by Cora Black
Charlotte lowered her head, and when she lifted it again to look at him it was with Danielle’s face. She stared at him with daggers in her eyes, sharp and expertly aimed at Ben’s heart. “You left me. You left me to die.”
“No, no, no,” Ben rushed to say. He fought again to stand up but barely wiggled his big toe as a result. “No, please, I wanted to save you. All I wanted was to save you. Please.”
“It’s happening again, Benny,” Danielle said. “Are you gonna let another girl die on your watch? Are you? Are you? Are you?”
Ben woke up with a start to an empty bed. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to get his vision to pierce through the darkness to make out any coherent shape. After a second, when the absolutely normal state of the apartment became clear, Ben collapsed on the bed before he groaned and rolled over, trying to escape the cocoon of blankets that swaddled his body. He had to fall asleep cuddling something a few hours ago, but now it was suffocating him, making him sweat like a pig in the desert heat.
What the fuck was that dream? Charlotte, tied up somewhere, bruised and bleeding before transforming into an accusatory Danielle? Where the hell did that came from?
He chewed on his bottom lip before sighing deeply and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He needed to eat something, settle his stomach so he could settle his mind. Charlotte was just… taking some space, some time for herself. That’s all it was.
But no matter how many times he repeated it to himself, it wasn’t convincing. He finally decided on a gallon of orange juice within his fridge, walking back over to the couch to turn on the TV and fill his empty apartment with noise.
Staring at the late night sitcom reruns, he finally surrendered to his base impulses and took out his phone to check for texts. There was nothing. He should have known better than to hope otherwise. He knew he would have flung himself awake at the first noise of a text alert or a phone call. He swallowed a huge gulp of orange juice to steady himself before typing out another text message to Charlotte. “Not sure what to do here. If you’re pissed at me just let me know what’s up.” But again, nothing.
The next day, Ben rode into California with the boys, dropping off the drugs and picking up the money with his brain elsewhere, his mind totally focused on Charlotte while his body did the club business. But still, there was nothing. No text, no call, no physical presence. She was gone.
The following morning, Ben walked downstairs to stand outside of the clubhouse, watching for cars. Here, on the edge of the desert, it was rare for cars to pass by. He was willing to stand out there for hours if he had to, but Theo came up behind him a few minutes into his watch, grabbing his shoulders and forcibly turning him around. “Boss, come on, we have the day off. You gonna stare off into space the whole time?”
Ben shrugged and turned back around, straining his ears for any sound of a car coming from the distance. “Just… looking,” he trailed off.
“For Charlotte?” Theo asked.
Ben wasn’t sure what to say. He knew he was acting a little crazy, getting all worked up over a day or two of radio silence. He was ridiculously desperate for any signal from her, any sign that she wasn’t angry at him for no reason. It was making him a little nauseated to realize how much he ached for her. He turned back to Theo, staring at him expectantly, secretly wanting him to give him a distraction, any distraction, to keep him from obsessing about Charlotte’s absence.
“We’re all going to Patty’s bar,” Theo said, gesturing to the group of boys that began to pool out of the clubhouse. “Just have a few drinks, talk up the ladies there, if you’re interested.”
“I don’t know,” Ben said honestly. Charlotte might have lost her phone. She could be about to ride into the Titans’ bar any second now.
“What? Just ‘cause you got a girl now doesn’t mean you can’t flirt, man,” Theo said. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Ben offered him a half-smile and nodded. He had no desire at all to actually talk to any women like that, but it was a nice gesture from his brother to try. That was how the men in the MC communicated to each other: women, drugs, alcohol, guns. It was the only vocabulary they had. Ben walked over to his bike, ready to ride out onto the road and convert all of his energy into burnt gravel.
A half hour later, they pulled into the lot of Patty’s bar. This was a club-neutral bar, a place that was a friendly middle ground where various bikers could gather. Patty had the best hamburgers and the best beer in town, but she also had a hard-nosed policy about fighting. You get into one altercation, and you’re gone for good.
“Hey, Patty!” Ben yelled over the music as he stepped over to the bar. “A round of beers for all my boys.”
Patty obliged, quickly pouring out drinks for every one of the men, even the ones Ben had regularly fought with months earlier. It was the code. An hour passed by, and the men took turns ordering for each other. Ben settled into the shadows of the back of the room, taking out his phone again. Still nothing. Jesus fuck, Charlotte, what is going on?
“Okay, one last time,” he whispered to himself, typing out a message to Charlotte: “I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do here. Let me know.”
He was still looking at his phone when someone approached him, sidling up next to him in the shadows. “Bad day?”
Fucking Axel. “What the hell do you want?” Ben didn’t bother disguising the disdain in his voice.
Axel blew out a cloud of smoke that barely missed Ben’s face. “Just noticed you haven’t been talking very much. You’ve been hanging out more recently, but… not today, huh?”
Ben shrugged. “Why the fuck do you care?” Axel was always kind of a dick. Ben just didn’t know what his angle was this time.
“Don’t,” Axel said, swinging his beer up to take a drink in between words. “Just curious, that’s all. There’s not a lot of news around these parts, you know. Every day is kind of the same.”
Ben shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He honestly wanted to run away from his conversation, but maybe this is part of what Charlotte was always talking about. He needed to be open to all of the men, even the ones he couldn’t stand. “Well, you know, if my plans go through, you guys will have a lot of new shit to do. Less boring.”
“Yeah, you’ve—You’ve really been stepping up,” Axel said as he sipped at his beer. “We’ve all noticed the difference.”
“You have?” Ben asked, feeling confused. Not that much had changed yet, right? He’d barely accomplished anything, just earned a little bit of money with the California run.
“She’s got a hold on you, that chick,” Axel said, handing his beer over to Ben. For some reason, he accepted it and took a deep drink. Ben’s mind was still wandering, going over all the possible reasons why Charlotte might be missing now, and he needed something to keep him from freaking out.
“You mean Charlotte?” Ben asked Axel after a pause, handing the beer back to him.
“Yeah, whatever her name is. She’s really changed you.”
It was the truth, but Ben could easily detect the note of judgment in Axel’s voice. For bikers, women were tools, things to use and discard after they lost their appeal. They weren’t supposed to have the power to reshape your entire life, your entire identity. A month ago, Ben might have leapt into a fight at Axel’s words, the way he was trying to discredit him. But in the back of his mind he knew that Charlotte would be disappointed if he did.
“I guess so,” Ben said instead of smashing his fist into Axel’s face. After all, what was the point? He knew he could beat Axel’s ass. There wasn’t even any challenge in it.
“Yeah, she’s really made you straighten up. The guys…. We respect you now, man. We know it’s ‘cause of her,” Axel said, handing the beer back to Ben after taking a huge gulp.
Ben didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent, sipping at Axel’s beer.
“That’s why I’m a little bit… I don’t know, I was just surprised about the other day. You k
now, when she was chatting up Noah.”
“W-What?” Ben asked, completely confused. “What about Charlotte and Noah?”
“I just saw them talking, if you could call it that,” Axel said, totally casually, but Ben stepped forward, closer to Axel, so he could look in his eyes. He needed to be sure he was telling the truth.
“What does that mean?” Ben asked, walking forward a little more so that Axel stepped back further into the shadows. Ben wanted this conversation to be as private as possible.
Axel shook his head and took his beer back to take a drink. “I just saw them looking real cozy, the other day, you know? Kinda cuddled up at the bar. I was just surprised you were okay with that.”
Ben reached forward to grab Axel’s shoulders and force him to look him directly in the eye. “Cuddled up? How?”
“Well, honestly, she looked a little bit uncomfortable, now that I think about it,” Axel said, rolling his eyes back into his head as he thought. “But Noah was all up in her face, you know, looking like he does when he talks to the chicks around here. Gets that stupid look on his face. He was like that, all up in her space. She looked a little bothered, I guess, but I just figured they were kidding around, you know.”
Ben felt numb, from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes. It was like he was in a dream. Or a nightmare. “Noah… Noah was hitting on Charlotte?”
Axel nodded and waved over to the bar. One of the younger members came with two full beers, taking away the empty one to throw away. Ben wondered for a minute why Axel had younger guys obeying him like that, but he quickly dismissed the thought and refocused on Charlotte. Noah was…being aggressive toward her? Was she scared? Did she run away? What the fuck had happened?
“You’re sure you saw this? You’re not just fucking around for fun?” Ben demanded. His voice came out more desperate than he would have liked.
Axel shrugged. “Just wanted to give you a heads-up, man. None of my fucking business. I don’t care if the bitch cheats on you. Just thought I’d let you know. You know, one Titan brother to another.”
Ben stared back at Axel, searching his face for any sign of deception, but the guy looked as casual and relaxed as possible, sipping his beer like he didn’t have a care in the world.
It was worth investigating, at the very least. It wasn’t like he hadn’t detected Noah’s jealousy when Charlotte rode with him. He figured it was just a childlike thing, wanting Charlotte for a new friend. But maybe Axel was right. Maybe Noah had crossed a line. Ben spotted Noah across the bar. When the younger man locked eyes with him, he lit up and gestured for Ben to come over.
“Good luck, man,” Axel said behind him, but Ben couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not.
As Ben crossed Patty’s bar, fielding off offers from various bikers to come and drink with them, he interrogated himself. What the fuck was he thinking? Noah? Innocent, sweet little Noah? He was barely capable of carting drugs back and forth. He was always obedient toward Ben, doing whatever he asked him to, without a second’s hesitation. He was the last one to come on to Charlotte? Right?
And what did Charlotte’s absence mean? Would she really have run off the first time a guy in the Highway Titans made a gross comment? She wasn’t that easily frightened, at least Ben didn’t think so. What would make Charlotte run away?
Suddenly a cold, dense feeling descended over Ben’s head. What if… What if Noah wasn’t sweet and innocent, at least for that moment? What if he was aggressive, what if he was mean, what if he didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer? What if he scared her, really scared her?
As he approached Noah at the bar, Ben doubted himself and tried to calm the fear that caused his stomach to clench uncomfortably. Noah was adorable. A certifiable cutie-pie, even. Ben had only known him for a short time, relatively speaking, and he still felt like he was a younger brother. Ben kept him away from the more dangerous missions, tried to give him advice, patted him on the back without even thinking of it. How could he do something like what Axel was saying? And anyway, Axel was an asshole. Why should Ben believe him over a friendly kid?
“Hey, buddy,” Noah said as Ben sat down next to him with his beer. “You already got a drink?”
“Yeah, um, Axel gave it to me,” Ben explained, the words sounding weird coming out of his mouth.
Noah seemed to feel the same way, his face screwing up in confusion. “Axel, doing you a favor? I thought he hated your fucking guts.”
“Yeah, I did, too,” Ben said softly, trying to stare deeply into Noah’s eyes so that he could read what was going on inside the other man’s mind. Was he hiding something?
Ben silently debated with himself. Again, Noah was such a sweet kid, and Axel was a douche. But at the same time… Axel had been with the group substantially longer than Noah. Noah hadn’t even been around for a year yet. What reason did Ben have for trusting him, really? He had been the last one to see Charlotte at the club, after all. At the very least, something must have happened to make her run away like this, Ben thought.
“So, um, Noah,” Ben began, causing Noah to turn all the way in his seat to face him head-on. “You said you saw Charlotte, like, tear out of the club like a bat outta hell?”
Noah nodded, his throat working hard as he drank deeply. “Yep. Don’t know why, though.”
“Did you... try to speak to her at all? Try to stop her?” Ben tried to keep the tone of accusation out of his voice, but judging by the way Noah tensed up in discomfort he must not have been successful in that endeavor.
Noah put his drink down. “I think I might have yelled something to her, yeah. Like asking her where she was going, but at the time I didn’t think much of it, you know? I thought she didn’t hear me.”
“That was it? You only said hey or whatever? She didn’t speak to you at all?” Ben asked.
A little line formed in between Noah’s eyebrows as he thought back in time. “I don’t… I don’t think so…”
“You sure?” Ben asked, his voice coming out more urgently now. He needed to know. Why was Charlotte gone? Why wasn’t she answering any of his texts? What could scare her so badly as to make her run away? And… what if she didn’t run away at all? What if somebody has her? Ben thought.
Noah was turning dark pink, obviously nervous as hell. Why the fuck is he blushing so quickly? I haven’t even done anything to intimidate him, Ben wondered. “I, uh, you know, I can’t be sure, it was a couple of days ago now…” Noah trailed off.
Ben slapped his hand down onto the counter of the bar. He hadn’t meant to make a loud sound, but he did anyway, and Noah jumped a little in his seat. “Can’t be that hard. Come on. Think. Did she say anything to you? And did you say anything else to her?”
“I don’t—I don’t know,” Noah stuttered, his eyes suddenly glancing all around the bar, in every direction, like he was looking for the closest exit. Hell, no, Ben thought to himself. There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight now. Not when you’re trembling under pressure like this. He must have been hiding something, right?
“I think you do know,” Ben said, his tone going hard and cold. He stared at Noah, hoping to make him crack wide open. “I think you do know, man. So just tell me.”
Noah shook his head, going a deeper shade of red. “I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking about. Listen, did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me for something because I don’t know what I did and I can’t—”
Ben cut him off. “No. No, don’t start that weak shit. Give me the fucking truth. What did you do to her?”
“To who? Charlotte?” Noah asked.
“Yes, fucking Charlotte,” Ben snapped, losing his patience. “I see the way you look at her. It’s fucking obvious to everyone, man. I know what you’ve been thinking about doing. I know, Noah.” The more Ben said it out loud, the more certain of it he became. Noah had tried something with her, gotten too aggressive, maybe even hurt her, scared her away so much that she ran off. Or maybe he even has her now, tied u
p somewhere, just like in my dream…
Noah was still sitting there, silently quivering with his mouth open like a pathetic panting dog, and Ben had finally had enough of it. He slammed his other fist down onto the table, deliberately loud this time. He saw Patty look over to him, a warning look on her face, but he ignored it, setting his full focus on Noah. “You’ve been hitting on her. Don’t deny it!” he yelled, knocking over the glass on the bar next to him.
“Hey, hey!” one of the bulking guys near the door shouted over. “Settle down, man.”
“Fuck off!” Ben yelled in the big guy’s direction. “I’ve seen it. You’ve been smiling at her, all fucking moony-faced, following her around. What the fuck did you do?”
“Ben, please,” Noah said, putting his hands up in the air in surrender. “I didn’t do nothing, I promise. She just left. I’m sorry. She just left.”