The Rising Gold

by Ava Jae

  Lira nods. “It must be hard, being Avra, especially now. I mean, I’m sure it’s always a difficult position to hold, but with everything especially out of sorts, I can only imagine what you must be feeling.”

  “Tired, mostly,” I answer. “Ready for things not to be so incredibly difficult all the time.”

  “But do you enjoy it? Being Avra?”

  No one’s ever asked me that before—and to be true, I can’t say I’ve ever really asked myself, either. I suppose it never really mattered if I enjoyed my position—I never elected to become Avra; it was a responsibility handed to me at birth.

  But do I enjoy being Avra? Would I rather be anything else?

  “At times,” I finally say. “I’ve enjoyed it more, as of late, seeing positive results of decisions I’ve made. I’m at my happiest when my people are happy. It’s … disconcerting, to say the least, to be Avra of a nation that hates you.”

  Lira grimaces. “That does sound less than ideal.”

  I laugh. “That’s a diplomatic way of saying it.”

  Lira smiles then nods down the street. The shops and stalls are all closed, but we’re nearing the main square in the heart of Vejla. And I have to say, the streets look so much better already than they did when I walked these streets with Eros. They’re clean—and still cracked and need replacing in areas, but we can walk them without worrying about stepping on broken glass or a metal shard. Granted, many of the buildings are still crumbling and need renovation, but there are small, noticeable improvements. We’re moving in the right direction.

  We walk through the square and to the main temple. The last time I was here was with Eros, when I wanted to see Vejla for myself, when the streets were trash-strewn and the people eyed me with disdain.

  When Eros and I found people burning the book I’d chosen to represent me in an act of protest.

  When they wanted me dead.

  Tonight, the space in front of the temple is empty, quiet, and clean. There aren’t any fires or angry signs or shouting crowds. It almost seems like an entirely different temple, bathed in shadow and cloaked in silence.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “Come.”

  We walk up to the display case that once held my—wait. I frown. The last time I was here, the display case was shattered and my icon was burning. But now, tonight, the case is intact and my icon—the book—is sitting inside, undisturbed. They’ve replaced it.

  But there’s more. They haven’t just replaced it; there are items scattered along the base of the display. Flowers, handmade dolls, even a small painting of my name.

  “I don’t understand,” I say. “What is this?”

  “The gifts are for you.” Lira smiles. “This is what it looks like when the people are happy with their Avra. I guessed you probably hadn’t seen it for yourself yet, but it’s important you know when the people are happy with you.”

  My eyes sting even as I smile. “You’re right,” I say softly. “I had no idea. Thank you.”

  Lira smiles and nudges my shoulder with hers. “You’re doing a wonderful job. Definitely an improvement over your first attempt.”

  “I would hope so. My first attempt was a miserable failure.”

  Lira laughs. “Sha, well … onto better times.”

  I nod. “Onto better times.”

  As we wander the mostly empty streets back to the palace, my steps are lighter. I hold my head up a little higher. I hadn’t realized the weight of worrying the people may want to depose me at any time—now I can breathe a little more easily knowing the people are, for the most part, happier with me than they’ve ever been.

  But as we nearly exit the city, writing on the side of an old building stops me in my tracks.

  NO DEATH FOR DIMA; NO JUSTICE.

  44

  Eros

  After what feels like my longest set yet, Mal goes to sleep and Deimos and I crash in my bedroom. And I wish I could say I could just relax for the rest of the night, but it’s been segments since I talked to the techies and guards about sweeping the city for that fucken device knocking out the power, so the first thing I do is check my copy of the map hung outside my room, which is what the army is using to record their progress. The map has the whole city zoned out into forty-eight sections, and as they finish sweeping a section, they mark it green.

  Right now, there are two green sections. And they aren’t even close to the largest zones on the map. So either no one has updated this yet, or, more likely, they’ve barely just started.

  I groan and march into my room and toss myself onto my bed. “This is going to take fucken forever.”

  “Probably.” Deimos places his rings on the bedside table—which, now that it doesn’t float, is just a stone saucer on the floor—then stretches out on his stomach next to me on the bed. “I realize it’s frustrating to have to wait, but it’s likely going to take them many sets to comb through the entire city without any power. They need to check every floor of every building, every alley, every crevice in Asheron. It’s not a simple thing. And we’re not even sure what this device would look like, or how big it is. Or even whether it’s mobile, for that matter …”

  “Has to be pretty powerful, whatever it is, to disable an entire city.”

  “Shae, but it does have its limits.”

  I nod, remember our last update. The power outage only extends to a league and a half outside of city limits—beyond there, all devices work again. Which isn’t really helpful for us in the city, but at least it’s an isolated thing.

  I sigh. “Still. What if they go through the whole city and don’t find anything?”

  Deimos shrugs. “Then we move on to another plan. But for now there’s nothing either of us can do”—he slides his hand into mine—”so let’s just relax, shae? It’s been an exhausting set.”

  “Shae,” I mumble. “It has.”

  Deimos closes his eyes and smiles softly, his thumb gently tracing the mark on the back of my hand. He seems instantly relaxed—nothing like the moody whatever-that-was earlier. I could let it go since he seems okay now, but if I don’t know what was bothering him earlier, I can’t do anything to try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sha, every inch of my incredibly attractive body is real and unaltered, thank you for asking. I’m quite proud of it, too.” Deimos’s lips quirk into a smirk.

  I laugh. “Shae, right, you caught me. That’s exactly what I was going to ask.”

  Deimos opens his eyes and grins. “You know, your body is irresistibly attractive as well. It’s very distracting, if I’m being honest. It’s a miracle I get any work done at all when I’m near you.”

  My face is a prickling mess of sparks, and I’d like to be annoyed at how easily I blush but it’s just really, really good to see Deimos smile. Plus … I definitely never considered myself distracting so that’s kinduv nice.

  “Glad you think so,” I say.

  Deimos smiles again, then slips his hand out of mine and sits up. “So what did you actually want to ask me?”

  I hesitate. “It’s not … I mean, you seem fine now, but …” I sigh and start over. “I was just wondering what was bothering you earlier. You seemed kinduv upset.”

  Deimos’s smile fades. “Ah. That.”

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I can’t do anything to avoid upsetting you again if I don’t know what it was you didn’t like in the first place.”

  Deimos blinks. “Eros, naï, I’m sorry—you didn’t upset me. It was nothing you did, truly.”

  “Then?”

  Deimos looks away. He bites his lip quietly for a moment, but I wait in the silence. Finally, when the quiet feels thick and suffocating, he looks at me again and says, “I know I can’t connect to you the same way Ven can. I suppose the reminder that someone else can understand you in a way I never truly can just … didn’t sit well with me.”

  I frown. “Wait, you were jea
lous?”

  Deimos smiles weakly and lifts a shoulder. “Is that so bad? I knew my sullenness wasn’t really justified, but I couldn’t help feeling inadequate. Like an outsider. And—and I realize that momentary discomfort for me is only a fraction of what you’ve experienced your entire life but—”

  “Deimos.” I smile and take his face in my hands. “I literally never have cared about someone the way I care about you. Sure, Ven and I could relate because we’re both half-bloods, and it was cool to find out I’m not the only one, but that doesn’t take anything away from how I feel about you.”

  “I know …”

  “I don’t think you do.” I take a deep breath, my heart pounding hard against my chest. I’m going to say it. Now. “Deimos, I’m … I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  Deimos blinks several times before a slow grin takes over his face like quickly shifting sand. “You … really?”

  I smile. “Really.”

  Then I swear I blink and Deimos is on top of me, kissing me like we’ve never kissed before, like we’ll never be able to kiss again. My laugh dissolves in our mouths as he presses my wrists into the bed and kisses my lips, my cheek, my jaw, my ear, my lips.

  Then he pulls back and laughs and I swear I’ve never seen him so delighted. His happiness lights up his whole face, and fuck, he’s beautiful. “I’m in love with you too.”

  And now I’m pretty sure I’m mirroring his face-splitting grin. Because I never thought I’d hear those words; I never imagined I’d be lucky enough to have someone who could look past my skin, my ears, my not-one-but-not-the-other, my in-between-ness because no one else ever seemed interested in trying to.

  But now I’ve got the most attractive, magnetic, overall nicest guy I’ve ever met and he’s in love with me.

  Me.

  Kissing Deimos feels like breathing stardust. It feels like waking up one cell at a time, in a slow, warm rush. And I love everything about the way Deimos kisses me, about his soft lips and the way his tongue moves over mine, about his stubble prickling against my jaw and his hands scattering embers over my chest.

  And you know, though it was awkward when Deimos caught me watching those videos, I’m glad I saw them. Because as he pulls our shirts off, slides his hands over me and shifts, skin-to-skin, I’m a little less lost, a little less terrified of where this might go. And this time, I know where to touch, kiss, how to move, too.

  I roll Deimos under me and his eyes widen for just a mo, but then he grins. “Go right on ahead, handsome.”

  So I do.

  I kiss the stubble on his jaw, smile at the light burn of rubbing my lips against him. I taste the dip just above the bump in his throat. I trace a path with my mouth over the rigid lines on the left side of his chest while sliding my hands down his sides. I’m getting stiff sampling his salty skin like this, touching him like this, listening to his breath catch and heart pound, but so is he, so I must be doing okay. So I keep moving, keep kissing, until my mouth is on his muscled stomach and my thumb runs down the line of hair running from his navel and into his pants.

  My heart is racing when I hook my fingers under the waistband of his pants and look up at him. Deimos pushes up onto his elbows, face flushed even as he smiles gently at me and says, “You don’t have to.”

  I wet my lips. “I know. I want to.”

  The bump in his throat bobs as he nods. And so with my pulse drumming in my ears and the room like a furnace, I take off his pants.

  I’ve seen Deimos naked before—in glances. Out of the corner of my eye, or through the shadows as he climbed into bed with me. We’ve gotten dressed—and undressed—in front of each other, so it’s not like I’ve never seen him before, but this …

  This is different. Intentional. Up close and impossible to glance over. This is real, and now, and when I take him into my mouth there’s no denying we’re crossing a line I don’t want to uncross.

  But even with videos, I don’t really know what I’m doing—I mean, all the explaining in the world isn’t going to completely prepare you for actually doing this. But as I move my tongue and shift my lips, I try to watch him best I can to see what he seems to like. And judging by the way he’s gripping the sheets and moving his hips, and judging by the quiet gasps and noises, I guess I must not be doing terribly. Which is a relief.

  This would be blazing awkward and embarrassing if it wasn’t working for him.

  I keep going for a bit, and a little thrill zips down my spine every time his breath catches or he makes a noise. But as he starts breathing heavily, I pull back.

  Deimos shudders and opens his eyes. “I’m sorry. Too much?”

  I shake my head and force the words out even as my face flames with what I’m about to ask. “Do you have, um … stuff?”

  He blinks a couple times and pushes up onto his elbows again. “Stuff?”

  Fuck, please don’t make me say it. “I want to do this with you—like, all of it. But I know we need stuff and I … didn’t know where to get any.” Plus there wasn’t a chance in the Void I was going to ask Kosim or Lijdo to take me to a sex shop.

  Deimos’s eyes widen. “Oh.”

  I laugh a little. “Oh.”

  “I—shae, of course. I have some in my room. I’ll get it.” He stumbles out of bed, throws on his pants, then pauses and looks up at me. “You’re sure you want to, shae? I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything—”

  “Go get the stuff.”

  Deimos laughs breathily. “Going.” He rushes out of the room like a kazim is chasing him. It’d almost be funny if my stomach wasn’t a bundle of raw wires.

  I lie back on the bed and take a deep, slow breath. I’m going to have sex. With Deimos. And I mean, it literally hurts how bad I want to, so that’s not throwing me off, and I shouldn’t worry because he knows it’ll be my first time with a guy—actually, wait. Does he? Come to think of it, I’m not sure we’ve really … talked about it.

  Fuck. What if he’s expecting me to have experience?

  He caught me watching those videos but people probably watch sex videos to get off all the time. Though I was pretty sure he knew I didn’t really know what I was doing before, and he’s always been so nice about everything I figured he knew, but what if he doesn’t?

  My bedroom doors slide open and Deimos locks them behind him this time before sitting next to me and putting down a small jar and a flat packet.

  “So,” Deimos says casually. “You look terrified.”

  I laugh and cover my burning face. “Kafra.”

  Deimos pulls my hands away from my face and smiles at me. “We really don’t have to tonight if you’re not ready. I won’t be disappointed—it’s already been an incredible night. I was perfectly elated from the moment you said you loved me.”

  I smile, despite myself. “I know, and I don’t feel pressured or anything, I want to do this with you. I’ve wanted to do this with you. But I …” Deimos waits patiently so I guess I’m just gonna have to say it. So I blurt it out quickly. “I’ve only had sex once, and it was with a woman, and we were both blazing drunk so I don’t even remember it all that well and it was probably terrible for both of us. So.”

  Deimos arches an eyebrow. “Oh. Huh.”

  I cringe.

  “Well … I’d guessed you weren’t the most experienced with men, though I definitely hadn’t thought you’d only slept with one person.”

  “Shae, well. Not too many people wanted to fuck the half-blood.”

  Deimos frowns. “You do know you’re incredibly attractive, shae?”

  My face warms. “Glad you think so,” I mumble.

  “I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks so, but that’s too bad, because you’re mine.” He winks at me. And I don’t think he realizes how good it feels to hear someone say that. To want me like that. To be his.

  Deimos lies next to me and kisses me lightly. “Well, if you want to tonight, I’d be more than happy to walk you through it. After all, the only way to get
better at something is to practice.” He nips my lip with a smirk. “And I love practicing.”

  I’m pretty fucken sure my face physically could not be redder right now—because it feels about ready to melt off my skull. “Okay,” I croak. “I want to.”

  “I hoped you’d say that,” he says right before he kisses me.

  And it’s not an immediate thing; we kiss and touch and move until my whole body buzzes with want, until the slightest touch sends me gasping and we’re both sweating like we’ve run leagues under the suns. Until the nerves that hummed between my lungs melt away into something that knows nothing but need.

  So when we get there and Deimos asks me if I’m sure, again, and I tell him I’m literally painfully sure, I’m not freaking out about doing this right or disappointing him anymore. I just want him closer and I want him now.

  And then I have him

  and he has me

  and we’re two suns colliding

  and merging into one.

  We’re supernovas,

  planets burning up,

  ever-expanding galaxies.

  We’re holding each other at the end of one world and the start of something new and I never want to let go.

  And I won’t.

  45

  Kora

  I’m sitting up in bed, reading my glass when Uljen wakes beside me in the morning. Uljen grimaces as he stretches and I smirk. “Ora’denja.”

  “Is the morning truly that good?” He mumbles into his palms.

  “I suppose that depends on who you ask. The news today is …” I glance at the report on my glass again and bite my lip.

  He sits up with a sigh and rubs his eyes. “How bad is it?”

  “Well firstly, the report is in from the men we sent out yesterday to see what’s going on in Asheron.” Relief had washed over me like a cool rain when I’d seen the report upon awakening—after we hadn’t heard back last night, I’d been concerned maybe something had happened to them.

  “Then they’re okay?” he asks.

  “They’re fine, thank Kala. But the report is interesting.” I tilt the glass to him so we can both read together.