Hunting Shadows

by Bugler, Sheila

  ‘Thanks for coming,’ he said, throwing the cigarette to the ground and stubbing it out with his foot.

  She nodded at the café. ‘It’s too cold to sit here. Let’s go inside.’

  ‘Too many people,’ Kevin said. ‘Can we walk instead?’

  ‘Let’s go then,’ Ellen said, lifting the collar of her coat as a bracing sea wind wrapped itself around her neck.

  They walked along the seafront. A scatter of childhood memories distracted Ellen – day trips to seaside towns when she was a child. Running along Brighton pier to the arcade at the end, the air full of the smell of chips and salty sea. Melted ice-cream dripping down her wrists, trying to walk on the pebbled beach and falling over, hurting her knees. Her parents. Michael and Bridget Flanagan, who’d given Sean and Ellen the best childhood possible.

  ‘I wasn’t sure you were going to show,’ Kevin said.

  He looked wrecked, she thought. Like he hadn’t slept or washed or eaten in days.

  ‘I told you I would,’ she said. ‘Where are you staying, anyway?’

  ‘A cheap and nasty guesthouse. It’s a dump, but I can’t afford anything better.’

  Ellen stopped walking. ‘What’s going on, Kevin?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s to do with Dan Harris,’ he said.

  ‘I worked that one out,’ Ellen said. ‘He’s dead, but then, you know that already.’

  ‘I didn’t do it.’

  ‘Right,’ Ellen said. ‘Let’s find somewhere warm and you can tell me all about it.’

  They chose a trendy bar in Little Chelsea that was almost empty at this time of day. Ellen ordered two cappuccinos and they sat down at the back of the cavernous space.

  ‘No one will hear us back here,’ she said. ‘Besides, even if someone was trying to listen in, they wouldn’t be able to over that damn music.’

  ‘Not a fan of house, then?’

  ‘I don’t even know what that is,’ Ellen said. ‘Right. Here’s your coffee. Tell me about you and Dan Harris.’

  ‘Prison messed me up,’ Kevin began. ‘Big time. Because Harris was underage, the other prisoners had me down as a nonce. I had the shit kicked out of me more times than I can remember. By the time I got out I was a total fuck-up. I still am. Look. See the way my hands shake? Never stop. Haven’t been able to work, I’m on anti-depressants and my relationship with Helen is nonexistent. Even before this business with Jodie, we’d more or less stopped talking to each other.

  ‘I became obsessed. It started nearly a year ago. Around the same time I realised nothing was ever going to be the same again. And I realised it was all Harris’ fault.’

  ‘So you decided to track him down,’ Ellen guessed.

  Kevin nodded. ‘I wanted to confront him, let him know what he’d done. No, that’s not strictly true. I wanted to hurt him. Revenge. That’s what I wanted.’

  ‘And how were you going to get it?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Hadn’t thought it through properly. At first, I just concentrated on finding him. It was easier than I thought. His mother still lives in the same house in Downham. I started watching the place. Harris came to visit one day, and I followed him. All the way back to his flat in Bromley. It was that easy.’

  He paused and drank some coffee. When he started speaking again, he wouldn’t look directly at Ellen, preferring to focus on a spot somewhere over her head.

  ‘I just wanted him to pay. It was little things at first. Rubbish through his letterbox; another time I super-glued his doorbell. After that, I got a bit spooked, thought he’d start looking for whoever was doing that stuff. I tried to stay away, but it was no good. Like I said, I was obsessed. I knew I had to confront him. Face to face.’

  Kevin’s eyes slid to Ellen’s and he gave a small laugh, utterly devoid of humour.

  ‘Man to man, I suppose. So I left him another note. Slipped it through his letterbox and told him I wanted to meet. I didn’t give my name. Just a time and a place.’

  ‘Monday, 14 February?’ Ellen guessed.

  A brief look of surprise crossed Kevin’s face before he nodded.

  ‘It’s why I was in such a hurry,’ he said. ‘I’d arranged to meet Harris in Bromley that morning. I didn’t want to be late.’

  ‘What were you planning to do when you got there?’

  Kevin shrugged. ‘I just wanted him to know, if that makes sense.’

  Ellen thought of Billy Dunston and nodded. It made perfect sense.

  ‘We’d arranged to meet at the entrance to the Glades,’ Kevin continued. ‘You know, the big shopping centre in Bromley? But he didn’t turn up. I knew he wouldn’t. So I went to his house. He lived on this shitty estate in North Bromley. Ground-floor flat. One of those places with the front doors all facing out onto a communal square of concrete. Full of druggies and alkies. No families as far as I could tell. Perfect place for a scumbag like Harris.

  ‘I knew he was dealing. I’d worked that out for myself, watching the steady trail of visitors to the flat. When I say dealing, Ellen, I’m not talking big-time. Shots of skunk to the local crackheads. Pretty sure he was on something himself. Seemed fairly out of it the few times he ever came out of the place.

  ‘First thing I noticed, his door was open. Not wide open, just a bit. I half-thought he’d done it on purpose, pictured him waiting inside for me. I nearly turned then and went home. I remember the way my heart was that morning, thumping so hard it hurt. I was shit scared.

  ‘I don’t know how long I stood outside before I got enough courage to step inside. There was this terrible smell. Shit and piss and something else as well. Burnt flesh. As I walked down the hallway towards the room at the back, the smell got worse.

  ‘I think I knew, even before I reached the room. It was like being in a dream, though. I wanted to turn back, but I couldn’t stop myself. My body just kept moving forward, getting closer and closer to that smell.

  ‘Everything was so still and quiet. A dead silence all around me that added to the feeling of being in a dream. When I reached the door, it took a moment for me to work out where the smell was coming from. He was behind the sofa. I saw his legs at first. Two feet, toes pointed up towards the ceiling. No shoes or socks.

  ‘I don’t know why I went in there. I keep going over that. Wondering if there was some sick part of me that wanted to know.’ He shook his head. ‘I haven’t told anyone until now. He was dead, of course. Lying face up, eyes wide open, staring straight at me. Dead eyes. And he had this big hole in his forehead. I can’t stop thinking about it.’

  Ellen reached across the table, took his shaking hand in hers. As she held it, she wondered how on earth she was going to persuade him to hand himself over to Baxter and tell him the truth about the morning Jodie disappeared.

  11:00

  ‘I’m not Marion.’

  There. I’ve said it. He’s at the door, but when he hears me he turns around, and there’s something in his face I don’t like and I’m wishing I could swallow the words. Grab them back from the air and pretend I’d never said them. It’s too late for that.

  He walks back to where I’m sitting and stands over me. ‘What do you mean?’

  And that’s such a stupid question that I get angry so I say it again.

  ‘I’m not Marion.’

  Then he gives one of those big, stupid sighs and he sits down beside me and puts his hand on my leg. Stupid, stupid Brian. I pull my leg away even though I know he hates when I do that, but I don’t care.

  ‘Why are you saying this now?’ he asks. His voice is all quiet, but I can see he’s angry. I hate him.

  ‘I asked you a question.’

  He’s staring at the TV, even though it’s turned off. I wonder if he’s so stupid, he thinks there’s something there. Probably.

  ‘I’m not just saying it now,’ I tell him. ‘I told you loads of times to start with, but you wouldn’t listen. I’m not your sister. My name’s Jodie. Jodie Frances Hudson. Frances after my Nanny.’

 
There’s this girl in Year 3. Kayla Jackson. She has Down’s Syndrome and it makes her face look a bit funny and she’s a bit simple. Kayla’s brother, Ben, is in my class. No one treats Kayla like a normal person. The teachers and other parents are always super-nice to her and the other kids are never allowed to be mean to her. Not ever.

  I wonder if that’s what Brian’s got or if it’s something else. Whatever it is, I don’t care.

  ‘Stop it.’ He stands up so quickly I fall back when the bed lifts. I hit my head against the wall and it hurts. Really hurts. Above me, Brian is shouting.

  ‘Stop playing games with me, Marion. If you carry on like this, Daddy will be in to sort you out and you don’t want that, do you?’

  I try to get up, but he shoves a big hand into my chest, pushing me back and then he’s leaning down, pushing his face into mine.

  ‘Do you?’

  Do I what? I don’t know what I’m meant to say. He’s too close and my head hurts and I can feel that I’m starting to cry. I don’t want to cry. Don’t want him to see me, but it’s too late. His hand reaches out and I think he’s going to hit me even though he doesn’t. He’s trying to wipe my tears away. When his finger touches my cheek I think I’ll be sick.

  ‘Give over,’ he says ‘There’s no need for tears. You were only playing with me, weren’t you? It’s just if Daddy hears you, he’ll lose it. You know that.’

  And then it’s like a volcano erupting inside me and I’m screaming at him and hitting him and telling him what a stupid, fat idiot he is and how much I really, really hate him and his stinky body and dirty clothes. And he’s just staring at me, his face all sad like I’ve done something wrong. Like this is my fault. And that’s what does it.

  I pull my head right back and fill my mouth, then spit as hard as I can right into his big, stupid face.

  13:00

  ‘You can’t stay hiding forever,’ Ellen said. ‘And the longer you stay on the run, the worse it’ll be. Not just for you. Think of Helen and Finlay. Jodie, too. She’s going to need you when she comes home, Kevin. Imagine what it will be like if you’re banged up inside when she comes back?’

  ‘I’m terrified,’ Kevin said. ‘Surely you can understand that?’

  ‘Of course I can,’ Ellen said. ‘But that doesn’t change anything. The best thing you can do is face up to this now. Running away, it won’t help. Let me take you back to London. I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re treated properly. You tell me you didn’t kill Dan Harris and I believe you. But you need to believe me, too. Otherwise, how can you expect me to help you?’

  ‘It’s not you I’m worried about,’ Kevin said.

  ‘Ed Baxter’s a good copper,’ Ellen said. ‘It might seem like he has it in for you, but that’s not really the case. I swear to you, Kevin. Baxter’s no fool. If there’s no evidence to prove you killed Harris, then Baxter will be as keen as anyone to see justice done.’

  ‘You really think so?’

  ‘Yes,’ Ellen said, trying to sound like she meant it. ‘I really do.’

  In the end, it wasn’t as difficult as she’d thought it might be. Being on the run for two nights had been enough to show Kevin that hiding from his problems wasn’t the answer to anything.

  ‘Bromley will be handling this,’ Ellen explained on the drive back to London. ‘I know the DCI there. Ray Cunningham. He’s a good guy. I’ve already called, told him we’re on our way. You’ve already earned some brownie points by handing yourself in.’

  ‘I’ll be kept in overnight?’ Kevin asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Ellen said. ‘But you’ll be held at the station. And they can only keep you for twenty-four hours. There’s every chance you’ll be back home by tomorrow evening. Even if it’s on bail for now. You’ll need to call Tom Abbot. Get him to meet us at the station. He’ll make sure you’re taken care of.’

  She glanced across at Kevin. He looked apprehensive, she thought, rather than terrified.

  ‘You’re doing the right thing,’ she told him.

  He nodded. ‘I know. I just wish it wasn’t so damn difficult. You know, if it wasn’t for Jodie and Finlay, I don’t know if I’d even have called you. Me and Helen, our marriage was on the rocks long before any of this happened. I could probably have walked away from it. But those kids. I love them, Ellen. Love them so bad. And Jodie, I still wonder if it’s really happening. I don’t think, even now, it’s hit me properly. I keep expecting someone to tell me it’s all been a mistake. I keep remembering my life, the way we were just over a week ago. And it wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t so bad, either. Only I never realised, you see. I spent too much time focussing on the bad stuff and not enough time, nowhere near enough time, thinking about just how lucky I was.’

  She could have churned out the usual clichés. How none of us really knows our luck until it runs out. Or some guff about life moving too fast and never having enough time to just sit back and be grateful. In the context of losing a child, all those sentiments sounded too trite. So she stayed quiet and the rest of the journey passed in silence.

  14:35

  The door to Baxter’s office was closed. Ellen knocked, then opened it without waiting for a reply. Ed was sitting at his desk, a half-eaten sandwich on a plate in front of him. He looked grey and tired and like he’d rather be anywhere else.

  ‘I was wondering when you’d show up,’ he said. ‘Well done on catching Hudson. I’m not too happy about the way you did it, but you got him in the end. That’s what matters.’

  ‘It doesn’t get us any closer to finding Jodie,’ Ellen said.

  ‘Maybe,’ Baxter said. ‘Maybe not. Hudson’s not off my list of suspects, that’s for sure. I should be angry with you, Ellen. I really should. But I’m just so glad we’ve got the bastard in custody. Well done.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said.

  ‘Was there something else?’ he asked. ‘Only I’ve got a bloody tonne of stuff to get through this afternoon.’

  ‘Actually,’ she said. ‘There was something. The thing is, Ed, I’m worried about you.’

  Silence. A red glow rose up Baxter’s neck and across his cheeks. Oh Christ, she’d really done it now.

  ‘And what might you be worried about?’ he asked.

  ‘You shouldn’t be here,’ Ellen said. ‘I know you’re not well. I’m sorry, Ed, but I can’t sit back and pretend I don’t know. It’s not fair on you and it’s not fair on the team. Or Jodie.’

  He put his elbows on his desk and leaned forward. ‘I might have known you’d work out something was wrong. And it doesn’t take a genius to guess who told you, either.’

  ‘It was no one on the team,’ Ellen said.

  Baxter held up his hand. ‘I don’t care who it was. The point is, my health is none of your damn business, Ellen. I am in charge of this investigation and I will continue to be in charge of this investigation until we find Jodie. And nothing you do or say will change that. Now, if there’s nothing else, you can leave now. I’ve a pile of work to get through.’

  ‘It’s not working,’ Ellen said. ‘You’re trying to solve the case quickly for the wrong reasons. I can understand that. To a point. I want to find Jodie, too. As soon as we can. But not at the expense of a proper investigation. We need to do this properly or we won’t find her.’

  Baxter’s face now matched the stain of ketchup on the plate in front of him.

  ‘Leave,’ he said. ‘Now. Before you say anything else and I’ll be forced to kick you off the case for insubordination.’

  ‘Ed, please.’ She tried again. ‘You need to tell someone.’

  ‘Your last chance,’ he said. ‘Go. Now.’

  It was useless. Like trying to punch her way through a concrete wall. She left without saying goodbye. Outside his office, she stood in the corridor, leaning against the wall and wondering what the hell to do next. The logical step was to go above his head. Speak to Nichols, Chief Superintendent. Except the man was a gobshite and the last thing Ellen wanted was any contact with Nicho
ls that wasn’t absolutely necessary.

  She looked back at the door to Ed’s office. Imagined him sitting in there, in pain but trying not to show it, wading his way through the pile of files on his desk, determined to find Jodie and atone for past mistakes. What then? At the end of this case he would go. She was sure of that. And that would be the end of something. Another ending in a life that seemed to have too many endings.

  She couldn’t think about that now. Instead, she pushed herself away from the wall and started walking down the corridor to the incident room. The afternoon was still young and she had work to do.

  15:15

  Brian hacked angrily at the thick stems of dead foliage near the front of the wild area. This was a section of the park they tended only twice a year, keeping it as nature intended for the rest of the time so that wildflowers could grow and the caterpillars that fed off those flowers had a chance to flourish.

  Simon said they needed to start clearing out the dead remains of those plants that hadn’t survived the killer frost earlier in the year. Brian had offered to do the job. It meant he could work alone and not have to chat with Simon, who was starting to drive him mad with his questions.

  He knew Simon suspected something, but he didn’t care. Ever since yesterday, it had been hard to care about anything. He didn’t even want to think about it, but the whole incident kept replaying over and over in his head like some bloody film on a never-ending loop.

  He could still feel the wet splat of her spit. Kept seeing her face, unrecognisable with rage.

  My name’s Jodie!

  Blimey. The way she’d screamed at him. And then the big mouthful of spit, right in his face. No wonder he’d lost it. No one could blame him for that. Even Daddy would understand. If anything, Daddy would be proud of him. Tell him he handled it like a man and not some bloody pansy.

  Afterwards, he’d sat outside for the longest time, looking out across the dark expanse of empty landscape towards the marshes. At nights, it was so dark where he lived you’d be mistaken for thinking that all around the house and land was just an empty void. If it wasn’t for the occasional train passing in the distance, you’d think there was nothing in the world left apart from himself and his little house.