Heart Of Marley

by Leigh, T. K.

  Meg giggled. “Yeah. Boys are smelly.”

  “They sure are,” Marley replied. “And gross.”

  “Is Doug gross?” Julianne asked.

  I noticed Marley’s ears turn red, the signature Bowen indication that we were embarrassed. Grinning to myself, I retreated up the stairs just as I heard Marley respond that Doug was anything but gross.

  Dashing into the bathroom, I took the quickest shower of my life, not wanting to keep Brianna waiting for too long. Once I was satisfied that I no longer smelled like I had just gotten out of basketball practice, I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before running down the stairs, nearly pummeling into the six-foot frame of my uncle as he was walking in the front door.

  “Sorry, Uncle Graham.”

  “Where are you running off to?” he asked.

  “Nowhere, really. I was just going to go for a walk with Brianna, if it’s okay.”

  “Hi, Pastor Graham,” she said sweetly, sidling up next to me as we stood in the foyer. “I was sick this morning and wanted to talk to Cam about what I missed in class so that I don’t fall behind in my studies.”

  Shaking his head, he walked away. “Miss Monroe, if you want to see my nephew, you don’t need to lie about it. Have a nice walk on the beach, kids. Just don’t tell your aunt I let you go, Cam. Technically, you’re still grounded.”

  “Yes, sir,” I responded before grabbing Brianna’s hand and leading her out of the house.

  “I hope I didn’t get you in trouble,” she said quietly as we crossed the street toward the shore.

  “No. He tries to act strict, but there’s not a lot of follow-through. Last time we did something that landed us in hot water, we were grounded for a month. It lasted a whopping three hours.”

  “Really?” she asked.

  “Yeah. We were grounded around four o’clock in the afternoon. By seven, Carla and Kristen showed up at our house and he allowed Marley to go to some study group with them that they had probably just made up. I’m pretty sure it was during summer, too.”

  Brianna laughed. “Let me guess. Marley convinced him.”

  “Yup,” I said in agreement. “She’s always had a knack for getting people to listen to her, no matter what. That’s probably how she won the election for class president.”

  “That, and people love her. She’s easy to get along with. She’s caring and compassionate. And genuine. You know what you get with Marley, even though she puts up a front.”

  “What do you mean?” I turned to her as we walked along the beach. “Do you really think she puts up a front?” I knew that she did, but I never thought anyone else was able to see through it like I could.

  Taking a deep breath, she faced me, grabbing both my hands in hers. Closing her eyes, the wind whipped her hair and a look of complete ease washed over her face. At that moment in time, she appeared to finally let herself go and stopped pretending to be the girl she was told she had to be by her mother.

  Opening her intense eyes, she said, “Marley told me.”

  “Told you what?” I asked, confused.

  “About what happened to her. About what you did to protect her.”

  “What? Why?”

  Releasing one of my hands, she shrugged and continued walking along the shore, pulling me with her. “Because she said she could trust me. Because she wanted me to know. Because…” She stopped short, turning to face me once more.

  “What is it? You can tell me.”

  She searched my eyes, the silence deafening as we stood on the sand, the storm brewing off the coast throwing her a bit off balance. “Because…” she began again, attempting to control her long brown, wavy hair, “sometimes things suck and you just want someone to know what you went through.”

  A loud crack sounded and the sky opened up, drowning us both with a September storm typical of those in the late summer.

  “Come with me!” I shouted over the rain. “Let’s get you home.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No. I want to stay here, Cam. Do you feel that?” she asked, raising her arms and basking in the torrential downpour that was soaking both of us.

  “No! I don’t. All I feel is the rain!”

  Brianna opened her eyes and looked at me with the most intense expression I had ever seen on her innocent and pure face.

  “Well, I do, Cam! I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel something out here! With you! It’s something I’ve never felt before! I feel…” She closed her eyes briefly, her chest rising as she looked at me again, contentment covering her face. “Happy. But it’s so much more than happy. I feel at ease. I feel completely unfettered.”

  “You don’t feel wet?!” I shouted over the thunder.

  She laughed. “No. I definitely feel wet…and maybe a little cold, but it’s worth it to have this other feeling, Cam.”

  “You’ve been spending far too much time with Marley in the theater department.”

  A sly smile crossed her face and I saw what she was talking about…one look and I knew that something had changed in Brianna. Don’t get me wrong. I was always attracted to her, but when she was dating Mason, she became a bit of a shy girl, completely at odds with the outgoing friend of Marley’s that would be over nearly every day with Carla and Kristen. Right then, I saw a glimpse of the old Brianna, her smile wider than I had seen in years. I couldn’t help but think that Marley had something to do with it.

  “Maybe so. Maybe knowing that I’m not alone has released the tiger inside.”

  “When did you ever think you were alone?”

  Her eyes grew hooded and she sauntered up to me, making my entire being harden under her powerful gaze. “That doesn’t matter, Cam,” she said, her body a breath away from mine. “None of it does anymore. All that matters is this moment. Right here. Right now. I want more moments like this. Promise me we can have more of this.”

  I swallowed hard, completely turned on as I tried to keep my eyes focused on Brianna’s face and not her wet shirt that was becoming somewhat transparent. “I’ll give you anything you want, Bri.”

  “Cam…” she said breathlessly.

  “Yes?”

  “I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like you’ve never kissed any other girl before. Kiss me with so much magnitude that it makes me forget…”

  I crushed my lips against hers, stopping her from finishing her thought. I had always been respectful the few times that we had kissed over the past several days. This kiss was completely different, though. It wasn’t soft or timid. It was passionate and ravenous. Our bodies intertwined as we devoured each other. I craved her more than I could remember wanting anything before in my life.

  “Cam,” she said, tearing away from the kiss and staring at my heaving chest.

  “Yes?”

  “What did it feel like?”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  She avoided my eyes and looked out at the ocean, the waves growing strong and tumultuous with the storm that was soaking us. “When you pulled the trigger and shot him, what did it feel like?”

  Running my hand through my wet hair, I took a deep breath. “It felt… It felt vindicating and remorseful at the same time, Bri. I knew I had to do it, but I still can’t forget the look on his face when he fell over. I remember watching him for hours as he begged me to help him and I wondered whether he would ever die…whether I wanted him to die. I knew that I didn’t. He did horrible and disgusting things to Marley. Did he deserve to die for it? I don’t think so. And I’m glad he didn’t die.”

  She snapped her eyes back to mine. “He’s not dead?”

  I slowly shook my head. “No, he’s not. I shot him in the stomach a few times and in the leg. I was only eleven so I did the best I could.”

  “What happened?”

  I looked at the sky and began to get nervous when I noticed lightening streak the horizon. “Here. Come with me.” I grabbed her hand and led her down the shore toward a small alcove hid
den from the beach by trees, sheltering us from the storm.

  “What is this place?” she asked as I lowered myself to the ground. She followed suit, sitting next to me.

  “Somewhere I come to think. No one knows about it. Well, I’m sure they do, but no one ever really comes here. Of course, you know about it now, but I’m okay with that.”

  “Really?”

  I grinned, wrapping my arm around her drenched body, trying to warm her in the chilly evening air. “Really.”

  “So…”

  “Right. Buck.”

  “That’s his name? He sounds like a scumbag,” she commented.

  I shrugged. “Yeah. He was charged with a handful of offenses…rape, child endangerment, assault. He was sentenced to forty years, eligible for parole after twenty. Well, Marley found out that he was released about six months ago after only serving five years. And when we were in Charleston on Sunday…”

  “That man.” She gasped in shock. “The one that was staring at her…?”

  I nodded slowly. “Yeah. I needed to get her out of there. I’ve spent the last decade of my life trying to protect her. And I have a feeling that I’ll be spending the next decade of my life doing the same thing. So I guess it’s a good thing that you know about it because trying to save Marley from herself is sometimes a full-time job.”

  “What do you mean, save her from herself? She’s not…?” She gave me a knowing look.

  “No!” I exclaimed quickly. “She’s definitely not suicidal or anything, but she has good days and she has bad days…and then she has really, really bad days.”

  “And nightmares?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Really bad nightmares. You saw the result of that. But that’s not even the worst of it.”

  “What is?” she asked.

  “The hopelessness that finds her.” I paused for a moment and thought about how to explain it. “When we got home early Monday morning, our aunt and uncle were waiting for us. Monday was a really, really bad day,” I explained. “She told Uncle Graham that there is no God.”

  Brianna simply nodded in response. This was not the reaction I had expected from her. I actually thought that she would be slightly aghast at the notion, but she remained rather unmoved by the idea.

  “You don’t think that’s a bit rash?” I asked her.

  “I don’t know, Cam. Do you blame her for thinking there is no God? I can see how she would feel let down and abandoned. She had to endure more horror and trauma than anyone I know. Where was God on those nights?”

  I stared straight ahead. “I know. I hate to admit it, but I feel the same way sometimes. I guess I just have to remind myself that I don’t see the big picture yet. Maybe God ignored her constant screams and cries for help for a bigger purpose. Maybe she was meant to endure that trauma for a reason. I can’t dismiss what I hear my uncle preach about on Sunday. About God’s purpose. Even if it’s not God, per se, there’s got to be a reason for it. If there isn’t, what point is there?”

  She leaned into my body and I felt a warmth I couldn’t remember experiencing before in my life. “There has to be a point,” she murmured, and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy about what her words could insinuate.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  BENEATH THE MASK

  I HAD BEEN DREADING today since receiving my letter from the Jessamine committee naming me as a finalist in this year’s display of grotesque perversion that had become a yearly tradition in this town. Nearly every other girl that had been chosen as a finalist was excited and would talk in animated voices about what they were going to wear to the formal Jessamine Introduction Gala. I, however, felt none of that excitement. To me, it was more something I had to do out of duty and obligation than something that brought me joy.

  Today was picture perfect. The sun was shining and the temperature was pleasant. I opened the windows to my room to allow the salty ocean air to blow through as I went about getting ready for the big event.

  A hurried knock sounded on my door and my aunt burst through. “Are you almost ready? Doug will be here any minute, Marley. You can’t be late.”

  I huffed as I sat down on my vanity chair, allowing her to manhandle my hair and coerce it into some sort of style worthy of a reluctant beauty queen.

  “What have you been doing up here all morning?” she continued, barely even taking a breath. “Are you trying to sabotage your chance of winning this? All those other pageants and contests were child’s play compared to this one. This is the one that could earn you a spot in the Miss South Carolina Pageant. Don’t ruin this for yourself by showing everyone that you don’t care.”

  “I’m sorry, ma’am,” I responded quietly. I had no energy left for fighting her. It was futile anyway.

  “I need you to be excited about this opportunity. It will reflect poorly on me as a member of the selection committee if my own niece isn’t enthusiastic about this.”

  “I am excited,” I lied. “I guess I’m just nervous. That’s all.”

  “Oh, Marley Jane,” she comforted, her tone softening. “You have nothing to be nervous about. Today is just a day to introduce our finalists to the town, to show them that you’re all worthy to be Miss Jessamine, even if you don’t win…but you’ll win. I know you will.”

  I simply nodded as she finished pinning my hair back, allowing a few of my waves to fall in front of my face.

  She took one last look at her work and her expression dropped. “Marley, do you have a cardigan to wear with this dress?”

  I shook my head. “No. It’s too warm for a sweater, Aunt Terryn.”

  “Yes, but…”

  I lowered my eyes, knowing what she was referring to. I had no problem letting people see the scars from the years of abuse, but the notion horrified Aunt Terryn. Then they would ask questions and would talk about poor little Marley Jane Bowen.

  Heading toward my closet, I found a light white shrug that complimented the sleek emerald green knee-length dress that Aunt Terryn brought home for me a few days ago when she found out that I had yet to get a dress for today.

  “That’s much better,” she said, relief washing over her. “Put your face on, Marley Jane. This is important.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said as she turned to leave.

  I took several steadying breaths. “I can do this,” I said to myself. I kept repeating those words over and over again as I gazed into the mirror, putting my makeup on as Aunt Terryn had taught me all those years ago. Opening my drawer, my eyes settled on my mirror compact…my life vest for the past few years. I flipped it open and stared at the razor blade it contained, the sharp edges beckoning me…inviting me…telling me that it could release all the pain, even momentarily.

  “You okay?” I heard as I was about to pick up the blade. Snapping the case shut, I turned to see Cam standing in the doorway. He saw the expression on my face and quickly closed the door, pulling up a chair and sitting next to me.

  “Stupid question, huh?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”

  “Just turn it off, Mar. It will be over before you know it. I’ll be there for you. And so will Doug.”

  I looked at him, ready to snap under the weight of the mask I had been forced to wear. “Doug’s expecting to see the Marley he knows that’s excited about all this ridiculous pageantry. It’s getting harder and harder to be that Marley, Cam. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be someone I’m not. What if he sees the real Marley and doesn’t want to be with me anymore because of it?”

  He planted a gentle kiss on my forehead just as I heard the doorbell ring. “Then I’ll kick his ass. Believe me, I think he knows who you are more than you realize. And maybe you should let him see the real Marley because that’s the Marley I love.”

  “Only because you have to love me.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t have to. I see lots of brothers and sisters that can’t stand each other. I’m glad that’s not the case with us. Now finish up. I’ll go stall Doug and calm down Aunt
Terryn.”

  “Thanks, Cam.”

  He sent me a warm smile and left me to finish getting ready. As I put the final touches on my makeup, my eyes kept wandering to that compact. It was tempting me, promising to dull my inner turmoil.

  Flipping the case open, I swiftly raised my dress and dug into the skin of my inner thigh with the razor, tracing the word that had been carved in my flesh for the past few years. I exhaled, allowing my pain to leave me momentarily, and felt at ease for the first time all day. Quickly placing a bandage on my most recent bodily mutilation, I readjusted my composure.

  Checking my reflection to ensure that my makeup was applied perfectly, I stared back at the Marley everyone else knew…hair coifed, makeup impeccable, emotional and physical scars covered so no one could see the truth.

  Making my way down the stairs, I heard Doug and Cam talking in the living room. As I entered and my eyes settled on Doug, I felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. I had seen him in formal attire before. Hell, we went to our junior prom together. But today, as he stood in my living room in his khaki dress pants, light green dress shirt with the top button undone, and his dark hair damp from the shower, I felt completely speechless and weak in the knees. I think he felt the same way by the ardent, yet lustful stare he was giving me, his mouth slightly agape.

  Swallowing hard, he said, “Hi, Marley.”

  “Hi, Doug,” I responded calmly.

  “You look… Wow. I don’t think there’s a word that expresses how… Just wow…”

  “I like wow.” I sauntered up to him. “You look wow, too,” I whispered in his ear.

  “I really want to kiss you right now, but I think your aunt will kill me if I ruin your makeup.”

  I pulled back and rolled my eyes. “Probably.”

  “Shall we?” he asked, holding his arm out for me.

  “Absolutely.” I grabbed his elbow and allowed him to lead me out of the house. Turning back and looking at Cam to see an odd look of satisfaction on his face, I asked, “Are you riding with us?”