Daughters

by Florence Osmund

  “Karen, you still love him.”

  “He may as well as have lied to me.”

  “How did you end it with him?”

  “Told him I never wanted to see him again…ever.”

  “Karen, his office is two doors down from your shop. How are you going to help but see him occasionally?”

  “I’ll move. I hate him.”

  “No you don’t. Has he tried to contact you?”

  “Yeah. He calls me every day, both at home and at my shop. He’s come to my house several times, but I don’t answer the door. I keep my door locked at the shop and let customers in only when I see who they are. He knocked on the door once. I ignored him.”

  “You can’t go on like that. He’s a good man, Karen, and he still loves you, and I know you still love him. Have you given any thought to forgiving him?”

  “Do you have any chocolate?”

  “Promise me something. Promise me you’ll give serious consideration to forgiving him. And if you can’t, that’s fine, but just remember…”

  “Remember what?”

  “I was trying to think of one of your mother’s sayings that fit, but…”

  “It’s okay to make mistakes, but you don’t want to make one that follows you the rest of your life.”

  “Yes, like that one.”

  When Rachael arrived, Marie took her to a new Italian restaurant that had recently opened. Karen joined them. Rachael talked nonstop about…well, everything. Marie had to interrupt her several times to ask her to slow down so she could appreciate everything she had to say.

  “He’s okay, I guess.” Rachael’s face took on a frown whenever she talked about her father. “He’s still a geezer though.”

  “He let you miss two days of school to come here.”

  She rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t dig my friends, or anything I do, for that matter. He’s always hounding me about something.”

  “Tell me about your friends.”

  “Okay, so they’re not from rich families that go on vacations and have summer homes and shit like that.”

  “I don’t want to hear you use that kind of language, young lady.”

  “Sorry.” Another eye roll.

  “So he’s met your friends?”

  “One or two. But when they come over, he drills them about their families. He’s so hung up on good families. I don’t come from a good family. I wish he’d get that.”

  “First of all, you are part of his family now. Maybe he wishes you’d get that.”

  “I knew you were going to say that.”

  “Well, I think he cares about you very much, and he just wants what’s best for you.”

  “I guess. And he has no respect for my privacy. Can you believe this? I came home from school one day, and he was in my dresser drawer, actually in it.”

  “Why do you think he was in it?”

  “He said he was putting away clean clothes, but I know the cleaning lady does that.”

  “How did you react to that?”

  Rachael looked away. “Bad.”

  “Badly.”

  “He treats me like a stupid child. One day he gave me the royal shaft for not coming home from school right afterward. I’m fifteen!”

  “Not quite.”

  “Close enough.” A smile slowly crept across her mouth.

  “C’mon. Let’s go home.”

  Marie hoped she wasn’t getting in too deep with Rachael. She wanted to help her get through this difficult period in her life, but she was also aware if Rachael got too attached to her, Marie may not be able to fulfill all that Rachael needed. And she wasn’t sure exactly what that was. Being only eleven years older than her, Marie was too young to be her mother, but too old to be a close sister.

  The one thing Marie clearly understood was that according to Ben and Claire, Rachael looked up to Marie like no one else, and she couldn’t wait to be around her.

  Walter picked up Marie and Rachael the following morning. They arrived at the Brookses in time for dinner. Ben greeted them at the door. “I hope she behaved herself,” he told Marie. With that Rachael stomped her way to the kitchen. “Did she act that way the whole time she was with you? Because if she did…”

  “No, Ben. She behaved beautifully.” She searched Ben’s face for a clue as to how much she could say to him without interfering. “I think she just took the way you greeted us the wrong way.”

  “That child takes pretty much everything I say the wrong way,” he said as he headed toward the living room to join Jonathan and Rachael’s grandfather, Greg.

  After Ben and Rachael left, Marie spent the rest of the evening helping Claire prepare for the next day’s holiday meal. Marie filled Claire in on her observations of Rachael and Rachael’s tumultuous relationship with her father.

  “It’s hard to know what to do in your case, I know,” Claire said. “You want to be there for her, but you don’t want to interfere. I understand that. And Ben has told us it has gotten so bad at times with her, he wonders if he should try to find her mother.”

  “Rachael has a lot of resentment toward her mother, and I can’t say I blame her. The way she feels is that it doesn’t matter what her mother’s reason was, she still deserted her.”

  “She has a point…unfortunately.”

  They joined Jonathan in the living room. “So how did it really go with Rachael?” he asked.

  “It went fine. It was a pleasure having her with me.”

  “To hear Ben talk, she’s impossible to live with.”

  “I think that feeling is pretty much mutual,” Marie responded.

  “Are you still going to go ahead with your plans with her for spring break?”

  Marie had talked to Ben about letting Rachael spend spring break in Atchison with her. “As it stands now, yes. But given her rocky relationship with Ben, anything could happen between now and her birthday, when I plan to tell her about it.”

  “What plans do you have spending time with her while you’re here?”

  “Well, if I go along with Rachael’s thoughts, we’ll be doing something every weekend.”

  Claire smiled. “I was afraid of that. She told her grandmother we could have you during the week when she’s in school.”

  “She’s a shrewd one, she is,” Jonathan said. “You need to be on your toes with her.”

  The Brooks family members arrived throughout the morning, greeting Marie as though she had always been one of them. At the end of the day, as Marie and Jonathan were heading toward their respective bedrooms, Marie teared up.

  “What’s wrong?” Jonathan asked.

  “Nothing. I’m just glad to be here, that’s all.”

  “So am I, sweetheart. So am I.” He put his arm around her. “And you want to know something else? Claire feels the same way.”

  She wiped the tears from her face. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Marie spent the next week mostly with Jonathan—accompanying him on business calls, going on long morning rides with him, and sitting with him in his den, just talking. On one of those morning rides, he shared more memories of her mother.

  “I had a book of love poems in my Chicago apartment, and we would read them to each other.

  “She walks in beauty, like the night

  Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

  And all that’s best of dark and bright

  Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

  Thus mellowed to that tender light

  Which heaven to gaudy day denies.”

  “Lord Byron,” Marie said.

  “You’ve read his poetry?”

  “Yes, in college.”

  “For someone so confused when it came to his own romantic interests, he sure could write about it.”

  “My college professor thought he was misunderstood.”

  “I suppose that’s one way to put it. Are you still feeling misunderstood, sweetheart?”

  “What
do you mean?”

  “We haven’t talked about your…shall I call it your identity issue, for some time. Now that you’re divorced, do you have any plans for bringing someone new into your life?”

  “Oh, I’ve thought about it, alright. But to answer the question I think you’re really asking, I still don’t know how to handle it.” She laughed. “I’m laughing at it like it wasn’t something very important, but you and I both know it is. I’m still at a loss, I guess. I keep going back to the fact that I don’t think I could bring a child into this world knowing he or she would have to face the same impossible issues I’m facing.”

  “So you have it figured out then.”

  “Not really. It’s just not fair. It shouldn’t be that way.”

  “Some things you have no control over.”

  “Now you’re sounding like Karen.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Karen thinks you need to live your life based on what others think in order to survive. But I’m more of an idealist than that.”

  “Maybe the answer is a compromise.”

  They finished their ride and were headed toward the main barn when it happened. At first Marie thought Jonathan was merely having trouble dismounting his horse, but when he slumped down over the horse’s neck and head, she realized he was in trouble.

  “Zach! Come here. Come quick!”

  Marie jumped off her horse and ran to her father’s side with Zach several steps behind her.

  “Call for an ambulance, I’ll get him off the horse,” he instructed.

  Marie ran to the house and called for Claire. “Dad needs an ambulance!”

  Claire ran to the phone. Marie waited while she made the call. “Is he breathing?” Claire asked while still on the phone.

  “I don’t know! Tell them to hurry!” she cried.

  Claire hung up the phone and followed Marie to the barn. Zach had Jonathan off the horse and lying on the ground. “Is he breathing?” she asked Zach.

  “He’s unconscious but breathing. It’s shallow.” Despite the thirty-five-degree temperature, Jonathan’s face glistened with sweat.

  “It may take awhile—all we have out here are volunteer doctors who have to be picked up by the ambulance,” Claire said. She stared at Marie. “What happened?”

  Marie’s stomach churned. Her voice was weak. “We were close to the barn door when it looked like he was going to dismount. Then he slumped down, and that’s when I knew he was in trouble.” She swiped the tears off her cheeks. “Is he going to be alright?”

  Claire shook her head. “I hope so. God, I hope so.”

  It had been six hours since the ambulance transported Jonathan to Delnor Hospital. He was still unconscious but in stable condition. The doctors thought it was a heart attack, but wouldn’t be sure until more tests were run.

  Claire and Marie sat in a small waiting area near to his room, mostly in silence.

  “Has he had anything like this before, Claire?”

  Claire shook her head. Her face was sallow, and Marie saw the worry in her expression.

  Thoughts flew through Marie’s mind. She worried about Claire. On the way to the hospital she had told Marie she didn’t know what she would do without Jonathan. He had always been the strong one in the family, the one who always kept a level head no matter what the circumstances. She had called him her champion.

  Jonathan had turned out to be Marie’s champion as well, and the thought of losing him now, after not having had him in her life for her first twenty-four years, devastated her. The last two years of knowing him had been the most fulfilling ones of her life.

  The doctor approached them with a serious expression.

  “Is he alright, doctor?” Claire asked.

  The doctor nodded. “He’s just gained consciousness.”

  “Will he be okay?” Marie asked.

  “We think so. The ECG is confirming a mild heart attack. He was pretty lucky.”

  “Can we see him?” Claire asked.

  “For just a minute. He needs to rest.”

  Jonathan opened his eyes when they entered the room, his face ashy. Claire went over and kissed him on the forehead. “How are you feeling, Jon?”

  He tilted his head and smiled. “I’ve had better days.”

  “Well, you had us scared, that’s for sure.” Claire stepped aside to allow Marie to get near to him.

  “I’ll second that,” Marie said, taking his hand. “I feel like I can actually breathe now.”

  “Have they told you how long you’ll be here, dear?”

  “I asked the doctor, and he said it was too early to talk about that.” He made a face. “If they think this is going to slow me down, they’ve got another think coming.”

  “Jonathan, you are going to listen to doctor’s orders if I have anything to say about…”

  “It was mild. The doctor said so himself. I’ll be fine.”

  Both Claire and Marie gave him stern looks.

  “Okay, we’ll see.”

  A nurse entered the room and advised Marie and Claire they would have to leave so Jonathan could rest.

  “I’ll be out in no time,” he said to them as they were leaving.

  “We’ll see about that,” the nurse echoed back.

  Claire spent the next several days driving to the hospital in the mornings. Marie took the afternoon shift. In between, Jonathan had a regular flow of other visitors, including all the family members. After ten days, he came home. Claire made sure she had a written list of instructions from the doctor before he was released.

  “Things are going to change around here,” she told Jonathan when they were home and Jonathan was settled in. He rolled his eyes. “For one thing, I’m going to start cooking differently. The doctor said you could stand to lose a few pounds.”

  “Yes, dear.”

  “And I’ve already talked to Zach. He’s going to take over running things for…”

  “Hold on a minute. I’m not an invalid, Claire.”

  “You didn’t let me finish. I know you’re not an invalid, but the doctor said you need to rest for a good month. So what I was about to say before you interrupted me was that Zach can take over things for the next month.”

  “And just what am I supposed to do?”

  Claire took out a piece of paper from her purse. “Take your medication. I’ll handle that. Light exercise twice a day. We’ll go on walks together. Diet low in fat and high in fiber. No sweets. That’s my department too. And weekly doctor visits until he says you’re okay to return to your normal lifestyle.” She glared at him. “C’mon. Get that look off your face. We’ll get through this.”

  “Maybe…but it won’t be easy with you as my drill sergeant.” He managed a smile.

  “She’s only doing this because she loves you,” Marie added.

  “I know. I know.”

  Marie had been in St. Charles two weeks and hadn’t spent any time to speak of with Rachael, and while Rachael hadn’t said anything to anyone, Marie knew she was probably disappointed. Now that Jonathan was home and out of danger, she felt secure in making plans with her.

  Rachael had been taking horseback riding lessons since living in St. Charles but hadn’t seen any type of equestrian competition, so Marie arranged for them to go to the Kane County Fairgrounds where the American Quarter Horse Association was sponsoring a two-day meet.

  “This is so crazy,” she said to Marie in the car on their way to the fairgrounds.

  They arrived early to insure good seats. The stadium-style benches in the large indoor arena accommodated close to five hundred people. They found an opening in row three near the center.

  The Western Pleasure competition was up first. Marie and Rachael watched each rider show off their horse’s soft smooth gait, flawless conformation, and even temperament. The last rider was a female.

  “You’ve got to be kidding,” Rachael remarked. “Girls compete?”

  “It looks that way.” She glanced at Rachael. “Is that something y
ou’d like to do someday?”

  She shot Marie a look. “I could never do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s for people with…”

  “With what?”

  “I don’t know. Can we get something to eat?”

  Marie tried to continue the conversation while they ate barbeque sandwiches in the makeshift lunchroom in the building next to the arena, but Rachael kept changing the subject. “So what’s going on after this?” she asked.

  “Reining competition. Do you know what that is?”

  “Riding through circles and doing spins and how well you can get the horse to stop?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  The judges were looking for how responsive the horses were to their riders’ commands and how effortless the rider made it look. At the end of the competition, after the awards were given out, the master of ceremonies asked the crowd if there were any experienced riders who wanted to give it a try.

  “Raise your hand, Rachael.”

  “No. Are you kidding?”

  “Go ahead. You’re an experienced rider, and it may be fun.”

  “I said no!”

  “Okay. Sorry. I didn’t mean to push you.”

  Rachael got up and headed for the door. Marie followed.

  Rachael was quiet on the way home. Marie wondered if her silence was just more normal teenager behavior or spurred on by Marie’s suggestion she try her hand at reining. Either way, it was disturbing.

  “Should we go out for pizza tonight?” she asked her, knowing it was her favorite food.

  “Cool.”

  Jonathan followed doctor’s orders and felt better with each day, and while he grumbled at Claire’s strict oversight every chance he got, he was an obedient patient. Ten days out of the hospital, he and Marie went on a short ride.

  “It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve been on a horse. I don’t think I’ve ever gone that long, ever. It’s good to be back.”

  “It’s good to have you back.” Her emotions got the better of her. She stopped her horse.