The Mill House

by Susan Lewis

  'We need to talk,' Alice said, glancing towards George. 'Let's please try to do it in a calm and adult manner.' She was already moving towards the sitting room, where George was opening the double doors.

  'I hope you're not going to try and deny it,' Julia shouted, as she went after them, 'because he's written it all down, how he found you together . How do you look at yourself in a minor? How can you show your faces in a church? You're such hypocrites. It's a sin, you know that, don't you?'

  'For heaven's sake, stop,' Alice barked.

  'I think we should pray,' George said.

  Julia gaped at him. 'Are you out of your mind?' she cried. 'He's not going to help you now. Frankly, I'm amazed you can even suggest such a thing, knowing what you've done.' She spun back to her mother. 'You know it's not normal. Christ, it's not even legal. Do you ever think about how much damage you've caused? Aren't you tormented by your own conscience? How do you bring yourself to look at Rachel, or Dan?' Saying her son's name brought a sob from her throat. 'I don't know how I'm ever going to live with this,' she cried. 'I've passed my tainted genes on to my son. How do you think Josh will feel when I tell him? He'll want to kill you.'

  'Julia, will you please listen,' George broke in, going to stand closer to Alice.

  'Not to you. Never to you ... Does Pam know?' she shot at her mother. 'She can't, because surely to God ...'

  'All Pam knows is that Douglas isn't her father,' Alice said quietly, 'and we'd prefer it if you didn't tell her the truth.'

  Julia was about to yell again when George shouted over her, 'Oh most meek Jesus, implant in our hearts the virtues of gentleness and patience ...'

  'Stop it! Stop!' Julia shrieked. 'God's not listening to you. No-one is. You lost that right the day you screwed your own sister.'

  'Julia, please try to understand,' Alice said. 'George and I... It's not something we wanted to happen. All our young lives we tried to fight it, because we knew it was wrong. But it never felt that way ...'

  Julia was recoiling. 'Don't go any further,' she warned. 'I'm perfectly clear about what's been happening and why my son's the way he is ...'

  'You're jumping to conclusions again,' Alice cried. 'You did the same with Douglas. No-one ever told you he was a paedophile ...'

  'You led me to it,' Julia screamed in despair. 'You tried to make me think he was the lowest of the low, the scum of the earth, but do you know what, it never really worked, because I always knew something was wrong about it. I knew he wasn't like that. He was good and kind and pure. He loved me, and you stole me from him.' Emotion was locking her throat. 'He was my father.' she sobbed helplessly. 'Whatever you say, Douglas Cowan was my father.'

  'Yes, he was,' Alice said calmly.

  It took a moment for Julia to register the words.

  'Douglas was your father,' her mother repeated.

  Julia stared at her, unable to make sense of this sudden change 'But he wrote in his diary ... He said you'd told him ...'

  'That's what we told him, but it wasn't true,' Alice confessed. 'Not of you. Only of Pam. I just didn't want him to take you away, so we lied to him.'

  Julia's heart twisted with pain and as a new understanding began to dawn she shook uncontrollably. 'Oh my God!' she murmured, hardly able to take it in. 'You let him believe I wasn't his. You told him ... You let him think ... Oh my God, how could you have done that? You broke his heart. You virtually destroyed him ...' Hate filled up her heart. 'How could you have taken me from him?' she flung at her mother. 'You never wanted me, you bitch! Oh God, I can't bear it. All he went through. The years you stole from him.' Tears were streaming down her face, too much pain was crushing her heart. 'I want to kill you for this!' she screamed. 'Do you know that? I want to kill you for how much you made him suffer.'

  'Here, Julia. Take this,' Rene said from behind her.

  Julia spun round.

  'Rene, in the name of the Lord,' George cried, lunging forward, but he stopped as Rene raised the barrel of the shotgun.

  'Do not invoke God one more time in this house,' she snarled. 'Your sins are beyond numbering, and beyond redemption. For what

  you've done to Julia, to Douglas, and most of all to Pam and her dear little child, you deserve to die. Julia, take the gun, and shoot them like the animals they are.'

  Hardly knowing what she was doing, Julia took the gun. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she had to get it away from Rene, but once it was in her hands she felt an intoxicating surge of power that dizzied and disoriented her.

  'Your father knew the truth in the end,' Rene told her gently. 'I sent someone to see him. I couldn't bear the lie to go on any longer. He was a good man. The man you always believed in. They should never have lied to him the way they did, and I should never have kept silent. We are all sinners, but no-one has sinned as much or as heinously as they have.'

  'Rene, you don't know what you're saying,' George growled.

  'Don't be a fool, George,' she responded. 'It's over now, can't you see that? Julia was always going to find out one day, and I blame myself for letting it go on so long. But at least I allowed Douglas to die knowing his daughter was his. What you did to him was beyond forgiveness. The lies you told, the money you tried to buy him off with, and for what?' She turned to Alice, her pale eyes gleaming with hatred. 'For her! Your own flesh and blood. You're not fit to tread God's earth, either of you, and condoning it the way I have makes me almost as bad as you. But I can't live with my conscience any longer. I need to cleanse my soul of my sins before I die, but for you there is only hell and eternal damnation.'

  'Oh Lord Jesus Christ, draw Thou near to Thy suffering servant Rene in her trouble of mind ...'

  Ignoring him, Rene said to Alice, 'You've never been a mother to Julia. You've always resented her tor loving her father more, so you repaid her by making her think he was a criminal of the very worst sort. You convinced Pam. She truly believes it, but think how much worse the truth is for her, because she really is George's daughter.'

  'Julia. give me that gun,' George barked.

  Dazed by the past few minutes, Julia asserted it and pointed it at him. 'Don't come near me,' she warned.

  'Julia,' Alice pleaded. 'We've told you the truth, and of course we were wrong to do what we did to your father, but it was because I loved you and wanted to keep you ...'

  'You liar!' Julia spat. 'What you wanted was to make sure he never breathed a word of what was really going on in this house, that's why you kept me. It was to guard your disgusting little secret, and the only way you could do that was to make him believe he wasn't my father.'

  'No, Julia,' Alice implored.

  'Yes, Julia,' Rene confirmed.

  'But you know Douglas was your father now,' Alice cried, 'so there's no need to harm George. He hasn't done anything to hurt you ...'

  Julia regarded her with loathing. 'He was behind it all.' she snarled. 'He lied to the police, he wrote the cheques ...'

  'At my behest. I told him to do it, because I didn't want to lose you ... It's true, I swear it. I

  knew once Douglas found out the truth he'd take you away...'

  'She's a liar,' Rene muttered in Julia's ear.

  'If he thought you weren't his,' Alice ran on, 'he'd have no rights. He couldn't take you from me then ...'

  'O Gracious Lord Jesus, who didst vouchsafe to die on the cross ...'

  'They stole you from him, Julia. He loved you ...'

  'Julia, please. Put the gun down ...'

  'They don't deserve to live.' '... hear our prayers for all such as sin against Thee . ..'

  'There are two bullets.'

  'Julia, please. I know it was wrong ...'

  'It was more than wrong. It was evil. He's dead now. You'll never see him again.'

  'Don't listen to her, Julia.'

  'He'd have been so proud of your children. I sent him the photos ...'

  'Almighty and Everlasting God, who willest not the death of a sinner ...'

  Julia's finger
tightened on the trigger.

  'No!' Alice cried.

  Her voice was drowned by the sound of the shot blasting from the barrels. Julia was knocked back into Rene who kept her upright, while almost in slow-motion, George crashed against the table behind him, and slumped to the floor.

  'Again,' Rene hissed. 'She's right there. Right there.'

  Alice's face was ashen. 'Julia please,' she begged, dropping to her knees.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It was the dead of night as Fen sped along the motorway, swallowing up the miles and dangerously defying the limit. The torrential rain that was flooding Devon and Somerset was finally starting to ease now, improving visibility, and as the flickering lights of a city appeared in the distance she glanced at the clock. Two twenty-five. With any luck she’d be there by three.

  Pressing down hard to overtake a lone lorry she watched the needle approach ninety, then hit a button on the dash to answer her mobile.

  ‘Where are you?’ Bob asked.

  ‘Just outside Bristol.’

  ‘You’ve made good time, but don’t go killing yourself to get there.’

  ‘I won’t. Tell me, do you think I should ring Josh?’

  ‘She asked you not to.’

  ‘I know, but you heard the state she was in, and the more I think about it, the more convinced I’m becoming that I should.’

  'Then let me do it. That way you won't be quite so in breach of your lawyer-client relationship ... I just need to know what to tell him.' As Fen searched for the right words, her heart was already going out to Josh for the terrible shock this would be. 'I think, until I've got the full details,' she said in the end, 'you should just tell him there's been a shooting at her mother's house, and that she's at Stroud police station. We don't actually know much more than that right now, anyway.'

  'He'll want to call you.'

  'Tell him I'm almost there, so I'll be in touch the minute I know any more.'

  An hour later, having broken the speed limit the entire way, Fen circled a mini-roundabout near the centre of Stroud and headed up Corn Hill towards the police station and courts. Drizzle was misting the air, while lampposts pooled a yellow glow into puddles and over slick, wet walls that rose up around the official buildings. There was absolutely no one around, not even another moving vehicle, or luckless tramp.

  Turning left after the courts, she drove round to the back of the station, and finding a space at the top of a grassy bank, she stopped the car, grabbed her briefcase and coat, and following instructions, virtually ran round to the van dock. As she pressed the bell she turned her face to the security camera for the benefit of those within, and seconds later the iron shutters began a clattering rise to allow her in.

  Having skirted the police van, and entered

  through the rear security doors, she found herself in the brightly lit custody area. Sergeant Holmes, whom she'd spoken to on the phone, was seated behind his semicircular barricade-cum-reception desk making notes on a pad in front of him, and occasionally glancing at a CCTV.

  'You must be Mrs Thayne's solicitor,' he said, looking up as she approached.

  'Fionnula Barrington,' she reminded him, setting down her briefcase. 'Can I see the custody record?'

  Following form, he turned it towards her. 'We got a 999 reporting an intruder,' he told her, as she read, 'lucky there was an armed response team in the area, you know, with us being close to the royal households and that...'

  Fen was still scanning the record. 'Possession of firearm with intent to endanger life,' she read aloud, feeling faintly dizzied by the offence, though immeasurably relieved that it wasn't showing any of the worst-case scenarios she'd been imagining all the way here - at least not yet. 'Has anyone been hurt?' she asked.

  'The old man's in hospital,' he answered. Fen's mouth was turning dry. 'What are his injuries?' she demanded.

  The sergeant was looking at her in a way that seemed both curious and hostile. 'He hasn't been shot, if that's what you're thinking,' he replied. 'Then why's he there?' 'He got a crack to the head, I'm told. Concussion.'

  'Was anyone else hurt?'

  His eyes bored hard into hers. 'Not that we know

  of, he answered, as though suspecting her of already knowing more. 'Officers are still at the scene. Apparently she shot the place up a bit, and the old woman's a gibbering wreck, if you'll excuse ...' 'What old woman?'

  He glanced down at his records. 'Rene Hope,' he said. The family solicitor's already been in to see her. Ranting and raving she was. Couldn't get any sense out of her. The lads brought her in because they didn't know what else to do with her.'

  'Where is she now?'

  'We let her go on police bail. I think the solicitor took her back to his house, if you want to be in touch. He left his card.'

  Fen took it, saying, 'Thank you. I'd like to see my client now, please.'

  He rose to his feet. 'Solicitor's interview room's along that corridor,' he said, pointing behind her.

  Fen remained where she was, watching him draw a long key chain from his pocket as he came round the barricade. 'If you ask me, she's still in shock,' he confided as he passed, 'but she's calmer than when they brought her in. Couldn't stop crying then, or shaking. Beside herself, she was.' Having heard her on the phone, Fen said nothing, merely waited as he entered a small corridor of cells, and stopped at the first one to check the hatch. 'Solicitor's here,' he announced, then slamming the hatch closed again, he unlocked the door and swung it open.

  From where she was standing Fen could see Julia sitting on the bunk at the back of the cell, hugging knees to her chest, face buried in her

  arms. She didn't look up as the door opened, nor did she immediately respond when Fen said her name.

  Fen glanced at the sergeant. 'Julia,' she said again.

  This time Julia lifted her head, and seeing Fen she finally seemed to come to her senses. 'Oh thank God,' she murmured, getting to her feet. 'I'm sorry to call you like this ...'

  'There's nothing to be sorry for, you did the right thing.'

  Before Julia could respond the sergeant was ushering her out of the cell, and along the corridor to the interview room. 'Shout if you need anything,' he told Fen as he pushed open the door.

  The room stank of old sweat, and was hardly any bigger than a king-size bed, with two chairs and a table, all bolted to the floor, no windows and a notice Sellotaped to one wall declaring it a no-smoking zone.

  As Fen closed the door, Julia sank down on one of the chairs and pushed her hands into her hair

  'First tell me if you're OK?' Fen said, sitting down too. 'Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?'

  Julia shook her head, and forced herself to look up. Her face was drained of all colour, her eyes flat and cold.

  'You need to tell me what happened,' Fen said gently.

  Julia nodded, then wiped her hands over her face. 'I had the gun,' she said shakily. 'They kept talking, all of them. My mother was shouting, Rene was whispering in my ear, George was chanting his bloody prayers ... It was like a nightmare

  where the sounds swoop in on you ... In and in ... In and in ... I had to make them stop, or they were going to drive me crazy.' She swallowed. 'So you fired the gun?' Fen prompted, Julia nodded.

  'You know no-one's been shot, don't you?' Julia merely looked at her. 'No-one's been hurt,' Fen assured her. Though Julia seemed to register the words, she showed no emotion. 'I thought he was dead,' she said dully. 'I wanted him to be . ..' She took a breath and pressed her hands to her face again. 'When he fell, he must have been throwing himself out of the way. It happened so fast, I thought the bullet had ricocheted off the wall and hit him.'

  'So you didn't aim the gun at him?' Fen said, Julia's eyes came back to hers. 'When you pulled the trigger, you were deliberately firing at the wall.' Fen pressed.

  Julia seemed confused. 'I wanted to kill him,' she said.

  'But you didn't. You fired at the wall.' Julia nodded.

  Having enough reass
urance regarding intent for now, Fen said, 'OK, so tell me where you got the gun.'

  'Rene gave it to me. She just appeared out of nowhere, then she was urging me to shoot them, and I was so angry, believe me, I wanted to ... I wanted to so badly ...'

  Trying to keep her focused, Fen said, 'How many times did you fire the gun?' 'Twice.'

  'Once at the wall, and once . . . Where did you aim the other shot?'

  'I'm not sure. It was meant for her ...'

  'But where was the gun pointing when you fired?'

  'I don't know. At the ceiling, I think.'

  'Then what happened?'

  Julia covered her face with her hands, still so shaken by the fact that she'd been involved in such a scene that even now she couldn't make it seem real. 'The police came in,' she said. 'They had helmets and guns ... They were shouting at me to put the gun down ... Rene was screaming, I think my mother was too ... I dropped the gun, then suddenly I was being shoved to the floor, face down with someone's foot on my back ..' She shook her head in bewilderment. 'Everyone was still shouting. It was insane. There was dust and debris all over the place, all over George. I was trying to tell them he was dead, but no-one seemed to be listening. Then an ambulance came ...'

  'What was your mother doing?'

  Julia's expression changed. 'She was kneeling next to George and screaming that she hated me and always had, and if anything happened to him she'd make sure I paid.'

  Though Fen knew there had never been much love lost between them, she could see what a terrible impact her mother's words had made.

  'I told her I wished she was dead,' Julia went on, 'that I should have blown her to bits, because the world would be a better place without her.'

  'And Rene? What was she doing?'

  'She was jabbering away to the police, telling

  them that she'd tried to get the gun away from me, but I'd threatened to kill her. She was spouting so much rubbish ...'

  'Did you threaten to kill her?'

  'No. She was the one who gave me the gun.' Her eyes came to Fen's, seeming to ask for an understanding she could barely grasp herself.