by Ann Fessler
friendship rings, 45
Glory, 11, 12, 67, 114–15, 176, 212, 220, 263–64
grandparents, 135, 198, 202
grief:
burden of, 153–54, 179, 187, 207–8, 209, 211, 283, 285, 292, 309
counseling to deal with, 52, 83, 141, 235–36, 283, 309, 316
mother urged to bury feelings of, 13, 180, 187, 207–8, 226–27
reawakened by reunion, 263, 269, 316
unacknowledged by society, 180, 226, 293
unresolved, 209, 263, 309
Griswold v. Connecticut, 43
guilt, 12, 162–63, 209, 211, 243, 293
Hazel, 320
healing:
counseling and, 283
in reconciliation with their own mothers, 236, 294
in reunions, 66, 163, 247, 252, 269, 278, 317
and society, 163
husband:
abusive, 161
as adoptee, 109
choosing, 52, 88, 215, 231, 236, 315
and divorce, 214, 309, 315
as drinker, 214–15
not told about child, 26, 27, 94, 214, 267
and subsequent children, 193, 203–4, 232
supportive, 27, 50–51, 97, 172, 193, 205, 211, 241, 253–54
trying to love, 231–32
and waning interest, 263–64
and wife’s child, 95, 233, 252, 253–54, 278, 284, 295
illegitimacy, stigma of, 148, 183
International Soundex Reunion Registry, 235, 251, 260
Internet:
communication via, 225, 226
reunion Web sites on, 249
IUD (intrauterine device), 41
Jeanette, 120–26
Jennifer, 279–85
Jill, 141, 287
Joyce I, 11–12, 36, 38, 133, 291
Joyce II, 115, 290–91, 294–95
Judith I, 149–50
Judith III, 44, 270–72
Karen I, 140, 155–63
Karen II, 180, 213–14, 218, 253–55
Kathi, 45–46, 134–35, 176–77, 208, 218, 267–68
Laurinda, 8, 75
Leslie, 77, 197–205, 296
Levitt, William, 107
Life magazine, 183–85
Linda I, 312–18
Linda III, 73
listening, 299
loose women, 10, 111, 148
loss, sense of, 83, 96, 268, 306
Lydia, 78, 302–11
Lynd, Robert and Helen, 30
Lynne, 68, 138, 152, 153–54
Madeline, 237–45
Maggie, 42, 187, 226–27
Margaret, 72, 190–96
Marge, 79–84
marriage:
and contraception, 43
and divorce, 8, 26–27, 68, 113, 161
happiness dependent on, 111, 150
intention of, 24–25, 45–46, 75, 85, 127, 164–65, 197, 228–29, 280
and legitimate babies, 67–68
and motherhood, 11, 106, 151, 153, 170, 175
and premature births, 67
promises of, 32–35
statistics of, 67, 105–6
Mary I, 135, 153, 265–66
Mary III, 102, 261
maternity homes, 133–54
babies staying in, 143, 159, 177–78, 199
being sent away to, 80–82, 103, 138–40, 142, 157–60, 167–69, 197–98, 302–3, 314
change in philosophy in, 143–50
classes offered in, 139, 157, 273
contact with outside world, 140, 168–69
costs of, 87, 91, 136–37, 160, 192, 274
counseling available in, 141, 153
counseling unavailable in, 9, 152, 158, 175, 181, 236
disapproving staff in, 58–60, 118
false names used in, 139, 157
friendships in, 19, 81, 141, 142
history of, 133–34, 142–43, 144–45
locked doors of, 140
meals in, 169
as only option, 11–12, 25–26, 49, 153, 190
as positive experience, 141, 169, 190, 273
as punishment, 153, 162
racial segregation in, 108
redemption as goal of, 133–34, 143
running away to, 17–18
scholarships available from, 145–47
as traumatic experience, 142
volunteer staff in, 169
Maureen II, 39–40, 41–42, 68, 214–15, 296–97
media:
building social acceptance of adoption, 183–85
family images in, 115–16
stories of love and romance in, 30, 31
motherhood, and marriage, 11, 106, 151, 153, 170, 175
mothers:
adoptive, see adoptive mothers
alcohol and drug use of, 23, 83, 200–201, 213, 223
allowed to keep babies, 116
blame placed on, 9, 11, 19, 23, 34, 40, 74–75, 77, 97, 163
brainwashed, 149–51, 198, 303
decisions made by, 141, 150–51, 153
decisions taken from, 127–28, 153, 167, 186, 190, 280–82, 302–3
deemed unfit, 148, 149, 151, 170, 179–80, 188, 195, 205, 299
delinquent behaviors of, 144, 147, 240, 275, 285
denial by, 91, 123–24, 154, 210, 238, 270, 282
education of, 62, 109, 116–17, 139, 145–47, 192, 305
emotions buried by, 23, 61, 81, 83, 103, 128, 132, 153, 154, 169, 180, 186, 187, 188, 203, 211, 218, 219–20, 269, 270–71, 285, 305–6, 315
entering helping professions, 193, 195, 199, 205, 297–98, 306–7, 317
and finances, 22–23, 78, 87, 127, 137, 150–51, 153, 158, 160, 192, 314
hidden by family, 72, 74, 134, 135, 152, 303
honor to, 132
loaded language about, 310
medical issues of, 130, 131, 223–25, 233, 234, 259–60, 315
mentoring for, 310–11
in the military, 312–14
myths about, 10–11, 97, 183–85, 287
neurotic label applied to, 147–49
nightmares of, 163, 221–22, 234, 272, 292
not ready for marriage, 15–18, 70–71, 197, 273
overachievers, 220–21, 274
overprotective, 218–19, 232
poor choices of men by, 215–16
reputation of, 10, 134, 238
reunited with their children, see reunion
single, 17–18, 189; see also unwed mothers
social stigma of, 72, 144–50, 158
subsequent children of, 95, 96, 125, 128–29, 163, 172, 193, 203–4, 213, 214, 218–19, 232, 233–34, 252, 255, 264
talking about the experience, 194, 203, 225–27, 247, 253–56, 262, 263, 267, 278, 301
urged to move on and forget, 9, 12–13, 83, 89, 133, 153, 154, 158, 172, 187, 200, 226–27, 230, 263, 281, 285
vulnerability of, 150, 162–63, 170, 190, 192, 236, 297, 298, 299, 302
mothers of baby’s father, 15, 17, 87, 128, 129–30, 131
mothers of baby’s mother:
abusive, 91, 98, 303
aging, 66, 98, 196, 241, 252, 294–95
anger and betrayal expressed by, 104, 107, 166, 240
decision regretted by, 62, 235–36, 275, 295
and financial issues, 22–23, 91, 194
as pregnant brides, 40, 80, 122
and search for child, 62, 64, 194, 235
supportive, 15–18, 22–23, 57, 164, 202
and talk about sex, 38–40, 44, 55
unforgiving, 24–26, 90, 104, 314, 316, 317
as victims of the times, 112–15, 202
Muncie, Indiana, studies, 30
Nancy I, 47–53
Nancy II, 39, 73–74, 257–58
Nancy III, 32, 41, 44, 211–12, 217, 256
National Adoption Clearinghouse, 249
Nellie, 136, 178–79
nice girls, 10, 29, 34
nuclear families, 111
OriginsUSA, 225
Orphan Voyage, 250
ostracism, 78, 103, 170
Pam, 164–73, 297
Pamela I, 141, 178, 212–13, 216
parents of baby’s father:
decisions made by, 280–81, 302
negative reactions of, 46, 75, 77, 103, 127
supportive, 25, 77, 274
parents of baby’s mother:
actions taken by, 48–49, 61, 73–74, 78, 86, 103–5, 156, 167, 205, 302
and baby’s birth, 89, 169–70
financial dependence on, 78, 160, 162, 274
negative reactions of, 46, 67, 70, 72–74, 75, 102, 127, 138, 166–67, 188, 197, 240, 303
not told about baby, 120
search and reunion, 235–36
social climbing by, 101
supportive, 228–29, 274
paternity, proof of, 77
Paton, Jean, 250
peer pressure, 30, 32, 34, 35
Pollie, 12, 104, 138–39, 226, 255, 259
postwar economy, 31, 102, 104–5, 107, 112, 124, 182–83
pregnancy:
bonding with baby during, 180, 258
dating and, 14–15, 36, 42–43, 237, 302
from first sexual experience, 10, 47, 55, 155–56, 197, 273, 313
hiding, 72, 134, 152, 155, 156, 164–67, 229, 238, 314, 325
ignorance about, 37–38, 44, 45, 47, 49, 121, 238, 279
and marriage, 24–25, 32, 39, 71, 120, 228
in the military, 313–14
and moral judgments, 36, 77, 138, 147–48, 158, 188
prevention of, see birth control
second, 201–2
and secondary infertility, 217, 218
and sex education, 296–97, 317
premarital sex:
and alcohol or drug use, 33, 201
bad girls and, 29, 32, 35–36, 45
changing attitudes toward, 30–32, 34, 37
coercion and, 33–34, 35, 47, 75
date rape, 33–34, 107, 115, 237–38
dating and, 31–35, 54–56
increasing occurrence of, 7, 29–30, 45
as rebellious act, 79–80
as sinful, 131, 138, 158, 188
social pressures toward, 32–33
prostitutes, homes for, 133–34
psychiatry:
changing attitudes in, 147–49
social stigma of, 203
Rachael, 179
relinquishment, 181–89
changing attitudes toward, 119, 148–50, 290
decision of, 11, 116, 141, 150–51, 153
as defining event of mother’s life, 12, 52–53, 83, 97, 207, 209, 244, 305
and demand for adoptable children, 118–19
emotional burden of, 187–88, 208, 268–69, 304
of only child, 215, 217–18, 242–43, 263, 303–4
positive view of, 131–32
second thoughts about, 181, 186, 189, 200, 219
signing papers for, 22–23, 82, 92, 128, 160–61, 170–71, 179, 181, 186–87, 192–93, 195, 199–200, 230–31, 282, 300, 304, 305, 315
without legal counsel, 186
reunion:
with active or passive searchers, 249
adoption agencies facilitating, 249–50
consequences of, 124–25, 221, 235, 244–45, 252, 264, 308
death intervening with, 257
emotions of, 51–52, 64, 95, 125, 194–95, 222, 247, 260–61, 265, 266–72, 277, 284–85, 307–8
with father, 65–66, 200, 255–56, 307
and healing, 66, 163, 247, 252, 269, 278, 317
honeymoon phase of, 260
interest waning after, 261, 263–64
laws against, 53, 315–16
in prison, 257–58
and privacy issues, 251–52, 291, 320
and registry movement, 250–52
reluctance for, 252–53, 258, 283, 289, 320
and sadness of lost years, 125, 236
search and, 1, 4, 62–66, 94–99, 124–25, 130–31, 241–42, 247–72, 275–78, 292, 314
and telling their stories, 53, 247, 253–56, 262, 263, 267, 278, 301
Riesman, David, 106
Rillera, Marri, 251
Roe v. Wade, 7
Rose, 116–17, 139
Ruth, 127–32, 301
Salvation Army, 133, 134, 137
Sandy I, 298–99
Sanger, Margaret, 41
school:
classes in maternity homes, 139, 157, 273
educational aspirations, 102, 109
expulsion from, 34, 72, 103, 167
returning to, 78, 82, 171, 192, 202, 230
Search Angels, 316, 317
searchers, professional, 194, 249, 283
secondary infertility, 217, 218
secrecy:
burden of, 12, 19, 83–84, 126, 207–8, 212, 278, 290
and family relations, 288, 294, 295–96
hiding the pregnancy, 72, 134, 152, 155, 156, 164–67, 229, 238, 314, 325
as protecting the baby, 194
as protecting the mother, 139, 205
and social mores, 9–10, 23, 71–72, 82, 123–24, 294
and telling the story, 267, 278
self-esteem, low:
Church and, 59, 70
marriage and, 161, 214–15
rebuilding sense of self, 192, 236
remorse and, 218, 236, 244
and sense of abandonment, 7, 78, 157
social mores and, 84, 153, 163, 211, 227, 241, 303
social workers and, 86–87, 151, 158, 187, 194, 195
Serena, 260–61
sex education, 7–8, 37–40, 44–45, 296–97, 317
shame:
burden of, 83, 97, 119, 131, 153, 202, 211, 290, 298–99
Church and, 59, 70
of family and friends, 11, 70, 72, 78, 103–4, 109
and social stigma, 8, 9, 11, 15, 25, 36, 40, 82, 103–4, 109, 126, 149, 188, 278
Sheila, 137–38, 221–22
Sheryl, 70–71, 104, 135, 154, 177, 224–25
social workers:
adoption promoted by, 88, 96, 150–51, 153, 187
change in philosophies of, 143–50, 294
false papers filed by, 130
inadequate counseling by, 180–81, 222
and increasing demand for babies, 183
low self-esteem fostered by, 86–87, 151, 158, 187, 194, 195
mothers entering field of, 205
professional field of, 143, 181
and reunions, 276–77
signing papers for, 22–23, 82, 160–61, 179, 181, 186–87, 231, 282, 305
support from, 274
Soundex Reunion Registry, 235, 241, 251, 260
Sue, 36–37, 188
suicide, thoughts of, 313
SunflowerFirstMoms, 225
support groups, 50–51, 193–94, 204–5, 225–27, 249–51, 283
surrendering one’s baby, see relinquishment
Susan I, 68, 257
Susan II, 119, 273–78
Susan III, 228–36
Suzanne, 7, 13, 214, 221, 223
therapy, see counseling
Toni, 9, 71
trauma and stress, 52–53, 95, 142, 218, 308–9
unwed mothers:
changing views toward, 144–50
deathbed confessions of, 295
gynecologist for, 239
homes for, see maternity homes
shame of, 8, 36, 72
as single parents, 117–18, 189
as unacceptable to society, 8, 11, 44, 101, 103–4, 109, 113, 120, 123, 147–48, 185, 211, 241, 293
Vilardi, Emma May, 251
wage homes, 134–35, 156–58
welfare application, 87, 161, 233
Wendy, 182, 259–60
Whyte, William, 106, 107
Yvonne, 85–99
e Decades Before Roe v. Wade