In Her Dreams

by Bolryder, Terry

  I go silent, my hands tightening into fists.

  “Jen, was he trying to attack you?” Adam asks, eyes concerned. “Do you need help… as more than an uncle?”

  I exhale. “No. Joey and I can protect ourselves.”

  “Is there another guy around?” Adam asks. “Because if a homeless guy can just attack Mark outside your house, he can attack you.”

  I say nothing.

  “Unless it wasn’t a homeless man,” Adam says.

  I say nothing. I’m not very good with lies.

  “Do you have a boyfriend now?”

  I stare at him, consternated. “That’s none of your business.”

  He smiles bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. He’s blond, like Mark, with green eyes. “Well, you know, I always thought you were cute back in high school.”

  I sigh. “That’s a million miles away now. And I have to get back to work.”

  “Okay, okay, I get it,” he says. “You aren’t interested. Are you sure? I always thought you might have had a crush on me.”

  I shake my head. “If I did, it was a long time ago.”

  “All right,” he says. “I’ll let it go. I mean, you’re a gorgeous woman, and I thought I’d hit two birds with one stone. Date you. Meet my nephew.”

  I shake my head. “That’s ridiculous.”

  He shrugs. “We’re a little old to play games. You’re an attractive woman. I’m an attractive man. At least I think so.”

  I laugh. “There’s a man, okay? I’m dating someone.”

  “Ah,” he says. “Then even he should understand why a boy needs his uncle.”

  I think about it for a moment. Reve can teach Joey how to be a dream fae warrior, but he can’t teach him about the human world.

  It couldn’t hurt to have two good male role models, right?

  At least Adam has been straightforward. He even asked about other intentions and respected my responses.

  I guess just entertaining the idea of him having a relationship with Joey shouldn’t hurt.

  “I don’t know, Adam. I’ll think about it.”

  I turn to go back into work, and he calls out to stop me.

  “I really am sorry, Jen,” Adam says, his face serious and solemn. “I wish I’d been there to protect you. I promise if you let me in your and Joey’s life, I will never cause you harm.”

  I remember when this would have been a dream. When I was so alone and anyone offering me a way out of my marriage, a way to have a family outside of Mark or even romance, would have been amazing.

  But I’m glad I saved myself back then. It made me who I am.

  And now? Now things are complicated because I’m not the woman I used to be.

  “I’ll think about it, Adam. That’s all I can tell you.”

  Then I head back to work, already wishing to just go home and see Reve and Joey.

  19

  Reve

  I check the clock on the repaired dash of the LeBaron, noting that Jen will be out any minute.

  I leave the car, hiding the flowers I got for her behind my back.

  Beautiful white, red, and pink roses. I do love human flowers.

  I wait outside the car, leaning against it, watching the sliding doors where she’ll come out.

  When my eyes fix on a shape with copper hair in blue scrubs, my heart starts to beat faster.

  Then Jen appears, and my heart feels lighter. My whole world is better when I see her. When I know she’s safe.

  I run forward and pick her up in a hug, swinging her around as she giggles. Her soft curves press against my body, and I inhale her sweet fragrance of violets and vanilla.

  So good.

  She feels like home.

  And I’m still so nervous about how this night is going to go once I tell her what I have to tell her.

  I hand her the flowers, and she gasps, then grins and takes them, inhaling deeply.

  “These are gorgeous. Did you poof them?”

  I shake my head. “I bought them with some human money we were given by Lorien’s brother.”

  “Right, because he lives here too.” She’s oddly quiet today as I grab her hand and hold it as we walk to the car together.

  “I have something to talk to you about,” we say at the same time just as we reach the car.

  She lets out a relieved breath. “You go first.”

  I come around to open the car door, and she gets in, then starts it as I get in too.

  She looks over at me. “Did you do something? It sounds different.”

  “I tinkered with the engine a bit,” I say.

  She narrows her brown eyes at me, pushing back a lock of red hair. “I thought you weren’t going to use magic. How do I know it will work?”

  “I had top scores in restoration,” I say. “But you’re right. I still wanted to earn you a human car with my own money, but it would take time, and I’m not sure we have that now.”

  She bites her lip. “What do you mean?”

  “Lorien visited.”

  “He did? Why?”

  “To tell me that the dream council has changed the rules for our mission after discovering this world we came to is littered with nightmares.”

  It’s so quiet now I can hear the wind whistling through the not-quite-perfect window seal of her passenger-side window.

  My chest feels tight like someone put a steel band around it.

  “I swear I’m not doing this to manipulate you or push the situation. But they aren’t going to let me stay permanently in your world. If I want to be with you and Joey, you’ll eventually have to come to the dream realm with me.” I lower my eyes. “I know that’s what you didn’t want.”

  “How long do we have?” Her tone is flat.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “But, Jen, this doesn’t have to be terrible. Imagine a world where you don’t have to clean up spit and feces, where you rule from a beautiful castle, and Joey is free to—”

  “We won’t ever fit in that world!” She shakes her head rapidly, and I realize with dismay that tears are biting her eyes. “Reve, you can’t ask that of me. This is my home!”

  “I’m your home,” I say fiercely. “You’re my home. Surely, where we are doesn’t matter as much as that we’re together. You love me, don’t you?”

  She nods, swiping at a tear but batting away my hand when I try to help her. “Of course I do.” Her eyes are fiery as they meet mine. “But I had a life before you.”

  “I don’t care—”

  “I care,” she says instantly, and I realize it was the wrong thing to say. “Look, Reve, I love you. I love our whirlwind romance and fantasy dreams. I love the way you make love to me, and I love how you are with Joey. I love everything about you except where you came from.”

  “I can’t help that,” I say.

  She folds her arms. “I can’t help that I was born here. I lived thirty years before I met you, Reve. It’s not fair to ask me to leave the only home I have ever known. With my son who has family here.”

  I flinch back. “Does he? I thought you weren’t close with Mark’s family. That his parents—”

  “Not Mark or his parents.” She exhales, smoothing her hands over her scrubs. The car is heating because she started it, but we’re still just parked in the parking lot. “This is what I was going to talk to you about. Mark’s brother called me today for the first time since Joey was born.”

  I frown, a crinkle forming between my brows. “Why now?”

  “He heard about Mark being attacked and came into town. He travels due to the military usually, but he’s out now.”

  “And what? He wants to pick up where Mark left off? Absolutely not. I won’t allow it.”

  I can feel the coldness in the air and her gaze, letting me know I just made a mistake.

  “You won’t allow it? It’s not your place to say what happens,” she snaps at me.

  “What do you mean? Of course it is. I’m not going to allow any nightmares in your world.”

>   “He’s not a nightmare,” she says angrily. “He never hurt me or Joey or Mark as far as I know. He seems like a good enough person, and Joey has a right to have an uncle, right? Some connection to his father. And now you’re saying you won’t allow that?”

  I rub the back of my neck. “No. I was saying I won’t allow anyone to abuse you as Mark did. I wasn’t saying I could tell you what to do.”

  “But you do try to tell me what to do, Reve,” she says, still angry. “Like this car or going to your world. Everything keeps changing, and you keep pushing me. Why don’t you just try and adjust to my world?”

  My hands tighten into fists, and it takes effort to relax them. “I want to adjust to your world. But you’re everything to me, and your and Joey’s safety comes first.”

  “And you really think we’ll be safe in your world? Where we know no one except you and there is actual magic everywhere? If we were to divorce—”

  “I would never divorce you,” I say. “Dream fae aren’t like that.”

  “What if I need to leave you?”

  I suck in a breath. “I suppose you would just leave. Though my heart would never be the same, it would be my failure because I didn’t make you happy enough to stay with me.”

  She lets out a breath. “I am happy with you. I know that. But I think I need some space. I need to think about Joey’s uncle, and—”

  “Don’t,” I say quickly. “He could be a nightmare. Please don’t.”

  “It doesn’t hurt to have another father figure,” she says.

  I scowl. “No man who took that long to get to know Joey is going to be a good father figure. Any family Joey has could have shown up long before now. I don’t trust any of them. For that matter, I don’t trust anyone related to Mark.”

  She glares at me. “Oh really? Like me and Joey?”

  I shake my head, panicked. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

  “Right,” she says. “Well, luckily, you don’t make all the choices for me and Joey, and if I want Adam to be another positive male figure who can teach him things you can’t, that’s my prerogative. He is Joey’s family.”

  “Family is who you bond with, not who you are born with,” I say angrily. “Someone should have been there to protect both of you from that monster of a husband a long time ago. I wasn’t there, so I’m here right now, telling you to please not let this man into your life. Especially if you are pushing me out.”

  Her eyes fall to her hands, which are folded in her lap. “I’m not trying to push you out, Reve. I’m trying to get my head on straight.”

  “By pushing me out,” I say flatly. My heart feels like it’s being crushed very slowly by something very large. I thought, naively, maybe she’d just agree to at least talking about the dream realm.

  But instead, she’s all about Mark’s brother.

  And she wants me to go away.

  “It’s just for a day or two,” she says. “Because I need space to think. This has been amazing. A dream come true.” She smiles softly. “Many dreams come true, actually.” Her eyes meet mine, searing them. “I do love being with you, Reve. And if it was only me, maybe I could let you sweep me away to another world and fix everything. But I’m not the number one in my world, Reve. My son comes first. And I have to think carefully about taking him to another world.”

  I sit there for a few seconds, dumbfounded. “You still don’t trust me, do you?”

  She blinks, but I see the truth of it on her face. “Not enough to go to another world right now.”

  “Don’t punish me for Mark,” I say softly.

  “I’m not trying to,” she says. “I’m just trying to stay safe.”

  “Love is never safe,” I say. “We always have to take a leap of faith.”

  “Not to another planet—”

  “Dimension—”

  “That’s not better!” She sighs. “Reve, just give me some time alone to think. I don’t feel like going out tonight or fighting with you. I have too much on my mind, and I need to consider so many things.”

  “Joey doesn’t need another male figure or father figure,” I say, feeling my heart pinch just thinking about it. “He has me and Jerrek and Lorien once he gets to know him. We can teach him—”

  “How to whip people?” She looks at me, exasperated.

  “How to protect himself and others!” I say. “Look, we both know this isn’t really about me being a fae. You’re just afraid.”

  “Of what?”

  “That you’ll lose control,” I say. “That someone might just be able to give you more than you thought possible, but it means things won’t go exactly as you want, and you can’t stand that.”

  “What?” She straightens, ruffling. “How dare you? You’re the one who broke the rules and fixed my car and who is telling me I need to go to another planet—”

  “Dimension—”

  “Don’t correct me!” She snorts. “Anyway, I have the right to have control over my life. If I want to stay in the so-called shitty human world, that’s my choice!”

  “So as your partner and someone who loves you, I’m not allowed to say anything at all, even about decisions that are dangerous for you?”

  She pauses, considering it for a moment, then shakes her head. “I’m the only one I could depend on when things were at their worst. I have to trust myself.”

  “But sometimes we need others,” I say urgently. “To help us whether we like it or not.”

  “No.” Her expression hardens. “No. No one will ever take control of my life again. This is why I wanted to just keep seeing you in dreams. In real life, things are so complicated.”

  “I know,” I say. “But it’s also really simple. I just love you, and I want the best for you. You’ve been doing as well as you can on your own, but—”

  “Are you saying I haven’t been doing well enough by Joey?”

  “No,” I say.

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “That you both could have more if you would just trust me.”

  “I’ll never wholeheartedly trust a man again,” she snaps at me. Then she looks shocked at her own words. She exhales roughly, sagging against the seat. “I don’t mean that. I just… I need things to be in my own timeframe. I don’t want to ever let myself get swept away again.”

  “Even if it means losing me?” I ask because I truly don’t know what will happen if the dream council calls me back and she won’t go with me.

  Would I even be able to come back to her? Would I get arrested? I have no idea.

  I knew this issue was tough between us but nowhere near this tough.

  I let out a sigh. “How much time do you need?”

  Jerrek’s beacon will at least still be active.

  “I don’t know,” she says. “I’ll let you know. How long until the council comes?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know.”

  Heavy silence falls between us, and I realize this is truly what she wants even if it separates us.

  “I’m sorry, Reve,” she says, looking despondent. “But I don’t see how it can work.” She shakes her head. “I’ll think about it, but taking Joey to another world… I can’t imagine it.”

  “And I can’t imagine living without you,” I say, my heart feeling like it’s burning on a funeral pyre.

  I snap my fingers, and the car around us changes completely.

  New paint, new metal, new upholstery. It took a lot of my energy, but it’s now fully restored.

  At least she’ll be safe while driving.

  “What?” She looks around the car. “Reve.”

  “Just something to make me feel slightly better.” I smile sadly. “I know. It’s still selfish. Call me if you ever need me, soul bond.”

  “Will you tell me if you have to leave?”

  I nod. “You want me to come say good-bye even if you decided we can’t work together?”

  She puts a hand to my arm. “We could try to be together until they send you home, but… I�
�m not sure if that would just hurt us all more.”

  I hang my head. “I wish you’d been born in my world.”

  But the pain is too much for me right now. And I dematerialize.

  Headed for Jerrek to tell him how everything just went wrong.

  20

  Jen

  “I can’t believe you.” Sandra’s voice through the phone is stern, not at all the comforting tone I thought I would be hearing.

  “What do you mean? He fixed my car without me asking, he showed up to my house to meet Joey before I was ready, and now he’s insisting we move back to his world when he knows we want to stay here.”

  “I don’t see anything wrong with any of that, honestly,” Sandra says. “Perhaps all of us have been protecting your pride for too long—because we wanted to fix that car a long time ago.”

  “Who’s we?”

  “Tess and me and anyone else who gives a crap about you. That thing is unsafe!”

  “It saved me just fine,” I mumble. Today, my head feels like I’m in a fog, like I’m trapped in a memory of something awful even when things seem to be going well.

  “Back then,” Sandra says. “But now you can afford a better car, or if you can’t, you know you have friends who can help.”

  I frown. “I don’t know.”

  “Look, I love you, girl, but you have always had a problem with trust and being too self-sufficient. I get that it comes from trauma, but if you’re going to let it ruin things with Reve, I would really see a therapist.”

  “I’m fine. At least, I was before all of this happened.”

  “Were you, though?” Sandra asks, making a good point. “You woke up alone and went to bed alone, you don’t date, and you only get a babysitter for girls’ nights. It’s like you’re shutting yourself off from life. So now Reve is trying to open life back up again, and you’re shooing him away because he scares you.”

  “Reve said as much,” I say dully. “But how do I know this is going to be different? I loved Mark. I thought he was my ticket out of a dead-end life, and he caused so much misery I’m still cleaning up his mess.”

  “Only because you won’t move on and let someone make things better for you. You’ve done awesome, Jen, on your own. Survived things some of us can’t imagine. But that strength can also keep you from letting other people in where they can use their own strengths to help you.”