For King and Country

by Geneva Lee

  “You know, Clara. You’re right. I thought the same thing, but everyone kept telling me I had to go and see him,” he said. “I should probably cancel my next appointment, huh?”

  “I guess if that’s the best he can do,” I said apologetically. “I’ve been here all of an hour, and I’m already butting into your personal life. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It was a refreshing change of pace. Everyone else here,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “was around when she died. They treat me like I’m made of glass.”

  I knew what it was like to be deemed fragile. It became impossible to tell if you’d really break if you fell after a while. “I won’t treat you that way.”

  “You’re going to be hard on me then?” He looked at me hopefully.

  I cracked a smile. “You have no idea.”

  Despite Belle’s good intentions, my lunch left something to be desired, namely in the flavor department. So I grabbed my purse, thinking I might check out the chips shop on the corner. As soon as I stood, I felt eyes on me. The girl in the cubicle across from mine looked away as soon as I turned toward her. Two more people whispered in the corner and didn’t bother to hide their gaze. My cheeks flooded with heat. Maybe I’d been wrong about not being recognized. Digging my phone out of my purse to text Belle, I discovered I had a new email in my personal account. My heart stopped when I saw the subject line.

  The TeXXXts Prince Alexander Doesn’t Want You To See

  Eyes bored into me from every direction, and I willed the floor to open and swallow me alive. This was what I’d been desperate to avoid: attention. I scrolled through the story, fighting the urge to throw up. Bile rose in my throat as I saw the posted messages. They were all there, in all their explicit glory. Not only had someone hacked his account, they’d tracked the recipient of the messages: me. And to make certain there was no doubt that I was the Clara Bishop that had the Prince in a frenzy, they’d included a photo they must have snapped this morning when I left for the office. How hadn’t I noticed them there? Had I been that oblivious?

  Stuffing my phone back in my pocket, I lifted my head, determined to make a dignified exit. I would get lunch. I would forget this happened and it would all blow over. The first story had, after all, and there weren’t going to be any more. It was over between Alexander and me. But I hadn’t gotten two steps when my confidence faltered and I stumbled. Standing at the door to Peters & Clarkwell was Alexander.

  It took me a few seconds to recover, but I regained my footing and strode toward him. What was he doing here? How did he even know I had started work? It had been days since I had seen him, and I’d never told him where I was going to be working. But despite his unexplained presence, I wasn’t surprised that Alexander had found his way to me. Behind me, the office buzzed as people realized who he was.

  So much for a normal work life.

  “What are you doing here?” I hissed under my breath. Crossing my arms across my chest, I did my best to look unhappy to see him. Inside I was anything but. God, he looked sexy. His hair disheveled, although I noticed that he had circles under his eyes like he hadn’t been sleeping. Most likely he’d spent the last few days partying. He was dressed casually in a fitted t-shirt and jeans that hung off his hips like an invitation. My thoughts flickered to memories of us in bed and I caught my breath, hoping to calm my racing nerves, so he wouldn’t see his effect on me.

  “You’ve had long enough. I need to talk to you.” He stepped forward and took my arm in a gentle but assertive hold, leading me toward the building’s lift.

  Was he fucking serious? I’d had long enough?

  “Couldn’t you text me?” I asked with a sarcastic note to my voice.

  “I guess you saw that too.” Alexander dropped his hold on me as we entered the elevator, but as soon as the doors slid shut behind us, he pinned me against the wall.

  “Alexander!”

  “Why haven’t you answered my texts?”

  “The whole world can read that you want to go down on me on a gossip site and you’re worried about that?” I didn’t bother to hide my disbelief, because I was too busy focusing on keeping my body in check, even as it rebelled against me. It was all I could do not to arch into his embrace and kiss him. I wanted to brush away the fear I saw in his eyes and tell him everything would be okay. But it was as much a lie as my pretending I didn’t want him here with me.

  “I don’t give a damn what they can read!” he exploded, pushing off the wall and clenching his hands into fists. “Why do you care what they think, Clara?”

  “Me?” I touched my chest for emphasis. “You were the one who wanted to meet me in secret at a fucking hotel!”

  Alexander stared at me a moment, wheels turning in his head. “I did that to protect you. You were scared of the paparazzi.”

  “They were reporting we were in a relationship,” I reminded him. “And I didn’t know who you were at the time.”

  “We are in a relationship,” he said.

  My mouth fell open. I was torn between the bubbly, bouncy feeling of joy this produced in me and total confusion. Never mind that I’d called things off between us, things had never really gotten started. “We broke things off.”

  “You were overwhelmed and I gave you space, but did you think I would allow you to end things like that?” he asked. “I made it clear that I hadn’t had my fill of you.”

  “But you didn’t want to be seen with me,” I argued. “You can’t pick and choose when to be in a relationship!” I knew it was more complicated than that. I only wished it were that simple. There was too much for us to work through, especially when everything between us came on his terms.

  “I wanted to protect you.” Alexander turned back to me, trailing a finger down my face. “I didn’t want to scare you. I can do that all on my own.”

  I barked a short, humorless laugh as the lift doors opened. “You can at that.”

  “So is that what’s going on?” he asked, pulling me into a deserted alcove off the lobby. “A misunderstanding?”

  I wanted it to be that and nothing more, but the truth was there was a lot more going on. First of all, there was the mysterious Pepper Lockwood. He still hadn’t explained what was really going on with her to me, and then there was the proposition he’d put forth the last time we spoke. He wanted to dominate me. He wanted me to submit. I wasn’t sure I was capable of that. I wasn’t sure it was healthy.

  I shook my head, tears welling in the corners of my eyes. “I wish it was.”

  “You’re scared of me.” He spoke this like a realization not a question and dropped his hold on me in resignation. “I tried to warn you.”

  “Maybe I don’t understand,” I said softly. I couldn’t deny that I hadn’t stopped thinking about him, and I couldn’t deny how I felt now that he was here. Somewhere my rational side was shaking her head, but where had my rational side gotten me romantically? My body knew what it wanted, but could I trust it? Maybe it was time to listen to my heart.

  Alexander’s hand gripped my hip tightly, kneading into the flesh through my skirt, as though he was considering tearing it off me. I trembled at the touch, hungry for contact from him after so long. How could I deny how he made me feel? But I needed to think. I needed to know what I was getting into. There was no way I could choose whether or not Alexander had a place in my life until I did.

  “When I told you that I was protecting you from the reporters, how did you feel?” he asked.

  I was taken aback by the change in conversation, but I considered his question for a moment before answering. “I guess that—” I paused, breathing in deeply before I answered “—I felt safe.”

  “Why?” The question was a challenge. He was trying to help me understand his own reasoning. But it was more than that though. I could see in his eyes that he needed me to understand.

  “Because you care,” I realized.

  It was hard to explain to him that my parents often had been too caught up in business ve
ntures to worry about how their lifestyle affected me. Instead, they knee-jerked, trying to control me. And then there was Daniel, which was a whole different mess. But there was also an element that I didn’t fully understand. The thought of Alexander protecting me publicly and privately didn’t stress me—not yet, at least. Not when I really considered it. Instead, it flooded through me like sudden heat. The more I thought about it, the more the warmth spread until I felt secure and safe.

  “I do care, Clara.” He leaned in so that our faces were at the same level and he stared into my eyes, unflinchingly. “I didn’t want you to experience being trashed by the press.”

  “So it wasn’t that you didn’t want to be seen with me?” I asked.

  “Have you looked in the mirror lately? I can only assume you haven’t, so let me describe what you look like right now. Clara Bishop has large, gray eyes with fluttering lashes and a button nose. That would be enough to make her pretty, but then she has these pouty lips that make me hard. Her hair is silky and soft, and no matter how much she tries to control it, there’s always some locks that escape to drift down her neck or blow across her face. I can’t help imagining letting it all down, watching it fall over her shoulders as she comes on my cock.” Alexander shifted, pressing me against the wall, so that I could feel his erection pushing into me. “She drives me crazy, and I honestly don’t care who knows it.”

  “But you don’t do relationships, Mr. X,” I said in a soft voice.

  “I don’t do romance,” he corrected, “but if you’ll let me, I will do pleasure.”

  “There’s no one else then, Mr. X?” I purposefully called him by the moniker he used at the hotel.

  “Too formal, poppet.”

  “Okay, then. There’s no one else then, X?”

  “I’m true to my word, Clara.” Darkness glinted in his eyes, turning the crystal blue to flinty steel.

  I shivered, remembering the last time I’d questioned his word. He’d threatened to spank me—one thing I knew that I couldn’t allow. “But you want to dominate me.”

  I couldn’t claim to be an aggressive person. At times, like so many women I knew, I took the passive route, preferring to avoid confrontations. But I could be assertive, too. The one thing I couldn’t choose to be was submissive.

  “I want to give you pleasure. When you found out I was protecting you, it made you feel safe. That’s what I want to do,” he explained as his lips cruised along my jawline, providing evidence that he meant what he said. “I want to show you that I can protect you while showing you the heights of pleasure you’ve never known.”

  I swallowed at the thought of Alexander being in control of my body—at the thought of his hands exploring me and his voice commanding me. He’d proven he was an excellent lover, but could I really give myself to him? Could I trust him not to break me again?

  “I don’t know,” I said, because I didn’t. I couldn’t count on being able to keep my head when it came to Alexander, which meant that I couldn’t count on not making a mistake.

  Alexander’s head dropped to my shoulder in resignation, but when he lifted it to meet my timid gaze, the passionate fire that burned moments earlier still blazed. “You win.”

  “I do?” I didn’t quite understand.

  “We’ll do it your way, Clara. I want you. I want you any way I can have you.”

  He was relenting—or was this a compromise? I couldn’t fathom what he was offering me. “You agree that I’m not your submissive?”

  “I agree not to push you, Clara—unless you ask me to…” His voice trailed away, leaving something left unsaid. But if he wasn’t going to push me on this, I couldn’t push him either.

  My pulse raced at his confession even as the shock of it wore off. And while my heart thrilled, desire for him pooled in my belly. How long did I have to wait until I could have him again?

  “Soon, poppet,” Alexander promised, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and kissing the hollow of my neck. “What are your plans this evening?”

  If I was being honest, my plans tonight had involved a good amount of red wine and renting a movie. Now it appeared I was going to be given another option. A familiar voice told me to play hard to get, but I ignored her. I was a starving woman in Alexander’s presence. Only with him here could I see how much I’d missed him.

  “I’m flexible,” I answered.

  Alexander’s mouth curved into a smile. “There’s a thing this evening. Would you go with me?”

  “What kind of thing?” I asked, instantly suspicious.

  “A ball.” He held a finger to my lips. “And before you say no, it is for an excellent cause. We’re raising money for endangered animals. And furthermore, I don’t want to go either.”

  I hesitated. This was more than a date. This was stepping out in the limelight in a very real way. There’d be no denying our relationship after it. Alexander had to know that.

  “There’s no going back after something like this,” Alexander said, voicing my thoughts out loud. “If you want a chance at normalcy—at privacy—you should say no. But if you want a relationship, it seems as good a place as any to start.”

  “What about you? Do you want normal?”

  “I don’t even know what those words mean. I never have.” There were ghosts echoing in his eyes, and I stroked his cheek as if I could chase them away.

  I wasn’t sure what to say, torn between my desire to claim Alexander as mine, but knowing that doing so meant opening myself up to judgment. Not only as the woman I was today, but also my past. How long would it take before every secret I ever had was splashed on the cover of a tabloid? How long before the paparazzi lost interest in me?

  “I can protect you from this. We can meet privately if you prefer,” he offered. “If you don’t want to come tonight, I understand, but please understand me when I say—” his eyes gleamed as he spoke “—you will come tonight in other ways.”

  My lips twitched. “Is that so?”

  Alexander’s hands slid from my hips to my waist as he leaned in, kissing me hard on the mouth. Our tongues tangled together, dancing around each other like I was dancing around this question. It was an unfair means of persuasion.

  “But they know about us,” I reminded him, breaking away. “They have the texts.”

  “By Monday morning, MI5 will know who hacked my account, and they’ll be in jail.”

  “And that will be another huge story. The kind that links back to this one,” I pointed out. “An arrest won’t erase that.”

  “No, but it will send a message,” he said firmly. “And don’t worry, I’ve devised other ways of contacting you.”

  “Carrier pigeons? Smoke signals?”

  He smirked. God, I wanted to kiss that cocky grin. “That can be arranged.”

  My body hummed in response, charmed by his smile, by his laugh. He turned me on when he was serious, when he was demanding, but he thrilled me to the bone when he was light-hearted, and I realized I would give anything to see him that way as often as possible. I knew that meant I couldn’t walk away from him, even if I tried. “I can’t keep pretending you mean nothing to me. I don’t like the hiding or the secrecy, but I still want my privacy. Is that something we can make work?”

  But even as I asked, I knew it wasn’t possible. Alexander had lived his whole life under scrutiny. Why would it be any different for me?

  “Of course.” To his credit, he said it sincerely. But maybe that’s how one got by in a world like this, by believing things could be changed for the better. Maybe it’s how I would survive.

  “I’ll go,” I said at last. As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized there were other implications to saying yes to Alexander. Namely, I was going to a ball tonight. With nothing to wear. With no clue how to act. With the sexiest, most sought after man in the world on my arm. But Alexander’s lips kissed me until I forgot about all the whos and whats, only remembering the why.

  “You are my fairy godmother,” I said as Belle hel
d up a pair of shoes that perfectly matched the Alexander McQueen she’d found for me. Having Belle as a flatmate was like having access to Harrods at home.

  “And next week, I’m taking you shopping.” She wagged her finger like I was in trouble.

  “Ugh.” I flopped back on her bed and pulled a pillow over my head. “I just went shopping.”

  “You should have thought of that before you started banging His Royal Hotness.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her but couldn’t keep a goofy grin from sliding onto my face. I couldn’t help it. Since I’d returned to my desk I’d felt lighter, as though I was full of air—relaxed and carefree. I hadn’t even cared that half the office was whispering behind my back and I didn’t bother checking my email alerts the rest of the day. I’d call that more than progress.

  “Are you sure it’s okay if I wear that?” I asked for the tenth time.

  “Yes!” Belle shouted, pretending to throw a shoe at my head. “I’m wearing something else. Philip wouldn’t like that dress.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “Too sexy,” she said with a shrug.

  Of course, staunch Philip wouldn’t want his perfect future wife to look too hot amongst the royal crowd. It wasn’t his style to draw attention, something Belle had been acclimating to slowly. Thankfully, I couldn’t imagine Alexander having similar hang-ups. Mostly because my plan was to distract him with the dress and tempt him to leave early. I knew there was no way he’d be able to keep his hands off me while I was wearing it.

  “I’m so glad you’re going to be there,” Belle said, redirecting my attention from my fantasies back to the task at hand.

  I for one couldn’t believe I was going to be there. It felt a bit too much like a fairytale. In fact, it was a fairytale. The same one little girls were still told when they went to bed at night. The same story sold to women in movie theaters. Except it was happening to me, and I was having a hard time accepting it.