Revealed

by A B Turner

  “And this is the only way?” she asked quietly, I nodded,

  “I think so.”

  Kat picked up her fork,

  “We should eat this before it gets cold.”

  I put my hand on hers,

  “Please try and understand, Kat.”

  She looked up at me and despite herself, she smiled,

  “Don’t do those puppy dog eyes on me, Carrie Sullivan.”

  We both laughed and thankfully, it signaled the end of the tension,

  “So, go on then, tell me your plans, you nutter,” Kat said, through a mouthful of pasta. I explained I was flying out for a week , I was going to book into a nearby hotel and Skylar would meet me there. He had explained, he wasn’t ready for me to meet his son and I completely agreed, it would add another level of anxiety for both of us.

  “Well, that, at least, makes sense,” Kat agreed, “It’s going to be pretty nerve-wracking just meeting each other.”

  As we finished lunch, I was relieved to feel, it was as if we had never been apart, things had gone so much better than I had feared. Kat had even insisted on taking me to the airport because she didn’t want me getting on the wrong plane and ending up ‘God knows where.’ After I settled the bill, we opted to go for a walk through the park, as neither of us were ready to say goodbye just yet. As we ambled along, I asked her again about the launch, hoping she might mention Vanessa, despite everything that had happened, she was still never far from my thoughts. Kat told me about all the preparations, regaling me with tales of Diana virtually taking over the hotel as nothing was quite as she wanted it. She then went on to talk about the other staff and updating me on all the gossip, as always with Kat, there was a generous helping of exaggeration added for comic effect, so when my sides ached with laughter so much, I had to sit down on a bench.

  As I caught my breath, Kat’s tone changed,

  “There was one thing though which was a bit strange.”

  “Oh really,” I gasped.

  “Yeah, it was at the press thing, that photographer was there, do you remember? That fat one we bumped into that Christmas we all went to London, before Lainie went away…the one who thought he knew you.”

  I felt my heart almost leap out of my chest at her words but I knew, I had to appear casual,

  “Oh right, yes I remember, he was a bit creepy,” I answered, “But what was strange? He’s a photographer and it was a press launch.”

  I glanced at Kat and could see her bemused expression,

  “It was Diana, she really seemed to take a dislike to him, she was all chatty with the others, but him? Well, she basically nodded and then turned away."

  I wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but luckily Kat answered for me,

  “Like you said, he is definitely a creep, so you can’t blame her really.”

  I readily agreed and suggested we continued our walk, as Kat shared more of the office gossip, I couldn’t help but wonder if the photographer would ever cease to be a bit player in my life. We had almost reached the park gates when Kat suddenly stopped in her tracks,

  “Oh I haven’t told you the best bit yet! Vanessa Bonart is doing an interview and I’m going to be there..obviously not asking the questions, but I will be in the room…you might be flitting across the planet, sweetheart, but I will be mixing with the A-listers.”

  I laughed,

  “It was only a matter of time.”

  “It was, wasn’t it?” Kat agreed, “I wish you were going to be there, but, if I get a chance, I will tell her Carrie Sullivan sends her regards.”

  For the second time, my heart leapt, if by some freakish miracle, Kat did say something to Vanessa, how would she react? After all this time, would my name even mean anything to her? And what if it did? Would Kat notice a change of expression or maybe a word out of place which would make her suspicious? The unanswerable questions and half-thoughts flew around my mind until a voice of reason appeared from somewhere to remind me, Vanessa was way too smart and composed to give anything away. As my mind settled, I turned back to Kat,

  “Well, unless you’re whisked off to Hollywood, I will see you soon.”

  “Well, I will tell them I can’t possibly come until I’ve seen my lunatic friend get safely on a plane,” she replied firmly, “Now, come here.”

  She hugged me tightly,

  “Now, you let me know when you need that ride to the airport, don’t decide you’re going on your own, promise me, Carrie.”

  I promised, told her I loved her and watched her walk towards the station, where she’d left her car. Once she was out of sight, I strolled back through the park, at first, my thoughts were still of Vanessa, but then Australia quickly took over. I was really going now, in a matter of a couple of weeks, I would be on a plane and on my way to meet Skylar. Everything always happened so fast, my world seemed to be constantly updating itself like some bizarre, real world computer game, with every upgrade came a new set of challenges and characters. It was a world so far removed from when I had first met Vanessa and it felt right, yes it was scary at times – even downright intimidating- but it was my life and, for the first time, in so many years, I loved it.

  The following days seemed to fly by, work days were long as Tom and I prepared all the promotional material for Andrew Mayson’s winery. When I got home, I sorted through my wardrobe, trying to decide what to take and what to leave at home. Virtually every night, I tried to contact Lainie, but her phone seemed only to go to voicemail and there seemed to be little activity on her Facebook page. She had mentioned exams coming up, so I had assumed she was busy revising, but as the departure date got ever closer, I became more concerned. It felt wrong to leave the country without telling her, but, I reasoned, she was a grown woman now with her own life, so perhaps I was worrying too much about her absence. When there was only a couple of days to go, I just couldn’t take it any more, I was already on the verge of panic at the thought of meeting Skylar, I couldn’t cope with Lainie disappearing too. So, I tried messaging her again and to my surprise, she instantly replied,

  ‘Sorry, so much has happened, will tell you everything, love always, Lx’

  I was just starting to type my answer when she went offline, leaving me with little choice but to wait to hear from her again. After talking to Skylar who seemed to be as anxious and excited as I was about our meeting, I decided on an early night. My mind was too full to watch anything on television, so I clambered into bed and turned off the bedside lamp. My now-packed suitcase stood in the corner of my bedroom, even in the semi-darkness, I could see it – the proof, it were needed, of this adventure. Meeting Skylar wasn’t some fantasy, it was real and it was happening in a couple of days. As happened every time this reality hit, my heart seemed to skip countless beats, my breathing quickened and I could feel my whole body start to quiver slightly. I had been doubtful about needing Kat to get me to the airport, but with these frequent attacks of nerves, I knew I would be so grateful to have her with me. She had been right, without her, I might well get on the wrong plane! I looked at my clock, so much for having an early night, it was already way past 11. I turned over and pulled the bedcovers closer, I had barely shut my eyes, when I heard a distinct bang at the front door. I warily slipped out of bed, grabbed the bedside lamp and gingerly opened my bedroom door, almost immediately, the hallway was flooded with light. As my eyes struggled to adjust, I heard a voice call out,

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  Lainie appeared in front of me, dragging a huge suitcase,

  “Hello, Mum, I’ve come home.”

  It took a moment for my brain to catch up with what my eyes were seeing,

  “But how?” I stammered, “You were in Italy, you were doing exams..I don’t understand.”

  Lainie looked at me, allowed her suitcase to fall on the floor and came over to me,

  “Oh Mum, I’m so sorry for just turning up like this..in the middle of the night too..but I had no choice really.”

 
; She pulled me close in a tight hug, I could feel her sadness even though I had absolutely no idea what had happened. As we stood there, my mind suddenly seemed to leap from almost comatose to high energy, I stepped back and looked closely at her weary face,

  “Are you alright? Damon did he hurt you? Is that why you’re here? Because if he did anything, there won’t be a rock he can hide under…”

  Lainie smiled weakly, but it quickly faded,

  “No, he didn’t hurt me, truth is,I hurt him.”

  Still confused, I picked up her suitcase and walked into her bedroom, I could feel she was following me and there was obviously more to hear from her. She sat on her bed and then stretched her hand out to me, gesturing for me to join her,

  “Lainie, it’s late and you look exhausted, we can talk in the morning,” I said quietly. She shook her head, her usually bright eyes, seeming to be filled with emotion,

  “There’s not much to tell really, Mum, Damon asked me to marry him and I said no, we had an awful fight, he left and well,” her voice faltered, “here I am.”

  Trying not to show my shock at the reality of my daughter being even old enough to get married, I asked her why she had said no.

  “We are too young..or maybe, I am..I have almost finished studying and there’s a whole world out there which I want to see, before I get tied down with marriage and children.”

  “And obviously Damon doesn’t feel the same.”

  She shook her head,

  “He talked about us travelling together, but it wouldn’t happen, Mum, we might go on holidays but we would be mainly working, buying a house, all that stuff and I am just not ready. I do love him but…”

  I heard her voice catch, a large tear trickled down her cheek, I wanted to hold her close and reassure her everything was going to be fine, just as I had when she’d been little. But she wasn’t my child any more, she was a woman, so I just took her hand,

  “He called me selfish, Mum,” she exclaimed, as the tears now started to flow freely down her face, “ and he’s right, I am selfish, all I talked about was what I wanted..”

  Her voice broke and she buried her face in my shoulder, I stroked her hair as she sobbed uncontrollably,

  “You’re wrong, sweetheart, it would have been worse to have married him for the wrong reasons, if you aren’t ready, then..well..you’ve done the right thing, for both you and him.”

  She looked up at me,

  “How can that be true, Mum? You didn’t see his face when I said no…”

  I went on to explain, I felt it would have been far more hurtful to marry him, knowing it wasn’t what she wanted because, the chances were, sooner or later, she would have left. Lainie listened intently, her crying subsided and she sat back again, wiping her face on the sleeve of her sweater,

  “Perhaps you’re right,” she began thoughtfully, “and perhaps, if we have this time apart, we can think better.”

  I agreed, then told her it was late and we both should try and get some sleep. For the first time, Lainie grinned at me,

  “I’m a grown woman, you can’t tell me when to go to bed.”

  I smiled,

  “Put it this way,” I began with mock severity, “If your light is still on in five minutes, there will be no treats for you in the morning.”

  Lainie gasped,

  “You’re not serious! No treats??? That’s child cruelty, right there.”

  I walked to the door and looked back at her, once again, she looked like a little girl,

  “I never joke about treats, you know this..now get to bed.”

  I wandered back to my own room and climbed back under the covers, I could hear her moving around and then, after a few minutes, everything went quiet,

  “Goodnight Mum, love you,” she called.

  “Love you more,” I replied.

  Feeling sure she was now safe and comfortable, I pulled the covers to my chin and turned over, suddenly my eyes fixed on my packed suitcase, still standing in the corner of the room.

  “I had almost forgotten about you,” I whispered, my mind made a half-hearted attempt to start thinking, but a veritable wave of tiredness swept any thoughts away and I fell asleep.

  The next morning, I was awoken by the unmistakable sound of Lainie crashing around the kitchen. Still half- asleep, I couldn’t help but smile at how someone could make quite so much noise, when all they were doing was pouring some orange juice. Suddenly I heard a gentle tap on my bedroom door,

  “Mum, are you awake?”

  I laughed,

  “I am now, I can’t imagine what woke me up..”

  I heard her giggle,

  “Sorry, can I come in?”

  Before I had a chance to answer, the door swung open and there was Lainie, she still looked tired but, I was relieved to see a few signs of her being slightly more rested. She sat on the end of my bed then passed me a glass of juice,

  “So we talked about me, what’s happening with you?” she asked, my eyes darted to the suitcase, something she didn’t fail to notice,

  “Oh, are you taking some things down to the charity shop again? I remember you using that case before.”

  My mind raced, I wasn’t sure what to say, I knew I wanted to tell her about Sky but not now, for some reason,

  “No, I had planned a few days away,” I replied slowly, “This new job is quite hard, long hours and everything, so I thought about taking a break.”

  Lainie looked thoughtful,

  “But you’re okay, aren’t you? I mean health wise.”

  “Oh yes, don’t you worry about me, I have some holiday owed and it seemed like a good idea to take it now.”

  I sipped my juice, hoping against hope this would be the end of the conversation, but when Lainie sat up and looked excitedly at me, my heart sank.

  “Why don’t I come with you? I’m already packed..we could go together..”

  Her eyes sparkled at this thought, she started to make suggestions about places we could visit, her rapid fire words leaving me no opportunity to speak until finally, I held up my hand in the hope she would take the hint,

  “Enough now, Lainie, I’m sorry, but you can’t come with me.”

  She rested back and looked at me,

  “If somewhere’s booked, we can always give them a call, see if they can fit me in, I don’t mind sharing..”

  The fact she didn’t seem to be listening allowed the seed of frustration to grow inside me,

  “I said no,” I snapped back, with more aggression than I had planned, Lainie looked visibly shocked.

  “OK, I get it, you want to go on your own..fine, I will just stay here then, after all, I’ve just gone through a major break up, so it’s not like I need some support.”

  She sounded like a spoilt, petulant child and her tone enraged me, I practically leapt out of bed, causing the juice to spill over the covers,

  “Don’t try and guilt trip me, Lainie, you made your choice about Damon and that’s your decision, but if you seriously think you can just turn up and assume I have nothing going on in my life…well, you’re wrong.”

  Lainie glared back at me,

  “I thought I was the most important thing in your life, wasn’t that what you’ve always said? Well when did that change!”

  I turned away from her, I hated the rising tide of anger that seemed almost impossible to hold back,

  “It hasn’t changed, it’s just I have a life now,” my voice sounded cold. I felt Lainie’s hand on my shoulder and she spun me round to face her,

  “Well, good for you, as long as you’re alright then, I need you, Mum, how can you leave at a time like this? I cannot believe you’re still going to go.”

  The fiery rage within me seemed to have turned to ice, our eyes met, whatever my expression was, made her take a step back,

  “I want you here, Mum, like you always have been,” her voice sounded small, unwittingly, her words made me feel even colder.

  “That’s it, isn’t it Lainie ? I am
always here, that’s all I am to you, a place to run when it all gets too much..”

  I could see she wanted to speak, her mouth opened slightly but, again, whatever she saw in my eyes, forced her to close again.

  “Well, not any more, Lainie, I am not a thing, something you can turn on and off when it suits you, I am a human being too, and I deserve a life too.”

  “I didn’t say you didn’t, Mum.” she said quietly, “But..”