The Not Gate (Tom and Alice #1)

by Tammy Bench

  ‘Go on then Chambers, hit me with them.’

  Tom gripped her chin and moved her face towards his and he held it there so she couldn’t look away, ‘Alice, what is the naughtiest fantasy you have about us?’

  Alice closed her eyes. Shit, she couldn’t go there. She knew the naughtiest fantasy and it felt wrong every time she thought it.

  Tom stared at her.

  ‘The thing that you just pushed from your mind, I want it,’ he bent his head and whispered near her ear.

  Alice shook her head.

  No way.

  Tom grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head. His face hovering just inches above hers, ‘it’s mine and I want it, baby,’ he ordered.

  ‘Tom please, you won’t like it. You’ll get angry at me. It’s just a silly daydream,’ Alice muttered trying to get out of the situation.

  ‘Now I really want to know and don’t try and change any detail. I know your face, Alice. I can tell when you’re not being a hundred percent truthful. You should know though I am prepared to torture it out of you.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. I have thoughts about you in your mustard tie and rolled up shirt sleeves… kind of making love on your desk… at school,’ Alice closed her eyes together tightly and continued, ‘your hands are chalky from writing aggressively, passionately on the board. One hand is on my shoulder the other on my hip…’

  ‘Are you face down?’ he asked then, his voice husky but his eyes giving away nothing of his mood.

  ‘Yes, you’re behind standing up.’

  Tom held his breath, ‘what else?’ his voice steely.

  Shit.

  He’s pissed off. Everything about this is wrong, it’s everything he’ll hate. Every word would be a sick reminder of his misplaced guilt. Why didn’t she just make something else up?

  ‘What else, Alice?’

  ‘I’m wearing school uniform.’

  ‘Yes?’ his eyes held her.

  ‘You’re telling me to do lines – like teachers used to – but you’re making me say them out loud.’

  Tom raised his eyebrows, ‘what’s the line?’

  ‘It’s from Jane Eyre,’ she watched his eyebrows shoot up again, ‘you say “Do you think me handsome?” and I have to reply “no, sir” over and over.’

  Alice looked at Tom.

  Oh bugger what’s he thinking? Perverted little nymph!?

  ‘Well the dare was going to be let’s do it, but seen as I don’t have all the relevant props, much to my disappointment it will have to wait,’ his eyes drilled into hers.

  ‘Oh. You’re not mad?’ she was sure that this revelation would be abhorrent to him.

  ‘No. I can’t even pretend I haven’t thought similar things. But you do surprise me…’ he looked away from her momentarily, ‘I’m not mad, I’m extremely horny,’ Tom grabbed her and flipped her onto her stomach, ‘on your hands and knees, baby.’

  ‘Really I…’ Alice cried as she felt the heat of his body cover hers from behind. Tom ran his hand up her leg slowly and under the dressing gown. Through the telling of her fantasy, however harrowing, it had left her aroused and pliant. Her breathing was erratic when his fingers reached the elastic of her knickers, pulling the gusset to one side she felt him rub his palm across her flesh, his thumb skimming over her sensitive clitoris.

  ‘Now Alice…’ his controlled authoritative voice made her shudder, ‘do you find me handsome?’

  Oh god!

  He thrust two fingers inside her. Alice totally came apart beneath him. Tom held her up, moved his fingers and said again, so close to her ear his lips tickled the delicate skin of her lobe, ‘do you find me handsome?’

  Yes, yes, yes.

  ‘No, sir!’ she cried.

  Hours later Alice lay awake in the hotel bed. Tom slept peacefully next to her, his arms wrapped protectively round her waist and his cheek resting on the top of her head. He made her feel so safe.

  The heavy curtains were still open and the clear moonlight fell across the floor illuminating a room she would never forget, a night that would be hers… theirs, forever.

  How many promises had been made in this room, on this bed? How many hearts broken or journeys started? And where did they fit in amongst them all?

  Alice touched Tom’s forearm, felt the prickle of the hairs and the sinuous muscle harden under her hand. She was so hopelessly in love with this man.

  ‘Don’t leave me,’ she whispered almost soundlessly in the dark.

  ‘Not going to happen baby, now sleep,’ Tom whispered back instantaneously.

  Oh…

  ‘I thought you were asleep.’

  ‘Too much noise,’ he mumbled.

  ‘It’s dead silent Tom, what do you hear?’ she asked feeling a bit confused.

  ‘Your mind whirring away. You’ve been banging on for hours,’ he squeezed her tightly.

  ‘Sorry,’ she smiled.

  ‘Don’t be, it’s sweet. But I’m not going anywhere, so you don’t need to lose sleep over it.’

  And with that the room remembers another promise.

  ON CHRISTMAS DAY, IN THE MORNING

  Monday 25th December

  Christmas day was supposed to be the best day of any young person’s year. This year was different for reasons that Alice would never be able to put into words for her parents to understand or accept.

  On the surface it looked like all the wonderful, magical December 25th that had gone before. Stephanie woke early and snuck into her room to open their stockings on Alice’s bed. Her mum and dad had made them all cups of tea in the kitchen, while the crazy hysteria brewed. Then finally the big living room reveal. As always her mum and dad had gone way overboard with the present buying. The floor was half full of glittering, hand tied packages of all shapes and sizes. It was the one time of the year that her parents really spoilt their children, truly making it an indulgent and unforgettable memory for each of them.

  They all sat around opening their gifts, chatting and hugging. Alice’s mum had gone into the kitchen to put the turkey in the oven. Her father opened a bottle of champagne after breakfast and they all toasted the days’ festivities.

  ‘Hey Alice, did you get everything you wanted, darling?’ her dad hugged her tightly into his side as she put her glass down on the breakfast bar.

  ‘Yes dad, thank you so much.’

  She looked up at the man who had been the only man in her life for her whole life and sadness washed over her. In her mind Tom was there now, standing next to him, challenging him, pulling her away from the safe, warm haven of childhood that is your father’s arms. This must be why dad’s hate their daughter’s first boyfriends so much. Being protective was natural, but they also must feel that tentative pulling.

  ‘Mum, thank you,’ Alice leaned over and kissed her mum on the cheek softly.

  Mothers were a different thing entirely. They know from the moment they give birth to girls that one day they would think, feel and be exactly as they are themselves. It’s like being part of the same club or something. But there is no illusion like the one a daughter must give to her father.

  ‘I’m going to get dressed,’ she decided.

  ‘Okay sweetheart, wear that lovely new dress Nana got for you, she’d love that,’ her mum urged kindly, as she rinsed carrots under the cold tap.

  ‘Okay Mum,’ she shouted halfway up the stairs.

  What was she, six?

  Alice closed the door to her bedroom and sank to the floor. If she could have screamed she would have, over and over.

  Bloody hell, even her bedroom carpet was still a light pink colour and she knew there was an old box of My Little Ponies in the bottom of her wardrobe. She was a still a child here, in this house, in the eyes of these people she loved dearly. But their history, kindness and care was stifling right now. It all felt
wrong.

  Breathe Alice.

  As she stepped out of her pyjama bottoms her thoughts flipped to Tom, as they did systematically every eight to nine seconds.

  How is my life ever going to function normally again?

  She knew he was spending the morning alone. His parents still lived in Southern Ireland, but his youngest sister lived in Birmingham and he was heading up there for Christmas lunch later today.

  She imagined him rolling out of bed about half an hour before he was due to leave. Grabbing a quick shower, dressing and running his hands through is thick hair. Today feeling much like every other to him, but the thought of seeing his sister and a nice home cooked meal pleasing him.

  Alice sat down on her bed and reached beneath it. She placed a small silver box, tied with a light blue ribbon on her pillow.

  The gift Tom had given her.

  It had been burning a hole underneath her bed for over a week. She pulled the ribbon and it fell away from the box, she didn’t know why she felt nervous suddenly. Alice lifted the lid off and pushed aside the soft tissue paper.

  Wow…

  Inside was an intricately shaped, very expensive looking bottle of French perfume. There was a small brown tag attached to the neck of the bottle with the same blue ribbon and in Tom’s handwriting there were two words:

  Drink me...

  Alice turned the card over,

  ...Okay, don’t actually drink it! For my Alice in Wonderland xx

  Another reference to the Lewis Carroll novel. After Alice falls down the rabbit hole she finds a small bottle with “drink me” on the label which makes her shrink.

  She smiled and held the bottle to her chest, tears welled and then fell silently onto her face.

  She imagined Tom tying the small ribbon around the bottle and the thought that he had put into the wording on the card and the little joke that was so him.

  She wanted her Christmas day with him, more than anything she just wanted to run to his house right now. Spend the day in his bedroom making love, eating omelette and watching his beautiful mouth when he drank from his beer bottle. Marvel at him when he walks around naked and soak up his heavenly smell after he has just showered. Feel his strong arms hold her and his soft lips kiss her… even just to be able to wish him a merry christmas.

  Not today…

  Alice slipped the dress over her head and looked in the mirror… it was nice. She walked back down the stairs slowly. Her mum was laughing loudly and from one of her dads’ vinyl collection Dean Martin sang about fires slowly dying and letting it snow.

  Just get through today, school will start again soon, it’ll be okay.

  ‘Hey, you look great,’ her mum called from the door.

  ‘Thanks Mum. You look good too, nice earrings.’

  Her mum beamed at her, ‘I know. Your father just gave them to me, wonderful aren’t they?’

  She blew a kiss in his direction and he looked back at her with love and longing, a silent exchange between them that Alice now understood.

  NEW YEARS EVE

  Sunday 31st December

  Tom checked his appearance and quickly fastened the last two buttons of his denim shirt. He half smiled. This was the last few hours of such an unexpected year. This year had altered everything about him and everything he thought he knew.

  Jesus, he missed her.

  ‘Here fellas at last, she’s ready!’ Matt shouted from his lounging position on Tom’s sofa as he walked into the living room.

  ‘Funny bastard, isn’t he?’ Tom replied dryly, taking the beer from Neil’s outstretched arm as walked by.

  ‘Cheers lads, here’s to a good year and a good night,’ Neil said raising his bottle in the air.

  Neil was Tom’s best friend. He was the type of guy no matter how down things got or how bad a day you were having he could always make you see the bright side. He was a genuine, honest and good man. He’d also had a massive promotion last month so he definitely had something to celebrate tonight.

  ‘But seriously Tom, that hair, how long does it take, mate?’ Matt chipped in again not wanting to let Tom off that easily.

  ‘It doesn’t take long. It just needs a bit of taming that’s all,’ Tom laughed, patting down the back of his hair.

  ‘Right chaps let’s roll then. I’m sure all the ladies are waiting with baited breath for our arrival,’ Neil said, raising his eyebrows several times.

  ‘Come on, Romeo,’ Tom grabbed Neil’s shoulder and ushered him and the others out of his house and into the waiting taxi.

  The cold winter night refreshed Tom as he waited on the kerb for the guys to get into the car and a thought hit him. The last time a taxi was parked here was when Alice had arrived the first night they had made love. He had watched through the gap in the curtains as she paid the driver, smiled and turned towards his home. He remembered the determination on her face as she walked up the path and the way she looked to the heavens anxiously just before she reached the door.

  He had sprinted then to get to her, opening the door and grabbing her inside. Whatever restraint he may have been holding onto up until those few moments had instantly vanished.

  What he wouldn’t give to have her here now. Not that he didn’t love his friends, he just loved Alice so much more.

  They arrived in town a little after 9.30pm. They had arranged to meet up with Matt’s brother, Lee and some other guys they knew in this really pretentious bar that Tom hated. He thought it was more like a small club as it had a separate dance room and DJ. Too many of the clientele were kind of stuck up their own arses and walked around like they owned the place, which always pissed him off. Tom would have preferred their local, but it was New Year’s Eve and he didn’t get a say tonight it seemed.

  The music was loud and rhythmic. The place was packed with people dressed up so much more than he thought necessary and he cringed at the thought of spending time here. Maybe he was getting old or maybe it was just the country boy in him?

  Tom stood in the queue at the bar for about fifteen minutes, not surprising really as it was four people deep. One drink here would be enough if it was going to be this hard to get served. Finally, he grabbed the five bottles by their necks and pushed his way out from the crowd behind him.

  ‘Hey handsome,’ a pretty brunette grabbed his arm as he moved past her and flashed him a big smile. Tom smiled back but tried to move on.

  ‘Come chat to me, my friends will be so jealous,’ she rubbed his arm again.

  ‘I’d love to, but I’ve got to get these to some very thirsty men,’ he held the beers up, ‘to be honest they probably think I’ve deserted them by now,’ he answered, hoping she would take the hint.

  ‘Oh my God, you’re Irish. That’s my favourite accent, it’s so sexy,’ she continued obviously oblivious to his subtle brush off.

  ‘So they say,’ Tom tried to pass her. He could see Neil leaning against a chair laughing in his direction, holding his throat dramatically as if he was dying of thirst.

  The woman moved her hand to his chest and let her fingers play over his buttons, ‘I’ll come and find you later, just to listen to that voice again,’ she winked.

  Please don’t.

  She was an attractive woman but he really didn’t want or need this tonight. He didn’t want to think about anyone but Alice. Just chatting to another woman would feel like cheating, when everything in their relationship was so secret and complicated.

  ‘We’re not staying long but I might catch ya later,’ Tom left before she could say anymore.

  ‘How long does it take to get a couple of beers?’ Neil chided him.

  ‘Have you seen that fucking queue? You’re the one that wanted to come here. I hate this fucking place.’

  ‘You might hate this place but its where all the pretty girls come. That bird giving you the once over being a prime example.
You’ve still got it,’ he laughed and Tom couldn’t help but join in.

  ‘Did you knock her back?’ Matt asked then ‘and if you did, are you gay?’

  ‘Not my type,’ Tom replied feeling anxious. He didn’t want to get into this conversation, he couldn’t afford to have to explain himself.

  ‘Since when is female and attractive. Great body, smile and drunk, not any man’s type?’ Lee decided to join in on the debate now.

  ‘Then I must be fucking gay!’ Tom joked, willing the conversation to turn to something else and they all laughed.

  Tom shook the hands of the other guys that had joined them since arriving at the bar. He noticed that there were a few faces he didn’t recognise, two youngish men dressed in very expensive looking suits. Shirts open to halfway down their toned and as Tom suspected, fake-tanned torsos.

  ‘Who’re the two flash gits?’ Tom whispered to Neil as quietly as he could over the barrage of New Year’s frivolities.

  ‘Some posh, rich idiots from Lee’s office. They’re down here on business next week and insisted on joining us, but they haven’t spoken two words to any of us since we arrived. I think they’re on the hunt so hopefully they will find some unsuspecting prey soon and bugger off,’ Neil shrugged.

  Before Tom could suggest moving on somewhere else another drink was handed to him, then another and before he knew it he was feeling merry. His turn at the bar an hour later didn’t seem so much of a chore this time. He managed to avoid the advances of the same woman as she was being accosted by one of the slimy suit wearing guys falling all over her.

  Neil had been dancing with the same girl for the last three songs. A pretty raven haired beauty that was just his type. They moved together closely, but how they were getting away with dancing to Gangsta’s Paradise he’d never know? Neil couldn’t even do the YMCA. Every now and then one of them would say something and they would both laugh or she would smile up at him shyly. A sharp pang of jealousy slapped him round the face as he watched his friend.