Si in Space

by John Luke Robertson

  Windows lining the room show off the glorious spaceship named the DC Enterprise pointed toward the heavens. It’s a sleek, shiny silver and has the shape of a—well, frankly, you think it looks like a duck beak. It’s long and oval and . . . See here, Jack. It’s supposed to resemble a duck. It’s the DC Enterprise, and the DC stands for “Duck Commander,” of course.

  It’s called sponsorship. You got M&M’s sponsoring NASCAR. You got Arby’s sponsoring roast beef sandwiches. So now you got Duck Commander sponsoring tourists in space.

  It’s expensive blasting out to space! So half of this expedition is funded by yours truly. Well, not you specifically, but the business. And funding is needed, especially when the ship is being readied for commercial flights over the next five years.

  Look, if Duck Commander can sponsor a NASCAR race (just like M&M’s can), why can’t they do the same for a race into space?

  This is no old-fashioned space shuttle, either. You could fit several space shuttles into the DC Enterprise, especially with its multiple decks on top of each other and all its different compartments inside.

  You feel some air blasting into your suit while Willie’s worried face studies you.

  “You ready, Uncle Si?”

  “Ready and able and willing,” you tell him.

  Yeah, even behind the big ole beard you can see your nephew’s concern.

  Hey, they’re just jealous ’cause I’m finally doing something no other Duck Commander’s done.

  Your family says you sometimes act like you’re orbiting Earth, and now you really get the chance to do it!

  You head into the room where astronauts go before they actually shoot up into space. These official guys are making sure your gear is in place and seeing if you’re gonna wimp out. But there’s no wimping out, Jack!

  You’re gonna be blasted up there like something out of Moonraker. You’re gonna get to see the dark side of the moon. And who knows? Maybe it’ll be brighter there than they say.

  “I still can’t believe they’re letting you go into space,” Willie says. “Wait—I can’t believe John Luke is going with you.”

  John Luke is nearby, already wearing his suit too. Korie is standing next to him, her anxious look matching Willie’s.

  The officials have allowed only two civilians to be in here with you guys, so naturally they’re John Luke’s parents. And since Duck Commander is partially funding this spaceflight, it’s only fitting that Willie and Korie are here representing the company as well.

  “You’re just jealous that we’re going up there,” you tell Willie.

  “They asked me first,” he says.

  “Hey, you turned it down first.”

  “Who woulda run Duck Commander while I was gone?”

  “Jase can do a good job.”

  Willie snorts. “Yeah, if you’re putting on a circus. I have a business to run.”

  “Look, man—I’m focusin’ here. You see this face? It’s called focusin’.”

  Willie shakes his head and walks up to John Luke to check out his suit. “How you feelin’, John Luke?”

  “Good,” he says.

  “You look a bit pale. Have you eaten anything since you puked this morning?”

  “I’m fine.”

  You feel a little bloated yourself since eating four of those beignets at the brunch earlier. Guess the cooks figured since you’re from Louisiana, they needed to have some New Orleans food, so there the pastries showed up. Talk about cliché. Cliché with beignets! But you had to be nice and sample a couple. And maybe even a couple more.

  Everyone talks for a while as a group of engineers and tech guys come and check you out some more. They make sure your headset is working with its microphone and earphones.

  You won’t be landing on the moon or heading to Mars—but maybe that’s down the road. A crew will be doing the hard work today, and you and John Luke will be along for the ride.

  You’ve already met the crew of seven and know your lives are in good hands with these top-notch men and women. You have a list of names written out on a piece of paper so you don’t forget who they are:

  Mitch Noble. Commander of the ship. This is his sixth spaceflight (four with space shuttle Discovery). Looks like he could be president someday. Has a thin brown beard, the way yours looked twenty years ago. He’s an all-American, apple-pie nice guy.

  Ben Parkhurst. Pilot. Third spaceflight. He’s almost as funny as you and has a joke for everything you say.

  Jada Long. Chief engineer. Fourth spaceflight. Very methodical, like a machine.

  Wade Turney. Mission specialist. A tiny, silent guy. You haven’t spoken much to him.

  Kim Sampson. Mission specialist. Looks like a regular, likable lady who just so happens to be an astronaut.

  Franco Herrer. Warrant officer. You don’t want to mess with this guy. All muscle. A bouncer heading to space.

  Ashley Jones. Science officer. A charming, pretty blonde who’d fit right alongside all the Robertson ladies.

  These are the people you’ll be heading to space with.

  Soon Willie and Korie are hugging John Luke. Willie hands you your trusty Tupperware tea cup.

  “You can’t leave without this,” Willie says.

  “Got that right.”

  “Just bring John Luke back home in one piece, okay?” Willie looks as if he still can’t believe he’s asking you to do this.

  “Come on—I went to ’Nam and made it back. Space ain’t got nothing on me.”

  As you and John Luke walk down the hallway to head to the van that goes to the launchpad, you start singing a song. “‘Fly me to the moon, and let me shake among the stars.’”

  “I think it’s ‘play among the stars,’” John Luke tells you.

  “Well, I’m gonna be shakin’ and playin’.”

  The astro van drives you to the massive DC Enterprise, which is strapped onto three blisteringly big rocket launchers. This is like something you might have built when you were a kid, something two feet tall that wouldn’t go three feet off the ground without exploding.

  I’ll keep that little story to myself.

  Soon you and John Luke are going up the elevator and walking into the spaceship. The astronauts are already seated and busy in their designated areas. Maybe they’re really working on their computer consoles. Maybe they’re playing Candy Crush. Who can tell for sure? All you know is the hatch closes behind you, and there’s really no going back now.

  You can’t choose to get off this sucker.

  “Space, here we come,” you call out to John Luke.

  You proceed down a corridor leading to the back, where you two will be seated. It’s far away from the bridge, where the commander and the pilot will be. Below you, in the lower level, are the sleeping quarters and maintenance rooms.

  You give John Luke the thumbs-up signal.

  Soon everything is shaking and you can feel the blasters beneath the ship swaying, and then you feel throttled alive as you boom out to the great beyond.

  You quickly pray that you’ll both be safe and will make it back home.

  Want to play it safe? Do things go smoothly during takeoff? Go here.

  Want to live life on the edge? Do things suddenly get rough and dangerous? Go here.

  MAN DOWN

  A WILD JACKALOPE may be on the loose, but your first priority has to be making sure Wade is okay. You try warning the others through your microphone, but communication doesn’t seem to be going through from this part of the ship. Wade’s moaning and mumbling about being speared with little antlers and then bitten. His face looks kind of . . . messy.

  “Man, this ain’t nothin’,” you tell him, trying to offer some encouragement. “I saw worse things in ’Nam.”

  “Did you ever see someone attacked by a killer baby jackalope?” Wade shouts.

  “Nah. You got me on that one.”

  You help him up and try to find something to wipe his face with. There’s some kind of garment or blanket in the
corner that you give to him.

  “Hey, the good news is that you can breathe in this spaceship even though your helmet’s destroyed,” you tell him.

  “Get me out of here!”

  “We take you outside, you’re gonna die,” you tell him. “We gotta get you another helmet. Maybe a rabies shot too.”

  He doesn’t find that very funny.

  You try the microphone again. “Commander Noble, you guys copy? Anybody out there? SOS? Hello, is there anybody out there?”

  Nothing.

  Wade’s beginning to get loopy. “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die out here, bit by a bunny!”

  “Nobody’s dying, okay, Jack? Got it? Come on. What’s that Journey song? ‘Don’t stop believin’! Hold on to that feelin’! Duh-duh, duh-duh . . . small-town boy . . .’” That’s all you got.

  Wade’s shaking his head, delirious, appearing seriously cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. “That’s it, man. Game over, man, game over! What are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?”

  You’re singing Journey, trying to calm him, but it’s not working.

  “If you don’t stop singing, I’m gonna explode,” he shouts.

  “Easy, killer.”

  Yes, Wade’s definitely turning aggressive and crazy.

  “Come on—let’s get to the entryway. I’ll help you.” You pull Wade up and drag him toward the ship’s exit but sit him in a corner before you get too close to the door. “Stay here for now. I’m going to step outside, try to phone the others. We need to figure how you’re supposed to breathe out there.”

  For a moment after you step through the door, you expect to see the jackalope. Or maybe his family and friends. But you don’t see anything except a dark, barren moonscape.

  “Commander Noble? John Luke? You guys copy?”

  Good thing for you—and really good thing for Wade—they do copy.

  An hour later, you get back to the DC Enterprise. John Luke and Commander Noble came to retrieve you, bringing Wade a special space suit designed for the wounded. The three of you help him into the Enterprise. You haven’t had time to explain what happened to him because you don’t really know what happened! You’re wondering if it’s all in your mind. But Wade is clearly wounded, so nope. Not all in your mind.

  Once you’re back on the ship, Wade is taken to the infirmary and treated by Ashley Jones, the science officer. You take off your space suit and join the rest of the crew to debrief.

  “It was a small alien life-form that attacked him,” you tell the crew.

  “What kind of alien life-form?” Ben Parkhurst asks.

  Well, uh, you see . . . Um, the truth is . . .

  “Far out there,” you answer. “Like, really far out.”

  Lots of questions come your way, so many that you can’t answer them all at once. No, you didn’t find any other living things on the ship, just skeletons. Yes, the alien seemed violent (and cuddly!). No, you didn’t get bitten. Yes, the alien got away (and you think it was hopping!).

  “So, Silas,” Commander Noble eventually says, “what are we dealing with here? The truth. You’ve been saying a lot of nothing. Just tell us.”

  Do you tell them the truth? Go here.

  Do you describe the jackalope in a vague, safe way? Go here.

  TAKE ME WITH U

  “HEY, JACK, if there’s someone in trouble, then help is my middle name,” you say.

  Everybody looks at you like they’re confused.

  “I think he’s meaning to say providing help is his middle name,” John Luke says.

  “That’s right. I got the red cape on and the blue tights.”

  “Sounds sort of scary,” Commander Noble says.

  “Si in tights,” Pilot Parkhurst laughs. “Yes. The world isn’t ready.”

  “Universe,” you say. “We’re talking universe.”

  “Ben, what’s our best option here?” Noble says.

  “Can I parachute?” you ask.

  Nobody thinks that’s funny. You win some and you lose some.

  “Sir, we haven’t tested it,” Parkhurst says, “but the ship has the capability to perform a horizontal drop and removal. It’s essentially the same as a landing, just a little quicker.”

  The crew waits and watches to see what the commander will say. Franco eats his cereal, Ashley looks over the reports in her hands, and Commander Noble stands and stares at you.

  “I approve of this decision,” he finally concedes. “But I have to tell all of you—the lives of everybody on this ship may be endangered if we head to that moon.”

  “And we might be leaving some stranded souls behind on some weird moon if we don’t see what’s happening,” you remind him. Wasn’t he the one who wanted to respond to the signal in the first place?

  “Agreed,” Noble says. “But, Silas—I need you to come out into the unknown with me.”

  “Man, I’ve been dealin’ with the unknown ever since I first started working at Duck Commander.”

  “We’ll give it an hour,” the commander announces. “Then I want everyone suited up and ready to go.”

  Shortly before the descent begins, John Luke asks if you’re sure about this.

  “We don’t know who’s making that distress signal. Couldn’t it be an alien?”

  “Jep could be an alien too,” you say. “You just don’t know with anybody these days. Humanoids and thyroids and all kinds of ’roids.”

  “I think you mean androids, not thyroids,” John Luke says.

  “Yep, those too!”

  “Then I’ll come outside with you.”

  “Nope. You stay in here. Gotta respect your parents’ wishes.”

  “What if something happens to you?”

  You take a sip of iced tea from your cup. Being the sponsor means they have unsweetened tea on board. All you can drink. But you can’t bring it to Phobos with you.

  “Use the focus, John Luke.”

  “You mean force?”

  “No, I mean focus. You don’t want the dark sight.”

  John Luke shakes his head. You wonder what it is you said.

  The landing only takes about ten minutes, but it seems to go on forever. The shaking and motion feel different. As they should, maybe. It’s amazing that a massive machine like the DC Enterprise can also be handled and flown like some small twin-engine plane.

  When Commander Noble gives the okay, you and John Luke unbuckle and head to the entrance/exit lift.

  “I want to go with you guys,” John Luke says again.

  You give Noble a look. He shakes his head as if it’s not a good idea.

  “What’s it look like out there?” you ask.

  “Mostly rock,” Ashley Jones says. “Subzero temperatures. Dangerous. Very difficult to sustain life outside.”

  “But you got an SOS, right?”

  “Yes. And signs of life. The gang back home will be very interested to see what we find.”

  “I’ll stay right with you guys,” John Luke says. “I promise.”

  Do you let John Luke come with you? Go here.

  Do you make John Luke stay behind in the spaceship? Go here.

  THAT VOICE AGAIN

  LISTEN, JACK. Waitin’s usually for wussies, but sometimes you gotta be smart. Or sometimes you gotta pretend to be smart, at least. So for now, you wait in the hallway right next to the spaceship hangar, just like you were told. You can hear people banging on the door that Commander Noble programmed. They’re even taking some shots at it.

  You’re watching the commander to see if you can tell when he wants you to go over to the DC Enterprise. But then two things happen.

  Two not-so-good things.

  Hey, when it rains, it pours, even in the dark armpits of outer space.

  First, the DC Enterprise explodes! Or at least a portion of it does.

  “Aw, man, I liked that ship!” you say. Then you wonder if anyone was nearby or still on it. Oh no—Commander Noble! Is he okay?

  You turn and see the gold helmet of Mr. D. walking
toward you.

  “How’d you get here?” you ask.

  He’s holding something in his hands. It’s a sword.

  You hear his heavy breathing.

  Hang on a minute.

  “I’ve been waiting for you, Silas,” he says.

  The voice sounds different from before.

  Then you hear—

  Is he laughing?

  “The circle is now complete.” D. continues to approach with the sword.

  You don’t see any circles.

  “You’re weak, old man,” D. says as he breathes heavily.

  Like he’s just trying to sound ridiculous.

  You stand your ground, holding up your fists. Suddenly a voice calls from the hangar.

  “Uncle Si!”

  It’s John Luke.

  You look through the window at John Luke and wonder if you’ll have to sacrifice yourself . . .

  Hold on, Jack. I’m not sacrificing anything! I’m running like a squirrel.

  Then D. does something crazy.

  He takes off his helmet.

  It’s Jase. Your nephew. Your crazy, cuckoo nephew. Unless they’ve cloned him.

  “Man, you got the funniest look on your face, Si.”

  “Hey—you were about to be attacked.”

  “Funny, ’cause I’m holding the sword. Couldn’t find a lightsaber on this ship.”

  You point through the window at John Luke, and Jase quickly pulls him through the door Commander Noble used.

  “How’d you get here?” John Luke asks.

  “Long story,” Jase says. “Well, actually, it’s pretty short, to be honest.”

  You hear pounding on the door. “Okay, tell us later. We can act out childhood movies on your own time, Jack. Let’s get out of here.”

  “Hold on, hold on,” Jase says. “Not that way.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’ll show you. Come with me.”

  Go here.

  ROLLING IN THE DEEP