Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  “You got that right, asshole.” I was pissed. Pissed at everything. Fuck it all.

  “Both of you need to stop this banter! I want to get to the church, now!”

  “Right.” Henry put the truck in park.

  “Umm, putting the truck into park is not getting us to the church.”

  “Yeah, I realize that. Listen, after the church, we need to get back to our place.”

  “No! We need to go check out my place and my families’ homes!”

  “Elaina, please, let me explain.” Henry reached for my hand and I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Elaina,” he whispered. “We need to go back to the flat. There’s another agent coming, and she will be here later tonight.”

  “She?”

  “Yes. She. Her name is Sophie. She trained with me and will be helpful to us here.” I couldn’t help it so I laughed. “What is so comical?”

  “A girl trained with you to fight this? She must be more truck driver than I am! Can’t wait to see this chick. Does she rock a mullet?” Claire’s impatience was very evident from the sounds that she was making in the back seat.

  Henry shook his head. “No.” He seemed angry with my truck driver reference. “Anyway, she’s on her way and we are going to devise a plan for this area. We have other plans in place, but dealing with this area is a priority at the moment.”

  “Devise a plan? What kind of plan?”

  “I’m not exactly sure yet. This is why Sophie is coming in.”

  I laughed while looking at Claire. I could barely get my words out between my laughs. “Perfect. The secret agent up here doesn’t know what to do.”

  “Whatever, Elaina! I don’t have time to argue with you about all of this. Can you please ditch the sarcastic attitude for once, and just go with the flow?” I admit I did feel kind of bad. Kind of. Just a teensy bit.

  “Yes. I guess.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Thank you!” He slammed the Tahoe in drive and practically stood on the gas pedal. We rounded the corner, and there was evidence everywhere that the undeads had been around. Crashed cars, pools of sticky blood in the street, body parts strewn about, and let’s not forget the obvious…the roaming undeads.

  I was in shock about how rapid the virus was spreading. Henry looked back at Claire, then over at me. “Listen. I know this is hard to see and understand, but you just have to trust me. I am not going to let anything happen to either one of you. I promise. Remember, I still love you, Elaina, no matter what you think. And Claire, you’re like a sister to me. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect both of you.” Claire nodded her head and her eyes welled up with tears.

  I stared at all the carnage. I was missing my family before I even knew if they were human, undead, or true dead. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  Henry was weaving around crashed cars and the undeads that were roaming, looking for a mid-day snack. We started seeing more and more cars just sitting in the middle of the street.

  More bodies. More blood. More gore.

  The closer we got to the church, the more death and despair was present. My stomach churned. “I don’t feel so well.” I could feel my face getting hot, and the sweat beaded on my forehead. Henry looked over at me when I slapped my hands over my mouth, trying to repress the feeling of needing to vomit.

  “Do you need me to pull over?” I nodded, careful not to puke all over the interior of the truck. “Let me find a safer spot, then I’m going to jump out to cover you.”

  I was trying to hold the lurching demon in. It was working hard, fighting me every step of the way, trying to escape. Finally, he pulled over and jumped out. I whipped opened my door and dropped to the ground. In seconds, Henry was standing over me with his gun ready.

  It felt like every ounce of food I had from the past week was trying to come out. I didn’t think I would ever stop but, thankfully, I did. I sat there on my knees, sweating and shaking.

  “You alright, love?” Henry stroked my hair. I nodded and then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. As tough as I tried to be, all the blood and guts shit was really getting to me.

  Henry grabbed my arm and helped me get back into the truck. With luck, we weren’t noticed by any of the undeads. They were too busy snacking to realize there was more fresh meat in the area.

  “Claire, reach in back there and grab a bottle of water out of that bin.” Claire dug through the bin and she pulled out some bottled water.

  “What is all that in there?” Claire handed me the water. I rinsed my mouth out and started sipping on it.

  “Proper supplies that we may need. I always keep it in here because you never know what’s going to happen.” There were medical supplies like needles and vials, antibiotics, bandages; food and drinks; extra clothes; weapons; and a variety of other survival items.

  Feeling a little bit better, I piped up, “Are you going all doomsday prepper on us?” Henry rolled his eyes, then we continued our way to the church.

  Further down, we came up to Main Street, where the church was located. I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for what lay ahead. I heard Claire do the same. I looked back to her and grabbed her hand. The tears were running down her face.

  I kind of understood what she was feeling. I, too, lost the man that I loved. It wasn’t the same, though. In fact, it was a bit selfish for me to compare the situations. I had a new Henry to get to know if I desired, but she didn’t have a new Marc to move forward with.

  Henry slowed down and stopped. The streets were littered with gore and crashed cars. The church was still five blocks down. “We’re going to have to walk from here.” He popped off his seat belt. “Both of you will need your guns.”

  “I’m alright. I don’t think I could shoot anyone anyway.” I couldn’t tell if Claire didn’t want to use the gun, or if she was afraid of what she may have to do with the gun.

  “Trust me, you will want it and will learn quickly. We have to stick close together. I will be in the back, covering both of you. If you see any undeads, aim for the head. Remember, the only way to kill them is to destroy their brain.” I grabbed my stomach again. “Sorry, love.” He looked over at me and, with a tenderness that I was familiar with, he brushed my cheek with his thumb. That was my Henry that I knew so well… sweet and apologetic.

  I loved that Henry. I hoped, with everything I had, that part of him would never go away. If I chose to stay with him, of course. I was still unsure.

  “It’s okay,” I said in a near inaudible voice. I took another sip of water, with hopes that my stomach would calm down.

  “Ready?” Claire and I both nodded. “On three.” Then Henry took both of us by surprise. “Three!” he yelled. What the fuck happened to “one” and “two”? Did they count different in England? We all hopped out and I ran to the driver’s side, since it was closest to the buildings.

  My hands were sweating. I was so nervous about having a gun in my hand and, more than likely, having to use it on someone I knew.

  “Here.” Claire tried to shove her gun back at Henry.

  “You’re going to need this.” He pushed it back to her.

  “I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t shoot anyone I know.” She looked down at her feet. “Especially if it’s Marc.”

  “Marc is already gone. It’s the virus that’s running his body.”

  “I can’t! Okay?!” I grabbed Claire by the arms.

  “Do you think I want to shoot my family?” I asked, more calmly than I felt.

  “No! Of course not!”

  “We need you, Claire.” I was pleading with her.

  Henry stopped us before we were noticed. “Shhh, ladies. Listen.” He spoke in a hushed tone. “If it comes down to it, I will take care of Marc for you.” I could see that Henry felt awful about it.

  “Take care of him? Take care of him!?” She had become furious and got in Henry’s face. “It shouldn’t be like this! And because of whatever you do in your secret life, the love of my life is
probably eating one of Elaina’s family members!”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to offer you.” Henry turned away from us.

  I took her by the hands. “Claire, please. We have to trust him.”

  “Why?! Because he said so?! Come on, Elaina! He lied to us…to you! You trust him about as much as I do, and I know you know that!” I looked at Henry, then back at Claire. She was right. My trust for him flew out the window when I saw him pull out the gun at the church.

  “I understand that, but… I don’t know. I love him and I have to trust him. It’s all I’ve got to go on. If it wasn’t for him, we both would be undeads.”

  “If it wasn’t for him, all of this may never have happened!” Claire was spitting mad and, again, I was getting angry myself. How dare she accuse my Henry of the atrocity that was all around us? He would never make something like that happen, would he? I was so confused, but I had to press on.

  “This isn’t his fault! He is trying to protect us! I have to trust him. I’m left with no other options right now.” I could feel a lump in my throat growing larger and larger. Stupid lump. I needed my Henry. He always knew how to bring me back from the brink of despair.

  “How can you trust him when you don’t even know him? You said so yourself!”

  “I have seen bits of the Henry I know.” I was holding back the tears.

  “Ladies, ladies. I appreciate you defending my honor and all, Elaina, but it’s time we got down to business.” I looked in the direction that Henry was looking.

  It was like a herd of drunk people were staggering in our direction. A herd of what used to be well-dressed people. A herd of our friends and family, all in an undead state.

  “Gather yourselves and come over here!” He waved us to the rear of his Tahoe. I went to him, Claire reluctantly following. My heart was racing. I raised the gun, holding it with both hands. My arms were shaking as I was trying to hold it steady.

  “I can’t, Henry. I can’t do it.” Tears welled up in my eyes again. Everyone, as far as I could see, were people I knew and loved.

  “Yes, you can. They are no longer who they were.”

  “I still love them.” I pleaded for him to free me from the horrific task.

  “You love who they were, not who they are now.” My jaw started to tremble. “This was one reason I wanted you two to stay back at our place. I didn’t want you to have to face this.”

  “I couldn’t bear to sit there and wait, wondering when or if you would come back.” I tried so hard not to cry. I had cried way too many times already.

  “I understand, but enough of this. We need to focus. You ladies can do this. I know it.” I looked up and the first undeads of the herd were about ten feet away.

  It was my crazy Aunt Lisa. She was growling and moaning at the same time. Thick, sticky blood was oozing out of her mouth. She had a gaping bite wound on her neck. Her mismatched two-piece suit was torn and bloodied.

  “I’m so sorry, Elaina,” Henry whispered. “Please forgive me for what I’m about to do.”

  He shot her between the eyes. The back of her head exploded, tissue and matter splattered everywhere. I gasped, Claire screamed. Aunt Lisa dropped like a sack of potatoes, and lay motionless on the ground.

  My stomach reminded me that it was still there, and it wasn’t about to settle down anytime soon. Henry looked over at me with the eyes of the Henry I used to know. I could see he was torn.

  “Be ready, love. There are more coming.” He knelt down and looked around the bumper. “Elaina, stand above me for a sec. Claire, cover us and make sure there aren’t any coming up from behind. If you see an undead, shoot to kill. Remember, aim toward their head. I know you can do this.”

  Claire shook to the core, but nodded. As much as she didn’t want to do it, she knew it was something that had to be done. With hesitation, she turned around and covered us.

  “Alright, Elaina. I’m going to go out into the street and walk toward them.”

  “No, you are not!” I couldn’t understand why he would do such a thing.

  “We can’t hide behind here and wait for them to come to us. We’ll get overrun. We have to go to them. They aren’t as fast as us. We can take them out before they get too close.”

  “No.” I stood in protest. My heart was saying no, as well. I was having so many mixed emotions about Henry that I didn’t know which one to go with.

  “Please, trust me. I know what I am doing.” He stood up and walked out into the middle of the street before I could grab him.

  Damn it, I thought to myself.

  I followed obediently and covered him. Claire looked over at us and took a few steps to her left, toward the middle of the street.

  “Ready?” Henry asked.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be to kill my own family and friends.”

  “They’re already dead. You’re just helping the process along and ending their suffering.”

  I raised my gun again and held it with both hands. The cool steel chilled me to the bone, knowing what I was about to do. I aimed at the next one coming, my friend Brian. I closed my eyes for a moment and pulled the trigger. I heard Brian drop to the ground. I let out a strangled whimper and lowered the gun to my side.

  “It’s okay, Elaina. You did what was best.” The undeads staggered closer. “Fire at will, love.” We both raised our guns. I squinted my eyes, instead of closing them. Tears ran down my cheeks.

  Next were my cousins, Trish and Julian. Then Henry’s host mother, Margaret, and then my Uncle Tim…my favorite. Then I saw him.

  My father.

  “No. No. No, no, no!” Henry looked over at me as he aimed his gun. “No, Henry, don’t…please don’t!” I wanted to rush to my father’s aide.

  “Elaina, it’s not him. We have to do this.” Henry still had him in his sights.

  Memories of my father ran rampant through my head. Playing at the park, reading my favorite books, kicking a soccer ball around in our yard, the way he looked at me as I prepared myself to walk down the aisle. The way he looked at me with fear when he saw what was happening in the church. I shuddered. I knew what I had to do.

  “No,” I paused. “I will do it. I want to be there for him, like he has always been there for me.” Henry nodded and took my waist, keeping me stable.

  I brought the gun up, held on with both hands, and put a bullet in my undead father’s head. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

  Before I could process what I had just done, I heard Claire’s blood-curdling scream come from behind. Henry and I turned around. Marc was about twenty feet away, heading right for her. He was missing part of his arm and was dragging one of his legs.

  “Shoot, Claire! Shoot!” Henry yelled. I turned back around to cover us. There were a couple more undeads coming at us. I unloaded my gun at them, blocking out who they were. I heard a gunshot behind me. I turned around and I saw Claire on her knees, holding her gun, sobbing.

  “Claire...Claire!” I went to her and held her. She was crying so hard. She struggled to get away from me and I couldn’t hold her. She broke free and ran to Marc. Henry tried to grab her, but she was already too far. Marc was true dead, lying in an awkward position on the street. Half of the top of his head was in bits all around him.

  “Claire! Don’t touch him! Claire! Stop!” He ran to her and caught her. Henry wrapped his arms around her and she dropped her gun.

  She struggled against him, but it was no use. Henry was far too strong for her to continue to fight him.

  “Claire, I don’t want you to touch him.” She gave up and collapsed against his chest. He held her close while she sobbed. “Come on, love. We have to move forward.”

  Claire started to choke out words. “No! No, no! I have to go to him!”

  “I can’t let you do that.” Henry held her face in his hands. “I know what he meant to you. You loved him and he loved you.” He looked over at me, hoping I would acknowledge that he was talking about us, as well. “I k
now this is hard, Claire, but we have to move forward.”

  Claire grabbed Henry’s hands and jerked them away. She stuck her finger in his face. “You bastard!” she screamed. “You don’t know shit! You have Elaina! I have no one! You didn’t lose anyone!” Then she punched him in the face. Henry stumbled backward a bit, and I ran over to them.

  “Claire! Stop. You have to stop. You will attract more.”

  “I don’t give a flipping fuck if I attract more!” She stood there trembling all over. She took a step back and held her arms out to her sides. “Shoot me.” I looked at her in shock. No way. I could never shoot her…could I? I just shot my father.

  “No! No way!”

  “Stop being a pansy ass, you obstinate bitch, and shoot me! I don’t want to live without him.” I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was all too much to process. Everyone was changing right in front of me, whether they were changing into an undead or some overly-saddened, defeated person. “Don’t you get it, Elaina? You said it yourself. We’re going to die anyway. Why not by our own choosing? Shoot me. I want to die now. I can’t live without him, and I don’t want to turn into what he was.”

  She stood there, waiting for one of us to take her out. I looked over at Henry, who was still rubbing his face where she had decked him. I was stunned. I wanted to end her pain, but not in that way.

  “Yes, you can live without him.”

  “No, I can’t. You don’t understand!”

  “Understand what? My life has changed today, as well! When I got up this morning, I never thought I would be shooting undeads when I should have been fucking my new husband’s brains out! I just shot my father! I just shot a bunch of my family!” I was angry at her on top of everything else.

  She put her arms back down at her sides. She turned toward Marc and fell to her knees. She sat there for a moment. Henry started to go back to her and I grabbed his arms. I whispered, “Let her be for a moment. She needs to say goodbye.” Henry reluctantly walked back to the Tahoe to cover us.

  I stood in the middle of “Undead Alley” and watched, feeling helpless, while my best friend experienced one of the worst things that had ever happened in her life, aside from the death of her parents.