” Silence. “Josh, your mother requested counseling—”

  “Requested?” the boy interrupted. “My dad said I had no choice. I don’t want to be here.”

  Royce nodded. “What do you want?”

  “I want to be left alone. I’m sick and tired of adults telling me what to do when they can’t even take care of their own lives.”
/>   Marilee was shaking. “Why are you so angry with me?”

  He glared at her. “Because you screwed up everything! Dad was sick, and all you did was nag him.”

  “I was trying to help him.”

  “Oh, you helped all right. Look where he is now.”

  “I am not responsible for your father’s actions.”

  “And you’re not going to take responsibility for what you did to chase him away, I guess. Now he’s sick and out of a job.” Josh looked at Royce. “I’m tired of answering questions. I showed up like I was supposed to, but I have nothing else to say.”

  Marilee realized she’d made a mistake by demanding Josh come for counseling. “Let him go,” she told Royce.

  Josh started to get up, but the counselor stopped him. “You can leave,” he said, “but we have another appointment next week. Same time, same place.”

  Josh made a sound of disgust and left the room. Marilee was crushed.

  Royce looked at her. “Try not to take it too hard.”

  “He blames me for everything.”

  “He has a right to be angry, Marilee. His life has been turned upside down, and he’s looking for a place to put the blame. He’s not thinking rationally, but people seldom do when they’re upset. Josh is still a kid.” He offered her a kind smile. “Don’t lose hope.”

  Marilee gripped the arms of her chair, trying to absorb some of what Royce was saying. At the moment, she wasn’t sure how long she could hold on. It felt as though her son had just walked out of her life—for the second time.

  SAM HAD BEEN PACING THE floor all evening. His mother had told him about Marilee’s counseling session with Josh. Nell had tried to reach Marilee by phone, but Winnie had confided the session had gone badly, and she was giving Marilee a little space.

  When Sam spied her sitting on her back steps as he was taking out the garbage, he decided she had suffered alone long enough. He walked over and sat beside her. She stared straight ahead, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “Bad day?” he asked.

  She nodded wordlessly.

  “You can’t expect a lot just from one session, Marilee.”

  “My son despises me,” she said, trying to talk past the lump in her throat.

  “Maybe.” He sat there for a moment. “I hated my mother for a while after my father died.”

  Marilee looked at him. “Why?”

  He didn’t answer right away. “I’ve never told anybody this. I’m ashamed to admit it even now, but at the time I secretly wished she had been the one to die instead of him.” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe I felt that way.”

  “You were closer to your father?”

  “Yeah. And Mom was so needy after he died. It seemed as if she couldn’t do even the simplest things for herself. I suppose I was so consumed with grief I couldn’t see how badly she was hurting.”

  “How long were you angry with her?”

  “I don’t remember, but I got over it after a while. Living with her gets on my nerves sometimes, because she thinks I’m still a kid. I want to buy us a bigger place so I can have more privacy, but change isn’t easy for her.”

  “It seldom is for older people.” Marilee thought about the changes in her own life, and the stress it had caused her. “I suppose the same can be said for everyone.”

  They were quiet for a moment. Sam glanced at her from time to time, thinking how utterly lovely she looked in the soft pool of light that spilled through the kitchen door. Watching her, he could see she was in pain. In the past, he’d always been able to distance himself from other people’s problems, but with Marilee it was different. He hated watching her suffer, and he would gladly have taken it on himself rather than have her go through it. He wished he could hold her, kiss away the tears. Hell, he wished he could wave a magic wand, and her life would suddenly take a turn for the best.

  Marilee swiped at a tear self-consciously. “Seems all I do these days is cry,” she said.

  Unable to resist touching her, Sam put his arm around her and pulled her close. He felt her stiffen, but after a few seconds, she relaxed against him. Finally, she buried her face against his throat. He knew it had not been easy for her to let down her guard like that, so he just held her quietly as she told him about her session with Josh.

  Finally, Marilee raised her head, and their gazes met. “Thank you for listening.”

  Sam studied her beneath the porch light. She had never appeared more vulnerable. She made him think of the porcelain doll his mother kept in a glass enclosure because it was so fragile. It had belonged to his grandmother. As a child, he’d longed to take it out, touch the satin dress, stroke the black hair and trace the bone-white limbs with his fingertips. But he’d been afraid, knowing he would probably break it with his clumsy hands and now he was afraid to touch Marilee for the same reason.

  Then again, Marilee was stronger than she appeared.

  He looked away. “You don’t have to thank me, Marilee,” he said, his voice sounding thick and unsteady in his own ears. “I just…” Sam paused. “I just couldn’t bear the thought of you sitting out here all alone at a time like this.” He smiled. “I may be the worst kind of scoundrel, but I care what happens to you.”

  Marilee didn’t know how to respond, so she said nothing. They sat there in a companionable silence, Marilee leaning against him, Sam stroking her hair in a comforting gesture as they listened to the night sounds. She could not remember being so tired. Waiting to see her son again and having things turn out so badly in Royce’s office had taken a toll.

  Time passed and Sam’s arm grew numb, but he remained perfectly still as Marilee’s steady breathing told him she’d fallen asleep. He suspected rest was exactly what she needed.

  Winnie appeared at the back door some time later. “Is she okay?”

  Sam nodded, and much to his disappointment, Marilee shifted in his arms and awoke. “Did I fall asleep?” she asked.

  “Just for a minute,” Sam said.

  “Marilee, why don’t you come on in and go to bed,” Winnie said softly. “It’s late.”

  “Winnie’s right,” agreed Sam, although he could have sat there all night holding her. “A good night’s sleep will do you good.”

  Still groggy, Marilee nodded. Sam stood and helped her to her feet. “Listen,” he said. “You need anything, you call me.”

  “Thank you, Sam.” Going inside, she gave him the closest thing she had to a smile.

  As he made his way across the backyard, Sam found himself wondering about the relationship between Marilee and him. Not that he could really call it a relationship, he reminded himself. Yet she trusted him, or she would never have opened up. Nor would she have fallen asleep in his arms. That meant a lot to him, and it was a new experience. He had never taken the time to really know a woman before he went after what he wanted, not even with Shelly. It was sad, considering they’d been married five years. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes with Marilee, and he was determined not to push.

  That meant giving up control and trusting that if it was meant to be it would happen. The thought was alien to him, Sam was accustomed to making things happen. He wondered what it was about Marilee that made him willing to make changes in his own life. He was still pondering that question long after he’d gone to bed. It suddenly wasn’t enough that he be worthy in her eyes. Now he simply wanted to be able to look into a mirror for once and feel good about himself.

  THINGS WERE TENSE AT THE funeral home the next morning when Marilee arrived. Irby did not seem his usual jovial self; in fact, he spent much of his time closed up in his office. Debbie did not appear until after lunch, and Marilee thought she looked depressed.

  “How’d things go with Josh yesterday?” she asked.

  “We’re working on it,” Marilee replied, not wanting to dump her problems on Debbie when she obviously had something else on her mind. “Is anything wrong?”

  “Irby and I had an argument last night. He says he’s tired of all the to
ys lying around when customers come in, and he’s sick of seeing me in a bathrobe with curlers in my hair.”

  “Irby said all that?” Marilee was shocked. “What did you say?”

  “I told him he was the one who wanted a shitload of kids, and I couldn’t help it if it took me a little longer to get myself together in the morning.” She turned away. “He accused me of looking like a rag mop. Wanted to know why I couldn’t keep myself up, like you.”

  “Oh, I appreciate him dragging me into it,” Marilee said. “I have half a mind to go in there and kick his butt right over his shoulders.”

  The other woman looked miserable. “How do you do it?” she asked. “How do you manage to arrive each morning looking as though you just stepped out of one of those flashy magazines?”

  “You’re exaggerating. But if I look halfway decent, it’s because I don’t have four children to contend with each morning, just me,” she said, wondering if Debbie or Irby ever stopped long enough to see what they had going for them. They’d been so caught up running a business and raising a family that they had little time for themselves. Marilee had learned that lesson the hard way. She could see the sadness in the woman’s eyes, and she wanted to help. “Look, Debbie, I think it’s about time you did a little less around here for everybody else and started doing more for yourself.”

  Debbie was prevented from answering when Irby stepped into the room. “I have to run by the dry cleaners, Marilee,” he said. “There’s a morticians’ banquet tonight at the Holiday Inn.”

  Marilee gave him a look that would have killed a Brahma bull.

  He turned to Debbie. “I have no idea what time I’ll be home. Probably be best if I slept in my office again tonight.”

  Her smile was tight. “Actually, that sounds like an excellent idea.”

  Marilee sighed. It was going to be a long day.

  JACK WAS WAITING FOR MARILEE when she arrived at work that night. “I hope you haven’t eaten dinner.”

  “I brought a sandwich with me.”

  “A sandwich for dinner?” he said, frowning.

  “I had to work late today. An emergency. I was afraid I wouldn’t make it here on time so I fixed something I could bring with me.” She wondered if she sounded as weary as she felt. She’d been in the process of cleaning off her desk when a distraught, middle-aged woman came in, accompanied by an EMT. She and her husband had been traveling through Chickpea on a lone highway, when a drunk driver crossed the lane and hit their car head-on, killing the man instantly. While Irby made arrangements to ship the body to her home town, Debbie and Marilee had tried to comfort the new widow, but she was inconsolable. Eventually, Debbie had called her pastor, who insisted the woman stay at his house until her daughter could come for her.