The Mill House

by Susan Lewis

  'Josh, please. The evening will be totally ruined if you're not there.' Still he said nothing.

  'Or, if you prefer, I'll cancel it, and you can come here,' she said. 'We can be just the two of us, the way we normally are, if that's what you'd prefer.'

  'Sylvia,' he said, more baffled than anything else now, 'I feel like I'm talking to another woman. This just doesn't sound like you.'

  'Maybe that's because I don't feel like me,' she responded, her voice catching with emotion. 'I thought you really cared for me, Josh. I truly believed I meant as much to you as you do to me.' 'But we've never discussed our feelings, not in any real sense.'

  'So are you saying I've made it all up, that I imagined our times together, the things we did and said?'

  'No, of course not, but you're letting it get way out of hand.'

  'Josh, you have to come tonight, please. I'll be a laughing stock, if you don't.'

  'I'm sorry,' he said.

  'But you have to,' she cried. 'I've just told you how I feel about you, what I'm prepared to do for you, so how can you turn me down?'

  'Sylvia, I don't know if this is how you behave in all your relationships, but I've got to tell you, if you get as clingy and self-delusional as this ...'

  'How dare you say that to me?' she yelled. 'It's never me who wants them, it's always them who want me.'

  'OK,' he said, going with it.

  'It is,' she insisted.

  'I'm not arguing,' he replied. 'You've still got time to get yourself together before going to the party. Tell them what you want about why I couldn't make it...'

  'Josh...'

  'Let it go, Sylvia.'

  She took a breath. 'Will you see me tomorrow?' she asked.

  'I'm going to ring off now,' he told her, and ending the call, he started the engine and began edging back out into the traffic.

  Even before he'd managed to turn around his mobile was ringing, but seeing it was her he just left it. There was nothing to be gained from talking to her again, and he could only feel relieved that he'd come to his senses before reaching her house, because after that bizarre conversation he shuddered to think where the evening might have gone.

  How many men, he wondered, had gone through the same unnerving experience of having her cling on like that? He guessed only she knew the answer, and he should no doubt consider himself lucky that at least it had been on the phone, rather than face to face, for the very idea of watching her plead like that turned him stone cold.

  He was driving back into Holland Park when the phone started to ring again. Were it not for Shannon and Dan he'd have turned it off by now, but just in case, he checked the display and seeing it was Julia, he decided that this time he'd answer.

  'Where are you?' she asked, sounding angry and stressed and ready for another row.

  'In the car,' he answered.

  'I've just spoken to Dan, he tells me you're going to be out very late tonight. Does that mean you're going to her launch?'

  'No,' he said.

  'Then where are you going?'

  'Nowhere.'

  'But he said you're wearing your DJ.'

  'I am, but as we speak I'm pulling up outside the house.'

  She was quiet then, leaving him to imagine what she was thinking, though he guessed she'd assume he'd been on his way and had changed his mind before getting there. What she'd deduce from that was entirely up to her, he certainly wasn't going to discuss it.

  In the end, in a tone that was much more conciliatory than before, she said, 'You haven't asked once if I'm still seeing Rico. Does that mean you don't care?'

  'It means I presume you are.' 'Then you're wrong.' He didn't respond. 'I said, you're wrong.'

  'It makes no difference,' he said coldly, 'you've still sullied your relationship with your own daughter, and at the same time you've killed something in me,' and ending the call, he turned off the phone and went to let himself back into the house.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Fen was half-walking, half-running to her car, her mind full of the meeting she'd just come from with a local councillor who was having the devil of a time gaining access to his children. His wife's claims that he beat them were untrue - Fen knew that, and the wife's lawyer probably did too. The problem was going to be persuading the judge, when the man in question had claimed his fifteen minutes a couple of years back, for thumping a member of the public who hadn't been especially impressed with his politics.

  Still, she'd worry about that tomorrow, right now she was rushing towels, brandies, thick sweaters and padded coats to the mad surfers - her brother David, his partner, Charles, Julia and Dan - who'd taken to the waves a couple of hours ago, so they must be freezing their whatsits off by now. Of course, it was her fault that David didn't have the Volvo which contained all the necessary, because she should have realised this morning, when she'd left home with it, that he'd need it

  later. The fact that he hadn't checked the boot of the Renault to make sure it was stocked up as usual was also her fault, because he'd said so. How male was that? And how anyone could go surfing in this weather anyway when it was blowing a gale and the rain was fancying its chances with a horizontal flow, was totally beyond her. However, each to his own. There were probably those who considered her nuts for riding in all winds and weathers - and sorry souls they must be, for until you'd galloped across the moors in a powerful storm, you simply hadn't lived.

  As she drove out of Bodmin, heading towards Polzeath, she was wondering if she should alert Julia to the surprise she had in store. Considering the ghastliness of the past few weeks, first Shannon catching her in flagrante with Rico and then Josh serving her with papers for a legal separation, she was more than due for an uplift, but there were no guarantees the surprise was going to turn out the way Fen hoped, so maybe she should keep it to herself for now and let events take their course.

  What a terrible blow that had been for Julia, receiving the order for a separation. She'd had no idea it was coming - how could she, when Josh hadn't mentioned a word? Just thank God it had turned up after the rather gratifying piece in a diary column about Sylvia Holland taking off on an extended book tour of Australia after being dumped by the mysterious Mr Right, or even Fen might have gone into a spin. As it was, it had been all she could do to prevent Julia charging straight back to London, if only to stop her from killing herself in the car.

  Once she'd calmed down, and they'd had an opportunity to discuss it, Fen's advice had been for her to play it the same way Josh had. This was to say nothing, just to see if he pushed it any further, in other words test out how serious he was. So far, there was still a resounding silence, which, in Fen's book, definitely wasn't a bad thing. However, it would be much better all round if they were talking, and not just about the children and usual domestic trivia which was inevitable, but since Julia's pride had kicked in big time, she was proving every bit as stubborn as her husband.

  So, basically, it was still all a dreadful mess, which Julia had more or less blocked out by sinking herself into the Hamish Kincaid manuscript these past weeks. Her work was complete now, and after taking it to London last Thursday to embark upon some fairly gruelling (though highly entertaining in the retelling) episodes with the author, she'd picked up Dan and driven him back here to Cornwall. Since he had two in-service days he'd been able to stay for a nice long weekend, but she was due to take him home again tomorrow, which was going to be hard, for she obviously missed her children terribly. And who could blame her for that? Any mother would, and it remained to be seen when she got there if enough time had yet passed for Josh's temper to mellow and Shannon's shock to heal, for only her mother- in-law had been at the house when she'd called in to collect Dan at the start of the weekend.

  It was all such a terrible shame, Fen was thinking, as she drove onto Polzeath beach to park the car, because for two people who'd clearly loved

  each other very much once, and actually still did, it seemed every turn they took to get back to eac
h other was a wrong one. Admittedly, it might help if they were taking any turns at all, but who could say, the winds were apt to change at any moment, and absolutely anything could blow in.

  No matter how many times Fen came to this beach, or what time of year, it never failed to take her breath away. Today was no exception, for its vast grey expanse of sea, foaming and roaring to the shore, beneath a wrathful achromatic sky shot through with stark rays of sunlight, was so powerfully dramatic it seemed to swirl right through the senses. Only the dullest of minds could resist the timeless scenarios it conjured, of pirates and smugglers, shipwrecks and lovers' trysts amongst the rocks. Heaven and the stars knew she and Bob had had many such trysts back in the early days, and even since their reconciliation, time and tide permitting, they'd occasionally sneaked out to steal some private, romantic time together in the cave where they'd first made love.

  Spotting three windswept figures down at the water's edge, with one much smaller one, she honked the horn to let them know she'd arrived, then dashed round to the boot to grab jackets, towels, flasks and sweaters. The cove was partly protected by two giant headlands which blocked at least some of the wind, and for the moment the sun was staging a bit of a breakthrough. However, they must be iced to the bone by now, and close to exhausted.

  Hearing the sound of the horn, Julia spun round and waved, then checking Dan was safely ashore,

  she began squelching across the sand to meet Fen halfway.

  'Mum, I'm drowning,' Dan called after her.

  She turned to walk backwards, hair and voice being whipped about by the wind as she shouted, 'Not funny,' and a great surge of love rose up in her to see the mischief in his grin. He'd yelled the same SOS earlier, whilst out in the waves, and like a fool she'd gone plunging in to try and save him, before realising he'd never have been able to shout it if it were true, and besides, Charles had been right there. So it had been a deliberate wind-up, which had proved so successful he was dying to make it work again. 'You're not even in the water,' she pointed out.

  His grin grew wider, then he looked round as David and Charles waded out of the surf, boards under their arms and goggles dangling from their hands. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but it soon became apparent that they were going to take him out for one more ride of the waves.

  'How do you stand it?' Fen cried, as she reached her. 'Any normal human being would be blue or dead by now.'

  Julia laughed and took one of the towels. 'He's had the time of his life,' she declared. 'They're so good with him. So patient. He can actually get up and stay on now You wait and see.'

  'What about you?' Fen asked, as they trudged back down the beach. 'Will you be auditioning for Baywatch any time soon?'

  Julia slanted her a look. 'Too old, too fat, not blonde ...'

  'Fat!' Fen exclaimed. 'I don't think so. Have you

  seen yourself in that wetsuit? All boobs and no hips. I wouldn't be surprised if David and Charles are rethinking their orientation by now.' Julia laughed again. 'I can't tell you how wonderful it is having him here,' she said, watching Dan. 'I'm dreading taking him back.'

  'I'm guessing he doesn't want to go either.' 'No, but he'll be fine once he sees Josh.' She swallowed hard, and continued to watch him, feeling his thrills as though they were her own. He looks so happy, she said. 'He's so easy-going. Whatever we all want, it's OK by him, but I can't help worrying what kind of toll this separation might be taking.'

  'Josh must be concerned too,' Fen ventured. Julia nodded 'He is, which is why I'm going to insist we talk when I get there tomorrow. We can't go on like this. We have to sort something out, even if it does mean splitting up.' The very idea of that was so awful that she couldn't bear to think of it now, so changing the subject she said, 'Charles is going to take that old cash box to his workshop to see if he can open it. You remember, the one I found in the attic?'

  'Sure. So does that mean you're going to start your search again?'

  Julia turned TO her. 'I have to know the truth,' she said. 'I mean, I know my father loved me now, and that it wasn't anything I did that made him go, but I have to find out what it was.'

  Fen sighed and stared out towards the colourless horizon. 'It won't be that,' she said, being party now to Julia's worst nightmare, 'I know it won't.' Wishing the evidence wasn't pointing so

  strongly to it, Julia said, 'I'm sorry I told you now. If I hadn't, your memories would always remain intact.'

  'No, I'm glad you did. I knew something wasn't right, that you were more nervous about what you were going to find than you were admitting to - and he was your father, not mine, so I don't have a right to ...'

  'You have every right,' Julia assured her. 'You knew him for over twenty years, and considered him family.'

  Fen was about to respond when an exuberant scream erupted from the waves, and they both turned to watch Dan gleefully wobbling about on his board, before crashing back into the surf.

  An hour later, after changing in the cars with the heaters up high, they were all seated around the fire at the Oyster Catcher up on one of the headlands, sipping hot toddies, or, in Dan's case, a grandfather mug of thick, frothy cocoa. Outside rain was lashing the windows, and the sea was churning up ready for a mighty storm.

  'You're going to sleep well tonight,' Julia said, ruffling Dan's hair as he yawned.

  He nodded and let his head drop against her.

  'You did good today,' David told him. 'He was up on the second go,' he informed Fen.

  Julia smiled at his kindly face, and was just asking him about the times he'd taken her father surfing, when Fen's mobile rang.

  Glancing at the readout Fen clicked on and said, 'Hi. Where are you?' After listening to the reply, she said, 'That's right... No, I haven't. You weren't too sure when we last spoke, so I thought... Yes,

  we're here. You're virtually outside, so why don't you come and join us?' There were several seconds during which she didn't appear to be receiving the response she expected, then excusing herself she got up and walked away from the table. 'I'll have fish and chips when you order,' she called back over her shoulder to David.

  'Consider it done,' David saluted, and turned back to the others. 'Must be Bob having a difficult time over something. So where were we?'

  'You were going to tell Mum about taking Grandpa surfing,' Dan reminded him, but before he could answer Dan suddenly remembered the high spot of his own day, when he'd stayed up longer than David, and leaping forward he began excitedly to recount it.

  Chuckling, Charles leaned in to Julia and said, 'Did you know David and I are trying to adopt? If we could have one like him ...'

  Julia gazed at her son adoringly. 'I confess there's no-one else in the world I'd surf for in the middle of November,' she responded, 'and as for having sand in places where there shouldn't be sand, the last time that happened ...' Was with Josh on a moonlit beach in Barbados. She smiled weakly 'You probably won't want to hear about that,' she said.

  Charles's eyes were twinkling. 'I think I get the picture,' he said. 'So now, when would you like me to pick up this box?'

  'Oh, I don't want to put you to any trouble. I can bring it to you. I'd like to see your workshop anyway.'

  'You're on, but it's a bit of a mess. We carpenters

  aren't known for our orderliness. Well, not this one anyway. So, if you don't mind that, pop it along any time.'

  'Thanks. It'll have to be when I get back from London now. We're leaving first thing.' She glanced up as Fen came back round the corner, then suddenly her smile drained and her heart stood still.

  There was a long moment as she and Josh looked at each other, then Dan spotted him and yelled, 'Dad!' and charged into Josh's arms. 'I've been surfing today,' he told him, 'and I was really good. I got up on the second go, and I even beat David, who's really experienced and has been doing it all his life ...'

  Josh was smiling, and sweeping Dan's hair back from his face. 'Sounds like you've been having a good time,' he commented.
/>   'Oh yes, the best. And Mum's really good too. Well, not like David and Charles, but she manages to stay up sometimes, don't you Mum?'

  Julia attempted a nod, but her insides were in freefall as she looked at Josh, who now seemed to be avoiding her - however, if she'd been in any doubt of how much she loved him, which she hadn't, it would have been swept away in these few seconds. The force of her reaction to his familiar face, and the pull inside her that seemed to connect her straight to him, were so overpowering that her entire body seemed to be locked in its might. 'I didn't realise you were coming,' she said, getting up.

  'I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it,' he replied, his eyes still on Dan. David was on his feet. 'Hi,

  it's good to see you again,' he said, reaching for Josh's hand. 'I don't think you met Charles the last time you were here.'

  'No. it's a pleasure,' Josh said, shaking Charles's hand.

  'Likewise,' Charles responded. 'I was just remarking to Julia what a great boy you have.'

  Josh smiled and tilted Dan's face up to his. 'He's not bad,' he responded.

  'I'm a champion surfer,' Dan informed him.

  'With two new heroes, by the sound of it.'

  'Oh, they're the best,' Dan assured him. Then to David and Charles, 'But you should see my dad when he skis. He goes down all the black slopes, and he's really, really good. Mum does it too, and sometimes they have a race and he lets her win.'

  Julia laughed. 'Rubbish, I beat him every time,' she declared, wishing Josh would look at her.

  Josh's smile was wry, but he added nothing to the banter.

  'Can I get you a drink?' David offered.

  'Just a beer, thanks,' Josh answered.

  'Tell you what,' Fen piped up, 'if you two want to go somewhere else, we'll be happy to take care of Dan and bring him home.'

  Julia looked at Josh, and felt her heart twist at the signs of strain on his face.

  'No, here's fine,' he said, settling in next to Dan.

  Struggling to hide her disappointment, Julia gave Fen a look to convey appreciation for the thoughtfulness, to which Fen could do no more than shrug until they went to the bar to order the food.