The Mill House

by Susan Lewis

  He took a breath, but before he could respond she said, 'The fact is, Josh, it's not about hurting her, it's about us not being able to get enough of each other. Now, I know you don't want to admit that, but we both know it's true. You're thinking about me all the time, even now you're imagining your cock going all the way inside me ...'

  'Sylvia stop ...'

  'Tell me it's not true.'

  'It's not true.'

  She laughed. 'You don't make a good liar,' she told him.

  'Look, please don't call again,' he said, meaning

  it.

  'If I thought you meant that, I wouldn't,' she responded. 'But I know you don't.'

  As the line went dead he clicked off from his end and let his eyes drift to his computer screen, then on out across the marina, to where the clouds were gathering on a far horizon. But he was seeing nothing, he didn't even hear Dan calling out for him to look, because he was too appalled by how deep in this he seemed to be. Sylvia wasn't just going to go away as they'd agreed, that much was clear, but worse was the fact that he wasn't exactly trying to make her. Oh, he was saying the words, but he was convincing no-one, least of all her, because the truth was, he wanted to go on screwing her, and if he could get to New York, he knew he'd probably be on the next flight. He wished he knew what was drawing him to her, because he had no real feelings for her, and although she was great in bed, it didn't even come close to what he shared with Julia. So why the hell

  was he finding it so hard to let her go? It wasn't even easing his conscience to know that he was making no attempts to call her. She was doing all the running, letting him know that she wanted this affair to continue, and as far as she was concerned it was certainly going to.

  Suddenly he was having visions of it turning into some kind of Fatal Attraction scenario, and knowing only too well where that had ended, his blood ran cold. But Sylvia was a successful woman with a public profile who greatly valued her reputation not only as an author, and an artist, but as someone who had her life totally together, particularly where men were concerned. So it was a ludicrous overreaction on his part to start thinking she posed some kind of danger, because there was just no way a woman in her position was going to start threatening Julia, or any of them ... So what had the phone number been about? A little artful manipulation to see how far she could push him, or something much darker? With untold relief he decided it had to be the former, because she had Julia's mobile number, so if she really did want to be in touch, she'd use that...

  His mobile started to bleep. It was another text from Shannon.

  Pleeeez talk to Mum! Can I borro £20? Wl pay u bk. Promis.

  'Dad!' Dan shouted, as though he were three moorings away.

  'I can hear you,' Josh answered.

  'Brian and Gavin are going to the pub tonight. Can we?'

  'No problem.'

  'Yes!' Dan cried, punching the air. I'll buy you a pint with my pocket money.'

  Smiling, Josh looked at the text again, then putting the phone aside, he attempted to carry on with the message he'd been typing when Sylvia called. It didn't take long, but there were at least a dozen others that had to be written, and by the time he was halfway through them more had come in, all needing urgent attention. Then Marina called to warn him that one of his major, US-based clients had just sacked his publisher.

  'But he can't do that,' Josh protested, 'he's in the middle of a contract.'

  'Well apparently he thinks he can, and the publisher wants you over there PDQ to sort it out.'

  Josh stared at the phone in horror. 'Marina, you've got to deal with this,' he told her urgently, 'because there's just no way in the world I can go to New York right now. If I do, I'll have a divorce on my hands.'

  Marina's astonishment was audible. 'Are you asking me to go over there?' she replied. 'I don't think they'll accept that.'

  'Then just stall. Next week maybe, but this week is absolutely out of the question.'

  'Because of Dan, of course,' she said. 'OK, leave it with me, I'll see what I can do.'

  Almost the minute he rang off another text came through from Shannon, begging him to ring Julia immediately.

  Unable to face further entreaties, he punched in the mill-house number and as soon as Julia answered he said, 'What the hell's going on with

  Shannon? She says you've got her locked up over there, and she's texting me every five minutes .. .'

  Julia's voice came down the line like a whip, 'Just who the hell do you think you're talking to?' she seethed. 'I don't hear from you in over two days, and now you've got the nerve to ...'

  'All right, all right,' he cut in, accepting he could have started better. 'Just tell me what's going on. Why isn't she allowed out?'

  'Of course she's allowed out, but in case you'd forgotten her mocks are coming up, so it can't be all play.'

  'She says she's prepared and doesn't need to do any more revision.'

  'Josh, I'm not arguing with you about this. You can take her side all you like, but she's still going to put in three hours a day, and that's an end to it. Jesus, if it were left to you, she'd never get anywhere.'

  'And left to you she'd have no fun.' 'Excuse me?' Her tone of voice was so scathing, he could be in no doubt that he'd hit the wrong button again. 'Isn't it you who has a problem with the social life ...'

  'What does she need twenty pounds for?' he interrupted, attempting to get off the issue.

  'Probably to go to the Eden Project with Ottie tomorrow. I said I'd lend it to her, so she's obviously planning to pay me back with another loan from you, who will no doubt extend the credit over a much longer term, such as eternity. Now, if that's Shannon dealt with, perhaps you could tell me how my son is.' 'Don't try pulling that one,' he said darkly.

  'You've spoken to him at least twice this afternoon, so you know very well that he's perfectly all right. And can I remind you that he's our son?'

  'If you feel it to be necessary.'

  His jaw clenched, but he didn't take her up on it, since it was just plain absurd.

  'I take it you're not at all interested to know how I am, or what's been happening here?' she said tightly.

  Sighing, he sat back against the guard rail and closed his eyes. 'Of course I'm interested,' he said, wishing they were together right now, because they might at least find a way to stop this nonsense and even hold each other. 'So how are things going?'

  'Fine, thank you.'

  'Is that all?'

  'It's all while you're in this kind of mood. I just hope you're not taking it out on Dan that you have to be with him instead of at the office.'

  His temper was back through the roof. 'If you ever make a comment like that again,' he seethed, turning away from the other boat, 'you'll end up seriously regretting it.'

  'And exactly what's that supposed to mean?' she snapped back.

  'It means don't ever try to intimate again that I don't care about my son,' and before they could plunge to any further depths of stupidity he cut the call short.

  Unable to concentrate after that, he swung in through the hatch and went to fix himself a stiff G & T. So what that it wasn't yet five o'clock, he needed something to calm his temper, and though

  he WAS sorry for the clumsy way he'd just handled the call to Julia, he was in no frame of mind to apologise. Nor was he going to take any more calls for at least the next ten minutes, so whoever was ringing now would just have to go through to voicemail, Julia included.

  Carrying his glass to the map table, he sank down on a padded banquette and rested his head in his hands The situation between them was getting out of control. They never seemed to exchange a civil word any more, and though he knew, and accepted, that he was to blame, he wanted to know what in God's name he was supposed to do with the cards she was handing him - no sex, no closeness, not wanting him with her ... He didn't have the first idea how to play them, and the really frightening part of it was that he was starting not to care.

  Taking a large sip of h
is drink, he let his head fall back against the wood panelling behind him and sighed deeply. Was this how marriages ended, he was asking himself, with two people who were still in love somehow managing to lose sight of each other and control of where they were going? He guessed it must be, though God forbid he and Julia were heading that way. He had to do something to change this, to get them back on the rails, though he had to admit, seeing her there in Cornwall, so cosily ensconced in her father's house with a ready-made family around her, had unnerved him a lot. He could all too easily imagine her wanting to stay, and would hardly be able to blame her. It was the perfect setting for a writer, or a freelance editor, or a mother with two children

  who really didn't need to be corrupted by the materialism of London. The kids probably wouldn't mind that much either, since there were obviously some good schools around, and if they were out in the country Dan could have a dog, while Shannon already had a best friend, and so, come to that, did Julia. The only one it wouldn't work for was him, because there was just no way he could run his business so far out of town.

  Suddenly becoming aware of raised voices, he abandoned his drink and went up on deck to investigate. To his dismay he found Gavin laying into Dan like the monster bully he was, poking and pushing him around, and practically foaming at the mouth as he raged, 'You're just stupid, and thick and you don't know how to do anything properly. I should smash your head in for that...'

  'I'm sorry,' Dan was saying, his little face pale with concern. 'I didn't mean to do it.'

  'Yes you did! I know you did. Well you can get off my boat, because we don't want you on here. You stink and I hate you and everyone's right about you, you're just a weirdo...'

  'Gavin, that's enough,' Brian snapped, appearing from below his own decks. 'What's going on?' Josh demanded. 'I got water on him by accident,' Dan explained. 'I was using the hose ...'

  'You did it on purpose,' Gavin yelled, purple in the face.

  'No, I didn't, honestly,' Dan assured him. 'It really was an accident. It was, Dad,' he said, turning anxious eyes to his father. 'I never meant to do it.'

  Suddenly Gavin was on him, rugby-tackling him to the deck, and as Dan's head hit a guard rail Josh leapt on board even before Brian could snatch his son from the fray.

  'Are you OK?' Josh said, dropping down next to Dan.

  Dan looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. 'I didn't mean to do it, Dad,' he said. 'Honest, Gavin, I didn't. Please be my friend again.' 'No fucking way!' came the response, Josh's heart felt as though it would explode, as fighting down the urge to smash a fist into Gavin's fleshy white face, he helped Dan to his feet. He wouldn't carry him, because he didn't want Gavin jeering at him for being a baby, but one more word from that sorry-assed, overweight little bastard ... What the hell was the matter with him, for God's sake, going off like that over a drop of fucking water? And Dan apologised - though Josh was sorry he hadn't taken the hose and blasted the kid right off the deck. But it wasn't in Dan's nature to do anything like that. He almost always backed down, to the point of letting other people walk right over him, which never failed to make Josh love and worry about him even more.

  Waiting until they were safely down in the cabin to lift his son in his arms, he held him tight, and rocked him back and forth. How was Dan ever going to survive in this world if he didn't learn to stand up for himself? He was too kind, too ready to admit he was wrong and too damned vulnerable physically for Josh to encourage him to get into a fight. Just please God don't let that crack to the head have any adverse effects now, he prayed, because

  he'd be holding that bully next door responsible if it did.

  'Can we still go to the pub with them?' Dan asked.

  Josh sighed and held him aloft to look into his face. 'Of course,' he said, managing to smile, for much as he didn't want to, he knew he had to put his own feelings aside and play this Dan's way. If he didn't Dan would only become agitated, which could lead to a seizure, and frankly he'd rather see his son bowing in humility than being thrown around by those terrible convulsions.

  'Mum? Are you OK?' Shannon said, coming into the kitchen to find Julia sitting at the table and dabbing a tissue to her eyes.

  'Yes, I'm fine,' Julia answered, inhaling deeply as she looked up.

  'You're crying.'

  'No. Well, a little. I had a bit of a row with Dad. Nothing serious.'

  Shannon was immediately worried. 'It was my fault, wasn't it? I didn't mean to ...'

  'It's all right,' Julia assured her, slipping an arm round her waist. 'It was my fault really, but it'll be OK. Nothing to worry about.' She allowed a glimmer of irony to slip into her eyes as she looked up at her daughter. 'So I've been keeping you locked up, have I?'

  Shannon's colour rose as she began twisting from side to side. 'It's really boring doing all that coursework, Mum, when I know it already.'

  'Believe it or not, you'll thank me one day,' Julia told her, getting up to answer the phone. If it's

  Josh she was thinking, I'm going to say sorry and make a special effort to be nice. I might even suggest Shannon and I drive over there for a couple of days to spend time with him and Dan. 'Hello?' she said into the receiver.

  'Julia? It's Rod Fuller,' a voice at the other end announced. 'I just got your message. What can I do tor you?'

  'Rod!' she exclaimed, having almost forgotten she'd tried to contact the ex-detective, now best- selling thriller writer, who, long ago, had been one of her star authors. Thanks for calling me back. I have a favour to ask.'

  'As the woman who launched the ship of my success, I'd say just about anything goes,' he responded cheerily. 'So name it.'

  Julia glanced at Shannon, who'd dropped down into a chair and was idly leafing through some papers on the table. 'I was hoping you could use your old contacts to help me trace someone,' she said. 'I mean someone who might have a criminal record.'

  Shannon's head immediately came up. 'Shouldn't be a problem,' Fuller responded. 'Just give me what you have. Name, age, nature of crime, that sort of thing.' 'Douglas Henry Cowan, born 1936.' After jotting it down and checking he had the spelling correct, he said, 'Nature of crime?'

  Not wanting to put it into words, especially with Shannon in earshot, she said, 'I'd just like to know if his name comes up, and if it does, perhaps you could tell me what for.' 'Shouldn't be too much of a problem, but can

  you give me some kind of time line? Last week, last year ...'

  Julia grimaced. 'Probably more like twenty-five years ago,' she confessed.

  'OK,' he said slowly. 'Just as long as I know. I'll get back to you as soon as I have something.'

  As Julia rang off Shannon was agog. 'Do you think he was a criminal?' she asked, excitedly.

  Julia shook her head. 'Not really, but Grandma Alice said something once ...' She shrugged. 'I just want to be sure.'

  'What did she say?'

  'Nothing specific.'

  'What do you think it was? Oh my God, what if he murdered someone? Or robbed a bank, or he was a terrorist...'

  'Stop it,' Julia chided.

  Shannon was grinning. 'So have you found anything here?' she asked, ruffling her hands through the papers.

  Julia sighed. 'Nothing but old bills, exercise books from the various courses he did, and a box of keys at the back of a drawer, which either fit his desk, the filing cabinets or the cupboard under the window, all of which I've now sorted through and emptied.'

  'What about the key I found when I was folding his clothes? What does that belong to?'

  Julia frowned. 'What key? You never mentioned it.'

  'Yes I did. Well, I thought I did. It was in a rusty old tin, that was inside a pair of really raggedy trousers that looked as though they hadn't been worn for years. I found them stuffed

  in a carrier bag at the back of his wardrobe. I'll get it shall I?'

  Julia nodded, though she wasn't particularly excited, for by the sound of it, the key either belonged to the shed, which wasn't locked anyway, or to some
thing that had long since been thrown away. When Shannon produced it, one look more or less confirmed her instincts. It was small and antiquated, and so rusty that even if it did have a home, it was doubtful it would work.

  'Did you remember to call Rico about picking up the things for the charity shop?' Shannon asked, watching Julia drop the key into a drawer in the table.

  'Yes, and he's going to delay until we've had time to go through the attic. He's bringing a ladder over any minute though, so if you want to go and make yourself presentable ...'

  Shannon gave her a wary look, then seeing she was smiling she jumped up to hug her, before zooming back into the bedroom to apply eye-liner, mascara and lip gloss, and possibly to change into something Rico might find really cool and sexy.

  A few minutes later the Bowers' pickup truck, complete with Rico, Fen and stepladder, came crunching over the gravel outside.

  'Hi,' Julia cried, going outside to greet them. 'What a surprise, I wasn't expecting to see you today.'

  'Can't keep away,' Fen laughed, embracing her as she came down the steps. 'Daddy's out for the evening, so are Ottie and Rico, and as I imagine Shannon's going to the pub with them, I thought we could sink a bottle and have a bite together.'

  'Sounds a wonderful idea,' Julia agreed. 'We just need to get some wine.'

  'Already taken care of,' Fen declared, producing two bottles from inside the truck, and wasting no more time she sailed off into the kitchen to open one and chill the other.

  'It's OK, I can do it,' Rico assured Julia as she started to help take down the ladder.

  Their eyes met and she smiled before turning away, amused by the colour that had come into his cheeks. 'Ah ha,' she said, as Shannon appeared in the doorway. 'What's all this about a pub?'

  'Oh yes, we're going to the one in the village tonight,' Shannon replied airily, as though she went to a pub every night. 'They've got a live band, and please don't say no alcohol, because I know that already.'

  'Where would you like me to put it?' Rico asked, coming up behind them with the ladder on his shoulder.

  'Oh, uh, would you mind carrying it to the upstairs bedroom?' Julia answered. She felt herself blush, simply for using the word bedroom, which was so ludicrous it almost made her laugh.