“I take it that your mother hasn’t mellowed over the years,” he commented dryly.
Sarah sighed. “No. I’d hoped that her illness would soften her, perhaps make her consider the choices I’ve made in my life under a different light. But Mama still disapproves of everything, from my clothes and my hair to my life-style.”
Josh skimmed a glance over the smooth, chinlength fall of silvery hair and what he could see above the table of her slim, curvy shape covered with the yellow sundress. “Well, I can tell she’s clearly wrong about the clothes and hair. What is it she doesn’t like about your life-style?”
An unexpected shiver of sexual awareness blindsided Sarah when his gaze traveled from her face to her midriff and back again. Stunned, she stared at him, but decided that she’d imagined the brush of heat from his glance. His blue eyes held only impersonal inquiry when his gaze returned to meet hers.
“Mama thinks a woman who isn’t married is a failure. She won’t accept that I’m content with my job and J.J. She thinks my weekly schedule is atrocious.”
“Why?” Josh kept his voice mild and a scowl from his face only with effort. He wanted her to keep talking, but his muscles tensed while he waited for her reply.
“Because I don’t make time for any of the women’s clubs where she has statewide memberships. J.J. and I participate in a Junior Rangers patrol at our neighborhood park and I volunteer as many hours as I can at his preschool. Between those activities and my five days a week at the museum, plus sitting on the committee that connects local schools and the museum, I barely have time to clean house and do the laundry after church on Sunday before it’s Monday and time to start all over again.”’ Sarah shook her head. “Mama just doesn’t understand.”
’’It sounds like you work all the time.”
“Not at all,” she said quickly. “I like my job, and the hours I spend with J.J. or volunteering aren’t work—they’re really my play time.”
“Hmm,” Josh acceded. The brief comments she made about her life in Great Falls painted a picture of days filled with her son and work. The lack of a social life was glaringly obvious, and Josh wasn’t sure if he liked the staggering relief that hit him to learn that she wasn’t involved with anyone. Unfortunately for his peace of mind, he remembered all too well just exactly how involved she’d been with him five years before. Her passionate, uninhibited responses had driven him crazy, and the memories she’d left behind when she disappeared were indelible. Determined as he’d been to wipe her out of his mind with other women, he’d given up after the second disappointing encounter. It didn’t seem to matter how beautiful and willing the women; they paled before the memory of Sarah.
Now the innocent, laughing, passionate girl he’d known had been replaced by a woman who carried herself with a strength and dignity that hid all but brief flashes of vulnerability.
He dragged his thoughts back to their conversation. “It still sounds like more work than play.”
“Now you sound like my mother,” Sarah chided him gently, smiling as he snorted in disgust.
“Not hardly.” His lips quirked upward at the sparkle of amusement that lit her eyes. “What does your mother think of Caitlin?”
“She hasn’t seen her yet, but I don’t doubt for a minute that Mama will be horrified by the pierced ears and ripped jeans. And Caitlin has the vocabulary of a Singapore dockhand. If she forgets herself and uses even one of her more colorful words, Mama will have a fit.”
“That I can believe. Why haven’t you taken her to visit her grandmother?”.
“I haven’t taken either of the kids to the hospital. I’m waiting until Mama’s stronger. I don’t think she is ready to deal with Caitlin, and J.J.’s so full of energy that he sometimes exhausts even me.” Not to mention that I’m sure Mama is reluctant to explain his existence to her friends.
Across from her, Josh stiffened as if she’d slapped him, his features going hard and cold at the sound of Sarah’s husky voice uttering the little boy’s name. Listening to her, watching her, had almost made him forget the issue that lay like a gulf between them.
“Have you decided if you’re going to let J.J. have his blood tested with me?” His voice was harsh, laced with irritation at the softening effect her distress had had on his anger.
Sarah flinched, and the half smile on her face disappeared. “No, I haven’t,” she admitted.
“Why not?” he demanded.
“It’s not something I want done. There are a lot of factors to consider and it’s not a decision I can make overnight,’ she said carefully.
“I don’t know why not,” he retorted. “The decision seems pretty straightforward to me. Either you’re going to cooperate or you’re not.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” Sarah insisted. “For one thing, the kind of tests you’re talking about aren’t done at a local doctor’s office. They require a lab with special capabilities.”
“So where do we need to go?”
“I’m not sure. But I know the tests can’t be done locally.”
“Then I’ll fly us wherever it is we need to go to have them done. Great Falls? Missoula? Seattle?”
“I’m not sure. But I can’t leave Butte Creek now. I came here to be with Mama. I can’t leave until she’s recovered.”
“How long will that be?” he demanded, frustration evident in every tense line of his body.
“I don’t know. Her doctor says she’s doing as well as can be expected, but he’s not able to predict how long before she can go home. She’ll be moved from the hospital to a nursing home and will need physical therapy to regain as much movement as possible in her left side.”
Josh ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling the black strands. “And he can’t give you any kind of time frame?”
“No.”
“Did he give you any indication as to how long it will be before he knows?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I asked him just yesterday if he could make an educated guess as to when she can be moved to the nursing home. He told me that he’s reviewing her case day by day. As soon as he’s confident that her arrhythmia is under control, he’ll have her moved, but he can’t give us a definite date.”
A muscle flexed in his jaw, and his eyes narrowed.
“I understand that you need to be close to the hospital in case there’s a change in her condition, but you can at least decide whether or not you’re going to cooperate with testing when your mother is well enough for you to be away for a day or two. I’m running out of patience, Sarah, and you’re running out of time.”
“I don’t respond well to threats, Joshua.” Sarah’s gaze met his without flinching.
“I’m not threatening you, Sarah,” he responded grimly. The burning need to know if J.J. was his son was a driving force. He’d already missed out on four years of the little boy’s life. He didn’t want to waste a single day more. “I’m stating a fact. Between your mother’s illness and taking on Caitlin, I know you’ve got a lot to deal with at the moment, but you’re being unreasonable about allowing blood tests of J.J., and I won’t agree to let you put this off forever.”’
He shoved back his chair and stood», slapping his hat back on his head before stalking across the room to empty his tray.
Sarah sat still for a moment before she followed suit. To her surprise, he was waiting for her outside the cafeteria door. She paused, eyeing him warily.
’I’ll follow you back to the ranch,” he said shortly, answering the question in her glance. “It’s late.”
She nodded silently and walked beside him out to the parking lot, each carefully maintaining their distance. He waited until she’d unlocked the car door and slid inside before striding off to his truck. The reflection of his headlights in her rearview mirror were a constant reminder of his presence over each one of the thirty miles to the Rocking D.
Josh drove past without stopping when she parked in front of the ranch house; by the time she’d climbed the
steps and crossed her porch, the sound of his truck engine had ceased. Sarah paused with her hand on the doorknob, and glanced over her shoulder just in time to see the lights flick on in the foreman’s house.
It was disconcerting to have him living so near. Miles away from him in Great Falls, she’d been cocooned from life, any awareness of her sexuality frozen beneath layers of thick ice. She’d been convinced that her ability to react to any male had been cauterized and destroyed; yet being within sight and sound of Josh had turned a blowtorch on her frozen emotions. The thawing out was painful.
And much too late, she reflected. For even if a miracle happened and she could bear being touched by a man, Josh hated her.
She sighed wearily and pulled open the door. Inside, the house was quiet, only the faint sound of voices and canned laughter from the television set disturbing the peaceful stillness.
“Sarah? Is that you?”
“Yes, Aunt Molly.” Sarah dropped her purse and keys on the tiny hall table just as Molly Hildebrandt appeared in the living-room doorway. She was a handsome woman, with long legs and a body given more to lean grace than opulent curves, and a warm, loving nature.
Beneath her short-cropped silver curls, her blue eyes were filled with concern. “You look exhausted, child.”
“I am,” Sarah agreed. “It’s been a long day.”
“Come on back to the kitchen. I’ve got the kettle on and we’ll brew you a cup of tea.” Molly caught Sarah by the elbow and gently herded her down the hall. “Have you eaten anything today?”
“Yes, I had a sandwich and soup.”
“At the hospital cafeteria?” Molly sniffed when Sarah nodded. “Assembly-line food! You may as well try to chew cardboard.”
They entered the kitchen and Molly shooed Sarah into a chair at the table while she bustled around the old-fashioned kitchen.
“I was telling Wes just before you called today that I thought you seemed slimmer since you’ve been here. Are you losing weight?”
“Maybe a couple of pounds,” Sarah admitted.
“You’re doing too much. Margaret should be here to help—although to tell you the truth, Caitlin is probably more help than her mother would be. That girl is certainly good at entertaining J.J. He follows her around like a little puppy.”
Sarah propped her chin on one hand and listened to Molly chatter. She’d missed her aunt during the years she’d spent in Great Falls, and only now realized how great a comfort the older woman had always been.
”…did the doctor say?”
Molly set a squat, rose-patterned teapot and two cups on the table and turned to retrieve a plate of thick molasses cookies from the counter.
“I’m sorry,” Sarah said as she poured tea while Molly pulled out a chair and sat. “My mind wandered. What was the question?”
“What kept you at the hospital so late—did Patricia have a bad day?”
“Yes.” Sarah closed her eyes and gently massaged her right temple where a headache was beginning to slowly throb.
Molly stirred sugar into her tea and nudged the sugar bowl toward Sarah. “What happened?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary.” Sarah spooned sugar into her own tea and gave Molly a weary half smile. “She didn’t want to see the speech therapist, she refused to eat her lunch, she demanded that she be allowed to have her bridge club visit with her at their regular club time instead of visiting hours, and she refused to have anyone but me feed her dinner.
Molly rolled her eyes in disgust. “That sounds like Patricia. She’s always been a pain in the—uh, always been difficult. I don’t know why I thought she might behave herself when she’s ill.” She took a fat cookie from the plate and handed it to Sarah. “Here, you look like you need the calories.”
“Thanks.” The two sipped their tea and ate cookies in companionable silence for a few moments. “Did J.J. behave himself today?”
“Oh, sure,” Molly said. “That boy belongs on a farm. Wes took JJ. and Caitlin with him on the tractor for an hour or two, then they went in the pickup to check on the pumps in a couple of pastures. I think they must have waded in mud around the water tanks because they came back dirty and wet, but happy as can be.”
Sarah smiled and sipped her tea. “It sounds like J.J.’s idea of heaven. Did he go to bed without arguing?”
“Going to bed wasn’t a problem—he was worn out. He still balked at taking a bath, but Caitlin told him she wouldn’t read him a story if he wasn’t clean, so he gave in without too much trouble.”
Sarah laughed softly. “Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. JJ. is going through a stage where he hates taking baths, but he absolutely loves having Caitlin read to him.”
“I know.” Molly grinned, her lined face lighting with mischief. “I told you Caitlin was good with him.” Her grin faded and was replaced by a small frown. “Her black eye is nearly gone. Did she ever tell you how she got it?”
Sarah shook her head. “No, but I think Margaret’s boyfriend must have had something to do with it.”
“Hmmph,” Molly snorted in disgust “What a prize he must be! And why would Margaret let him do something like that?”
“I don’t know,” Sarah answered. “But Caitlin told me she won’t go back to L.A. until he’s out of her mother’s house. And I don’t want Caitlin to go back at all.”
“You’re thinking of keeping her?”
“Yes,” Sarah said firmly. “I am.”
“Good.” Molly nodded sharply. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all week. In fact, Wes and I were just talking about that very thing yesterday. We’d ask Margaret to let Caitlin live with us, but we’re pretty old to be parents to a teenager.”
“You’re not old, Molly,” Sarah denied.
“Wes and I are more than old enough to be that child’s grandparents.” Molly grinned and tugged at a silvery curl. “And I earned every one of these gray hairs. Caitlin would be better off living with a younger person—like you, Sarah. But you’re a single parent already. Are you sure you want to take on the responsibility of. rearing another child alone?”
“I’m not sure how good a parent I would be for Caitlin, but having her in my home couldn’t be worse for her than the situation with Margaret.”
“True. I swear, Margaret needs to look for a better class of men friends if the ones she’s dating are into hitting little girls!”
“That’s exactly what Josh said,” Sarah said absently as she popped the last of her cookie into her mouth. Too late she realized what she’d said, and glanced quickly at her aunt. Molly was staring at her in wide-eyed surprise.
Chapter Four
“Josh? Josh Hightower?” Molly’s voice reflected her surprise. “When did you talk to Josh?”
Sarah hadn’t meant to mention Josh to Molly. Her aunt knew that she’d loved Josh five years before, but she’d never told the older woman what had happened in Great Falls to cause the end of their relationship. She chewed the cookie slowly before swallowing, stalling for time while she considered just how much she wanted to tell Molly.
“Tonight, at the hospital,” she finally answered. “Murphy Redman is in a room down the hall from mother’s. He was kicked by a horse and broke his leg.”
“Oh, that poor man!” Molly was instantly sympathetic. “How bad was it?”
“Josh said the doctor told him that Murphy would be riding again in six months”.
“Thank goodness,” Molly said with relief before her gaze sharpened over Sarah’s features. “So Josh was friendly?”
“Of course,” Sarah answered innocently. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
“Don’t give me that innocent look,” Molly said bluntly. “Those Hightower boys aren’t known for forgiving and forgetting. I wouldn’t have guessed that Josh Hightower would be inclined to speak to you at all, unless it was to yell at you. Five years ago that man nearly took this county apart when you left him and moved to Great Falls.”
Sarah’s fingers closed punishingly
around her teacup. “I didn’t know,” she whispered painfully. For months, the only person from Butte Creek that she had had contact with was her mother, and Patricia had refused to discuss Josh.
“Didn’t your mother tell you about the time she called the sheriff when Josh knocked on her door and demanded that she tell him where to find you?”
“No.” Sarah shook her head. “No, she didn’t. She never mentioned him at all. When I asked, she refused to talk about him.”
“Hmmph.” Molly’s blue eyes snapped with disapproval. “That sounds like Patricia. She always has been a snob, and she never approved of your dating one of Will Hightower’s boys.”
Silence stretched while Sarah stared unseeingly at the tabletop.
“I was surprised when you moved away so suddenly, Sarah.’’ Molly’s voice was gentle. “I’ll never forget how happy you seemed the few times I saw you with Josh. In fact, I told Wes what a pleasure it was to see a young couple so obviously in love. Was I wrong?”
“No.” Sarah shook her head slowly. “No, you weren’t wrong.”
“What happened? Did you quarrel, did he do something to hurt you—”
“No.” Sarah’s swift denial was accompanied by a firm shake of her head. “Josh didn’t do anything wrong, Molly. It was me…something happened and I couldn’t…” She paused and drew a deep, tearing breath. “It wasn’t Josh’s fault.”
“Then you aren’t angry with him?”
“No. He did nothing to deserve what happened.”
Molly’s kind face was perplexed. “He hasn’t dated anyone, as far as I know, since you left, Sarah. Perhaps the two of you might…”
Sarah shook her head adamantly. “No, there’s no chance of our getting back together, Molly.”
“But, why—”
“There just isn’t, Molly. Some things aren’t fixable. We’re better off as we are.”
The look Molly gave her was unconvinced, but to Sarah’s relief, her aunt sighed and abandoned the subject. It wasn’t long before the older woman gave her a warm hug and left for home and her husband.
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