by Kimber White
“Go!” I yelled. “God, Shae. Don’t you see what will happen? Because, you’re right. It’s getting harder to control. You can’t help me with this because being around you right now makes it worse.”
“Xander.”
“No,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life. Fate was cruel enough to bring you to me when you’re the one woman I can’t have. You can live without me.”
“But you can’t live without me.”
“At least I’ll die knowing you’re safe.”
“Safe?” A deep crease formed between her eyes. “Safe? You want me to live with my heart ripped out of me.”
“My brothers will protect you as long as they live. Hopefully that will be long enough. And if they don’t, my mother will. We may not be mated, but you’re mine. They’ll keep their oath.”
“Screw your oaths. I hate this.”
“So do I.” The anger went out of me. With it, my dragon cooled. It wouldn’t last long. An hour, maybe two, and I’d need to shift again. When I did, Shae would have to be long gone.
Mercifully, I didn’t have to say it. She knew. She felt it in her heart alongside mine. It broke me. It broke her. But, at least she would be alive to hurt. She could move on. She had to. For both of us.
Shae covered her mouth with both hands. Fresh tears spilled. As the wind kicked up and my fire rose, she backed away. The elevator doors opened and Avelina stood there waiting. She’d sensed the shift in the air around me too. If Shae didn’t leave right now, it would be too late.
Sobbing, Shae ran to the elevator. My heart turned to ash in her wake.
Chapter Eighteen
Shae
You never think about breathing. You just do it. But, as I watched Xander turn from me, anguish etched on his face, I felt as if I’d forgotten how. Blood roared in my ears as I watched him take flight.
He needed me. I needed him. But, we were slowly killing each other. I couldn’t be what he needed. My heart split in two. As much as I wanted to go to him and damn the consequences, the truth thrummed through me. I was human. I couldn’t dance with a dragon and survive.
Part of me didn’t care. Living without Xander would be no life at all.
I stood on that roof for what seemed like days, watching Xander’s dragon shrink to a tiny black dot in the sky. He could cloak himself from everyone but me. In every way.
When I turned back to the door, Avelina was waiting, her expression grim. I wanted to hate her too. Except I knew her suffering ripped her apart as much as mine did.
She’d had to kill her brother. I couldn’t imagine what that was like. And now, she faced the prospect of doing the same to her own son.
I moved in slow motion and on autopilot. Avelina followed me as I headed down to my suite of rooms. I found luggage waiting by the door. Marie. A flare of hatred went through me. Of course Avelina knew how this would all play out. She’d thought of everything.
Part of me wanted to rail at Avelina to leave, but I didn’t have the energy. She stood quietly by the door as I went into the bedroom and packed my things.
My things. I owned none of it. Every stitch of clothing I had, Xander had given me. I almost wanted to walk out of here naked, leaving everything behind. The thought of living without Xander had me feeling just as exposed.
In the end, I packed only the essentials. A few changes of clothes. The only items that belonged to me for real were the locket around my neck and the man’s watch I’d taken from my father all those years ago.
I snapped the suitcase shut and went to the door. Avelina stood in front of it. I almost couldn’t look at her.
“Are you going to move?” I asked.
She let out a sigh and stepped to the side. “Will you at least let me help you get on your feet?”
I shook my head, trying to clear it. “I don’t even…”
She came to me, putting a light hand on my shoulder. “Have you even thought about where you might go?”
“What?”
Avelina made a motherly gesture, smoothing the hair from my face. “We’ve turned your world upside down. You lost everything because of me. I know that. And I also know how you feel. In fact, I might be the only woman on the planet who does.”
I was stubborn enough to want to argue with her. Except, I knew in my heart she was right. I didn’t know Magnus, her mate. But, I’d felt enough of his presence in Scotland to understand what he was. And for hundreds of years, Avelina had found the strength to go on without him.
I hiccupped as a sob tore through me.
“I can’t possibly make things right,” she said. “And I can’t even promise that this is going to get easier for you. But, maybe you can let me try. I know a place. It’s quiet. Kind of simple. You could try and build a life there.”
I blinked hard, not knowing what to think. “You don’t owe me that.”
“Don’t I? I’m the one who sent Xander into your shop all those weeks ago. If I hadn’t....”
“We would have found each other anyway. That’s how fate works.” I was full-on crying now. I felt Xander getting further and further away from me. His pain still matched mine. It hurt. How the hell was I going to be able to go on from this?
Avelina seemed to know my heart. “This place,” she said. “It’s a slower pace than Chicago. But, it would be a fresh start. After I lost Magnus, I went someplace very much like it. This was well before I brought my sons into the world. I was all alone. You don’t have to be. I know it may not seem like it at first, but the life I’m offering you...it will help.”
I wanted to tell her to go to hell. I felt like I was already there. But, Avelina Brandhart held sadness in her eyes that I understood. It was one I now owned completely. So, in the end, I took one more leap of faith and trusted her.
She must have known I would. Because when we walked out of the lobby together, Henry was already waiting with a car. He tipped his hat to Avelina and opened the back seat for me.
Avelina gave me a sad, knowing smile. I felt Xander’s heartbreak again as I stepped inside and we pulled away from the curb.
Chapter Nineteen
Shae
Two Months Later...
“You were right,” I said. “It does help a little having the lake to look at.”
Avelina closed the sliding door behind her. She balanced two cups of coffee by the handles in one hand. She wore a flowing black caftan. The breeze caught it, showing off her tanned, toned legs. Beneath that, she was rocking a black bikini. She’d spent the morning sunning herself on a raft in the middle of the lake.
It wasn’t Lake Michigan. It wasn’t even close. This was Angel Lake in southwest Michigan. It was quiet. Peaceful. Avelina had brought me to a quaint, 1,500-square-foot, two-bedroom lake house on an isolated peninsula. She signed the deed over to me on the spot, though I’d protested.
“Shae,” she said. “This place is worth maybe two hundred thousand dollars. I have billions, dear. And more property than I know what to do with.”
I felt a little like she was buying me off though. “Face it,” she’d said. “You’re part of this family now in your own way. Plus, I don’t mind having another woman to talk to from time to time.”
She’d done more for me than just the house. She’d given me seed money to start a business here in town. A little bookstore of my own, just like the one I’d run with Marvin. Avelina thought of everything. It was a little turn-key operation. The previous owners were in their seventies and looking to retire. They had no children or anyone to leave the business to. Though she wouldn’t say it, Avelina had given them an offer they couldn’t refuse. The husband was a bear shifter and she’d known him for decades. He had no idea what Avelina was, but he sensed enough to respect her.
“It’s not forever,” she had said, sensing my mood. “But it will give you something to focus on for now.”
She was right. Damn it all to hell. Avelina Brandhart was almost always right.
That had been
two months ago now. Each day, the pain of leaving Xander grew duller. At night, alone in the quiet, it would grow sharp again. I could feel him. Avelina swore she hadn’t told him where I’d gone. She’d just promised him that she’d look out for me and help me restart my life.
I liked to come out on the dock at night when the stars were brightest. That’s when I could feel Xander the most. He was out there somewhere, flying far overhead. Avelina said he’d left Chicago right after I did. Just as she’d kept my whereabouts from him, she kept his from me.
It didn’t matter though. I knew in a heartbeat, he could find me. That is, if he opened his wide enough. What hurt more than anything was the knowledge that he was no longer looking.
“Thanks,” I said as Avelina handed me a cup of coffee. We took it out on the wrap-around wooden deck overlooking the lake. Early August and fishing boats dotted the horizon. Beyond them, skiers and tubers made churning lines in the crystal waters.
I liked it here. It was simple. Quiet. It was the kind of place Marvin always talked about. But, it didn’t feel like home. Maybe it never would.
Besides the bear shifter whose store I took over, I knew there were other shifters a little farther north. I couldn’t begin to understand the network Avelina had built up, but I got the distinct feeling she’d put the word out that I was here. She had her spies looking out for me. In town, I was greeted with friendly, knowing smiles.
Avelina came every other day at first. Now, once a week I’d usually find her sunning herself on the dock when I came back from the store. This morning, she’d actually knocked on the door first to see if I was home.
I never asked her about Xander, though thoughts of him burned within me. Had he shifted since I last saw him? Was he in pain?
The last time she came, Avelina caught me wearing one of Xander’s shirts. I hadn’t meant to take it, but found it at the bottom of my suitcase. I’d packed in such a hurry that last morning, I hadn’t realized it was even there until much later. When I found it, I cried for almost an entire day. Now it was my favorite thing to sleep in. It was all I had left of him. I had Xander’s shirt, my locket, and my father’s wristwatch. They were the only physical possessions I kept close to me from my past. Everything else was packed in boxes down at the store.
“Things are coming along down at the store, I hear,” she said, sipping her coffee. A pair of mute swans glided into view, the female leading the way as the male ducked his head beneath the water and pulled up a clump of weeds.
“Steady,” I said. “I haven’t had the stomach to unpack the rest of Marvin’s boxes yet.”
She set her cup down. “Well, when you’re ready.”
“There was less than I thought,” I said. “Old books. Candles. Just a bunch of trinkets that mostly collected shelf dust back in Chicago. I went through it all when I packed it up from the Chicago store. I’ll let you know if anything interesting turns up.”
Her smile wavered for just an instant. She’d been with me when we cleaned out the last of Marvin’s store. She stood on guard, but the wolf shifters never came back. They were out there though. Somewhere. At least one of them had his hands on dragonstone. I knew Avelina would never give up her search for it.
“Hallo!” A booming voice reached us from the water. I cupped a hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun. It was Mr. Bernard, the bear shifter we’d bought the bookstore from. He and his wife lived in a little cottage on the other side of the lake.
I ran down the hill to the dock. Mr. Bernard had a rickety pontoon boat he’d made himself. It wasn’t much more than a strip of waterproof decking with ugly green outdoor carpet glued to the top. He fancied himself a handyman among other things. Mrs. Bernard sat in the passenger seat wearing a big floppy hat to keep the sun out of her face.
He threw me a rope and I helped pull him alongside the dock. Avelina moved with such grace she almost appeared to float down the hill. Mr. Bernard looked her up and down. From what I understood, they’d known her for at least ten years. The woman was married to a bear shifter; she knew something was off about Avelina though she’d never guess what.
“Bluegills are on their beds,” he said pointing to a little alcove further down the lake. Gus Bernard was making it a summer project to teach me how to fish. So far, I’d refused to take him up on it.
Grief hit me between the eyes. It happened like that. Always unexpectedly. He and Marvin would have really hit it off. I had this vision of Judy Bernard making a summer project out of him. Rumor was, she was the Angel Lake resident matchmaker. There was a disproportionate amount of divorcees and widows on this lake, I’d learned. I felt very much like the latter.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.
Avelina stood at the end of the dock, her arms crossed. Her white hair lifted in the breeze. I put out a hand to help Judy step off the boat. Gus shot her a look. For a moment, it seemed like he wanted her to stay behind.
He was old for a bear shifter and kind of a unicorn for living down here all by himself. Though bears weren’t pack shifters like wolves, I knew their clans tended to still live in clusters near each other. The closest lived in the Upper Peninsula in Wild Ridge.
“What’s your news?” Avelina asked. She kept a cool expression that rattled me a little. Whatever else was going on, the Bernards’ visit didn’t seem exactly welcome to her. She’d have some explaining to do as soon as they were gone. If there was something stirring in the shifter world, I deserved to know. Even if I wasn’t technically part of it anymore. That pang of loneliness hit me in the gut again.
Sometimes, I wondered if Avelina’s visits were doing me more harm than good. I just wasn’t ready to break off that connection to Xander yet. The moment I thought it, I knew it was the same for her. Being near me connected her to him too. Someday soon, that might be all she had left.
“Oh, nothing all that interesting,” Gus said. He heaved himself off the side of the boat and walked up the dock. He was huge like all bear shifters were. Standing at least six feet six, he was thick through the chest and had a deep, rumbling laugh. Judy looked so small beside him. He took her hand as I turned to walk up to the porch.
“We can’t stay,” Judy said. “Gus here just wanted to check in. Make sure you’re settling in all right.”
I did a double take. It was such an odd thing to say. I’d been here for weeks. This was at least the fourth visit the Bernards had paid me since I signed the deed to the place.
Avelina cocked her head to the side. The breeze picked up again and her blue eyes glinted with a hint of fire. My own spine prickled. Then, the air went still. Something spooked the two mute swans out on the water. They flapped their wings in unison and took to the air. I’d been here long enough to know they didn’t often do that, preferring to get where they were going over the water.
“What’s going on, Gus?” Avelina asked. “Someone’s been in town asking about Shae, haven’t they?”
My stomach dropped. No. Not now. I wasn’t there yet. But maybe, with time, I could settle into a routine here and find a way to keep moving forward alone.
“We shouldn’t have come,” Judy answered. “Don’t pay Gus any mind. He just needs more to occupy his mind in his retirement. We should take a trip up to Wild Ridge. He hasn’t seen his cousins in years.”
Gus made a downward gesture with his hands. “Don’t get all worried, Avelina,” he said. “I’m sure it’s nothing. But yeah. Toby down at the gas station said some out-of-towners were asking questions last night.”
“Wolves?” she asked. My throat ran dry.
Gus and Judy passed a look. It was all the answer I needed.
Avelina’s eyes went full-on blue fire. Instinct fueled me and I cleared my throat as loud as I could, trying to draw Gus’s attention away from her face. It wasn’t like her to be so careless, especially around other shifters. Of all the things Gus might guess, never in a million years would his mind think dragon. At least, I hoped.
“We’re sorry,” Judy
said. Tears filled her eyes. Gus held her hand and he made a subtle move that nearly stopped my heart. He put himself between Judy and the wooded inlet on the south side of my property.
Avelina charged him. “You thought you’d be enough?” she said, her voice cracking with rage. “You son of a bitch. You think I wouldn’t be able to smell them a mile away?”
“Ave--”
I didn’t get the word out. Avelina pushed me behind her and squared her shoulders, facing the tree line.
Gus threw Judy to the ground. The trees rustled and I heard a hissing sound.
Oh, God. She would shift! I saw Avelina’s shoulder ripple as she struggled to keep her dragon wings still. The shot took her straight in the chest. She rose up off the ground an inch, then collapsed in a heap at my feet.
“What the hell?”
When I looked up, there were three of them. Human still, but there was no mistaking their blood-red eyes. One of them nocked a fresh arrow in his crossbow. His first shot had aimed true.
Avelina twitched on the ground. The arrow stuck out of her chest. Only dragonstone could have immobilized her like that. The light went out of her eyes as she reached for me. He missed. Thank God. He must have just missed her heart.
“Leave her alone!” Judy was crying. “You promised you weren’t here to hurt anyone.”
The next arrow struck Gus in the neck. He went down, dying instantly. I alone understood the anguish in Judy’s scream. She sank to her knees beside her mate. Then, the wolves closed in around me.
Chapter Twenty
Xander
At first, I found Shae in my dreams. Fire-kissed, strong, radiant. The light enveloped her. When I touched her, she never burned. That worked for a while. Weeks. I found an equilibrium similar to what my life had been in the last few years before she stepped into my life.