by E. S. Moore
My hand went reflexively up and I touched the mark behind my ear. Other than the raised skin, I couldn’t tell it was there. I wondered if she’d seen the mark and put two and two together somehow.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t want to go.”
“That doesn’t matter,” she said with a sigh. “You need to leave.”
“But Sienna—”
Eilene cut me off. “She’ll get over it. I don’t think you should tell her you’re leaving. And you definitely don’t want to tell Levi.” She spoke her husband’s name with such bitterness it took me aback.
I knew things were strained between the couple, but listening to her now, it appeared it was far worse than I’d thought. At first, I’d assumed she just didn’t like how Levi was spending so much time with me, that she was jealous, but I quickly realized that wasn’t the case. Levi had helped others before me. My time with him didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest.
But there was definitely something else going on between them. The bitterness was there on a nightly basis. He pretended not to notice, but I sure as hell did.
“I’m not sure I want to go,” I said. The thought of going home again made me sick.
“But you have to.” Her gaze flickered to the side of my head, confirming my suspicion that she knew about the mark. “You have no choice.”
She glanced up the stairs and forced herself erect. She crossed the room with small, shuffling steps, until she was standing a few inches from me. The fact that I was a vampire fazed her about as much as it had Sienna and Levi, which was to say, not at all.
“I sent Ronnie out,” she said at a whisper. “It will take Levi a few hours to find him. You need to be gone before he knows you are even thinking of leaving or you’ll stand no chance. He won’t let you go if he senses your intent.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, starting to get uneasy.
“Just go,” she said. “Please. Sienna will be crushed, but she’ll understand.”
“But why?” I wasn’t sure if I was asking why I should go or why she was so insistent on pushing the issue. Did it really matter either way?
“Because if you don’t go now, you’ll never find the nerve to leave.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Deep down, I knew she was right. I was already struggling with it. If Levi were to tell me to stay, I had a feeling I would.
Eilene stepped back. “Please,” she said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Before I could say anything to that, she turned and shuffled up the stairs as fast as her tired legs could take her. I watched her go, half-expecting her to collapse from the strain, but she made it just fine.
I numbly turned and headed back into my room. I wanted to stay, I really did, but I knew Eilene was right. The demon mark would force me to leave one way or the other, and now was as good of a time as any, especially since Levi was out of the house.
I stood at the edge of the bed, wondering if there was some way I could put this off. To leave now would feel like I was abandoning Sienna or turning my back on what Levi has tried to do.
But I couldn’t stay—not as long as I had Beligral’s mark.
With a heavy heart, I opened the closet door and began to pack for the journey home.
3
I felt like a thief in the night as I slipped out the front door and around to the garage where my Honda DN-01 was waiting. It had been so long since I’d ridden the motorcycle, I’d almost forgotten what it was like to sit astride it.
I brushed dust from the seat and a sense of longing came over me. I didn’t know why I hadn’t ridden around town on those long nights when I didn’t have anything else to do. Maybe it was because the bike was as much a part of who I used to be as my weapons. I’m not sure. I only know that standing there in front of the machine, I only wanted to go for a long, slow ride.
I tucked the bag I’d packed away and mounted the motorcycle, relishing the feel of the seat beneath me. It felt strong, powerful, and I hadn’t even started it yet. Something stirred deep inside, something that longed to get out.
I was still wearing the sweater Sienna had given me. I’d considered changing into my old clothes but decided against it. I wasn’t going home for good. To change clothes felt too much like shedding everything Delai had given me. I couldn’t do that; not if I expected to return.
The night was dark and overcast, making the garage nearly pitch-black. I could see well enough. My vampire-enhanced vision made sure of that.
I gently stroked the bike, brushing away dust as I did. I should have taken better care of the motorcycle. Even if I didn’t plan on riding it, I should have made sure it was kept in tip-top shape. I’d always taken pride in it before. Why should that have changed?
I sighed and walked the Honda out of the garage. There was only a light dusting of snow on the ground, and the driveway and road were perfectly clear. Lights from the main part of the town shone through the trees across the road. They sparkled off the ice on the branches, causing the trees to appear to glow.
My breath plumed in front of my face as I took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. It was a lot harder leaving than I’d expected it would be. I’d known it wouldn’t be easy, but even the simple act of starting the motorcycle was just this side of impossible.
Sienna.
She was the reason I was struggling so hard with leaving. I hadn’t said good-bye. Would she understand? Would she be angry with me?
I didn’t like the idea of upsetting the girl. How hard would it have been to go tell her I had to go, to promise her I would be back? Leaving like this made me feel like I was abandoning her. I’d already abandoned far too many people and I had no intentions of doing it again.
Levi was another issue entirely. While I appreciated what he’d done for me, he wasn’t what was keeping me here. I’d miss his kind words and patient demeanor while I was gone, but it wasn’t like I was leaving forever. I just had to remember that.
I knew I should have left right then and there. I’d made up my mind already that I was going to go, so there was no reason to sit there any longer than I had to. I was only making things harder by not leaving right away.
But it felt like I was waiting for something. As I sat in the driveway, I knew something was going to happen.
It wasn’t until the outdoor light clicked on and the front door flew open that I knew what it was.
“Wait!” Sienna came running out of the house wearing only a thin, long-sleeved shirt, pajama pants, and a pair of socks. She ran across the yard, oblivious to the snow on the ground.
I almost started the motorcycle and drove off before she could reach me. I might have wanted to see her again, wanted the chance to say good-bye, but now that the chance was here, I was scared. Could I really leave her behind like I’d left so many others before?
“Take me,” she said, coming to a stop next to me. “I want to go with you.”
“I can’t.” A fist clenched in my gut, squeezing my insides until I felt like I might puke. My gaze flickered to the open front door. Eilene stood there, arms crossed over her chest. She was shaking so badly from the cold, I was afraid she might shake completely apart.
“Please,” Sienna begged. “I can’t stay here without you. I can’t live with him anymore.”
“Sienna.” The warning was clear in Eilene’s voice, though she made no move to come after the girl.
“I wish I could.” I reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. It nearly broke my heart to see her so upset because of me. “I have something important I have to do. I’ll be back as soon as it’s taken care of. I promise.”
Sienna started shivering. Her socks were soaked completely through; her teeth were chattering. I longed to pull her in close for a hug, but knew if I did, I’d lose my nerve and wouldn’t be able to bring myself to leave.
“Go inside,” I said. I had to stay strong. I couldn’t give in. “Keep yo
ur mom safe.”
Sienna glanced over her shoulder once before turning back to me. “I’ll miss you.” She spun and hurried back toward the house, shoulders heaving as she broke down into sobs.
I can’t live with him anymore.
Eilene watched her daughter for a moment before she made her slow way toward me. Her feet shuffled in the snow as if it was too much effort to lift them.
“Don’t come back,” she said as soon as she reached me. “Do us all a favor and never even think of us again.”
She stared into my eyes, dared me to argue; then she turned and walked back to the house, leaving me sitting in stunned silence.
I wanted to call out to her, apologize for whatever I’d done to upset her so much. I’d always thought Eilene liked me, even if she never really showed it. Hearing her tell me to leave and to never come back stung so bad it felt as though she’d slapped me.
Maybe I’d always been wrong about her. Maybe she was thankful to have me out of her house, out of her life. Could I have been the cause of the trouble with her marriage? Maybe Levi did spend too much time with me.
I started the Honda feeling all sorts of miserable. I felt bad for leaving Sienna behind. I felt bad for the trouble I’d caused Eilene.
As much as I wanted to stay to fix things, I knew I had to go and take care of my demon problem. I couldn’t let the pain come again, couldn’t let things get worse, simply because I wanted to fix things between me and a family that had never really been my own.
But it was still hard. As I pulled out of the driveway, the knotted fist in my gut hardened. It felt like I was leaving forever despite the fact I desperately wanted to return. No matter what I did, it felt like I was betraying someone.
Delai was a blur as I sped down the road. The town never slept as far as I could tell, and I saw more than one face peer out at me from a window. I feared someone would alert Levi about my leaving and I’d have to explain myself to him before I could get away. I wasn’t so sure I could talk my way past the big man. I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
I turned into the main part of town. While the snow was light, it seemed to shine with its own warm glow, making the town appear that much brighter. DeeDee’s was packed, and I hunched my shoulders as I drove past, hoping no one would notice me.
The farther from Levi’s house I drove, the more I realized this was the right thing to do. I should have gone back home to at least check on Ethan before now anyway. Leaving him alone like I had was beyond irresponsible. He relied on me as much as I’d relied on him. I should have been smarter than that.
Headlights suddenly flared behind me and I didn’t have to guess to know who was now following me.
I didn’t even hesitate. I sped up, wanting nothing more than to put as much distance between me and the rumbling truck at my back.
The truck coughed as Levi sped up to match my speed. The horn blared repeatedly and I could hear him shouting, though I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I knew if I were to stop to listen, he would find a way to calm me down, to talk me back to his house, where I’d never leave.
I bore down harder, leaning forward to reduce resistance. The headlights fell farther behind and Levi laid on the horn in one long, hard blast.
Some of my old anger flared up. Why in the hell was he chasing me like this? Why couldn’t he just let me go and take care of my problem? He knew something was wrong. Why not let me fix it without having to explain myself first?
I would have sped up, but I was already going too fast. Levi was losing ground quickly, but he wasn’t about to give up. I could hear him still shouting and wondered if I’d finally broken that calm demeanor he always had. It would almost be worth getting talked out of leaving just to see.
I approached the intersection that would take me out of Delai. There was a stop sign ahead, but I refused to stop for it, knowing if I did, I’d have a hard time moving forward again. I barely slowed down as I took the turn.
Tires screeched as I just missed getting hit by a car. I skidded sideways, nearly went off the road, but managed to get a foot down in time to catch my balance. If I’d been a normal human, I could easily have been killed by that stupid move. As it was, pain shot up my leg and my knee buckled, but I managed not to tip over.
My wheels caught and I shot down the road, ignoring the angry blare of the horn from the car I’d nearly collided with, as well as Levi’s final shouts.
I glanced back once I was sure I had control of my bike and saw Levi’s truck idling well back from the road sign. He was standing next to his truck, staring at me. Even from as far away as I was, I could see the frown on his face and the anger radiating off him in waves.
I looked away, feeling somewhat satisfied at his frustration. He shouldn’t have chased me if he didn’t want to lose.
The snow was coming down a lot harder outside the little town. There was at least a foot on the ground, and it was turning to slush on the road. It was a miracle I hadn’t crashed coming out of that turn so hard. Even vampire reflexes were no match for ice and snow, especially with so much momentum involved.
I slowed down now that I knew Levi wasn’t following me. It would be just my luck to keep from crashing out of that reckless turn only to hit a patch of ice on a straight stretch and lose control.
The miles crept by and the tension eased from my shoulders. I still felt bad about leaving Sienna behind, but I no longer was upset about leaving Delai itself. In fact, I felt good about it. I had no idea why I’d had such a hard time leaving before. It was only a place. While the vamps and wolves weren’t there now, they’d eventually find the sleepless town and take over like they did everywhere else.
As the tension about Delai eased, another worry started to creep up on me.
Ethan.
I never should have left him. Would he still be living at the house after all this time? Would he even want me back if he was?
I was terrified of what I’d find when I returned home, to my real home. What if Jonathan had attacked him? The silver paralysis might not have lasted long enough for Ethan to find a place to take him. In his injured state, the werewolf might have been overcome by hunger and killed Ethan in a blind rage.
I found it unlikely, but the idea just wouldn’t leave. If it hadn’t been Jonathan, it could easily have been someone or something else. I should have taken charge, should have taken care of Jonathan and made sure Ethan was provided for before leaving. I never should have walked out without telling anyone.
Of course, I knew why I’d done it. I’d killed my brother. I had to run or else that simple fact might have weighed on me until I’d broken down completely. Delai was the one place I’d known I could go to escape the mess of my life.
I sped up as much as I dared, wanting to just get home and make sure Ethan was okay. I felt the tires slip more than once, but it was never more than I could control.
The miles whipped by and the snow got thicker. Some of the side roads looked to be completely untouched, and I was worried what I’d find when I got near the road leading to my house. If no one had salted it, I might end up having to walk a large chunk of the way home. There was a reason I rarely went out during the winter. The Honda just wasn’t built for it.
I tried not to think about it as I neared my street. I focused on the road, solely intent on getting as far as I could. If I had to walk, then I’d walk. I’d dealt with worse weather before. I could deal with it now.
I nearly sobbed in relief when I saw the cinders on the street leading to my house. There was still some snow on the road, but it was mostly slush.
There were tire tracks in the snow, which made me nervous. There weren’t too many houses down my street, and most of the ones that were there were abandoned. And there were far better ways to get where you were going than to try to navigate the old road. I feared whoever was driving the road was coming from my house.
I knew I was probably being paranoid. Ethan could have bought a car since I was gone. Someone could have moved
in down the street a ways. Hell, it could have simply been the salt and cinder trucks making a few passes that had left the tracks.
Still, I didn’t like it. No one was supposed to know anyone lived in my house on the hill. The few that did thought Ethan and I were just a harmless couple who kept to themselves. Now that I was gone, had someone come to verify our cover story?
I wished I had my weapons on me. Anything could be waiting for me back at the house. I didn’t like going in so unprepared. I hadn’t been gone for just a few days. I’d been gone for months. Anything could have happened in that time.
I reached my driveway and my trepidation increased tenfold. While the cinders and salt continued on down the road, the tire tracks turned into the drive. They looked recent.
I struggled up the hill toward the house. Ice had formed in the tracks and it caused the tires of my Honda to slip. Finally, I gave up and shut off the engine. Besides, the motorcycle made too much noise despite the fact Ethan had modified it so it wasn’t nearly as loud as a normal bike. If it wasn’t Ethan in the house, I didn’t want whoever might be there to know I was coming.
I walked the motorcycle to the side of the road and left it behind a tree. If everything was okay at the house, I’d come back to get it. If not . . . it might not matter where I left it.
I flexed my fingers to loosen them. I’d been gripping the handles of the bike so hard, they’d started to lock up. And the cold didn’t help. It might not bother me as much as it would a Pureblood, but the cold still got to me. Just because I was a vampire didn’t mean I was impervious to the elements.
I kept low as I worked my way up the driveway. I made sure to step in the tire tracks so I wouldn’t leave footprints behind. If someone were to come up the driveway, they might not see the Honda parked behind the tree, and I didn’t want them to know I was there until I was ready for them.
There were lights on in the house and my pulse began to hammer. The light upstairs was faint in Ethan’s bedroom window, as if his door was open and the hall light was on. There were no lights on in the living room, but the TV was on. Its flickering light caused shadows to shift and move as I approached. No one moved within the lights.