The Practitioner

by Ronica Black

  “No, you need to stay. I have things to tell you.”

  “I’ll come back.”

  “No, you won’t. You’re too uncomfortable. I know you, remember?”

  Elaine tugged on Johnnie’s hand.

  “You know who that woman was?” she asked. “She was you.”

  “Sorry?” Elaine was more drugged than Johnnie had thought.

  “She was you. I pretended she was you. I let her in my house and touched her because I wanted you.”

  Her eyes drifted closed and then tried to open again but failed. Johnnie stood there like a statue holding her limp hand. She was burning from the words but trying desperately to calm herself since they were drug induced. Even so, Elaine had managed to stir her even in an incapacitated state. How could this woman cause so much reaction in her?

  Johnnie watched her slip into sleep. Watched her mouth mumble a bit before it too gave up and gave in to the drug. Johnnie lifted her hand, her beautiful hand, and kissed it. Then she placed it on her chest and took the rose from the other hand. She placed that on the tray along with the bouquet. She stood mesmerized by the sight of Elaine sleeping. She wished she could curl up next to her and embrace her, bury her face in her dark mane. It was something she would think about the rest of the day. Something she’d dream about at night.

  For now, she had to go. She had to let her sleep.

  Beautiful Elaine.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Johnnie drove home without the radio. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep, and her bones felt as though they were melting beneath her skin. The stress of the previous night and morning was finally taking its toll, and she knew it was useless to fight it. Elaine was going to be okay and she couldn’t be more thankful. And even though she wasn’t sure what to think of the other woman who had called her and been there, she owed her a thanks as well.

  She pulled into her covered parking space and headed for the stairs to her loft. She needed a hot shower and something to eat. Hopefully, she had some yogurt in the fridge. Feeling like a ragdoll, she unlocked and pulled open her large door. She blinked a few times to make sure the image she was seeing was real.

  “Where have you been?” Gail rose from the couch wearing nothing but boy shorts. She held Johnnie’s face in her hands. “I’ve been worried sick.”

  Johnnie felt like collapsing in fatigue and defeat. She’d completely forgotten about Gail.

  “I told you you could stay the night,” Johnnie said, mainly to remind herself.

  “Yes.” She grinned and wrapped her arms around Johnnie’s shoulders. “But we didn’t get to the good part.” She kissed her and tried to plunge with her tongue.

  Johnnie pulled away in reflex. She closed the door and headed toward the fridge.

  “What’s with you?” Gail followed.

  “I’m tired.”

  “Why didn’t you answer your cell?”

  Johnnie opened the fridge, unopen to drama. “Did you eat all of my yogurt?”

  “It was all you had here, so yeah.”

  Johnnie retrieved the orange juice, screwed off the lid, and downed several large gulps.

  “You still didn’t tell me where you were or why you left.”

  Johnnie replaced the juice and sighed. “A friend of mine was in the emergency room.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “Monica?” Gail had always been jealous of Monica. And seeing Johnnie and her together at Amsterdam’s obviously set something off in her. It was probably why she’d shown up. Johnnie knew this, but she’d still let her in. She never could get over the look in her eyes when she pleaded. She’d said she had nowhere to go. That she missed her and wanted another chance. She’d said all the right words. The words Johnnie always wanted desperately to believe.

  “No, not Monica.”

  “Then who?”

  Johnnie crossed to her bedroom where she sat and removed her boots and socks. She crawled up to her pillows and curled up on her side. Her bed felt unbelievably good. So good she could stay there for all eternity. She closed her eyes as she sank farther into the feather duvet.

  “Johnnie?”

  Johnnie startled and felt movement on the bed. Gail had crawled up next to her. Johnnie felt her spoon her from behind. It was an unusual move. Gail was hardly ever affectionate. It meant she wanted something.

  “I need to sleep,” Johnnie said.

  Gail groaned. Then she pulled closer and whispered in her ear. “I’ll give you a good night kiss.”

  Johnnie closed her eyes and felt her flesh break out in goose bumps as Gail teased her ear with her lips and tongue and lowered her hand to her waistband. Too tired to fight, Johnnie relaxed and then moaned as Gail’s fingers found her center.

  “Oh, yeah, that’s it,” Gail whispered in her ear.

  “Don’t talk,” Johnnie said, mind already on Elaine and her powerful words. She tried to imagine how Elaine touched the other woman while pretending she was Johnnie. Had she stroked her like this? Spoken in her ear? Milked her until she was as wet as she could get? She groaned and rolled onto her back. It was no longer Gail touching her, pleasing her. It was Elaine, and Johnnie wanted to make it good for her. She moaned louder, pumped her hips, lifted her shirt, and lifted her breast above her bra to pinch her own nipples. She was lost in a world of Elaine, and when she came, she came hard and loud and violently, holding Gail’s arm to her, coming up off the bed and crying out for her. She called her from the depths of her soul until her voice was raspy and spent.

  Again and again, the wave of pleasure came and she rode them as hard as she could for as long as she could. When she finally stilled, she fell back onto the bed and shivered with aftershock. Her hand was still gripping Gail’s arm. She let go and Gail pulled it away quickly. She looked angry, but Johnnie was too fucking happy to care.

  She sank into her pillow and grinned. Her eyes fell closed with fatigue.

  “Who the fuck is Elaine?” Gail demanded.

  Johnnie heard her and felt the sharp nudge to her shoulder.

  “Johnnie? Johnnie?”

  “Sleep now,” Johnnie said.

  She felt Gail climb from the bed, heard her dress, and then heard the door close behind her when she left. Johnnie once again turned to her side and curled up. She drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Elaine.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Elaine opened her eyes and focused on the elevated television in front of her. It was on a DIY home show, and the volume was low and coming through the handheld nurse remote near her side. She arrowed through the channels and frowned when she found nothing interesting. She’d been in the bed for days, and she was antsy and uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to being away from home and the bed she’d shared with Barb.

  “How are we feeling today?” a nurse asked as she came in the room, rubbing her hands together with hand sanitizer. She checked Elaine’s machines, changed out the IV, and snapped on some gloves. “Let’s check your incision.” She opened Elaine’s gown and removed the bandage. Elaine refrained from looking. When she saw the staples and the red of the cut, she felt like Frankenstein, and she hated thinking about her chest cavity wide open and her heart being handled. In fact, it terrified her, and she was rarely afraid of anything.

  “I’m not afraid to die,” she said, surprising herself. She wasn’t. She would be with Barb, and with her heart trouble, it was something she’d had to face before. What she was afraid of was living through all of this. The staples, the scar, the manhandling of her heart, the beeping of the damn machine, keeping track of every beat, driving her mad. If the beep fell and went long with a flat line, would she hear it or would she already be gone?

  The nurse, who smelled like baby lotion, bandaged her back up and patted her arm. “You don’t need to worry about that.” She played with the blanket and the sheet. “Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?”

  “I’d really like another pillow. And a shower.”

  “We can do t
hat. Give me a second, sweetie.” She winked and left the room.

  Elaine stared at all the flowers she’d been sent from friends. Michael and his husband had come every day. The others kept their distance per her request. She didn’t want people seeing her like this. She felt vulnerable, imperfect. Image was everything in her business, and she had to maintain her strong confident self. Doing so also helped her. Knowing she was down at the moment frightened her a bit. She needed a shower, a change of clothes. And maybe tomorrow she could go.

  Maybe tomorrow she could go home and make sure Johnnie knew she could come for an appointment. Though she’d tried not to get her hopes up, and despite the fact she didn’t like Johnnie seeing her like this, she’d secretly tensed each time the door had opened, thinking it might be her. Something inside her sparked each time Johnnie was around, and it was becoming more and more difficult for her to ignore. She knew the line had been drawn as far as dating her or touching her, but it was her little secret that she enjoyed pushing everything right up to that line.

  Michael, however, could see it. And he’d brought Johnnie up each time he visited, offering to call her, et cetera. And he’d known at once that Kyle was a one-night stand kind of deal. He didn’t say anything about her, just made his point with his grunts and faces. The message had been clear; he didn’t like her messing around with random people for sex. He thought it was useless, harmless to her emotionally, and dangerous to her physically.

  “Here we go.” The nurse returned with a pillow and a shower kit. Then she covered her wound for the shower. She turned on the water and freed Elaine from her IV. Then she helped her to the shower. Elaine had been walking every day, and she was pretty good on her feet, so she was able to shower on her own. The nurse left her, and Elaine relished the hot water and lathered herself again and again. She needed to shave and she needed more conditioner, but she would have to hold off until she got home. Right now, she was just thankful for the soap, small bottle of shampoo, and hot water. It revived her and brought a smile to her face. By the time she dried off and slipped into a fresh gown, she was in a brighter mood, looking forward to the future. And she’d just crawled into the fresh sheets the nurse had provided for her when the door opened.

  “Michael, really, you don’t have to come twice a day,” she said. “But I love you for doing so.”

  “Hi,” a voice said. Johnnie peeked around the corner. She looked unsure and nervous.

  Elaine’s heart fluttered. “Johnnie, hi.” She was breathless.

  “Is it a good time to visit?”

  “Of course.” Elaine shifted in the bed and fingered her wet hair. She must look like a drowned rat with her wet head and pale skin, dark marks beneath her eyes. She felt better, yes, but she’d been weak for a while, and she knew her body showed it.

  Johnnie crossed the room with a large wrapped basket. She set it on the foot of the bed and wheeled the food tray so that it was in front of Elaine. Then she placed the basket on the table.

  “Open it,” she said as she sat down next to the bed.

  “You shouldn’t have,” Elaine said. “Can’t you see I’m already spoiled?” She looked at all the flowers.

  Johnnie, however, didn’t look away from her. She was taking her in, inhaling everything about her. Elaine could feel it.

  “Forgive me,” she said. “I know I must look a sight.”

  Johnnie scooted closer. “You look amazing,” she said. “You look like you. The real you. And I can’t seem to take my eyes off you.”

  Elaine felt a blush coming on. How long had it been since someone made her blush?

  “You’re very kind,” she said, unsure what to say. She wanted to stare back, but she didn’t dare for fear that Johnnie would feel her or read her. Or maybe she already was.

  “Open your gift,” Johnnie said with a smile. She seemed excited, and her eyes danced in the angled sunlight coming through the window.

  “Really, you shouldn’t have.”

  “I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to give it to you yesterday, but you were asleep when I stopped by.”

  Elaine stopped her hands from opening. Johnnie had come; she’d been there. Her fluttering heart warmed. She smiled and willed the tears to remain in her throat. She swallowed them down and continued opening the gift.

  “Wow,” she said as she handed the paper to Johnnie who wadded it and threw it in the trash bin. It was a basket full of scented lotions, candles, and bath accessories, including shampoo and conditioner. Are these floating candles?” She held up a small rose-shaped candle with a flat bottom.

  “Yes. I took a guess at what you might like. And I know the doctor said less stress…so I got you candles and bath salts and oils, for once you get home.”

  “It’s…” Elaine looked at her and teared up, “perfect.” How could Johnnie possibly know?

  “Are you okay?” Johnnie leaned in, seeing the tears. Elaine held them back, got control.

  “Yes, I’m just not used to…”

  “Gifts?”

  Elaine laughed. “Gifts from the heart,” she clarified. “You put thought into this.”

  “I did. I handpicked everything. Smelled the lotions, tried the bath stuff.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  Elaine put down the candles. “Why?” She met her eyes. Johnnie seemed to physically melt beneath her gaze, and Elaine knew in that instant that Johnnie felt it too. Really, truly felt it. It was so thick right now they could cut it with a knife.

  Desire. Love. Connection.

  Which one was it, she didn’t know.

  Perhaps all of them.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  “I care,” Johnnie said.

  Elaine looked away. Willed herself not to cry. Her emotions were closer to the surface since the surgery. Even Michael had noticed.

  “Thank you,” she managed.

  “You’re welcome.”

  They sat in silence for a moment. Then Johnnie did something Elaine didn’t expect. She took her hand and a bottle of lotion from the basket. She squeezed some out and began massaging it into her hand. Elaine’s breath hitched and she closed her eyes.

  “Just relax,” Johnnie whispered. “Don’t think about anything.”

  “I can’t,” Elaine confessed. “I can’t stop what I’m feeling.”

  Johnnie used her thumbs and massaged her palms. “I can’t either,” Johnnie said. “I know I should, but I can’t. And the truth is…I like it.”

  Elaine opened her eyes. Johnnie moved up to her wrist and arm. Elaine was melting in her hands. The gesture was so kind, so generous, so tender. Dear God, she couldn’t hold back.

  “I like it too,” she said. “A lot.”

  Johnnie stopped and brought her hand to her mouth. She kissed the back of her hand.

  “My ex-girlfriend came back,” Johnnie said.

  Elaine was so turned on, so relaxed, she didn’t even blink.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes.” Johnnie began the massage all over again. “I let her in and everything. And last night, I let her touch me.”

  Elaine heated but not in jealousy. She imagined what Johnnie looked like in the throes of passion, what she sounded like when given pleasure.

  “I let her, but I thought of you. I imagined it was you.”

  Elaine turned to look at her. “You did?”

  “Yes.” Johnnie’s cheeks were flushed with what could only be desire.

  Elaine stared at her face, watched her upper lip tremble just as it had done that first day, that first appointment. “Did you come?”

  Johnnie swallowed but did not look away. “Yes, so hard. So long. I cried out for you. Did you hear me?”

  Elaine shook with desire. “I do now.”

  Johnnie brought her hand to her mouth again. She kissed it and then angled it to breathe upon her wrist. Elaine made a small noise, and the heat rushed to her clit. Johnnie seemed to sense this and she kissed her wrist and inner arm. Then she leaned in an
d kissed Elaine on the lips.

  The press of her beautiful flesh to hers was all Elaine thought it would be. Warm, soft, tender. Yet strong and powerful. She kissed her back, and they explored each other, tasting and taking. Johnnie held her jaw and took in her lips again and again. Elaine did the same and scouted with her tongue. Johnnie groaned when she felt it and groaned again as she welcomed it and explored with her own.

  Elaine clung to Johnnie’s shirt, tried to come up off the bed. But Johnnie held her down and kept the kissing, gentle and controlled. Elaine wanted to pull away and taste her neck, feel her breasts.

  “Let me,” she breathed, trying.

  Johnnie kissed her. “No. You need to stay calm.”

  “I’m far from calm,” Elaine laughed, teasing with her tongue.

  “I know; this is not good for you.”

  “Oh believe me, it’s very good for me.”

  Johnnie pulled away, struggling for breath. “We can’t, not now.”

  Elaine reached for her and then let her arms fall. Her heart raced and her entire body screamed to be touched.

  She bit her lower lip in frustration.

  “I’ll ask if I can go home.” She pressed the call button for the nurse.

  Johnnie laughed softly and returned to the chair. “You need to rest,” she said. “Even if you go home.”

  She held Elaine’s hand.

  “Will you come?” Elaine asked. “To my home?”

  Johnnie nodded. “Of course. If that’s what you want.”

  Elaine eased back, palmed her chest, and took a deep breath. “It is.”

  Johnnie squeezed her hand. A nurse walked in, a different one from before. She hooked Elaine back up to the machines.

  “When can I leave?” Elaine asked.

  “I don’t know offhand, and the doc’s gone for the evening.”

  Elaine sighed.

  “But you’re doing very well. Should be soon.” She smiled. “You’ve got quite the gift basket there. I wish somebody would deliver one of those for me.”