Hate to Love You

by Ivy Symone

  Cautiously, I slowed down and looked around. There was music coming from the SUV but it wasn’t loud enough that I couldn’t hear children's laughter coming from the other side of it. If Jovelyn was over there I was gonna slap her silly. She knew better and she knew she was supposed to bring her tale directly home!

  God, I didn’t want to go over there to see if she was there. I crossed the street and walked in between the parked cars on the curb. Keeping my distance I looked down the walkway and there she was with a group of kids beside the SUV.

  And so was he.

  There he was in a white tank with white baggy pants that rested on his hips displaying his white boxers. On his feet were wheat Timberlands. It seemed as if he was blinging more this day than he was the day before. His exposed golden muscular arms were looking mighty nice though.

  “Jovi!” I called out.

  She looked in my direction, grinned and waved. I heard her say, “There’s my sister!”

  God, Jovelyn was so slow!

  Marcos and his crew looked in my direction. Marcos didn’t look too pleased.

  Ignoring him and staying right where I was, I called out to her, “C’mon! You’re supposed to be at home!”

  When she started to sprint towards me, Marcos grabbed her. He said something to her and she nodded with a grin. She didn’t move. It angered me and the vexation showed on my face.

  Holding onto Jovelyn, Marcos called out, “Come get her.”

  Jovelyn thought this was a game because I could see her giggling. It was his way of getting me in close range of him. But I had to get my sister.

  I inhaled and prepared myself for whatever games Marcos was about to play.

  When I got close enough, I reached out for Jovelyn. “Mama’s worried about you.”

  Instead of Jovelyn taking my hand, Marcos grabbed it and literally yanked me to him and dragged me around to the back of the truck.

  “What the fuck up with you?” he asked. His brows furrowed into a scowl as he looked down on me.

  Marcos wasn’t as tall as I thought he was from seeing him yesterday. Of course he was taller than my petite five feet and two inch frame. In the clutches of his arms, he had me on my tip toes. I didn’t know whether to think he was a lunatic or if I should really be fearful of my life. Later, I would learn that I should have thought both.

  My mouth opened to say something but my voice was caught in my throat. Did he realize he almost had me off the ground?

  I guess he saw the terrorized look in my eyes and he let me down. Angrily, he asked, “Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called last night?”

  “I went to bed early,” I lied.

  “You went to bed early,” he repeated as if he was trying to comprehend what I had said. “From now on don’t go to bed until I call you.”

  I nodded my understanding.

  His face finally creased into the charming smile he flashed me the day before. “I didn’t mean to come on so rough like that. You too pretty for a nigga to be roughing you up, but I will if have to."

  Okay, I was thinking maybe he was looney. I should have taken heed to his words. He let me know right then that he had no qualms with putting his hands on women.

  “I gotta get my sister back home,” I told him.

  “That’s cool. Your sister is a trip. I didn’t realize you lived over here until I saw her. I thought you lived where I saw you yesterday.”

  “That’s where my friends live. I was just visiting.”

  Sensing my nervous energy he asked, “Are you scared of me?”

  Was that what I was feeling? Fear? My answer came out small and hoarse, “A little.”

  He chuckled and gave me a reassuring smile, “You don’t have to be. I want you to be mine one day.”

  “I don’t even know you.”

  “You can get to know me. But first you need to learn how to answer that goddamn phone I gave you,” he said in a playful angered tone.

  I smiled nervously. “Okay,” the smile disappeared and I had to ask one more time. “You know I’m only fourteen, right? I’m still in the eighth grade.”

  “Don’t worry ‘bout all that,” he said looking down at his buzzing pager. He looked back at me. “You got the looks I want in the woman I make my wife. I ain't never laid eyes on a female as pretty as you. All exotic and shit.”

  “So, you’re gonna wait until I turn eighteen?”

  “Wait for what?” he asked as if he was clueless.

  “I mean, aren’t you…grown?”

  Again he said, “Don’t worry ‘bout all that. I wanna take you out this weekend. Take you shopping. A pretty girl like you need to be in only the best. And if you act right, I’ll take you out of these bricks real soon.”

  What was that supposed to mean?

  “Go on and take your lil’ sister home. I’ll be calling you tonight.”

  I turned to walk away but he stopped me. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me ever so gently. It felt good and he smelled magical!

  He sent me off with a slap to my ass. For some reason it didn’t offend me. I looked back at him and gave him a frowning smile.

  “C’mon, Jovi,” I said grabbing her by the arm and pulling her along. Her friends yelled out their goodbyes. Marcos’ crew gave me these teasing grins as I walked past them. And I got this eerie feeling I was being watched. I looked around and some of the girls I went to school with along with some of the older women were looking at me. I couldn’t tell what exactly was coming off from them because some wore disgusted looks, others wore looks of awe and surprise, and others wore looks of jealousy.

  Later, I would learn that what I sensed was correct. Most young adult women wanted the attention I was getting from Marcos. Why? Because he had money? No one seemed to care that he was crazy.

  _______

  Later that night, I actually felt myself growing anxious, waiting for that phone to ring. Maybe he would forget and not call me at all. I was feeling rather disappointed if he didn’t call me. But I didn’t understand where these feelings were coming from.

  It was almost ten when the phone rang. I quickly answered it so that it wouldn’t wake Jovelyn or alarm Lailani and Kenny in the other room.

  “Hello?” I whispered.

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing,” I meekly said. I was wearing this stupid grin that I hope he couldn’t detect over the phone.

  “You betta had answered this time,” he said.

  “Or what?”

  He chuckled in disbelief. “Or what? You got a little sass to you, don’t you?”

  I giggled. “Not really.”

  “I believe you do. You tryna come off all innocent and shit. Keep reminding me you only fourteen. You don’t carry yourself like you’re only fourteen.”

  “Well, I am. And isn’t it illegal for a man your age Marcos, to be talking to someone my age?”

  “First of all, fuck the law. Secondly, I see you know my name now. You know how old I am too?”

  “I knew your name yesterday. And you’re twenty-one. That’s a whole seven years older than me.”

  “Actually, I’ll be twenty-two in November, but like I said, fuck that. Who telling any damn way?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Exactly. Don’t worry ‘bout that shit. What I want you to focus on is being ready Saturday when I come to pick you up.”

  “You’re serious, huh?”

  “That’s one thing I don’t do; I don’t play. And I need you to get with the program. I ain’t used to all this resistance. I understand this might be new to you but when I saw you yesterday…I don’t know. You caught my attention and interest. Answer this question for me, and answer it honestly? Are you fucking?”

  I was stunned silent.

  “It’s a simple question. Are you fucking or have you fucked?”

  Did Kenny count? I didn’t know how to answer the question. I wanted to say I was still a virgin being that Kenny never penetrated me with his man part; however
, I’m sure my hymen was no longer intact due to Kenny’s rough finger fucking. But was this really Marcos’s business?

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll find out,” he said. “If you got some little boys sniffing after you, tell them you belong to Marcos now.”

  I was getting nervous again. It slipped my mind that Nikki wanted me to come over Saturday. “I forgot. I gotta go somewhere Saturday.”

  “Cancel it. I’ll be at your house Saturday, around three. You gon’ be with me all day.”

  “But I ain’t really got anything cute to wear,” I told him.

  “Don’t even worry ‘bout that either,” he said. “Nephia, I’m ‘bout to expose you to a way better life than you used to over in them bricks, sweetness.”

  I smiled, “Okay.”

  I could hear the smile in his voice too. “I figured you’d see it my way. I’ma let you get some sleep. What time you get out of school?”

  “Three forty-five,” I told him.

  “A’ight,” he said. “Go to sleep baby, and dream about me.”

  I smiled even bigger. “Okay.”

  “Bye, love.”

  He hung up and I just held the phone. What was I getting myself into?

  Chapter 4

  Nikki and Corvell looked at me like I was crazy. We were on lunch break in the cafeteria at our usual table. I had just told them about my conversation with Marcos the night before.

  “So, you ain’t coming to my house Saturday?” Nikki asked.

  “I will have him drop me off there later,” I told her.

  “I’m mad, ‘cause I wanna go,” Corvell pouted.

  “Well, forget you too, Corvell,” Nikki said playfully. She looked back to me. “I think you’re making a mistake messing with this dude.”

  “I’m not gonna mess with him like that,” I tried to assure them. They weren’t falling for it.

  “Didn’t you say he asked you if you were fucking?” Corvell asked.

  “Who are y'all talking about?” Montoya asked.

  Corvell quickly replied, “Mind your business.”

  “Well, y'all talking around me. We wanna know what y’all talking about too,” Montoya said looking at her friend Turkessa.

  “You know Marcos?” Nikki asked.

  Turkessa’s mouth dropped open. “Marcos, like drug dealer Marcos?”

  “Yeah, him,” Nikki said.

  Corvell corrected, “Well, technically Marcos isn’t a drug dealer. He has connections with people that are.”

  “It’s all the same. His hands get dirty too,” Nikki waved off.

  “I heard they were clean,” Corvell argued. “Why hadn’t the feds been able to lock his ass up?”

  “The McQuiddies are still running around here free too,” Montoya mentioned.

  “Uhm…Marcos Delgado and the McQuiddies are on two different levels,” Turkessa said. “Meaning Marcos got more paper that can do more talking for him than the McQuiddies.”

  “Regardless, he’s trouble,” Nikki said. She pointed to me and said, “And this crazy girl been talking to him.”

  “Talking to him? Like talking to him?” Turkessa asked with surprise.

  “Why is that so shocking?” I asked.

  “Oh, it ain’t. You’re his type anyway. I’m just shocked to know somebody he trying to holla at. You betta get with him,” Turkessa said.

  “He’s too old for her,” Nikki pointed out.

  “So. When she’s twenty-six he’ll be what? Thirty-three or something like that. Will it matter then?” Montoya interjected.

  “That’s then. She’ll be of consenting age,” Nikki countered.

  “Are you jealous?” Turkessa teased. Leave it to Turkessa to stir the pot.

  “No, I’m not jealous,” Nikki insisted. She looked at me with genuine concern in her eyes. “I just want Nephia to be careful. I heard he wasn’t that nice to women.”

  I was thinking he couldn’t be worse than Kenny. But why was I giving Marcos any thought anyway? Was it the idea of being taken out of the bricks and being bought new things getting to me? It did sound appealing.

  “I’ll be careful. We’re just talking right now anyway. No harm will be done until he crosses that line; a line I’m not trying to cross any time soon,” I told them. Did I convince them? Because I sure didn’t feel convinced.

  The remainder of the school day, my mind kept drifting to thoughts of Marcos. This wasn’t supposed to be happening to me. I was supposed to be focused. It was why I never wanted to get caught up in being boy crazed. But Marcos was different from all the other little boys that tried to talk to me.

  The last bell rung and I flew out of gym. I congregated in the lobby of the school by the lockers to exchange my goodbyes with my friends. Suddenly, we heard the loud bass of someone’s car audio system. It was playing a Tupac track from his All Eyez on Me album. I wasn’t a real big Tupac or hip-hop fan so it didn’t get me hyped like everyone else. Then, another audio system came bumping even louder music. Some people even rushed to see who was out there.

  I looked back at Corvell and Nikki, “I gotta go before the bus get all crowded and I got nowhere to sit.”

  “Okay! Call me and let me know,” Nikki said.

  “Call you?” I asked. “On what?”

  “Your cell phone!” Nikki and Corvell both hollered out.

  I totally forgot. “Oh, yeah!”

  I hurried through the cluster of students and ran outside.

  “Nephia!”

  I heard my name being called but I wasn’t sure. I looked from side to side and even back thinking it was Corvell. It wasn’t, so I proceeded to my bus. As usual I found me a midway seat and focused on the scenery outside the window.

  A girl I knew to be in the seventh grade came on the bus and said, “Nephia, that guy out there want you.”

  Was she talking to me?

  She looked out of the window on my side and pointed. “Right there.”

  This other hot ass girl I knew from the other team of eighth graders opposite of our eighth grade wing, said, “Ooh! You know Marcos an’nem?”

  That’s when I looked out the window and saw the white SUV and of course Marcos in his all white attire. I was beginning to believe that was the only color he wore.

  A smile spread across my face. I let my window down and hollered out, “What?”

  “What?” Marcos echoed as he stepped closer to the bus. “Getcho ass off this damn bus and c’mon!”

  He didn’t have to tell me twice. I gathered my things and hurried off the bus.

  “Where you going?” asked Corvell who had finally made it outside.

  “Marcos is over there,” I smiled.

  Corvell grinned too. “Look atchu! Well go head witcho bad self!”

  “I’ll call you,” I said and ran in between the row of buses to get to Marcos. And in front of all of my schoolmates he gave me the biggest hug. I was feeling special now.

  “Get in this truck, girl,” he told me. He opened the door to the back for me to get in. He got in right behind me.

  I was instantly impressed with the inside of the SUV. I hadn’t been inside anything that was this nice. Everything was customized with his initials MDB. It was strange because I had never seen Marcos driving this vehicle. And today, Quan wasn’t in the driver’s seat. It was another guy.

  “A’ight lil’ nigga! Tell yo’ brotha holla at a nigga or somethin,” the driver was telling some boys outside his window. He looked back at me and Marcos. He smiled at me. “What’s up Lil’ Mama?”

  “Hi,” I said coyly.

  “Nigga, don’t talk to my girl,” Marcos said with a joking smile. He ordered, “Drive to Green Hills.”

  A girl sat in the passenger seat. She looked back at me and gave me a half smile. She was pretty but she looked just as young as I did. And there was something about that half smile that gave me pause. She seemed upset about something.

  “Nephia, that nigga driving is Gogo, my st
upid ass cousin,” Marcos told me. Looking at Gogo I could see the family resemblance. He too looked like he could be mixed with whatever Marcos was mixed with. Gogo had really long cornrows that flowed down his back and he appeared taller and slimmer than Marcos.

  Marcos continued, “And that’s his girl Bridgette.”

  She turned back to me and spoke softly, “Hi.”

  “Hey,” I said. I think she had been crying or something. I wanted to know what was wrong with her.

  “Where your phone and pager?” Marcos asked me.

  “At home,” I answered.

  “What’s the point of having them if you gonna keep that shit at home?”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t want to bring it to school with me and someone steal it.”

  “Once they realize whose girl you are they won’t try to steal shit from you.”

  “Who are you? I mean why should everyone be so fearful of you?” I asked.

  I wanted to take the question back after the way he looked at me.

  “Usted pronto descubrirá,” was all he said. I didn’t speak a lick of Spanish so I just stared at him. Later, I would learn that he basically said I will soon discover; however, by the time I knew what he said, it was too late.

  During the ride to the Green Hills area, he tried to get me to relax. He even put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. He was making me nervous especially when I could feel his lips brushing against my neck. It instantly made me hot but I was scared. This was completely different than what Kenny took me through. I could feel reciprocated desires for Marcos.

  “You don’t kiss?” he whispered in my ear.

  I shook my head.

  “You’re about to now,” he said.

  The softness of his voice made me putty in his hands. I allowed him to kiss me. I didn’t know what I was doing. I even giggled in his mouth as he tried to part my lips to ease his tongue inside. He called me silly but it didn’t stop him. I continued until I got control of my giggles and actually returned the kiss back. It wasn’t so bad. It actually felt good and stirred something in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know what it was but it caused me to ache.

  He pulled back and smiled at me, his eyes twinkled and I was his again. “Now that wasn’t that bad.”