Tired by the throbbing ache of my broken hand I go and rest against the far wall facing him. The stone is cold and hard but supports my weary frame. Slumping to the floor I let my hand rest in my lap.
Amit and I look at each other for what feels like a long time. Neither of us is prepared to look away first. We play the game like experts, never blinking. When he finally hangs his head, wincing from the gash across the back of his neck I smile inwardly. One nil.
‘So when Hope was nearly four Libby announced she was expecting our second child. We’d been trying for a while but it didn’t happen as quickly as we’d hoped it would. I remember sitting down with Lib and telling Hope that she was going to have a little brother or sister in a few months. She dealt with the news the way she dealt with everything, quietly absorbing it before responding. She said she hoped she’d have a sister. Her mother and I laughed and said we couldn’t promise if the baby would be a boy or a girl but we were sure she’d love and enjoy the child whatever sex it was.
‘As the months passed and Libby’s stomach swelled, I’d often see Hope resting her head on the belly trying to hear the baby. She was convinced it would start talking to her and give away whether it was a boy or girl.’
Amit groans.
‘You rude motherfucker,’ I hurl a loose stone towards his head but miss by a few inches, luckily for him. His head springs up and the shock on his face reassures me he will be listening without making another sound from now on.
‘When Gracie was born I was almost relieved she wasn’t a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have had a son to kick a ball with, teach how to shave, that sort of thing but I was used to girls. I knew what to expect from Gracie. Having a son would have been like stepping into the unknown.
‘She was a funny looking thing with pixie ears that curled slightly at the top and stuck out of the side of her head. Just like her mother’s used to, I’m told, before the surgery.
‘It was sod’s law: the birth was easy but when we got her home we discovered that Hope had come down with chicken pox. It was a nightmare. She was burning up and the first few chicken pox were beginning to appear. My mum, who’d been looking after her while we were at the hospital, insisted on taking Hope home with her for a few days. None of us wanted to put fragile, newborn Gracie at risk. But sending Hope away when we’d just brought a new baby home did not go down well. I offered to go with Mum but she insisted I stayed and bonded with my youngest. She was right – but the guilt I felt was miserable.
‘Before Mum scooped her off back to Tunbridge Wells we let her get a good look at her little sister. Hope examined her sibling for the first time as if she were an alien made of china. Lib and I really wanted to let her hold Grace but we knew it was a bad idea.
‘Lib told Hope that she was getting to go on a special holiday with Nana so she didn’t have to listen to her little sister crying all night. We promised her there would be presents waiting when she got back. That softened the blow a bit.’ I can’t help but smile at the memory of my two children together in the same room for the first time. I had been waiting for that moment for months.
‘When Gracie was born both Lib and I knew instinctively that our family was complete. We wouldn’t have more children. We already had our chalk and cheese.’ The smile from my face disappears. ‘But then you took her away and now there is a part of our family missing.’
Getting up off the ground using my good hand to balance I stomp towards Amit who has been doing a sterling job of paying attention. Hocking up a large ball of phlegm I spit it into his face. It hits his forehead and slowly works its way down his face like a slug.
‘Don’t kill me,’ Amit’s eyes fill with horror and tears.
‘Why not?’ I have no intention of ending his life.
‘Because I will tell you what you want to know if you let me live.’
Libby
‘How did you find us?’ I hiss at Inspector King who stands there looking bloody pompous. He smiles smugly but refuses to answer.
This situation is getting graver by the minute. Damn Danny for being such a fool.
Paul, Simon and I all peer at each other in the dark wondering if we are also in trouble.
‘This is a police matter.’ King clears his throat.
‘He’s my husband.’
‘What are you going to do?’ Simon asks sheepishly.
‘Well we could arrest you for aiding and abetting a kidnapping.’ King flashes his small torch in Simon’s eyes and holds it there for a moment, ‘but we have a hostage situation to deal with currently. I need you all to move aside and let us do our job.’
Through the blackness I start to make out more and more figures buzzing around us. We are surrounded by police.
‘Just let me go and talk to him and I’m sure this can all be resolved amicably.’ Paul steps up, talking with authority.
‘I cannot let you go in there, sir.’
‘I’ll bloody well just walk in right now. I don’t need your permission.’ Paul swings around and begins to go towards the building but King catches his arm in a tight grip.
‘You are interfering with a police matter. If you jeopardise this I will have no choice but to arrest you.’ King will not take no for an answer.
Paul slumps and for the first time in a long time his frail figure shows his age.
‘Paul,’ I reach out and put my hand around his shoulder, ‘let’s do as he says.’ There is no point in fighting.
‘We are going to cordon off the area. We need you back there, behind the line.’ King flashes his torch at a junior officer, instructing him to take us away.
‘What are you going to do?’ I feel the bitter cold biting my nose.
‘Firstly we will initiate contact. A hostage negotiator is on the way. Until then we sit tight.’ King turns to the officer again. ‘Get them out of here.’
‘I thought you were on our side.’ My voice fills with tears.
‘Mrs Bird, I cannot condone what your husband has done. It is against the law to abduct someone, no matter what the circumstances.’
‘If that’s the case why the fuck is Chadrad walking around freely?’ I feel a rush of blood hit my head and quickly find that I am shaking with rage.
‘We found no evidence to suggest–’
‘Like hell you did. The shoe. Have you forgotten that minor detail? You’re spending your time, and taxpayers’ money, out here trying to get my husband when there is a child abductor on the loose.’
‘Lib.’ Simon puts himself between the inspector and me.
‘I have every right to be upset!’
‘Please stop shouting.’ King barks. I do as he says only because I don’t want to spook Danny and land him in even more trouble.
‘Let’s go and sit in the car and let the police get on with it.’ I realise Simon is being rational now but it’s too late as far as I am concerned.
‘Shame you didn’t think of that before helping Danny make the biggest mistake of his life.’ I shrug his hand off my shoulder and stomp away from the conversation.
As I get closer to the convoy of police cars that have gathered a hundred yards from the hut, the seriousness of the situation becomes clear. There are policemen with guns and more panda cars that I have ever seen. It makes me even more angry that they are spending so much effort on this and not on finding Hope.
Kerry spots me and comes rushing over.
‘Are you all right, Libby?’
‘What do you think?’ I’ve no time to be polite.
‘Of course.’ She shrinks back into herself and adjusts her coat so that the collar is up around her face.
‘You traced my mobile, didn’t you?’ It finally dawns on me. She doesn’t speak but her expression says it all. ‘That’s how you got here so bloody quickly.’
‘I have to ask you, do you know if Danny is armed?’
‘What?!’ The idea is laughable. ‘Is that what you all think? Danny wouldn’t know where to get a gun. He’s not some lowlif
e criminal. He’s just desperate. He’s trying to find our daughter which is something you haven’t been able to do.’ My accusation cuts through the bitter air and the expression on her face is tragic. I immediately regret my words. ‘Look, Kerry, I’m sorry. I’m stressed. I can’t believe this is happening. As if things aren’t bad enough…’ My words trail off in a cloud of icy fog.
‘Come and sit in the car and warm up. It’s too cold to be standing around out here. I’ve got some tea in a Thermos.’ Her voice is calm and soothing.
‘Thank you for being kind to me.’ I see a small smile form at the edge of her mouth as she opens up the rear passenger door and signals for me to get inside.
‘I need to go and talk to my inspector. Just wait here. I’ll be back in a moment.’ She closes the door quietly leaving me sitting in silence alone, with fear as my only company.
Danny
‘Speak then!’ My face is so close to his we are almost touching noses and I can smell the blood, piss and shit very clearly.
‘I… I…’ he stutters, his Indian accent sounding like a caricature, ‘I will talk if you go and sit over there.’ He nods his head towards the wall on the far side of the room.’
‘You need to get a couple of things straight here. I don’t have time for games and you are not in charge.’ I stand up tall, with my chest out, trying to ignore the pain in my hand. He is winding me up and I can picture myself making a fist with my good hand and bringing into his face over and over again until he no longer appears human.
Trying to remain cool and collected I go back over to the fire that spits in the oil drum and stand looking into the flames for a while.
This is it, I tell myself. This is the moment you have been waiting for. He is going to confess.
Libby
I’ve been sitting in the car watching police swarm around the dark countryside with their torches and radios for nearly an hour now. So far no one has made a move to approach the building or tried to make contact with Danny. I wonder if he knows we are out here and if he does what he plans to do about it.
Never in my life have I felt as far away from him as I do now. I knew something was wrong; but then of course it was. Hope has been missing for months. We are about to face our first Christmas without her and still don’t know where she is or what happened to her.
This never-ending nightmare just keeps pulling us down deeper and deeper into despair. Danny would never have dreamed of hurting someone when I first met him. Sure, he has a temper and he’s been known to swing the odd punch when some idiot stepped out of line but that’s fairly normal. He’s not a kidnapper or a criminal. Or a killer.
If he loses it, though, and feels backed into a corner, I can’t be sure what he will do. We have both been so altered by events I don’t know who either of us is any more. Our marriage has suffered and now I doubt that we will ever be the same again. Every time we look at each other we are reminded of what is missing. But we need one another to get through this. We were always so strong before – Mr and Mrs Invincible.
No one knows what they are really made of until the worst happens. Some people run and others stay and fight. I guess Danny is a fighter. But what does that make me?
As I sit here, clinging to a now tepid Thermos, I wonder if I have the strength to see this through and to be there for Danny when he needs me most.
I’m startled when there is a sudden rap on the window. King is peering down at me through the glass. I open the door and get out.
‘So?’
‘So we have secured the area. Nothing is coming in or out without my say-so.’
‘I bet the local sheep are quaking in their boots.’ I know it’s not necessary to be sarcastic but something about his manner is asking for it.
‘I understand that this must be a worrying time for you, Mrs Bird.’ He refuses to rise to the bait. ‘But I need you to answer some questions for me. Can you do that?’
I look up at the man who I was counting on to bring my daughter’s kidnapper to justice and all I feel is bitter disappointment.
‘All I want is for this to be over.’
‘Good.’ He senses my discontentment and looks away. We both know he failed with Hope. Maybe he can get it right with Danny.
‘I’ll answer any questions you have if you promise me this,’ I move so that I am back in his eye-line, ‘you will not do anything to harm my husband.’
King stands there for a moment contemplating his answer. ‘There is no reason for us to think we need to use any force at the moment.’
‘That’s not exactly an answer.’
‘It is the only one I have for now. Perhaps if you answer my questions, then I will be in a position to respond properly.’
‘Fine. Where do you want to talk? We’re not exactly spoilt for choice.’
‘We have a major scene vehicle parked at the end of the lane. If you wouldn’t mind accompanying me.’ He politely puts his hand out so I can go past.
‘Why is nothing happening? What’s everyone standing around for?’
‘We are waiting for the NCA negotiator to arrive. They should be here soon.’
‘NCA?’
‘National Crime Agency,’ the inspector walks with his hands behind his back, taking large strides over the muddy track.
‘That sounds serious.’
‘It is, Mrs Bird. This is very serious indeed. Your husband has abducted a man and is holding him prisoner in a building in the middle of nowhere.’
‘How do you know that? I mean, have you asked Danny to let Amit go? They might just be having a chat.’ The words sound foolish even to my own ears.
‘That is what the negotiator is for.’
Moments later we are standing looking at a police van. It looms over us like a large white Winnebago.
King approaches the door and opens it.
‘In here,’ he instructs, as I step up into the unknown.
Inside there are a row of computers and machines. Officers sit tapping away furiously and barely acknowledge my arrival.
‘Do you want some tea?’ King pours himself some into a polystyrene cup and blows on the steaming contents.
‘No thanks. I’ve had enough tea already.’ He shrugs, taking a sip.
‘Can you tell me, were you aware of your husbands’ intentions?’ His beady eyes fix mine.
‘Don’t beat around the bush, will you.’ I’m tired of his games. ‘No. I had no idea at all. He didn’t tell me. He convinced me to go and see my parents in Cornwall, I suppose so he could put this hare-brained scheme into action. I can’t believe I was so gullible. He hates my parents. I should have smelled a rat.’
‘I’ve spoken to Mrs Chadrad. She has told me that you and your husband went to her house and talked to her. She says she felt threatened.’
‘For fuck’s sake!’ First he offers me tea then he grills me. ‘It wasn’t like that.’
‘But you admit you and your husband approached her?’
‘That was months ago. Look, do you think I would be here hoping to persuade Danny to let Amit go if I was in on it? Really?’
‘Mrs Bird, I am simply trying to establish what led to this.’
‘Hope being taken. That is what led to this.’
‘But your husband has no history of violence, no record.’
‘Yes, of course it is out of character. You don’t need to have a badge to work that out, Inspector. He’s desperate.’ A lump forms in my throat making it difficult to continue.
One of the officers who has been glued to the phone turns to us. ‘Sir, the negotiator will be here in five minutes.’
Things are about to get even more serious.
Danny
‘Speak or I will cut you again.’ Amit looks up at me like a scolded dog.
‘You promise not to hurt me if I tell you?’
‘Yes.’ If my hand wasn’t so busted up, I’d cross my fingers and cement the lie.
‘OK. Your little girl did come to my shop.’
&nbs
p; My heart is beating hard in my chest and I can’t tell if I am breathing or not.
‘She wanted magazine. So I watch her flick through them all.’
I start to feel sick.
‘Then she decides she wants one with toy hairbrush so she comes to the counter and gives it to me.’ He goes quiet and looks down at the ground.
‘Then what?’ I cannot bear the wait. ‘Tell me!’
‘She puts her hand in her pocket to take out money but she drops it on the floor.’ Amit’s dark eyes are looking around the room, anywhere except at me.
‘She bang her head on the counter when she stands up. So I go round to see if she is alright and I put my hand on her shoulder.’
The thought of this grotesque man putting his hands on my little girl is too much for me to take. Without a second’s hesitation I kick him hard in the chest so that the chair falls back. His hands, which are tied to the back of the chair take most of the weight and I hear a crunching noise as Amit lets out a loud yelp.
‘You say you would not hurt me.’ His voice is filled with despair.
Breathing heavily, as a result of my sudden burst of energy, I shrug before kicking him hard, once again, in the ribs.
Amit coughs and out of his mouth comes a spray of blood. The shock in his eyes mirrors my own. Then he starts to choke.
Part of me wants to do the decent thing and lift him up off the ground but I am enjoying watching him suffer. He is panicking now and coughing repeatedly. Blood and saliva trickle out the side of his mouth and worm their way down his face. Feeling detached from the situation I watch him as if I am viewing a film.
‘I cannot breathe properly,’ he splutters.
I do not move.
‘Please, I will tell.’
‘Where is she?’ I feel nothing for the man lying on the ground dying in front of me.
Libby
‘Sir!’ An officer holding a large gun bursts into the van. ‘We just heard screaming coming from the property.’ His grey eyes are wide and the cold has turned his nose red.
Frailty: a haunting psychological page-turner Page 17