The Not Gate (Tom and Alice #1)

by Tammy Bench

  ‘Wow,’ she said after long moments.

  ‘Wow?’

  ‘You’re perfect. So, I don’t know… manly?’ she smiled but didn’t look away from his body. Her eyes moved slowly south to his jeans. He knew his erection would be very visible but he didn’t move to hide it, they both knew what was happening. The time for hiding things was done.

  ‘Manly… that’s lucky,’ he tried to lighten the atmosphere even though every muscle in his body was corded and ready pounce. Ready to push her back on the little single bed and give her a different type of education.

  ‘Can I touch you?’

  The uncertainty in her voice serving as a reminder of her inexperience.

  ‘Alice, I don’t know how much self-control you think I have?’

  He walked to her anyway. He wanted to do everything she asked, however hard it would test him. He needed her to feel that she was an equal in this thing that was developing between them.

  ‘What do you mean?’ she said smiling seductively. She knew what he meant. She just wanted him to say it.

  Okay, two could play at that game. He stopped in front of her, his knees touching hers and looked down at her. Alice’s face was alive with passion and in the lamp light she looked more angelic than ever.

  God help him.

  ‘Well if you touch me I might not be able to control my reaction. I might turn alpha male on you, push you back on this pillow,’ he cast a look behind him at the pillows and her eyes followed his, captivated, ‘I might climb on the bed with you,’ he was wondering how far he could take this, but the look on her face told him she was enjoying hearing the words, so he continued, ‘…on top of you and push your knees open,’ he nudged his knees against hers and she shuddered. This was by far the most erotic experience of his life and all he was doing was talking. He couldn’t get over the way he felt when he was with her, ‘…cover your small body with mine…’

  Alice lifted her right hand to his chest and moved it slowly down over his belly, his muscles flexed under her touch.

  ‘My fingers might find the button of your jeans,’ he paused as her own hand hovered on the waist band of his jeans and he caught her just as she was about to move her fingers lower.

  She looked up at him with impatience.

  ‘It’s probably time you were getting back,’ he smiled tightly.

  ‘Just let me touch you, please.’

  ‘You can. Just not now. Do you know how hard it is saying that in this situation?’ he lifted her chin with his fingers to look at him, ‘…very!’

  ‘So don’t say it,’ she lifted her hand again and placed it directly over his penis before he could catch her. He sucked in a harsh breath. Even with his jeans between them, the feel of her hand on him was overwhelming.

  ‘It’s really warm,’ she said pressing her palm and fingers over it, cupping slightly, ‘and big.’

  Oh god, she was every man’s dream. His ego would never get enough of this.

  ‘Not that you have anything to compare it to?’ he said, shaking his head and smiling.

  ‘I know that. But it is big?’

  Was she asking him?

  ‘I’ve never had any complaints.’

  Shit.

  As soon as he said it he wished he hadn’t, ‘I didn’t mean it like that Alice, I’m sorry.’

  Alice placed her hands either side of her on the bed and stared at him, ‘Tom, you don’t have to apologise for having had sex before you know. I understand you’re an adult male. I don’t want you to edit what you say to me, because you think it may not conform to the romantic fantasy I hold of you in my head.’

  Tom again was taken aback by her intelligence and understanding, he really had to try to stop underestimating her.

  ‘So, will you take these off too?’ she coaxed, softly rubbing her hand down the leg of his jeans then up again resting it between his legs. He let his head roll back onto his shoulder and his jaw tensed.

  ‘I can’t... I want to carry on, more than you will ever know, believe me, but it’s too risky. When we’re back at home, we can arrange to meet up. In a hotel? Anywhere you want? But away from eyes and ears. Somewhere that will make you feel special, not here in a scabby room, single bed and no heating. Don’t you want music and candles? Clean sheets? Room service?’ he asked.

  ‘All I want is you, like this, beautiful and masculine and losing your precious control,’ she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his hard belly.

  ‘Oh god, I’m getting dressed,’ he stepped away quickly.

  Alice laughed as he wrestled with his t-shirt. Her laugh, he thought, was like a tiny bell ringing in the wind. He turned to look at her as he slipped the t-shirt over his head and blew her an invisible kiss. He was not only losing control with her, he thought, he was dangerously close to losing something else.

  ‘Tom, do you want me to take my top off, let you inspect the merchandise too?’ They both burst out laughing and he jumped on her, flung her back on the bed and held her tightly in his arms until she really had to go back to her room.

  HOME

  Saturday 11th November

  Alice sat in her bedroom staring at the scrap of white paper in her hand. Six digits scrawled in blue biro, Tom’s number.

  He had parked up behind the bus when they arrived home last night. He waited for her to pass and had shoved it into her hand as everyone else filed from the coach to meet waiting parents. She’d put it into her pocket and as soon as she went up to her room that evening she had looked at it, stared, put it down and then picked it up again. It was her proof that this was happening, evidence of what they had shared over the last five days. She couldn’t quite get her head around the things they had talked about, the kisses they had shared and actually touching this man’s body.

  It was strange, when she had been away from this house and seeing him all the time, no parents, no lessons, she had felt like a different person in a different life. In that life, she was confident and funny. She could talk to Tom, her teacher who wasn’t really her teacher anymore and he found her amusing and sexy. It was like having no rules and no fear.

  She had wanted him so fervently, his touch, she felt like she would die without it. Anything that he asked she would have done and again she had that overwhelming feeling that she had entered the adult world and had started to experience what it felt like to let go. To let everything inside of her out and now she had tasted it, she craved it more than ever.

  Sitting in her bedroom, she looked around. This was her haven, her sanctuary, but it seemed much smaller than before she left. Her teddy bears and beaded necklaces, her CD collection and gymnastics medals, even the clothes that hung in her wardrobe, it all looked and seemed like it was someone else’s stuff… a child’s.

  When her parents had asked her about the trip and what she had enjoyed, she had answered them on autopilot reeling off in a teenage chirpy way, how she had liked this or that activity. Camping out, learning how to light an outdoor fire and midnight feasts with her friends.

  They had looked at each other in a proud – patting each other on the back for doing such a fine job of raising her – kind of way. She had smiled at them sweetly, filled with genuine warmth and love, thanked them for letting her go and disappeared upstairs to shower.

  But not in that whole time had the vision of Tom dressed only in jeans, his arousal so evident, and his eyes so lustful and full of dangerous promise, ever left her thoughts.

  Their questions floating past her ears just long enough for her to form a generic childlike answer before they were once more replaying the sound of his beautiful voice whispering he wanted her.

  ‘I want no one else to have you…’

  The Alice she had happily been living as for the last seventeen years had changed, probably irreversibly so. She supposed this was a side effect of the unconventional path to growing up she
had found herself upon, but it was one that she was following now no matter what.

  THE DATE

  Sunday 19th November

  The week following Hill End had been half term. Alice and Stephanie had spent six days at their grandmothers’ house and they arrived back home on the Sunday before school.

  The first chance she got to make an excuse and walk the dog she took it. In her pocket was the little piece of paper. Alice walked over a mile with the autumnal wind against her. She stopped at a telephone box on the edge of the park she had played in as a child. She huddled inside making room for Louis, her mum’s Tibetan terrier, took the number from her pocket and a pound coin and started to dial. She really didn’t need the number as she had memorised it days ago.

  ‘Hello?’ he answered after three rings.

  ‘Tom?’ she asked nervously.

  ‘Alice?’

  ‘Yes, how are you? Sorry I haven’t called I’ve been at my grandmothers’

  Her skin felt clammy and cold at the same time, just hearing him again after a week was amazing. Her stomach clenched and a rush of arousal swamped her senses.

  ‘That’s alright, I was worried about you,’ he stated.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ she couldn’t help herself but be honest with him. There was a pause from his end.

  Panic rushed at her.

  ‘Me too,’ he whispered, ‘me too.’

  She smiled, ‘Tom, I want us to meet,’ she took a deep breath and waited.

  ‘Okay,’ he answered, ‘when?’

  ‘I can be out next Saturday night I’ll say I’m going to a friend’s. They don’t normally ask too many questions, is that any good?’ she prayed.

  ‘Yes, that’s good with me. Alice, are you sure about this? You must have had time to think about it, don’t feel like you have to meet me because of what’s already happened,’ he sounded concerned.

  ‘I’ve thought of nothing else. I want to see you more than ever. Do you want to see me? Have you had second thoughts?’ Alice sighed.

  ‘No. I’ve stepped over the line now, who am I kidding if I think I can be around you and not want to be with you? I’m going to hell already, Alice,’ he laughed and it sounded genuine.

  ‘You’re not going to hell,’ she assured him.

  ‘What do you want to do, shall I book a room? Shit, that sounds so sleazy, I mean to have privacy, not to have sex or anything,’ he cursed.

  ‘Can I come to your house?’ she asked. She really wanted to be somewhere safe, where they could both just hide away.

  ‘I guess so, if that’s what you want, baby?’

  God, she loved hearing him call her that.

  ‘Thank you,’ she answered.

  He gave her his address and told her to wait till dark and to wear a hat just in case.

  ‘I’m so sorry this can’t be normal and open,’ he sounded ashamed.

  ‘I don’t care we both know this is how it has to be.’

  ‘How can you be so… I don’t know… understanding?’

  ‘Because I’m getting what I want, I’m getting you,’ she said honestly. If she had him she could deal with anything.

  ‘You’ve got me,’ he breathed hard.

  ‘Tom, I’ve got to go, my money is about to run out,’ she cut in, hearing the warning beeps.

  ‘Okay, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, as normal as we can. I’ll see you for real on Saturday,’ he rushed his answer.

  ‘Can I stay… on Saturday I mean?’ she needed to know.

  ‘Alice, I’m not sure,’ it was his serious voice now, ‘I was thinking dinner, maybe a movie...’

  ‘Can I stay, Tom?’ she urged.

  On the other end of the line she heard him hesitate.

  ‘Yes,’ he replied.

  FRIDAY NIGHT

  Friday 24th November

  It was nearly 11.30pm, Tom had managed all week to remain calm and professional around Alice. At times it had been so frustrating, watching her, watching him in class. Calling her name and her calling him, sir, that seemed all so weird now.

  The week had dragged on forever. He had drinks on Wednesday with his mates, he hadn’t realised it was a friend of a friend’s stag night on Saturday and his buddies had been on at him all week to come out with them. He had to tell them he had too much work on, lesson planning and marking… whatever. He prayed they wouldn’t turn up tomorrow night anyway. He again had thought about telling his best mate Neil about Alice but couldn’t get the words out.

  At school he’d become close with Simon, a games teacher. A nice guy, single and about his age. He considered bringing up a hypothetical discussion on teacher/student relationships but was so worried he would guess the truth.

  The fact was, whatever anyone said or advice he may have been given, he was still going to have her over tomorrow. He was still going to kiss her, touch her and he had to face it he was going to have sex with her. If she let him, he was going to do everything with her that he could. It made him feel sick to his stomach to know that sad certainty about himself.

  Hell was a given despite what Alice believed.

  He cleaned his bathroom, changed his sheets and went shopping for food since he finished school for the day. Now Tom wasn’t sure what else to do. He watched a couple of hours of crappy television and enjoyed a beer.

  But couldn’t get her image out of his mind. Alice in his home, drinking from his glasses and eating food he made… why was it such an erotic thing?

  Oh my god, I’m turning into a pussy.

  He knew he needed to get some sleep so he headed for bed, because this time tomorrow he had no idea what the hell he might be doing?

  He’d have to go for a run in the morning he decided as he walked up the stairs, burn off some tension and maybe even the gym after that.

  Tom wandered into the bathroom and cleaned his teeth, splashed water on his face and got into bed. But before he turned off his lamp he did what he had been avoiding all evening, he sighed, opened his bedside drawer and checked he had condoms.

  SATURDAY

  Saturday 25th November

  Alice paid the taxi driver with a five-pound note, pulled on her bobble hat and stepped out onto the kerb. She looked at Tom’s house, it was a lovely looking small cottage on the edge of Kittle Wood, a village two miles out of town.

  His curtains were closed but you could tell a light was on somewhere downstairs. Strangely she could hear fireworks in the distance. It was a cold night and not wanting to hang around outside for too long, she grabbed her small bag and scurried up to his door. She knocked lightly and waited.

  Five seconds later the door opened, his arm reached out, grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. She gasped as he pushed her back into the closed door. He held her face in both of his hands and captured her mouth under his. Alice gripped his hard shoulders and kissed him back, long moments passed as they tasted each other again, remembering each other and all the cold left her body.

  How different he felt when there was no risk of being caught. He was letting himself just be in the moment with her and it was amazing. Tom pulled away eventually and looked at her.

  ‘Sorry, Alice. Hi,’ he laughed.

  ‘Hi,’ she smiled, ‘nice welcome.’

  ‘Just couldn’t wait,’ he shrugged his shoulders in a boyish gesture and grinned back at her, ‘shall I take your coat?’

  ‘Please,’ she began to unbutton it, ‘what about my bag? Where shall I put it?’ she kicked the small brown leather holdall at her feet.

  ‘I’ll… put it over here for now… we can sort it later,’ he looked stressed again suddenly, or maybe guilty.

  ‘I can go if this is going to be difficult for you, Tom,’ she didn’t want to force him into anything or be rejected again.

  ‘No. I want you to stay. It’s just hard to imagine what we’re doing as anythi
ng but wrong, even when it feels right. Do you understand?’ he searched her face.

  ‘Yes, I get it, especially from your side,’ she breathed out slowly, ‘but I can’t go another day without more, more time with you, kissing you and…’ she handed him her coat and waited.

  ‘You’re always so honest. Everything I’m thinking, you say out loud. You’re right tonight is about us.’

  He picked up her bag and placed it two steps up on his stairs, took her hand and led her through to his small kitchen. There were some pans boiling away on his stove and a bottle of beer open on the worktop.

  She was in his house. She looked around her, oh my goodness in all her wildest fantasies of being with him, none of them compared to her looking at him and him looking at her like his equal. Like his… girlfriend.

  ‘Would you like a drink? I’ve got wine, beer, water…?’

  ‘I’ll have water, thank you,’ she answered.

  ‘I’ve made some cheese pasta stuff. Sorry I’m not too handy in the kitchen, that’s what my ma was for,’ he looked at her. His body was tense and she could tell his mind was going into overdrive.

  ‘Can we sit down for a bit?’ Alice motioned to the living room.

  ‘Sure you go in I’ll get you that water.’

  He moved her towards the living room door. Inside it was a lovely room with dark beams running length ways across the ceiling and a wonderful blazing fire burning away in the small inglenook fireplace. She sat on the big sofa opposite and let her eyes fall over all of his possessions. The bag he took to school lay open against the leg of the low oak coffee table. On top of it were school exercise books and a wooden carved chess set with what seemed like a game in progress… who was he playing with she wondered?

  A little footstool sat next to the TV with a pile of videos to the side of it. She wanted to see what they were, but if she got up she’d appear nosy. The room was decorated in rich burgundy and browns. A picture of his family smiled at her from the mantle along with several photos of school football teams. It was masculine but homely and Alice liked it very much.