How to Change a Life

by Stacey Ballis

  “I’m in,” I say.

  “That’s sweet, T. I’m in too,” Lynne says, pulling out her checkbook.

  We all write our checks to the Helene O’Connor Scholarship Fund. We’re going to give them to Glenn tonight. We agreed that this was just our private thing, so we aren’t making a big deal about it; we’re just going to tell Glenn that this is the way we wanted to mark our big birthday.

  “To us,” Teresa says, raising her glass. “The way we should be.”

  “To us,” Lynne says. “For better or worse.” She winks at me.

  “To us,” I say. “Better together.”

  And we drink.

  • • •

  I look around the room and can’t help but smile. Over at the kids’ section the Farber kids and Teresa’s brood are laughing and having a great time. Geneva is teaching the younger ones how to make animals out of the Rice Krispies Treats, the older kids are tossing M&M’s into each other’s mouths, trying to see who can do the most in a row without missing, and I think Darcy and Teresa’s youngest are quietly falling in twelve-year-old love. My mom and Claire and Glenn and Lawrence are all sharing a table with Shawn’s folks. Turns out that Cheryl and Darren know Glenn from way back, as Cheryl and Helene did some charity work together, so it was a bittersweet reunion. Teresa and Gio are chatting with Lynne and Gabriel and some of Lynne’s coworkers. The food has been fantastic and everyone gave really funny speeches, telling all their best stories about the three of us, and toasting us both individually and as a group. There has been a lot of laughter, and everyone seems to be having a genuinely good time.

  “Hey there, beautiful. You having fun at your party?” Shawn comes up behind me, handing me a Negroni.

  “Thank you, lover. I am.”

  “Good.”

  “How are you? Too weird?”

  Earlier there was something of an awkward moment when Cheryl and Darren were saying hello to Lynne, and Darren called her Linda. But Lynne laughed it off and greeted them warmly, and then extracted herself gracefully. Later, she and Shawn had a quiet moment, and then she introduced him to Gabriel, who was all kinds of football-hero starstruck, and while I doubt the four of us will be vacationing together anytime soon, I do think we can be at social functions together without anyone coming to blows.

  “Well, momentarily weird, but not awful. Plus, all I care about is that my baby is happy.”

  “Being your baby makes me happy.”

  He leans in and kisses me.

  “Gack. You two are so gross,” Marcy says, swanning in. “Sorry I’m so late, had to get the sweets table set up for the wedding tonight before I could blow out of there, and we had something of a croquembouche disaster.”

  “No worries. There is still plenty of pizza on the buffet if you’re hungry, or they can bring something fresh.”

  “I’m all good. Just going to grab a cocktail and make the rounds.”

  “She’s a good egg, that one,” Shawn says.

  “Yeah.”

  “Think she’d be up for a fix-up?”

  “You playing yenta?”

  “Well, there is a cool new resident at the hospital that I just get a vibe about, think they might click. Maybe I could invite him to the party next weekend?”

  Shawn and I are hosting our first joint dinner party. Teresa and Gio, Marcy, Shelby and Brad, Lawrence, two couples that are pals of his. I wish I could say that choosing a date when Lynne and Gabriel were going to be on the West Coast was an accident, but I’d be lying. We’re better, but not perfect, and there is stuff I’m just not quite ready for.

  “Sure, why not?” I smile at him, adoring that he wants to fix Marcy up. My mom once said that when someone is truly in love, all they want is for everyone else to be in love. I’d like to think that our happiness is what is inspiring Shawn to want to do that for Marcy.

  Teresa comes over. “I think Glenn might be gearing up to head out. Should we do this?”

  “Yeah. Shawn, I’ll be right back.”

  We wave to Lynne, and she nods, extricating herself, and heads over to join us.

  “Glenn, could we speak to you for a moment?” I say, pulling him away from his conversation.

  “Oh, no, three gorgeous women want to chat with me? Now it feels like my birthday!” he says with a wink, following us to a quiet corner of the room.

  “So, we wanted to do something special to mark this major birthday achievement,” I start.

  “And we realized that we wouldn’t be here together if it weren’t for Mrs. O’Connor,” Lynne says.

  “We owe her so much, so much about who we are, and why we make the choices we make. How much space we take up in the world,” I say.

  “That is so lovely, girls—the three of you were always special to her. I know she is here right now in spirit, and she’s so happy.”

  “Thank you for that. Anyway, we decided that the best way to acknowledge our gratitude would be to make donations to her scholarship fund, in her name.” Teresa hands him the envelope. Glenn takes it, tears in his eyes, and holds it to his chest.

  “You are all so wonderful, and I know she’s wonderfully proud of all of you. Thank you for this.” He reaches in and we do a four-way hug, all of us wiping tears. “Now, let’s get back to this wonderful celebration!” he says, and Teresa heads off to check in on her kids, and Lynne goes to say good-bye to Angelique Morris, who is headed for the door.

  “A moment, Eloise?” Glenn says.

  “Of course.”

  “I wanted to ask you a very important question.”

  “Sure, what’s that?”

  “Well, you know your mother and I have been spending some time together.”

  “Yep. I think it’s great the work you’ve both been doing at the center. Those kids are so lucky.”

  “Well, I feel like the lucky one. In a lot of ways. When Helene was sick, we didn’t leave anything on the table, we said everything that needed to be said. And one of the things that she said to me was that she would be very disappointed if I spent the rest of my life alone. As long as I didn’t date her friend Holly, who was always getting drunk at parties and squeezing my butt.”

  “I’d say that’s a fair request.”

  “I said I would take it under advisement, but deep down I never really thought that would be something I would be thinking about.”

  “I sense a but coming . . .”

  “But . . . then I reconnected with your lovely mother.”

  Holy shit. “She is the loveliest.”

  “Yes, she is. And I’ve come to really appreciate her company, and humor, and I find that I look forward to spending time with her in ways that I hadn’t anticipated.”

  “Glenn, are you asking my permission to date my mom?”

  “Permission? No. But for your blessing, yes. If it wouldn’t make you uncomfortable, I think I would like to ask her on a proper date.”

  I smile at him, feeling the small lump grow in my throat. “Glenn, my mom and dad were very much like you and Helene in many ways, a true deep love match. And I know my dad would have never wanted my amazing mom to be alone either. You have all my blessings, and what is more, I’m rooting for you. My mom hasn’t said anything to me specifically about her feelings for you, but I can tell you that she certainly has seemed happier and perkier since the two of you started spending time together. I can’t imagine anyone else in the world I would rather see making my mom happy.”

  Glenn grabs me in a bear hug. “Thank you, darling girl.”

  “You’re very welcome.”

  “Any advice?”

  I think about that. “I think you both will need to make new memories. Don’t fall into the old habits, don’t go to the old favorite places you both used to go in your previous lives. Have new adventures together. Keep the start fresh.”

  “That is
excellent advice.”

  “Also? She loves the opera.”

  “Really? So do I.” He smiles.

  “My dad hated it. I’m just saying.”

  He laughs. “So did Helene. She always said she could nap for free at home. Opera it is!”

  He hugs me again, and then goes back to his place next to my mom. She smiles as she sees him approach, and it makes my heart bust open.

  “You okay over here?” Shawn says, coming over.

  “I’m more than okay. I’m perfect.”

  “That you are.”

  And maybe for the first time in my life? I believe it.

  SEPTEMBER 2017

  I unroll the plans on the kitchen table. They look spectacular. The roof will get raised up a bit and dormered out, and the space is divided into a master bedroom suite, with his and hers walk-in closets, a huge master bath, and a small connected room, labeled Nursery/Sitting Room, which makes me smile. The basement will be dug down, and that space turned into two bedrooms, a large rec room, and a bathroom, in addition to laundry and mechanicals and storage. We’re replacing the existing garage with a bigger one, and putting a deck on the top. Shawn and I talked about buying something new when we decided to move in together last month, but he knows how much I love this house.

  “Besides,” he said, “once there are kids, we are really going to want to be walking distance to Grandma and Great-Auntie Claire.”

  Couldn’t argue with him on that, so we decided to renovate this place to make it more of a family-friendly home. He hasn’t proposed yet, but based on the way my mom looks at him these days, I get the sense that permission has been requested and happily granted, and I just try not to have any expectations about when that question might get popped. Not that I’m lacking any joy after this summer.

  The month I spent with Ian in New York was transformative for all of us. Ian got to the final two, and lost graciously to his new best friend Audrey, as happy for her win as he would have been for himself. The two of them were rock stars for the whole competition, and even when they were on opposite sides of team challenges, they were still supportive of each other. Producers said that the highlight of the season was during a bread challenge when Audrey accidentally dropped her whole tray of rolls, burning her hand. While she was crying and being attended to by the medics, Ian quickly knocked out a new batch of dough and left it for her on her station with a note that said “You can do it.” Not a dry eye on the production staff. Ever since we got back, the two of them have been attached at the hip, Audrey coming over for joint lessons, and Ian going with her family to some of the fancy restaurants that they frequent.

  Shelby and Brad alternated coming in for the weekends, and Shawn and I got to have three amazing weekends exploring New York together, and one fabulous weekend at home for his parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary party. I also got to really explore all of the culinary delights of the city, visiting markets and restaurants all over, and getting lots of inspiration for new dishes. Which couldn’t have come at a better time. Because one of the people I met in the greenroom at the show on a taping day was Kelly Morgan. Cookbook editor for Penguin Random House. Apparently one of the prizes for this season was going to be a cookbook deal, and she would be the editor, so she wanted to spend some quality time on set watching and getting a sense of the kids. Ian told her about me in one of his interviews and mentioned that I was working on my own cookbook. She asked me about it and instead of just pooh-poohing it, I actually looked her in the eye and told her what I’ve been working on. She asked to see it, so I had Shawn bring a bunch of stuff with him the following weekend and gave her a look. She fell in love with it, and now she is personally helping me create the proposal, because she wants to see if she can buy it. She said she wants to be my Judith Jones. She’s warned me that the odds are still against me, but that the odds were against Julia too, and look how that turned out. She loves my sketches, and some of the little anecdotes I’ve put in around the recipes, and she loves the title. She even introduced me to a literary agent who said that he would represent me in the deal once she and I get the proposal together.

  The front door opens, and Simca goes scampering toward it. “Hello, my little love, how’s my girl?” I can hear Shawn receiving his daily dose of furry affection.

  “Hey, honey, I’m in the kitchen looking at the plans.”

  Shawn comes into the kitchen, Simca at his heels, and kisses me hello. “How’s the nursery look?”

  When we decided to move in together, we also decided to throw away my birth control pills. We aren’t actively trying as much as we are actively not trying to avoid it. We both know that my age is a factor, but we wanted to just give nature a try. So I’m not taking my temperature or tracking my ovulation cycle, we’re just living our lives without attempting to prevent it for a few months. If it happens, great; if not, we’ll check into our options. We had a long talk about it, and we both agreed that we’d like to try to have one of our own, and that then, if we felt like we wanted more, we would explore both adoption and fostering. I know Shawn feels like there are so many kids who would benefit from a happy and loving home, and we both know that family is what you make it.

  “Looks good. They made all the changes we asked for. I think it is pretty great.”

  He flips through the pages. “Looks fantastic. Just in time.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I got an offer on the condo today.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. Full-price cash offer. And they’re willing to do a quick close.”

  Since we are mostly using Shawn’s profits from his condo sale, along with some of my savings, to cover the cost of the renovation, we knew that we couldn’t pull the trigger on construction till we had his place sold. “That is amazing!”

  “Cross your fingers, we might be able to close end of the month.”

  “Well, that is something to celebrate! We’ll have to bring bubbles tonight.”

  We are having dinner at my mom’s with Claire and Glenn. The two of them have had the most adorable, gentle courtship. Somewhat formal in the beginning, and taking things very slow. But then, right before I left for New York, a switch flipped, and all of a sudden they were just giddy as teenagers. I mentioned it to Marcy, who immediately told me that they had probably finally consummated the deal, which at once made total sense and completely squicked me out.

  “Whaddaya gonna do? Love is awesome.”

  Marcy has been casually seeing Resident Mike since Shawn hooked them up at our dinner party. Between their schedules I don’t think either of them has time or energy to focus on something serious. I doubt they even see each other more than once a week, but I also don’t know that either of them are seeing anyone else. They’re super cute together—he’s a very handsome guy, but maybe only three or four inches taller than Marcy, like the perfect miniature couple. There is a hilarious picture of the four of us from that party, and it always makes me giggle.

  “You hear anything from Lawrence?” Shawn asks, digging in the fridge and coming up with half a piece of schnitzel from our dinner last night and taking a bite.

  “Yeah, he got to Palm Springs safe and sound and promises to send pics of the renovation. He’ll be back in time for the Halloween party.”

  “He’d better be. It is our anniversary, after all.”

  “I made him promise.”

  Shawn tosses the last bite of schnitzel to Simca, who catches it deftly and snarfs it in one bite. Then he looks over at me.

  “What time do we have to be at your mom’s?” he asks, a gleam in his eye.

  “Seven thirty.”

  He walks over to me and pulls me into his arms. “Well, you’re already barefoot, and you’re in the kitchen . . .” He nuzzles into my neck. “I’m not saying, I’m just saying.”

  I laugh, and we head upstairs to maybe work on that thir
d thing.

  • • •

  Delicious, as always, my dear.” Glenn pats his mouth with his napkin and smiles at my mom. “I know where you got your cooking gene, Eloise.”

  She beams at him. “Thank you, kind sir.”

  The two of them are so cute it’s almost disgusting. Claire rolls her eyes. “Good Lord, it’s like you think you invented sex.”

  “Claire!” my mom says, faking shock.

  “Seriously, old people, we’re eating over here.” I shake my head.

  “Fine, different topic. What do you hear from the girls these days?” my mom asks.

  “Shawn and I are having brunch with Teresa and her gaggle on Sunday. She’s doing great. She learned so much with her financial class that now she’s doing a class of her own at the church, mostly for the widows and divorcées. And she and Marcy and I are having a girls’ night on Thursday.”

  “That’s nice. Any news from Lynne?” Claire asks.

  “She’s delighted to be back in L.A., of course.” Gabriel, true to form, decided he didn’t love spending so much time coming back and forth to Chicago, so he decided to become an investor in Angelique’s business, if she would move at least part of her operation to California. She agreed, and now Lynne is back in L.A. full-time, living with Gabriel and only coming back to Chicago for meetings now and again. She and Teresa and I do group e-mails and texts, and we have dinner when she comes to town. It’s about all she can manage, really, and I’m okay with that. She’s in my life, but not in a way that makes things difficult for anyone. I don’t know that anything really changed much for her, reconnecting with us last year. Not really. But I’m not sad. She is who she is, and at the end of the day, I agree with Claire, there is value in having her in my life. We won’t ever be as close as we were in high school, and we won’t ever be as close as Teresa and I have become, but she’s still my friend, and ultimately, I’m glad.