by Cora Black
“What— Why did you bring them?” Charlotte whispered to Axel, fearing the worst.
“They’re my boys,” Axel said, as if that explained everything. “I’m not like Ben, you see. I’m a good leader. I share.” Shivers ran up Charlotte’s spine as she understood his meaning.
Charlotte stared at the men as they got closer, her hand slowly moving inside the open pouch of her purse until her fingers closed around a can of pepper spray inside.
But there were too many of them. They all looked angry and excited, ready to rip her apart as they approached.
This is how I die, Charlotte thought. This is it.
***
Ben stared at the ceiling of his jail cell, ignoring the low snores of his cellmate. He’d already lost track of time, counting the cracks in the ceiling and the scratches on the walls. He wasn’t sure if he’d been here for twelve hours, fourteen, eighteen, or thirty-six. It could have been anywhere in between for all he knew.
After counting the ceiling tiles twelve times, his vision started to go a little blurry. Ben shut his eyes and leaned his head back on the hard surface of the pillow. There was nothing else here to comfort him or even distract him from the sick feeling of disgust in his stomach. He wanted to throw up, but he knew that if he started he’d never stop. All he could think was, Noah was right about me. I’m not a leader. I’m nothing. I’m weak.
He had to be. There was no other explanation for what he’d done. Strong people don’t fly off the handle. Strong people don’t beat up innocent kids because their girlfriend ran away. Strong people don’t beat the shit out of others just to feel good. Noah was right about him. They were all right about him. He was rotten from the inside-out, just like his father. No wonder Charlotte ran off. It might have taken her two months to finally realize it, but it happened. She knew now what a disgusting waste he was. I should feel lucky, Ben thought. I should feel happy that she got away from me before I corrupted her. Like I did with Danielle.
“Wiseman!” Ben’s eyes flicked open at the sound of his last name and the jingle of a stick hitting the metal bars of the cell. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up to stare at an officer unlocking the door and gesturing for him to come out. “Somebody posted your bail.”
Ben walked out of the cell and followed the officer down the narrow hallway out into the main office of the jailhouse. Uncle Wally was sitting there with a sad smile on his face, waving as Ben approached.
“How are you, kid?” Uncle Wally asked as he got to his feet.
“How’s Noah?” Ben asked. “Is he okay?”
Wally shrugged a little. “Well, he’s bruised up pretty bad. Needed some stitches. But he’ll be all right. He just can’t go speeding down the road for a little bit.”
“Fuck,” Ben murmured under his breath. How could he ever make it up to Noah? He was the sweetest, gentlest guy in the bunch, and Ben had treated him like a punching bag. God, he felt like such garbage.
“But how are you?” Wally asked again, wrapping an arm around Ben’s shoulders.
“How much was it?” Ben asked instead of addressing the question. “The bail.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Wally said as he started leading Ben out of the building and into the front parking lot. “We covered it.”
“We?” Ben asked. “I thought the club would’ve fucking disowned me by now.”
“Well, I’m not going to lie to you, boy, they’d gladly do it if it weren’t for me. I think you know that.”
“But they agreed to post the money anyway? Why?”
Wally glanced around the parking lot, avoiding Ben’s eyes. “Wasn’t club money.”
“Your savings? You don’t have that much, Wally,” Ben replied. “Come on, where’d it come from?”
“Charlotte,” Wally said, almost in a whisper, like it would be a sin to say her name too loudly. It stung Ben anyway, the full impact of the word’s meaning not hitting him until a few seconds later. Charlotte paid?
“You saw her? Where is she?” Ben’s heart sprang to life in his chest, beating so hard it hurt.
But Uncle Wally shook his head. “I don’t know where she is now, son. She could be long gone by now.”
“Did she say where she was going?” Ben asked.
“I don’t… I don’t think she wants to see you,” Wally said with a sigh, staring at Ben with a sad, pitying look in his eyes.
But Ben didn’t care about that. “Where did you meet up?”
Wally sighed deeply and clapped a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “There’s no use running after her, kid. You gotta let it go.”
“Just tell me where you saw her. Please,” he said, one inch away from falling to his knees to beg. “Please tell me, Wall.” Please, I need something to go by. Something.
Wally sighed again, this time in resignation. “Remember that old farm building, that stake-out place we used when we were spying on the Lions a few years ago? Out there. That’s where she handed off the cash.”
Ben nodded. That was only a few miles from here. “Can I borrow your bike? You can call one of the other boys to pick you up.”
Wally’s eyes just got sadder. “It’s too late now, son. I think you know that.”
“I know,” Ben admitted. “But I need to try. Please.”
Wally nodded, backing away from his bike before handing the helmet off to Ben. “Go get her, if you can.” Ben jumped onto the bike without any further hesitation, speeding off in the direction of the old farmhouse.
Ben knew it was stupid. He knew he was never going to find her, but he needed some last piece of her, some last moment where he touched the same sand she touched, at the very least. And maybe he could find the tracks of her car, out there in the middle of nowhere, and if he followed the trail he might be able to get a clue as to where she went from there. It was a long shot, but it was worth it, as far as Ben was concerned. She gave up the money. She cares about me, still. She doesn’t hate me. She still cares. She still cares.
The farmhouse was a distinctive silhouette on the horizon as he exited onto the abandoned highway. Ben gunned for it, going so fast he might as well have been flying over the road. When he finally tore his eyes off the building to look around, he could make only one thing out: Charlotte’s car, still parked a little ways away from the house. His heart held still in his chest for a moment before succumbing to that infinite falling feeling like he’d just missed a step on a staircase. She’s here. She’s still here. I haven’t lost her.
As he rolled his bike to a stop, he could finally make out a sound other than the noise of rushing wind. A high, hysterical scream. Charlotte’s scream.
Ben immediately swung off his bike and broke into a run, pushing his body as hard as he could to get to Charlotte without even thinking.
There was a tangle of bodies, a huge black mass of movement on one side of her car. What the hell is going on?
As he got closer, he could make out Charlotte in the center of the mob, wielding a can of pepper spray in one hand and her key in the other, swinging frantically around as men in leather jackets swarmed her.
“Fucking cunt!” one of the men yelled, and Ben immediately recognized the voice: Axel. “Sprayed me right in my fucking eyes.”
“Yeah, that’s what you fucking get, you fucking rapist shit-fuck!” Charlotte screamed back, but she sounded terrified.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Ben shouted, causing all of the men to turn around to face him as he launched his body at them, fists smashing into every available surface. Charlotte immediately seized the opportunity, grabbing a fistful of Axel’s hair and yanking hard, causing him to howl in pain even before she sprayed more pepper spray directly in his eyes. Even in between fielding blows from the other men and punching as hard as he could, Ben could see Axel stumbling off in every direction, furiously rubbing his eyes.
Meanwhile, Charlotte turned to one of the men trying to punch Ben, screaming right in his ear so that he turned to face her instead. “Motherfuck
er!” Charlotte howled, swinging her hands forward to scratch her nails deep into the guy’s face. “Piece of shit motherfucker!” she screamed over his groans of pain.
Ben was doing the best he could, throwing his elbows back into the faces of each of the men that attacked him, but Axel was recovering from the pepper spray and heading back into the fray now. Ben knew he could stay here and fight them until his limbs fell off, and it even felt good, crunching into their bones with his fist and feet, but after another minute he wasn’t able to keep them from refocusing their attention on Charlotte, yanking at her hair and pulling on her clothes.
Oh, fuck no. Ben launched forward at Charlotte, covering her with his body as he swung his fists around in a circle, hitting three men in a row until his knuckles burst open.
“Run, Charlotte!” Ben yelled, pushing her out of the fray while the pile of men jumped on him, punching him about the face. He saw blood start to drip down from his forehead, but he wiped it away to see Charlotte still spraying into the eyes of guys on the other side of the mob. “Run! Charlotte, please!”
“Not without you!” she shouted back, throwing punches in Axel’s direction.
Ben locked gazes with Charlotte and nodded before being blindsided with a sock to the jaw. They were either getting out of this together, or not at all.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something metal and shiny on the ground next to Axel’s feet. A wrench. He must have dropped it earlier and forgot about it. Ben lunged for it at the first opportunity, grabbing Axel about the throat and sticking the pointy edge of the wrench at his Adam’s apple. “Yo!” he shouted. “Got your leader here by the balls. You might want to step the fuck back now.”
The men froze and stared at Axel and Ben, while Charlotte had her can ready to spray into anybody’s eyes at the first sign of movement. “Now, I’m going to walk over to the bike with my pal Axel here, and you guys are going to let us go, or Mr. Big Tough Leader man gets some metal in his throat.”
“It’s not that fucking sharp,” Axel said, but Ben stepped hard on his foot and shoved the wrench deeper into his skin.
“Try me,” Ben warned, beginning to walk through the crowd of bodies. “Come on, Charlotte.”
They walked over to Wally’s bike, Charlotte leading the way, walking backwards so that Axel couldn’t grab onto her hair or try to trip her. When they reached the bike, Ben nodded at Charlotte to get on first, but she stood still for a second, obviously considering something.
“Hey, Ben,” she said, a small smile starting to spread on her battered face. “Let go of him. I wanna do something really quick.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, we gotta be getting—”
“Ben!” Charlotte interrupted in a sharp tone. “Just let me have this.” She pulled out her can again and waved it around. “To make sure he doesn’t come after us.”
“Oh, come on,” Axel complained. “I won’t do shit, okay? Just don’t fucking spray me again.”
“Yeah, beg for it. See how far that’ll get you,” Charlotte said, stepping forward slowly.
“No, come on, no!” Axel half-screamed as Ben pushed him into Charlotte’s path, right in time for a stream of pepper spray to hit him in the face. He howled in pain while Charlotte and Ben jumped on the bike and took off down the road as fast as possible.
“Where are we going?” Charlotte yelled over the roar of the engine.
“I know a place,” he yelled back to her. Charlotte’s hands tightened around his waist. Just hold on to me, baby, he thought. I will keep you safe.
They rolled to a stop about twenty minutes later, at another quiet place deep in the desert.
“What is this?” Charlotte asked as they got off the bike in front of a broken-down old building.
“Old bar, fell through years ago. I’m the only one that visits it now. Come on, I know there’s a first aid kit and a bed in there in the back.”
Ben led them through to the back room of the bar, grabbing a bottle of whiskey on his way. He opened it and sucked a tenth of it down in a few seconds, before leaning his pounding head against the wall. Every bone in his body was aching.
“I’ve never done that before,” Ben said, more to himself than to Charlotte. But she was right behind him and heard every word.
“What? Fight ten guys at once?” Charlotte suggested, her voice still hoarse and rough from screaming.
“No. Walk away from a fight,” Ben said, settling down on the floor. “Come here.” He gestured toward the bed against the wall. “Lay down.”
Charlotte went over to the floor and sat down next to him instead, keeping a safe distance of an inch or two between their bodies. “You’ve really grown.”
“How? I smashed Noah’s face to bits the other night,” Ben reminded her.
“Yeah,” Charlotte said, unfazed. “And you know that was wrong. You feel fucked-up about it. I can tell just looking at you. That’s a whole hell of a lot more than I would have gotten out of you two months ago.”
Ben was silent, staring down at his feet. It was weird, being praised. He wasn’t sure if he liked it.
“And you… you proved what I always knew,” Charlotte continued. “You’re a leader.”
“What—what do you mean?” Ben asked, confused.
“In the fight, I—I watched you,” Charlotte said. “In between howling like a banshee, I watched you. I saw you. You weren’t just fighting to fuck people up. You fought like the leader of a pack does. You protected me. You thought of the damage you could prevent, not the wounds you could inflict. It’s… It’s a lot.”
“Doesn’t feel like much,” Ben muttered. “I got there so late.”
“You got there in time,” Charlotte said.
Ben was afraid to ask the question on his mind. How late was I, exactly? Charlotte had called Axel a rapist, after all. “Did he touch you?” Ben asked in a low voice, trying to hide how terrified he felt. “Did any of them… you know…” He didn’t want to say it out loud, like that might make it real.
But Charlotte shook her head. “No, but I’m pretty sure that’s where it was going. They were going to rape me.” Ben flinched at the word, and Charlotte must have seen it, as she reached a hand out to cover his. “Hey, it’s okay. It didn’t happen. They just… beat me up instead.” She winced, holding onto the side of her ribcage with her free hand.
“Let me see,” Ben whispered, leaning over to carefully lift up Charlotte’s shirt to reveal a deep purple bruise forming along her waist and chest, right around her bra.
“Yeah, they fucked me up pretty good,” Charlotte said with a sigh, gesturing to the bloody scabs on her chin and nose.
“Hey,” Ben said, putting a finger under her chin to make her look directly into his eyes. “You held your own pretty damn good, too. You’re tough.”
She shook her head. “No, no, I’m not tough. I’m pretty fucking weak,” she said with a sigh, taking her hand away from him. Ben felt a pang in his chest at the loss of contact. He wanted to know what he’d done wrong this time, but before he could ask she spoke again. “I should have fought Axel earlier.”
Ben furrowed his brow in confusion and stared at her until she sighed and nodded her head, like she was encouraging herself to keep going. “He threatened me. That’s why I left. He said if I didn’t fuck off, let things go back to the way they were before I got there, he’d kill you. I didn’t know what to do.”
“You could have told me,” Ben stuttered out. His head was spinning. He couldn’t get a grip on how he felt.
“I know, I know, I should have realized that,” Charlotte admitted. “I was stupid, but I thought… I thought I understood the club. I thought that nobody would believe me, because I’m not a part of the family, you know.”
“You are a part of the family,” Ben said in a low voice. “You are.”
“I am?” Charlotte asked, finally raising her head to stare back at Ben.
“Yes,” Ben said, almost in a whisper. But this time he was
n’t scared. He looked at Charlotte directly in the eyes now. “You’re a part of my club. My family.”
***
Charlotte willed her heart to calm down, but it was no use. At this rate it was going to break through her battered ribcage and fall to the floor at Ben’s feet. It was what he deserved, after everything. He deserved proof. So Charlotte would have to give it to him.
She reached over with trembling fingers and touched Ben’s face, lightly stroking over his cheeks and jaw. “I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered. “I thought…I thought I was protecting you, but I abandoned you.”
“I—I felt like… I felt like I lost everything,” Ben said, his voice shaking a little. “Like it was Danielle all over again. I felt like I was poison and nothing good would ever stay with me.”