by Tammy Bench
No way…
Tom held it in his hand and rolled on the condom. Was it really going to fit inside her? She felt more scared than she ever had before. She really had no idea what to expect from a penis, but there it was and nothing ever looked so real.
Tom looked up then and caught her staring at him.
‘Sorry baby, this is important, just a minute,’ his warm hand resting on her thigh.
‘Okay,’ she stuttered, breathing out slowly, trying to control her panic.
Tom looked up again his face filled with worry, ‘are you alright, you want to stop?’
‘No, don’t stop. It’s just bigger than I thought, that’s all,’ she smiled at him shyly.
‘It’ll be fine baby, just get this first time over then it’ll be easy. It won’t feel like it looks.’
She knew he was lying to put her at ease, how could it not feel as it looked?
Tom covered her with his body again and she could feel the heat of him next to her inner thigh.
‘Tom,’ she whispered, ‘can you just do it?’
Tom gently moved her legs further apart, his hand gliding over her moist sensitive tissue. Alice bit down on her lip harshly when he pushed one finger inside her and Tom stilled instantly.
‘I’m fine,’ she urged him to continue.
‘Really?’ he moved his hand again.
‘Yeah…’ she nodded and reached for his shoulders. If this was only one finger stretching her, what the hell was it going to feel like?
He continued and it gradually started to feel good. Her skin was starting to burn and she could feel herself lifting off the bed to meet his hand. After a few minutes he stopped and Alice cried out at the loss.
‘Shush baby,’ he looked at her like his eyes were searching for something within her gaze, then she felt it, the hard push where his fingers had been. He had started to push himself slowly inside her with punishing determination.
‘Have you done it?’ she cried out.
‘No, baby… I’m sorry, not yet,’ Tom ground his teeth and she could feel the tension rolling from him. He pushed forward again, this time she screamed as she felt herself being stretched open by this blunt object. It was a strange type of pain unlike anything she could describe. It was both a dull ache and a sharp stabbing all at the same time.
Tom looked scared, ‘is it bad? Judging by your face it is,’ he rested his forehead to hers. His breathing was a lot faster than normal and his arms were trembling slightly.
‘It hurts a bit,’ she said, ‘but I need more, I can’t understand it, but I do.’
‘Good, because I don’t think I could stop now. Just try to relax, don’t tighten your muscles,’ he whispered as his body thrust gently forward again.
Alice clung on to Tom’s strong corded back. She could feel his sweat forming as he pushed at her again. He was holding back, trying to control himself. She could feel him protecting her and she wanted to cry. She needed him to just let go, because this felt like torture. She was blindly reaching out for something that was unknown to her and frustration clawed at the edges of her brain.
‘Fuck,’ Tom cursed loudly, ‘I can’t do this as gently as I want to. I’m so sorry but I don’t want to hurt you by being too rough,’ he shook his head in despair.
‘Then will you be inside?’ Alice asked him.
‘Yes.’
‘Just do it then,’ she scrunched her eyes tightly shut, ‘now.’
On her command Tom pulled back and thrust into her with massive force, Alice screamed again as she felt him brake past her virginity and impale himself inside her. Tom let out a low guttural growl and wrapped his arms around her body tightly, holding her still and protected, he didn’t move and he didn’t let her move either.
Alice felt her whole body on fire, she was crying, more from relief than any pain there may have been.
‘Fuck,’ he whispered looking at the tears running down her face, ‘are you okay? Bastard!’ he spat the words out with contempt.
‘Don’t,’ she kissed his chest lightly.
She wanted to tell him that this moment was the most acutely real of her entire life. That the burning ache in her vagina, the feel of him pulsating uncontrollably deep inside her and his tortured face were the most beautiful things she had ever experienced, but all she could manage was a small smile.
‘Carry on,’ she breathed, ‘please…’
Tom’s face was an emotional mix of shame and lust, ‘you’re unbelievable.’
He began moving slowly at first, shallow thrusts just enough for Alice to start to respond to the sensation. Each stoke sent her a little higher into a dreamlike state, her nerves were in meltdown and from some strange place inside of her she thought she said, ‘faster.’
Tom did move faster, she watched as his whole body moved above her, over her. His face was determined and focused. His thrusts strong and powerful. It felt immensely wonderful and crazy now, but sweetly heightened by a top note of pain.
‘You feel so amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it, its mind blowing,’ Tom cried out harshly.
Alice felt her belly tighten and her inner walls clench in spasm as his intimate words washed over her, his accent husky and beautiful. She disconnected from her brain in that instant, her limbs trembled, and she couldn’t help herself calling out his name. It sounded high pitched and alien. She blinked to focus but couldn’t do it, her vision was warped and white heat rushed through her.
Tom reached out and grabbed her shoulders with his hands and pulling her body down even harder, meeting his thrusts, one, two, three more times. She heard herself scream again but it was lost in the darkness as he covered her mouth with his.
Moments later Tom’s chest erupted with an animal-like sound… it was done and it felt beautiful.
His body slackened, suddenly it was heavy on top of her, he shuddered, and his head dropped onto her shoulder. Alice lay underneath him, too stunned to speak. His thick hair brushing up against her cheek and the bulk of his body crushing her slightly was a soothing reminder of his reality. She closed her eyes, shook her head and smiled.
Was he really hers?
REFLECTION
Saturday 25th November
Tom looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. He had bolted from the bedroom moments after they had finished, making excuses to get a wash cloth. The reflection stared back at him, unmoving.
He had just had sex with a seventeen-year-old girl. He had just made love to Alice. Elation and self-loathing gripped his brain in a twisted game of tug of war.
He splashed water on his face and leaned against the sink. He breathed in and out slowly. He’d never been with a virgin before and it was harder than he’d imagined, but she was so astonishing. The biggest part of him wanted to go back in to her and show her how much better it could be. But he had hurt her. He’d even lost control slightly, forgetting to be as careful as he could. So the bigger part of him wanted to turn himself in at the nearest police station.
He disposed of the condom in the waste basket, ran the hot tap and grabbed a clean flannel.
‘Are you still awake baby?’ he whispered, walking back into his bedroom quietly. She was resting on top of the covers but had pulled the striped fleece blanket over her legs for warmth.
‘I am,’ she breathed lightly, her eyelids drifting open.
Tom walked over and sat next to her and she smiled at his nakedness.
‘I’ve got this,’ he held up the cloth, ‘can I clean you up sweetheart?’
‘If you want to, but I can get to the shower… I think.’
‘I want to take care of you,’ he really did.
Her emerald eyes looked sleepy and she looked more like a fucking child than ever before.
What have you done?
Tom gently pulled back the blanket, her small pale legs were pulled
up to her stomach, he grabbed one ankle and twisted her onto her back and he began to wipe the cloth over her thighs.
‘Does it still hurt?’
‘No, not really. I just have no energy, my limbs are numb,’ she looked up at him, ‘why what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing, as long as you’re okay?’ he tried to keep his voice calm.
Alice sat up quickly, ‘what’s wrong, Tom?’
‘I’m just sorry I hurt you,’ he said his head hanging heavy.
Alice shook her head, ‘give it up will you,’ she said sternly, ‘I loved what just happened. It felt intense and crazy and wonderful. Forget everything else, please. Don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t bloody rape me I asked for this.’
‘Alice,’ he paused, ‘I loved it too. But right now I can’t see any further than the fact I have just taken my student’s virginity.’
‘I can’t get enough of you… you, silly man,’ she giggled and lightly kissed his cheek.
‘Don’t, I’m being serious,’ he said half smiling.
‘That’s my favourite part of you. When you get all brooding and serious. You try really hard to deny yourself and then lose it anyway,’ she kissed him again.
Tom looked at her, what was the point in regretting every single time something happened between them? He was ruining it and damn it, he didn’t want to do that. What had happened was amazing. This was her first time and he was making it feel like a mistake.
She kissed his cheek again, her beautiful hair brushing his face lightly. He was the luckiest man breathing tonight.
He smiled ruefully and pulled her legs swiftly out from under her. Her back hitting the bed hard and she laughed. Tom moved over her body once more, his face set with predatory determination.
‘That’s much better,’ she giggled.
He grabbed her hands and lifted them over her head, holding her wrists in place with one of his larger hands. Tom couldn’t get over how small she was, how perfect. She wriggled and a shiver of arousal washed over her body and he felt the tiny tremble.
‘Do you mind if I try and make a different part of me, your favourite?’ he growled.
DAWN
Monday 27th November
Alice woke at 5am in a panic. First she panicked that she and Tom hadn’t had sex and she had just awakened from a very hot dream. Then she panicked when she realised they’d had sex and this was Monday morning and she was going to see him in four hours.
She wasn’t sure why this was such a problem? Saturday night and Sunday morning had been the single most fantastic, confusing thing to ever happen to her and she was convinced nothing in her future would ever eclipse it.
It was more the fact that now she had to put on her uniform, go into school and pretend that Mr Chambers hadn’t poured every ounce of passion he had within him – into her – less than twenty-four hours ago.
They had made love three times. Twice on Saturday and once before she left on Sunday morning. She had just got out of his shower and wrapped one of his large blue fluffy towels around her and started to dry herself gently. Her skin felt tender and used, her body both weightless and heavy limbed. She could hear Tom whistling in his bedroom and she smiled, had she ever felt this happy?
Moments later he tapped on the bathroom door lightly, ‘do you want a cup of tea?’ he had inquired from beyond.
‘You can come in you know,’ she had called back.
He pushed open the door and poked his head round.
‘Didn’t want to barge in,’ he said catching sight of her. His expression changing from relaxed to heated, ‘wow, you’re about the best thing I’ve ever seen before breakfast,’ he joked, but his strong jaw twitched like he was trying to hold himself back.
Alice looked at him and made a call. She sent a silent prayer to the heavens for blessing her with a sudden strange kind of female confidence and she let the towel slip slowly from her hands.
He was on her before the towel hit the floor.
They had tried to make it to the bedroom, grabbing a condom from the bathroom cabinet, but only got as far as the bathroom doorway before he was penetrating her again. She could distinctly remember her head on the soft carpet of the landing and her legs, cold, against the bathroom floor tiles while he pushed into her, uttering explicit words near her ear, charging her with his passion and attention.
She thought strangely at the time, only when they were having sex was Tom ever just Tom. At every other moment they spent together he was the combination of Tom and Mr Chambers, man and teacher, one fighting against the other, conflicting.
Alice turned over in bed. She didn’t have to get up for another two hours and she wasn’t looking forward to her return to the role of student. Acting like this weekend had never happened, sitting opposite him in English, listening to him talk about the many sides to Mr Rochester. Wearing his mustard tie and rolled up sleeves and pretending she had no idea what he looked like in the heat of passion.
She closed her eyes and smiled, but in an odd way she had wanted to cry too. Because part of the wonderment of this situation was that she had no idea what was going to happen, neither of them did? They were simply two people, bound by body and feeling and that very thing alone dictating to them their every move.
They had no past together, they knew very little about each other. They were a product of the odd thing people describe as chemistry… or if she had her way it would be love at first sight.
The thing that kept clawing at the back of Alice’s mind though was could they ever have anything more than what they had right now?
THE WORDS
Friday 1st December
Tom’s week had been the hardest of his life. How had he ever thought this could work? She was there every day, sitting in front of him. Laughing with her friends, handing in homework for him to mark. Breezing past him when the bell rang and all the while her eyes held their shared passion that only he, it seemed, could see.
She was obviously so much better at this than him because he felt like he was going crazy. His skin itched and his head ached. Her body and breath consumed his every thought. He couldn’t concentrate on work. He hadn’t been able to talk to her or touch her, and some daft part of him wanted to follow her around school all day, checking on her, hoping to catch her on her own for a second just to steal a simple kiss.
He decided at lunchtime that day he was going to take charge.
Form time was straight after lunch, which really meant about twenty minutes of chatting, bringing the kids up to date on any news from the week but basically time wasting. So he had decided not to waste it today.
Tom left the staffroom early. He wanted to be there before his class. He wanted to watch Alice walk past his desk, if he was being honest with himself.
Loser.
He ran up the stairs energetically taking them two at a time very much as he had on his first day. He stopped at the top and the thought struck him. Eight weeks ago when he reached the top he had been a totally different man. If someone had appeared then and told him if he entered that room, within two months he would be having taboo sex with an innocent seventeen-year-old, he would have called them an idiot. Told them not so politely that he was a professional and that kind of thing just wasn’t something that would turn him on.
But he also wouldn’t have entered the room just in case they were right.
He pushed the door open. Life it seemed was a funny thing, because he wouldn’t change what had happened since even if he had a flying Delorean and a scientist friend named Doc.
Six minutes later she blew in, smiling, pink cheeked and her hair swept up in a ponytail. Her beautiful neck, slender and white, she glanced around at him, surprise on her face that he was already there, as he was usually late. She smiled at him, warmth and need in equal measures were visible on her face. He wanted to grab her but instead he gripped the edge of his desk.
<
br /> Down.
‘Sir,’ she managed.
He smiled back at her in greeting, as well as the other two girls with her.
More minutes passed.
Tom glanced at his watch. He felt nervous but stood up anyway and cleared his throat, some faces turned to him, while others kept talking.
‘I need a volunteer to help put chairs out for the Governor’s meeting tonight,’ Tom commanded.
Alice’s hand was up after he had said the word volunteer. She had understood as he knew she would.
‘Thank you Alice, your hand was up first. Bring your things we may not be back in time for the bell,’ he then spoke to the room, ‘everyone else keep the noise down and stay in your seats.’
He grabbed his coat, bag and register and held the door open for Alice. They walked in silence down the stairs. He watched her little hand floating over the wooden bannister and her feet skipping gently down the steps.
‘Where are we really going?’ she said as they reached the bottom.
‘Lecture theatre to set the chairs out for the meeting,’ he answered and cast her that playful look.
‘Of course we are, sir,’ she replied smiling.
They walked again in silence the way a teacher and student alone would probably walk. When they had reached their destination Tom pulled out the keys for the old wooden door. It was the last part of the school yet to be refurbished and it was always kept locked when it wasn’t in use.
The lecture theatre was a huge, imposing room. It had a massive stage area. Heavy red curtains frayed and used hung either on side of it. Twenty rows of theatre style seats sat in front of that and two prop rooms to the right and left of the main stage housed extra chairs and the Drama department’s overflow of costumes.
Alice looked at the stage and smiled. All the chairs and tables had already been set out.
‘The elves must have done it,’ he smiled.