Always Yours

by Shelly Jones

  “What he said,” I agree.

  “Perfect. Well let me know what’s going on. Keep me updated with everything. First the business and now babies.”

  “Thanks Ronnie for everything today.”

  “Thank you for letting me be a part of this.”

  “Of course.”

  The rest of the evening was relaxing, we picked out the picture we wanted, print it out and framed it. We’ve decided on “Ava + Eric + plus me holding my belly with the ultra sound picture = 5” Ava has the cutest smile on her face and it was one of those you had to pick. I made copies of the ultra sound and I added a sweet moment of Eric and me kissing in the background and Ava up front smiling and being a goof. I arranged the pictures in the frame, “You like?” I ask him.

  “I love,” he smiles.

  After he gave his seal of approval I wrapped up the frames and left them in my office, and after we got Ava to bed, we sat on the couch watching TV and talking. “Can I ask you something,” he asks.

  “Sure.”

  “I’ve been thinking about names and I was wondering if it was ok, and if we had a daughter, that her middle name was Claire, after my mom?”

  I got chills and I had to fight the tears. This is something I was going to talk to him about after we found of what we were having. “Actually Eric, I was thinking the same thing, and I was going to say if we have a boy, his middle name could be James after our dads. Obviously with Ava she got Lilly after my mom. It was one of those things when I found out I was going to be a mom that my kids would take of the grandparent’s first name or middle name as their middle names, if that’s ok.”

  “Are you serious Katie? Yes of course it’s ok,” he says wiping a tear from his eyes.

  “Are you ok,” I ask.

  “No, I’m not. Knowing I’m going to be a dad and knowing my mom is dying, this is killing me. I’ve spent so much time away from her and I feel guilty over everything. She should be helping me with my kids. She’s going to miss out on so much and I feel sick thinking about it.”

  “I’m sorry baby.” I sit up and wrap my arms around his neck.

  He’s wiping tears away from his eyes. “How pathetic am I? I run away from you ten years ago, I run away from my family and I’m not here for you or my mom through all the shit you two have been through. Why the fuck do you still love me after all the shit I’ve put you through?”

  “Eric, stop! You didn’t put me through anything. I told you how I felt, Reagan ruined it, you didn’t. The shit Dean and Steve did, that was them so I don’t know why you’re beating yourself up over it.”

  “If that stupid bitch wouldn’t have followed us out that night I was going to ask you out. That’s why I asked you to go for a walk with me.”

  “You were?”

  “Yeah, I finally worked up the courage and I was going to ask you out and then I was going to warn you about the whole Reagan shit. But Brody assured me you would have understood.”

  “I have no idea what to say right now.” I sit there and stare at him.

  “Don’t say anything. I always thought you knew. I thought for sure Brady or Brody told you.”

  “Nope they never did, but it doesn’t matter. You know why?” I ask him.

  “Why?”

  “Because,” I grab his hand and put it on my belly and keep my hand on his “We have us now. We have this. Our life together may have gotten a late start, but babe our life has started. It started the moment I saw you at the bar. I love you.” I keep his hand on my stomach.

  “I love you more,” He replies back.

  “Not possible,” I reply back.

  Eric kisses me on the forehead and heads to work, I roll over look at the time and its 5 AM and I still have a couple of hours before Ava wakes up. I roll over on my side to try and get a quick nap in, but no such luck. I get this weird feeling in my stomach like something is wrong. “Fuck,” I whisper and put my hand on my stomach. “I really hope there’s nothing wrong with my gummy bears,” I say to myself lying there for a half an hour or so. I decide to get up.

  I walk into Ava’s room to check on her, she’s fine. I go to the kitchen grab a cup of coffee and sit at the dining table with my laptop. I cannot shake this uneasy feeling I’m having. There’s something wrong or something is about to happen and I hate not knowing what. I have to remind myself not to stress out because it’s not good for me or the babies. I go and take and shower to try and de-stress myself, which it doesn’t help.

  At seven thirty like clockwork Ava is awake. I go in and get her, get her changed and ready for the day. She wants pancakes for breakfast and that’s what I make her. I can’t seem to keep anything down so I settle for crackers and my coffee. After breakfast, I let Ava play in the living room while I clean up a little bit. I hear my phone buzz, I go a check it “Are you busy,” it’s from Rachel. “Not at the moment,” I reply back and my phone rings, but it’s not Rachel’s number. Not sure whose number this is. My stomach starts to hurt.

  “Hello,” I answer.

  “Katie,” a woman’s voice asks on the other end.

  “This is,” I reply back.

  “Katie its Mrs. Bryant, Dean’s mom,” she says. Fuck, my stomach does this weird motion and starts to hurt again.

  “Ok,” I say back. Why the hell is she calling me, how the hell did she get my phone number? My head is fucking spinning right now.

  “Katie, I’m sorry to be calling you but there’s something you should know,” she says and it sounds like she’s crying on the other end.

  “Well tell me then,” I snap.

  “Katie, Dean is dead. He died last night in his cell. We were told he hung himself,” she says and starts to bawl on the other end.

  “He’s dead?”

  “That’s what I said. I’m sorry to have called you, but I thought you would want to know,” she says and hangs up.

  I sit down on the couch looking at my phone. “He’s dead,” I say out loud.

  There’s a knock at my door and I look out the window and I see Rachel. I open the door.

  “You know,” she says me.

  “That obvious?” I open the door further so she can come in. “My question is how do you know?”

  “Brady worked last night and they got the call.”

  “So he hung himself? I thought he was on suicide watch?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know anything about it, just that he’s dead. Wait, how did you find out? Eric’s dad, your dad?”

  “Nope, even better, Mrs. Bryant herself called me. Still trying to figure out how she has my number.”

  “What the fuck? She has no fucking right to call you.”

  “Yeah I know, but she did.”

  “Are you ok?”

  “I don’t know Rachel. I don’t know how I feel. Part of me is happy he’s gone, but the other part of me is like wow, really? Another one dies. I mean, I did love the guy. I wanted to marry him at one point in time, you know?”

  “I know, but this is kind of a good thing.”

  “I guess, but he’s Dean. Before Steve got in his head, he was amazing. I don’t know I’m just in shock I guess.”

  “I’m sure you are. I’m sorry,” she says giving me a hug.

  “Don’t be mad, but I feel guilty. I feel like if it wasn’t for me, he would still be alive and he would have a great life.”

  “Oh fuck that! Not this again. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s that damn ass hole Steve. Stop blaming yourself.”

  “I know,” I say quietly. I sit there on the couch quietly watching Ava.

  “So show me baby pictures,” Rachel says

  “Oh shit! That’s right.” I smile a little.

  She stays with Ava while I go get the ultra sound picture and my laptop. I show her all the pictures.

  “I cannot believe you’re having two babies! Holy shit!”

  “I know right?! It’s crazy.”

  “What did that one girl call her baby in the book we were reading? You know th
e book that made us ugly cry, like really badly?”

  I let out a laugh, “She called him Gummy Bear.”

  “That’s right! You got two gummy bears in there,” she says putting her hand on my stomach.

  I lift up one eye brow at here. “Really? You’re going to start that shit already? I don’t think so!” It’s one of my biggest pet peeves is when people touch my stomach. Yes there’s a baby in there, but no you don’t need to rub or touch my stomach. It’s my stomach!

  “Sorry, but there’s two!”

  “And they’re so tiny you can barely see them. The only time I know I’m pregnant is when I throw up constantly or I just want to sleep all day.”

  “That’s so crazy. I want one,” she pouts.

  “No luck huh?”

  “Nope and I go to the doctor on Friday to get checked to see why.”

  “Stop trying. I heard if you try, it puts a lot of stress on you and keeps you from getting pregnant.”

  “Maybe, I don’t know. All I know is I want one badly.”

  “It’ll happen for you guys. No worries!”

  “I know, just sucks.”

  We hang out for a little while and then she has to leave to go to work.

  I called my dad to let him know what happened to Dean and I let Eric know. Needless to say they were happy to hear the news, but they both need to understand that yes, it’s a good thing he’s gone and my life is now out of danger, but I did once love him. I wanted to marry him. It sucks he’s gone and I guess I’m the only one who understands that.

  The rest of the day I spent cleaning and playing with Ava. Eric came home at four and we got ready to go to his parents’ house for dinner. Eric and I didn’t say much to each other when he got home or on our way to his parents. It was small talk, but I was quiet and distant. I knew if I said anything about Dean, he would say something that I didn’t want to hear and probably snap at him. So I figured less was best.

  Dinner was ok. Eric, his dad and my dad started talking about Dean. I couldn’t take much more of this bull shit talking. “Really, we have to talk about how bad he was? I wear the damn scars, but I should remind you three that I did love him and I did want to marry him. Yes, in the end he was a monster, but I also knew a side of Dean that wasn’t there the night he hurt me.”

  “I’m sorry sweetie, but as your father I’m glad he’s gone.”

  “Well that makes three of you because rightfully I’m not sure how I feel about it. Actually part of me is hurting. He died for no reason. If Steve and Reagan would have kept their mouths shut, I don’t think he would have turned out like he did. So if you don’t mind, talk about him all you want, but not around me,” I snap

  I’m annoyed and we’re supposed to give these pictures to them. ‘Ok Katie, go back to your happy place. You have Eric and Ava and two babies on the way. Just breathe,’ I say to myself.

  I nudge Eric’s arm and get his attention to get up and follow me. We excuse ourselves and go to the truck, “Hey, I’m sorry.” He wraps me in his arms.

  “It’s fine Eric. Just please just stop talking about him. He wasn’t all bad.”

  “Well, should we do this,” he changes the subject.

  “Yes.” I give him a weak smile.

  I hand the gift to my dad and Dana and Eric hands his to his parents.

  “What is it,” Eric’s mom asks.

  “Just open it,” I smile at her and they open the gifts. Our dads are looking at it like they don’t understand what we’re trying to tell them.

  “Oh My God!” Eric’s mom jumps up and comes over to us. “Really?” she asks as she grabs my face.

  “Yeah, really!” My eyes start to water.

  Dana gets up and hugs us both “Did you figure it out dad,” Eric asks both of our dads who look at each other and the picture and at us.

  “You plus Ava plus Katie equals five,” Eric’s dad says with confusion.

  “You’re pregnant,” my dad finally says. “But that would equal four,” he says confused.

  “You’re pregnant with twins,” Eric’s dad shouts.

  “Well it’s about damn time you figured it out!” Once they finally get it, they get up and hug us.

  We spend a couple more hours with them and filled them in with the due date. I’ve asked Eric’s mom to come along with us to my next appointment as long as she was feeling up to it. She’s over the moon happy about it.

  Ava starts to get tired and cranky so we say our good byes. My dad and Dana are going to stop over on Tuesday so I can meet her son Evan. I guess he got offered a job or transfer to Green Bay from New York or something. I told them I’d be home all day so whenever. I think it’s getting pretty serious with my dad and Dana, which is weird but cool at the same time. My mom has been gone for over ten years. It’s good to see dad happy.

  After we get home we get Ava to bed, we’re both exhausted and decide to go to bed too.

  We’re lying in bed watching TV when Eric rolls to his side and sits up on his elbow.

  “Why are you so quiet today? You feel ok?”

  “I’m fine, just a lot on my mind.”

  “You might be able to bullshit some people but you can’t me. So what’s going on?”

  “Doesn’t matter; whatever I say you’re going to get pissed at me so it doesn’t matter.”

  “When have I ever gotten pissed at you? Never, so talk to me.”

  “You really want to know?”

  “Yeah I do!”

  “Ok well fine. You want to know how my heart hurts because Dean is dead. Yes I feel horrible. I feel like it’s my fault he killed himself. It is my fault, so I’m pretty sure you don’t want to talk about it!” I roll over with my back towards him. I’m pissed and embarrassed.

  “I don’t know Dean, I’ll be the first to admit that, the only thing I do know is that he hurt you and he came here not too long ago to hurt you and possibly Ava too, so I’m sorry if I don’t feel your sympathy for him Katie because I don’t know how he was towards you before any of it happened.”

  “Yeah well, even the people that did know him don’t feel sorry for him. So I’m sorry, I’m going to grieve for him because that’s who I am, and if I decide to go to his funeral, that’s my choice. I don’t care if any of you like it or not. I’m going to grieve for him. It’s my fault Steve and Reagan fucked him up. I ruined his life. Me, I did it. So whatever, I’m going to sleep now,” I snap.

  Eric wraps his arms around me and holds me close to his chest. “I love you,” he whispers in my ear.

  “I love you too Eric. Please know that through all this, I’ve always been yours, and I will always be yours, but you have to let me grieve.”

  “Ok,” he says and he kisses the back of my head and I squeeze his arms.

  Eric left for work at six this morning and Ava decided she didn’t need to sleep anymore, so we all got up with him today.

  I get Ava and I cleaned up and go out in the backyard to play. I have so much going on with the business opening up, the babies and just everyday life, that I’m starting to regret opening this business. I know it’s always been my dream, but with babies coming, I almost feel like I should just not do this. It’s something I have to think hard about.

  I feed Ava lunch and get her down for her nap. Maddie sent me a text asking if she and the kids can come over for a little while. I told her it was fine.

  “Hi,” I say opening the door before she even knocks.

  I can tell she’s been crying, “What’s wrong,” I ask. She hugs me and cries even harder. “Madison, what is wrong?”

  “He’s leaving. He’s going back to Colorado.”

  “Who, Dylan,” I ask and we come inside and sit on the couch. Charlie and Olivia find Ava’s toys right away and start playing.

  “Yep, the bastard even had divorce papers drawn up for the last month and half and he wants me to sign them. My marriage is over!”

  “What the fuck? Why? What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I have
no fucking clue. He said he only agreed to come to Wisconsin so he could get me and the kids settled in. He knew when we left Colorado that this was going to happen.”

  “This doesn’t make sense.”

  “Yeah I know. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I work so many weird hours at the hospital. What am I going to do with the kids?”

  “You’ll figure it out. We will figure it out.” I grab her hands.

  “I heard about Dean. How are you doing?”

  “I don’t know. No one thinks I should grieve for him, but I am. I’m going to his funeral too.”

  “Well I’m here if you need me.”

  “I know you are.”

  A couple of hours later my dad and Dana walk through the door. Maddie and I are in the kitchen making cupcakes, and the girls are in the living room playing.

  “Katie,” I hear my dad.

  “In here,” I yell.

  “Shit what time is it,” Maddie says and looks at the clock. “Can the girls stay here while I go get Deacon from school?”

  “Yeah that’s fine.”

  She grabs her keys and purse, “Oh hi,” she says.

  I hear a man’s voice, “Hi.” Must be Evan, I shrug.

  My dad and Dana come in to the kitchen. “Hey dad, hi Dana,” I say and smile at them as I head over to the sink to wash up.

  “Hi,” they say at the same time, a few seconds later a guy comes around the corner with a little boy who looks to be four. The guy is about 6’1”, nice body, green eyes, and short brown hair that you can tell has a natural curl to it. The little boy has brown curly hair and brown eyes.

  “Katie, this is Evan and Jack. Evan this is Katie,” Dana says.

  I dry my hands and walk towards him. He offers his hand and I shake it.

  “Nice to meet you,” I give him a small smile.

  “Yeah same here. Nice place you have.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Where’s Maddie going,” my dad asks.

  “Oh to get Deacon, she’ll be back in a little bit.”

  “She ok?”

  “She’ll be fine.”

  “So Katie, how are you feeling? A lot of morning sickness,” Dana asks.

  I let out a laugh, “Morning, afternoon, night; it’s an all-day kind of thing.”