Heart Of Marley

by Leigh, T. K.

  “I think can do that,” I said quietly, not believing the words that were escaping my mouth. I wondered if I could follow through.

  “Good. Now, you’re late for first period.” He broke his gaze from mine and began to scribble on a hall pass. “You’re off to French with Madame Pearl, correct?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Here,” he said, handing me the pass. “I’ll walk with you.”

  “But I have to go see Mr. Grayson.”

  “You’re not going to see him.”

  “You’re very strange sometimes.” I stood up and went to open the door, unable to because it was locked. I felt him approach behind me, his proximity making my entire body grow rigid. Reaching past me, he unlocked the door and pushed it open.

  “Shall we?”

  I turned my eyes forward and simply nodded, wondering why Mr. Monroe always seemed to make me think that something was off about him. I wanted to know the real story behind him, and I knew exactly who would have answers.

  French class seemed to last forever while I waited impatiently for the bell to ring. Finally, it did, and I bolted out of the room, dashing toward Carla’s and Kristen’s first period class just a few doors down.

  “Hey,” I said when I saw them saunter out. “Let’s skip. I need to talk to you guys.”

  “About what?” Carla asked cheerily.

  I lowered my voice. “Mr. Monroe. Come on. Let’s go.” I spun on my heels and knew their curiosity got the better of them when I sensed them on either side of me as we strode down the hallway and into the warm March air.

  Plopping down on a picnic bench with a few other students who were either skipping or had study hall, I faced my two good friends. “What’s the story with him?”

  “Who? Hottie Monroe?” Carla asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes at her boldness and impropriety. “I’ve heard the rumors. I’m sure y’all have, as well. But the two of you have a knack for wading through the bullshit and getting to the bottom of it. So… What do you know?”

  They shared a look before they both turned to me. “So, remember Gabriella Knox?” Kristen asked excitedly.

  I swallowed hard at the name. “Yes.”

  “Well, she took his Governments class last year, too. And he was ‘helping’ her with her senior project,” Carla continued, using air quotes. “Something to do with the swimsuit portion of the pageant, which…God, what a prude. That’s the part of the competition I’m looking forward to.”

  “Carla, focus. Before someone realizes we’re skipping and we have to go back to class.”

  “Right. Okay. So, apparently, Mr. Hottie had it out for her. Kind of like he has it out for you, Marley.” She winked. “Anyway, she had to go to his office a few times, and there are definitely rumors floating around that certain things happened in his office. Some say consensual, some say not. Other rumors say that he waited until the night of the pageant and made his play then. Some say it was in the green room, like he locked her in there after everyone else had left. Others say that it was after the ball and he slipped something in her drink. She never said anything. Come to think of it, she denied it pretty fiercely, but Mr. Hottie and Mr. Grayson got into a heated argument at graduation and she just kind of disappeared.” She raised her eyebrow.

  “I think it was all part of the deal,” Kristen interjected. “My brother, Chris, goes to U.S.C. with her and he said that she has this amazing apartment off campus and a gorgeous new Mitsubishi…a hot little red sports car. Her family didn’t exactly have a lot of money. I think she was here on a scholarship. Mr. Monroe comes from quite a wealthy family. And don’t forget, Brianna was the result of him sleeping with one of his students when he was a teaching assistant in grad. school. So… What does that tell you?”

  “You think Mr. Monroe paid off Gabriella in exchange for her keeping her mouth shut?”

  “No. I know that’s what happened.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  MOVING ON

  BY EARLY MARCH, THINGS had gotten so busy with school that nearly a month had passed since I had been able to check in on Buck. Finally, on the Monday after spring break, I was able to sneak away for the night. At this point, I had been to his house so many times that I could drive there blindfolded.

  I parked in my usual spot just up the street from his house and waited for his car to drive down the street. Around the time he always got home from work, I saw what appeared to be a new mini-van drive past me and pull into the driveway.

  “Wow. He must have gotten a new car,” I said to myself. “I would have opted for something a little bit more sporty and a little less soccer mom…” I trailed off, fear rushing over me. “Please, no.”

  I watched as he ran into the house, my mind trying to come up with some other plausible explanation for his recent car purchase. “Stop thinking the worst, Cam. There’s no way.” Suddenly, I noticed movement from his house, my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach when I saw him escort a pregnant version of the woman with whom he had been living to the mini-van. They drove past me and I debated whether I should follow them or go home. This had become a rather unhealthy obsession, and the anger only grew more intense now that I saw she was pregnant.

  “Fuck it,” I said, cranking the engine and tailing them through town, surprised when they drove toward Myrtle Beach and pulled into the parking lot of the mall where Marley worked. I prayed that she wasn’t working tonight.

  I kept my distance as I followed them into a baby store. Peering around the aisle, I noticed they were picking out clothes for a girl. I seethed with hatred and kicked a wall, several store associates turning to glare at me.

  “Sorry. I didn’t see where I was going.”

  They simply nodded and went on with organizing the store as I contemplated what to do and whether to finally come clean with Marley.

  “Cam,” a voice I had hoped to never hear again said. I looked up to see Buck standing a few feet away from me.

  “Buck…” I furrowed my eyebrows in an attempt to feign surprise, not wanting him to know that I had become somewhat preoccupied with following his every move.

  He sighed. “You’ve been keeping an eye on me, haven’t you?”

  “I…”

  “It’s okay,” he interrupted me. “I don’t blame you. If I were in your shoes, I’d do the same thing. I know you hate me, and you should. I shouldn’t even be talking to you. I could get into a lot of trouble if anyone found out, but I needed to let you know how truly sorry I am for everything. If I end up going to prison again, it’ll be worth it just so I could finally apologize to you.”

  “It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” I spat viciously. “Do you have any idea how severely fucked up Marley is because of everything you did to her?” The pitch of my voice rose as I tried to subdue the lump forming in my throat.

  He lowered his head, the formerly confident man that inundated himself in our lives nowhere to be seen. If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t believe that the man standing in front of me was the same person that ruined my sister.

  “I can only imagine,” he said solemnly. “I’m not going to stand here and make excuses for my behavior, but I finally know how horrible it was. I see that now.” He gestured over to where the woman I had seen him with these past few months was sorting though a display of pink onesies. “It’s a girl. I’m going to be a daddy. I get it now. I could never imagine anyone hurting my daughter the way…”

  “The way you destroyed Marley?” My face flamed with anger and I felt the burn of pure disgust wash over me. “Well she was someone’s daughter! Someone’s niece! Someone’s sister!” I hissed, my chin quivering with the memories of Marley’s nightly screams and cries. “How do you know you won’t relapse and do the same thing? To your own daughter? How…?”

  “I would never be able to live with myself. I know it probably sounds like I’m just blowing smoke up your ass. That’s not my intention. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I have
enough trouble trying to forgive myself. I’m just trying to move on with my life. To learn from this dark time in my life and prevent it from happening again.”

  “How?”

  “I found a support group, thanks to your uncle. He put me in touch with a therapist…”

  “Wait. What?” I was floored that he would encourage Buck to seek therapy when he refused Marley any help.

  “I’ve prayed for forgiveness like your uncle asked when he came to see me in prison. And I tried to stay on that path as soon as I was released. For the most part, I have, but I’m only human. At times, I’ve felt weak and needed some sort of support for when I thought I was losing my way. He referred me to a group and we meet every day. That’s where I go after work and before coming home.”

  It was silent while I processed what he was telling me.

  “Please, Cam. Let me live my life. I have a life now. I don’t feel the demons inside me. I feel like I finally have a direction with my fiancée and daughter. I beg you to stop living in the past.”

  “I’m not…”

  “Then why have you been sitting outside of my house for months?”

  I avoided his eyes and stared at the white tile floor.

  “You love your sister. You always have. I’m sure she’s trying to move on. Let her move on.” He held his hand out to me and I hesitantly took it. “Have a good life, Cam. God bless.”

  I simply nodded, words evading me.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  SILENT NO MORE

  THE DAY I’VE BEEN dreading since getting that letter last August has arrived. The Miss Jessamine Pageant.

  Today started off like any typical Saturday, apart from having a near heart attack when I opened my eyes to see Cam lying in my bed, staring at me.

  “AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!” I screamed, punching him and pushing him off the bed.

  He laughed at my reaction as I sat up and continued to kick him. “What the fuck, Cam?”

  “Happy birthday to you, too, Mar.”

  “You’re an ass. Did you want me to die of a heart attack before I turned eighteen?”

  He looked at his watch. “Wait for it… Too late. It’s 8:05. You’re officially an adult.”

  I stood up and reached down, grabbing his hand, and pulled him to his feet, his frame towering over me by nearly a foot. “Happy birthday, Cameron Michael.” I wrapped my arms around him.

  “Happy birthday, Marley Jane. You ready for today?”

  I looked up at him and a slight smile spread across my face. “Surprisingly, yes. I’m actually looking forward to it. Now that I’m eighteen and will be moving to Columbia in a few weeks, I have quite a few things planned.”

  Cam pulled back, his eyes narrowing on me. “Like what?”

  I pinched his side. “You’ll just have to wait and find out. Trust me. This is one pageant of mine you do not want to miss. I have a feeling people will be talking about this one for years. My years of silence end today, Cam. I’m eighteen. No one can tell me what to do, how to dress, what to say or not say anymore.”

  “Are you prepared for the fallout? I mean, as much as you may hold a grudge against Aunt Terryn for certain things, she did provide a way for us to stay together. If it wasn’t for…”

  “I know! They didn’t have to take us. We could have been put through the wringer in the foster system and separated, but we weren’t. I am thankful to them for that, but… It’s not just them. It’s this entire town, Cam. Mr. Monroe got me thinking…”

  “What? What do you mean?” He sat down on my bed and I followed.

  “Our senior project. He was kind of the one that gave me the idea to do something today. He’s right. I’m at a distinct advantage to say something and make a stand. He’s talked at length to me about how change doesn’t happen overnight. But last year…”

  “You mean with Gabriella?” Cam asked.

  “Yeah. She planted the seed. We all remember her stink about the swimsuit portion.”

  “She was practically crucified for that, Marley. Have you heard the rumors that went around about her?”

  I shrugged. “I may have heard one or two.”

  “People said she lost her mind, that she went off the deep end and demanded that Mr. Monroe sleep with her. That she blackmailed him and he just paid her off to make it all go away.”

  “What do you think happened?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know. You never know what to believe these days, it seems.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me. They can talk shit about me all they want. Nothing could be worse than the truth, and that’s exactly what they’re all going to get today.”

  “You’re sure about this?”

  I looked Cam in the eyes and he could see the determination in my gaze. “I’ve never been so certain about anything in my entire life. I need to do this. To free myself from my past.”

  He planted a kiss on my forehead. “Okay. You may want to start packing your shit then.”

  “Most of it’s already over at Mama’s anyway. Two weeks from today, we’ll be high school graduates. I can’t wait.”

  “Me, either, Mar.”

  “Marley!” my aunt’s voice cut through.

  “Yeah?!” I shouted.

  I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and she appeared in the doorway. “Good. You’re up. Get a move on. Your hair appointment is at ten. Hurry.” She spun around and retreated back down the stairs.

  Cam and I shared a look. “Not even a happy birthday?” he remarked.

  “Oh, Cameron Michael, you should know that pageants are much more important than birthdays. At least according to her they are. Now, if you’ll excuse me. The queen must get ready for the ball.”

  He rolled his eyes and left, allowing me to prepare for my day in peace. As I was collecting my things and placing them in my travel case, I went through my mental checklist, making sure that I had everything I would need for the pageant.

  Rummaging through the medicine cabinet in my bathroom, I stumbled across my mirror compact and my hand hovered over it. That had been part of my pageant kit for the last two years, but I was trying so hard to free myself from the chains of my past. Shaking my head, I slammed the medicine cabinet shut, leaving the compact where it was.

  “Marley! We need to leave!”

  “Just one minute!” I finished throwing my hair supplies and makeup into my kit. My eyes settled on my bathing suit and the reality of what I would have to do today washed over me.

  “Fuck it.” I ran back into the bathroom, found my compact, and quickly lowered my jeans. Digging the blade into my skin for the first time in months, I was able to momentarily release the anxiety coursing through me about what I was about to do.

  “Marley Jane! Right now! Your appointment is in five minutes! Are you trying to be late?”

  Hastily bandaging my legs, I readjusted my composure and grabbed my things, placing my compact in my purse. “No, ma’am. Just slow, as usual.” I struggled down the hallway with my heavy cases, my aunt looking up the stairs at me with an irritated expression. You’d think if she was worried about being late, she’d at least offer to help, I thought to myself. God forbid she break a nail.

  I heard the door to Cam’s room open and he came running out. “Here, Mar. Give me the heavy one. I’ll carry it down for you.” I dropped my case and glared at my aunt. “Thanks for helping me, Cam.”

  He leaned toward me. “Be nice,” he whispered in my ear. “It’s not worth it.”

  I nodded. “You’re right. I have bigger fish to fry today.” Climbing down the stairs, I pushed past my aunt.

  “Marley!” Julianne called to me. “Are you going to be a princess again today?”

  “I’m not a princess, Jules.”

  “But you get to wear a crown! That makes you a princess.”

  I smiled at her innocence. I used to have the same excitement about the pageants before I realized it was just a way for the town’s moms to compete amongst themselves over who produced the best o
ffspring.

  “Well, then, I hope I’ll be a princess again,” I replied, more for my aunt’s benefit than anything. I needed her to think that nothing was wrong. I didn’t need her overbearing eyes watching my every move.

  “Me, too! I hope that I can be a princess one day.”

  I took a deep breath, wanting to scream at the thought of pure, angelic Julianne suffering the same torment that I had the past several years. I needed to make a stand. I needed to sound a call for change…for Julianne and Meg. They needed to be spared from being used as pawns, the perverts of the town ogling their adolescent bodies. I wanted their pageant experience to be one of empowerment.

  “You already are a princess in my eyes.” I looked at Meg who stood by her side. “Both of you are.” I planted a kiss on both of their foreheads. “I’ll see you kiddos later.”

  I walked out of the house and, in a matter of minutes, we pulled up in front of the salon to go through the normal routine of being waxed, clipped, trimmed, and primped.

  “Marley!” my stylist, Liz, exclaimed as I walked in, wrapping her arms around me. “Now, do you want to get the waxing over with first?”

  I nodded. She knew how much I hated that part.

  “Andrea will take you and then we’ll have some fun.” She winked and gestured to the petite blonde woman standing next to her. I followed her and stripped down for the humiliating process of having nearly every inch of me rid of hair. After the painful procedure, I was relieved to be sitting in my chair, having my hair done.

  “Hey, Marley,” I heard as I sat with a rejuvenating mask on my eyes. I took off the cloth and turned to my left to see Brianna there, having her hair styled, as well.