by Kimber White
“He’s my son,” she whispered. “I’ll never apologize for doing what I have to to protect him.”
“You could have told me,” I said. “If you’d let me in on your little plan to draw out those wolves, I might have gone along anyway. They killed someone I loved.”
“And I needed to know for sure you weren’t working with them.”
I sighed. There was no point going in circles with this. I took the seat beside her and changed my mind. I reached around her to pour myself a glass of scotch. It wasn’t my favorite drink, but I felt like I needed a little fire in my own belly just then.
“He’s getting worse,” Avelina said. “They all are. They think they have time.”
“How much?” I asked. The liquor settled in me, making my head spin just a touch.
Avelina took a sip of her own. “Finn and Loch seem to be holding on better than the others. Their temperament is more even to begin with. I don’t know if that helps. Kian’s slipping more every day. He tries to hide it. Goes off on his own. Gideon and Xander though, when it happens to them, it will be quick. One day, they’ll be able to control it. The next, they’ll be gone.”
“So let me save him!” I said, reaching for Avelina. I put my hand on her arm expecting to feel heat. Instead, she was ice cold.
“How much has he told you?” she asked, setting her glass down.
I didn’t know how to answer that. It felt like another trap. She saw the indecision in my eyes and turned to me.
“Fated mates,” she said. “Two dragons are invincible together. Not immortal, but invincible. It’s like two halves of a whole. Stronger together. You feel what he feels. Burn when he burns. Soar when he does. Die when he dies.”
“But you didn’t,” I said.
“No. Because of our sons, I got to experience what it was like to live without the man I love. For them, I’ve managed to go on. And I will not suffer that pain again. I won’t let them suffer it.”
“You can’t protect them from every pain, Avelina. No mother can.”
“No,” she said. “But this time it’s you someone has to protect. You’re human, Shae. It’s not your fault.”
I laughed. “Thanks for that. I’ve been doing a pretty good job taking care of myself up until this point. And fate...I think it’s a funny thing. You can’t control it. I think that’s kind of the point. Xander is...mine.”
A tear glinted in Avelina’s eye. The sight of it made my blood run cold. She was afraid. She was nine hundred years old. Only God knew what things she’d seen and survived. But, sitting here in that apartment with me overlooking Lake Michigan, something had her terrified.
“A dragon mates with fire, Shae.”
“I know. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.” My voice dropped. It was more than a little awkward talking to Xander’s mother about sex or near sex between us.
“He’s holding back,” she said. I clamped my jaw shut. Shit. Was there anything this woman didn’t know? “And it’s a damn good thing. Amazing, really. Dragons are...uh...rather passionate.”
I blushed. Finally, Avelina cracked a hint of a smile.
“Yes,” I said. “He is holding back. Since Knoydart, he’s been afraid to touch me.”
She nodded. “If my son were to...couple...with you, in the...uh...Biblical sense, his fire might burn right through. And even if it doesn’t, there’s no way to stop a baby from coming.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Avelina, you know, we humans have made a few advancements over the last nine hundred years on that front.”
“They don’t work against a dragon, honey,” she said. “Condoms aren’t fireproof.”
“Well, the pill probably is.”
Avelina dropped her eyes. “For my son to fully come into his own...he’s got to mate for real. He’s got to mark his fated mate. Marking can’t happen without creating a new life. It’s how we work.”
“He’s worried I don’t want to become a mother? Listen...we haven’t even talked about that. I’m not against it. I mean, not right now. But someday. Probably. And, I love Xander. We’re meant for each other. I believe that in my soul.”
“You’re human, Shae. It’s physically impossible for you to bear a dragon’s child.”
It got so cold in that room. Terror gripped my heart when I saw the pain in Avelina’s eyes. “How do you know?” I asked. “I mean, we are fated. Don’t you think that means something?”
She shook her head. “It’s so cruel. But, I’ve seen it once before. My brother Charles tried to mate with a human woman. They were meant for each other too. Anyone could see it. She even survived conception. But, when the time came for her to give birth, the child burned her from the inside out. Neither of them survived. It fell to me. I had to kill him to save him from himself. He went mad from it. He burned a city to the ground before I got to him and ended it.”
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. Avelina hadn’t touched me, but her words carried physical weight. It was as if she’d gotten inside my head. The power of her words exploded inside me. I could see the woman she spoke of die. In flames. In agony. In hell.
I staggered out of the chair and went to the window. I needed out. I needed to run. I needed air.
“He knows all this,” I said. “Xander knows.”
“Yes,” she said. “He’s trying to do the right thing. But, he’s not strong enough to let you go, Shae. You have to be. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? As much as you’ll both suffer by separating, it will be worse if you stay. Do you see that? I’m offering you a way out. Take it. I wish things were different. I swear. But, they’re not. He won’t send you away. You have to be the strong one.”
I backed away from her, my head a swirl of emotions. I was losing my mind. No. This couldn’t be true. Why would fate bring Xander and me together if we couldn’t really be together? But, I knew in my heart...my soul...Avelina was right.
God help us both. She was right.
Chapter Seventeen
Xander
Gideon and I soared over the city. Avelina thought it best to keep patrolling even though we hadn’t seen or sensed the rogue shifter pack in weeks. All of our attempts to trace their Alpha had led nowhere. That could either be the good news or the bad news, depending on how you looked at it.
Either they’d snuck off, tail between their legs, and moved on to some other city. Or, their Alpha saw enough before I killed the beta wolf that night to know there was an actual dragon living in Chicago. He might be trying to gather a bigger army to hunt me down. Part of me wished for that second thing. It would give me a chance to blow off some serious steam and focus my energies on something other than what I had to do about Shae.
Gideon had just finished his fly-over on the east side of the city. He let out a shriek that vibrated over my scales. It was time to head back. It was time to face Shae. I banked hard left and fell in beside Gideon. There was a heavy cloud cover over the downtown area. We barely needed to cloak ourselves as we came in for a landing.
Pain shot through me as I spread my wings and went into a glide. Heat stabbed through my heart. Grief. Anguish. I felt Shae’s hot tears against my own face. My sixth sense told me she wasn’t in physical pain. She wasn’t in danger, but something had upset her badly.
Fire roared out of me. Gideon turned and clipped my wing with his. A warning shot. He was trying to help me stay in control.
He landed first, barked out a call to me. He moved to the side of the roof, giving me room. I saw him shift. He kept his eyes skyward, waiting for me to circle one last time and land.
I stretched my feet in front of me, folded in my wings, then hit the roof going a little too fast. I dug my talons into the concrete and spread my wings again to catch my balance.
Gideon’s voice came to me as if he were underwater. I tucked my wings to my body and tried to shift.
I couldn’t.
Shae was crying. I caught of a flash of her. Avelina had her arms around her. They were standing in he
r apartment, looking out at the lake. I tried to reach out to Shae, give her comfort. I hit a wall as she pushed me back.
I let out a puff of smoke and lowered my head. Once again, I tried to quiet my dragon and shift. I couldn’t get there. Fire roared inside of me, gripping my heart.
“Xander!” Gideon saw my distress. He ran toward me, pulling his shirt over his head. He stopped just short of my right wing, careful to stay out of my reach.
“Xander,” he said again, calmer. He stretched his arms wide, palms out, showing me he was no threat.
I tried to answer, but blasted fire instead. I couldn’t find it. I couldn’t find the edge. Every time I reached for it in my mind, it seemed to slip away. It was as if I’d lost the memory of how to shift. When I sought out the man inside of me, I was met with more fire.
I staggered sideways, trying to keep as much distance between Gideon and me. My fire wouldn’t kill him, but it could hurt him for a while. I screeched again. Gideon’s eyes went wide with terror. I wasn’t cloaked. If the street sounds far below didn’t drown it out, anyone within a two block radius might have heard me. One time, they might brush it off as some industrial sound. If it happened again, people would start to look up.
The elevator doors swung open. Avelina and Shae ran out together. Gideon screamed a warning to them, but I couldn’t make out the words. They made no sense. For one brief, terrifying moment, I’d lost language.
But, I didn’t need words to understand what was happening. I saw it in Avelina’s eyes. She looked at Gideon and went to his side. Shae stood frozen, horrified as Avelina shouted to her.
Oh, God. She was scared to death of me. I tried to go to her. Tried to tell her. It was me. It was okay. Again, nothing but a blast of fire came out. Avelina threw herself in front of Shae at the last instant before it would have struck her.
No. God, no. I would never hurt her!
Avelina said something else to Shae, but she ignored her. I tried to back away. There wasn’t enough room for me to get airborne. One flap of my wings and I’d knock Shae right off the roof.
She came to me. It was as if time stood still, then moved in slow motion. Gideon and Avelina were shouting. He tried to run toward me. Avelina held him back. Shae took three slow steps toward me, holding her hands out just like my brother had done.
I felt the fire building. I wanted so desperately to let it out. It would kill her. I would kill her. Then, Shae touched my wing and the world stopped.
“It’s okay,” she said. Words. My God, I could hear her.
Something broke loose inside of me. Shae’s touch quieted the flames. I took a breath. Just a normal breath. The oxygen filled my lungs. I closed my eyes.
“Xander,” she said. “Come back. It’s all right. Just come back.”
I dropped my head and felt a release, like water rushing out of me. When I opened my eyes, she was there. She was close. And I was standing on two legs. Just me. My dragon was tucked safely inside.
Gideon and Avelina rushed forward. Shae kept her hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay,” she said, locking her gaze with mine. “He’s okay. Just leave us.”
“Shae,” Avelina said. Anguish lit her eyes, but she stayed back. Gideon had a hand on her, pulling her toward the elevators.
“I said it’s all right.” Shae’s voice took a hard edge. Something had happened between them. It was Avelina who had caused her anguish. The instant I thought it, I knew that wasn’t quite true. It was me. Her pain came from me. And I knew in my heart it was about to get worse.
* * *
Gideon and Avelina didn’t want to leave my side.
“I’m not going to hurt her,” I said to him, my voice clipped, my dragon still so close to the surface.
“You sure about that?” His questioning eyes gutted me. I warred with myself. My predatory instincts kicked in. Shae was mine, dammit. And yet, because of it, my brother would risk his life to protect her too.
Avelina’s light touch on his arm quieted him. “It’ll be all right,” she said. “Xander’s back in control.” It’s what she left unsaid that gutted me. For now. I was in control for now.
“Just go,” Shae said, looking at them over her shoulder. “Let’s go downstairs.”
“No!” Gideon shouted. “No. That’s a bad idea. He’s better off out in the open. In case…”
“In case I shift,” I finished for him. “It could tear the building apart.”
Except, I was about to tear my heart apart. Avelina knew it. They all knew it. But, Avelina finally pulled my brother away. She must have sent out another call because far in the distance, I sensed Finn, Loch, and Kian. They flew in close, cloaking themselves. They’d be there in case I did something reckless like let the whole city see what I really was.
Avelina and Gideon finally went to the elevator. Shae had stayed stock still, her hand on my shoulder. Her own heat searing mine. When the doors closed, I stepped away from her and got the change of clothes Marie always left for me near the door. Shae waited. She walked to the edge of the roof, crossed her arms, and looked down at the humming city below.
I waited a long time. It felt like hours, though it was just a few minutes. Then, I went to her. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to pull her into my arms, bury myself in her. Block out all of the pain.
“Why didn’t you tell me the whole truth?” she asked, her voice breaking.
What could I say? If I knew Avelina, she hadn’t sugarcoated anything. And I had no good answer for her. Because I was weak. I was selfish where Shae was concerned.
“Shae…”
“No!” When I reached for her, she whirled away, holding her hand up as a caution. “No. What if I don’t believe it?”
“What?”
“I love you.”
Her words blasted through me, hotter than any fire I could make. More than anything, I wanted to return them. Because, I did love her. I loved everything about her. She had her own fire. Strength. Beauty. Courage. She had opened her heart to me when she had no reason to trust me and everything to fear. She had given herself to me. But, all I could offer her was pain. Saying it back would only make things worse in the end. Let me bear that pain alone.
“I love you,” she said again. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Those beautiful freckles stood out.
“I’m sorry. God, you don’t know how much.”
“What if she’s wrong?”
“What?”
“No,” she sniffled. “I mean it. What if Avelina is wrong? Have you met any other dragons besides her and your brothers? Ever?”
“No.”
“Exactly. So, the only reason you think mating with me would hurt me is because Avelina says so.”
I turned so I stood shoulder to shoulder with her. I gripped the railing and looked out at the streets below. “What possible reason would she have to lie or embellish something like that? She knows what happens to me if I don’t mate. Why in the hell would my own mother want to keep me from doing that? She wouldn’t.”
Shae was crying hard now. She sobbed and put the back of her hand to her mouth. God, I wanted to comfort her. My arms ached to hold her. But, I had to be stronger than that. The more I let her in, the harder it would be to let her go.
“You’ll die,” she said. “If I hadn’t been here just now, you wouldn’t have been able to get your dragon under control. I felt it, Xander. You’re getting worse.”
I dropped my chin to my chest. I couldn’t look at her. And I couldn’t deny what she said.
“Xander,” she said. She grabbed my arm and tried to turn me to face her. The dragon roared back. I wanted her. I wanted to consume her. I wanted to throw her on the ground and take her. Her own need flared through her. She gasped from it and took a step back. We were running out of time.
“If it’s a choice between my life or yours, then that’s no choice at all,” I said, my voice a choked whisper.
“But what if she’s wrong?”
I did turn to face her. Shae slid her
hands up, curving them around my ears. God, she made me strong and weak all at once. I wrapped my arm around her waist. The pull intoxicated me. Her lips found mine and set the lightning off in my heart.
The world spun. Fire licked at me. It came up from the ground, swirling around our feet. It would be so easy to take her. She wanted it. We both did. Even now, I felt the heat pooling between her legs. If I slid my hand up her thigh, I knew I’d find her soaked right through her panties.
I broke away, gasping, staggering. I put a hand to my lips, trying to brush away the sweet taste of her. It would drive me mad with lust.
“I won’t risk it,” I said, amazed I could still form words. “I won’t risk you.”
“So then what? What are we supposed to do now, Xander? This sickness is killing you. What happened today is only going to get worse. I know that now. I feel it. Avelina told me what happens to unmated dragons. Do you know what she’ll have to do?”
“Yes!” I hissed my answer. “Goddammit! Yes! I’ve known it my whole life. She practically breastfed us all on that story. I’ve had a countdown clock on me the moment I first drew breath. I’ve asked myself a thousand times why she did it in the first place. Why the hell did she breathe life into us knowing what would happen?”
I cursed myself for Shae’s tears. She shook her head. “How can you say that? How could she not breathe life into you? Xander...you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine a world without you in it. I hate this. I hate all of this except for how I feel when I’m with you. And now, you’re asking me to live without you. How am I supposed to do that, knowing it will sign your death warrant?”
“And I won’t mate with you knowing it will sign yours!” My words roared across the rooftop, blowing Shae’s hair back.
She reached for me. I pulled away. When she put her hands up, I circled my hands around her wrists and pushed them down. Pain ripped through me. My dragonfire swirled, setting off little explosions at my feet. Startled, Shae jumped back.