Heart Of Marley

by Leigh, T. K.

  I shrugged. “Like Cam always says… Go big or go home.”

  “The way you’re going, your next home will be a grave.”

  “If so, it’ll be worth it.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  STRENGTH

  “YOUR AUNT LOOKS PISSED,” Doug said to me after Marley’s talent portion.

  “Maybe,” I responded. “But I’ve never been so proud of her. She’s forcing all these people to open their eyes. Look around you.” I scanned the audience, most of the women drying their eyes with tissues. “She’s getting to them. I just hope it lasts. I hope they don’t feel bad for a day, then continue on with how things have been.”

  Doug nodded. “Me, too.”

  Mr. Grayson appeared on the stage again and began announcing the contestants for the bathing suit portion of the competition. After a few girls, Brianna was announced and I hated that she was forced to be on that stage, wearing one of the tiniest bathing suits I had ever seen, for everyone to gawk at. She looked amazing, her slender frame shimmering from the oil that all the girls used on their bodies, but I’d rather her wear that when it was just us.

  “Do you think Mr. Grayson’s a bit creepy?” Doug whispered in my ear.

  “What do you mean? He’s always been so nice. He treats Brianna like his own daughter. You can tell how much he cares for her by the way he acts toward her. We should all be so lucky to have someone like him in our lives.”

  “I guess,” Doug responded. “He’s just got this heat in his eyes right now. And look at him.” He gestured with his head. “He’s adjusting his pants. You know why men do that.” He raised his eyebrows at me in a knowing manner.

  “He is not turned on,” I said loudly before lowering my voice. “He’s looking at Brianna, for crying out loud. That’s sick. He’s probably just itching from having to be in a tux for so long. I know I would be. I’ve adjusted my jeans a few times, too, and they’re pretty comfortable. Does that mean I’ve got a hard-on for you?”

  He laughed and several people turned to stare at us. “I know,” he whispered, sighing. “It was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking.” It was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “What do you think about the rumors about her dad? Do you think that’s why his visitation with her was restricted?”

  “If the rumors are true and he may have made a few misjudgments in sleeping with a former student…”

  “Still a student at the time,” Doug corrected. “And don’t forget, he slept with Brianna’s mom when he was a teacher’s assistant and she was an undergrad student.”

  “Whatever. I doubt the rumors are true. He’s so passionate about teaching. He’s the one who persuaded Marley to make a stand today. I think she always secretly wanted to, but if it wasn’t for his prodding, I don’t think she would have had the courage. Apparently, they’ve been working together on this the past few months, making sure all the pieces were in place without anyone finding out, including my aunt.”

  “Really?” Doug looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t know that. Don’t you think that’s a bit odd?”

  “No. Not really. You haven’t taken his class. He’s always encouraging us to make a stand and to enact change. That’s what he did with Marley.”

  “And Gabriella Knox,” he muttered under his breath and I could tell he was on edge.

  “I really doubt that rumor is true. There’s no way. You don’t know him that well.” I turned my attention back to the stage just as Mr. Grayson was announcing Marley. Her tall, skinny body came into view as she walked in her heels to the center of the stage, stopping in front of the judges before following the choreographed pattern that all the girls had made. As she approached the end of the catwalk just a few yards away from me, my heart fell.

  “What the…?” I quivered.

  Quiet whispers echoed around me as the audience had the same reaction that I did. Then she turned around and people audibly gasped at the sight of her back, her welts visible for all to see. They had grown dull over the years, but the light hit her body in just the right way so that people could see the faint pink marks and grooves in her skin from where Buck had used his belt on her. Guilt overwhelmed me for keeping everything I knew about him from her.

  She took her position in the line of girls and I couldn’t stop looking at the red marks on her inner thighs. In a complete trance, I raised myself from my seat and bolted out of the theater, running down the corridor that led from the green room toward the stage just as all the girls were filing in. I pushed through them, my eyes settling on Brianna and Marley walking together.

  “Mar,” I said quietly, my eyes awash with concern.

  She turned to Brianna. “I’ll be right there.”

  She nodded, squeezing my arm affectionately as she retreated into the green room.

  “I don’t understand. How come you never told me?”

  She crossed her arms over her stomach and I shrugged out of my jacket, draping it around her shoulders.

  “I needed this for me, Cam. It was the only way to stop the pain.”

  “How long?”

  “A couple of years. I haven’t done it since Thanksgiving. But I had to do it this morning because of the pageant. I’m getting better.”

  “What if something happens when you’re at college? I’m heading to Georgetown and won’t be around in case you take things too far and…”

  She placed her hand on my arm. “I’m not going to, Cam. I’m shedding my past. I promise. You can’t constantly worry about me. I get it now. You need to live your life, and that’s not always going to be near me. At the beginning of the school year, I hated the thought of us being away from each other. You’re my rock, but you’ve also been my crutch. It took Doug to make me realize that I’m worthy of love, regardless of my past. I hate the idea that things won’t work out between Doug and me, but that doesn’t mean someone else won’t come along who will love me just as fiercely as Doug does.”

  Nodding, I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m proud of you, Marley Jane. You’re definitely getting to everyone out there.”

  She pulled out of my chest and grinned at me. “Good. Mission accomplished. Now, let me go. I need to change into my evening gown.” Handing me my jacket, she walked toward the green room.

  “Hey, Marley?” I said.

  She looked over her shoulder at me.

  “To the moon and back.”

  “From the stars to the ocean.” She disappeared into the room. I hastily walked down the corridor and made my way back to the theater, retaking my seat next to Doug.

  “I’m sorry, Cam,” he said. “I should have… I had the same reaction that you did when I first found out.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t blame you for wanting to keep Marley’s secret.”

  Mr. Grayson took the stage again and began announcing the girls for the evening gown portion. I was thankful that this display was almost over. I was ready to get out of there and enjoy the afternoon before having to go to the Jessamine Ball later that evening.

  Once all the girls were standing in a line in their evening wear, Mr. Grayson returned his attention to the audience. “Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… The crowning of this year’s Miss Jessamine.” Applause rang through the theater as my eyes remained glued to the nervous expression on Brianna’s face and the fulfilled look on Marley’s.

  Mr. Grayson reached down and grabbed the envelope from the judging table and opened it. “This year’s second runner up is… Miss Brianna Monroe!”

  My eyes grew wide and I clapped enthusiastically for my girlfriend as she politely stepped out of line and walked toward Mr. Grayson, allowing him to kiss her on the cheek as two little girls came out with a bouquet of flowers for her. She walked toward the corner of the stage and her eyes met mine. I winked at her and she blushed.

  “This year’s first runner up is… Miss Jessica Harper!”

  Doug leaned over. “Do you think she slept with half the judging panel like she
slept with half the basketball team?”

  I shrugged and continued to clap politely. “Who cares?”

  “This year’s winner and our Miss Jessamine who will go on to compete in the Miss South Carolina Pageant next month is… Miss Marley Bowen!”

  I could sense Marley’s shock from a mile away. She was so convinced that after all the stunts she pulled, none of the judges would vote for her and would think that she was making a mockery of their precious pageant. Instead, they saw it for what it was…a showing of strength. At that moment, I couldn’t be prouder of my sister.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  THE CYCLE

  IT’S A NEVER-ENDING CYCLE. It won’t stop. You think if it happens once, it surely won’t happen again. The odds of probability are against it, right?

  Wrong.

  It will. Again. And again. And again. The past finds you. It reminds you that, no matter how far you’ve come, you’re not as strong as you thought.

  You’re not as free as you thought.

  I was so happy to have won the pageant. It was the first one I could remember being excited to win because I did so being the truest version of myself, and not the person I had been forced to pretend that I was those past several years.

  Walking from the stage, all the girls congratulating me on my win, I tried to rid myself of them as quickly as possible. There was only one person I wanted to see at that moment. Finally clear of the backstage area, I ran down the hall, past the green room, and jumped into Doug’s arms.

  He lifted me up and spun me around before lowering me down. He pressed his lips against mine and I curved my body into his, allowing him to run his hands up and down the exposed back of my evening gown.

  “I love you, Marley Jane. I’m so proud of you.”

  “I love you, too,” I said. “Thanks for the flowers and the earrings. They’re beautiful.”

  “Not nearly as beautiful as you.”

  “Oh, Doug.” I hugged him once more before noticing Cam standing off to the side, trying to give us our space.

  I pulled away from Doug and walked up to Cam.

  “Congratulations, Marley Jane,” he said, embracing me. “Feel better?”

  I nodded. “Much. I feel…free.”

  “Good. Are you prepared for the backlash?”

  I shrugged. “I guess. Nothing I can do to stop it now. The damage has been done. But no matter what Aunt Terryn says, it was completely worth it.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “On that note, I really don’t want to drive home with her. She’ll sit in the car and scream at me. I don’t think it’ll be so bad if I just see her at the house, especially if Meg and Jules are around. Do you think you can have Bri or Doug drive you and I’ll take the Jeep home? I was so focused on what I had to do today that I never thought of an exit strategy.”

  “I can go with Bri. We were planning on heading to her mom’s house to sit by the pool for a few hours this afternoon before the ball, anyway.”

  I winked. “Sure you are. I’m sure the only thing you’ll be doing is lying by the pool.”

  He thrust the keys into my hands. “See you later, Marley.”

  “Use a condom, Cam.”

  “What time should I pick you up tonight?” Doug asked as I turned away from my brother.

  “Eight? That’ll give me time to either smooth things over with my aunt, or enough time that you’ll be able to smell a rotting body.”

  He placed a kiss on my lips. “Just remember that you’re a strong girl, and no matter what, you did a good thing today.”

  “Thanks, Doug. See you in a few hours.”

  He grabbed my hand and feathered his lips across it. “I look forward to it.”

  I spun around and retreated to the green room, taking my time gathering all my stuff. I had no desire to hurry home, knowing that the only thing waiting for me there was an indignant aunt. Part of me thought about hiding out at the country club for the rest of the day before the ball that evening. I just hoped that she saw today as what it was supposed to be…not a personal attack on her, but on the stereotypes and misconceived notions that have been doing more harm than good over the past several years, if not longer.

  “Are you coming, Marley?” Carla asked as she and Kristen were carrying their stuff out of the room.

  I looked around and noticed I was the last one there. I glanced at my area and I had barely made a dent in the mess in front of me. “I’ll be along. See you tonight.”

  “Okay,” Kristen said. “And congrats.”

  “Thank you.” I heard the door close and I returned my attention to all my makeup scattered over the vanity. As I was packing up my kit, I heard the door open once more. The room went dark and a loud click sounded as if someone was locking the door.

  “Hey!” I called out. “I’m still in here. I just need two more minutes and then I’ll be gone.”

  I cautiously raised myself off my stool and tried to maneuver through the pitch black room. Suddenly, I felt two hands grab me and push me, face first, to the ground.

  “Get off me!” I screamed, fighting against the figure that had me pinned. “Help!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, my body writhing as my chest began to rise and fall in an uneven pattern.

  “It’s useless, Marley,” a familiar voice crooned, the heat of his breath torturing my neck. “They’re all gone,” he murmured. “There’s no one to hear you. There’s no one to help you. There’s no way out.”

  He ran his hand down my leg, ripping the slit of my dress. A tear fell down my cheek. I cringed when I felt his tongue on my face.

  “I love the taste of tears. Each one is different. Tears of joy taste different than tears of sorrow. But my favorite are tears of fear. Call it an addiction.”

  “Why?” I closed my eyes, wanting to wake up and it all be a dream. It had to be. There was no way this could be happening.

  “Have you ever wanted something you know is wrong? That you know is off limits, but you go for it anyway?” he asked, his husky voice growing agitated and neurotic. “It’s a rush.” His body quivered on top of me. “I’ve tried to stop, but I can’t! Nothing works! It’s no longer a choice for me! There are demons inside me and the only way to keep them at bay is to succumb to them when the urge strikes. I’ve had my eyes on you all year… Well, the past few years to be honest, but something or someone always got in the way. Not today.”

  I took a deep breath as I felt his hand roam my leg toward my inner thigh. I tried to refrain from crying, not wanting the sick fuck to get off on my fear anymore.

  “You could get help,” I whimpered.

  “I have. I’ve tried everything. No amount of therapy has worked. Well, no traditional therapy has. I have a new form of therapy…”

  I gasped. “Brianna…”

  “You always were a smart girl, weren’t you?” He grunted and I screamed out.

  “Please, stop,” I begged, but it was useless. No matter what I said, he continued his assault, ignoring my cries. The harder I sobbed, the more he got off.

  At that moment, I realized that the world was a cruel place. I was fooling myself to think that I could shed my past and only look toward my future. The past will always torment you, mocking you, shouting at you that you’re weak. You’re powerless to forget it. You’re ignorant to think that you can move on from it.

  I tried to shut it out and pretend it wasn’t happening, but the pain was excruciating. Nothing could make it stop. Even when he was finished destroying my very existence over and over again, an existence that took me nearly seven years from which to come back, the pain only intensified.

  Finally, I no longer felt his weight on me, and all I could do was curl up in a ball and pray for death. In death, I could finally find peace. There was no peace for me here.

  As I lay on the ground, my body trembling, he pulled me up, tearing the arm of my dress, and walked me through the room. Opening the door, he scanned the hallway and ushered me out the back, handing me my bags and
leaving me in the alleyway with the rest of the trash.

  I needed to get out of that place. I threw my bags in the dumpster and grabbed my purse, running across the parking lot toward Cam’s Jeep. Tears streamed down my face the entire drive home as the past hour replayed in my mind like a horrible movie. Parking in front of the house, it appeared lifeless. I walked inside and realized I was all alone. But there was no telling when someone would come home. I dashed up the stairs and into Cam’s room, hoping to hide out there while I attempted to pull myself together.

  Closing the door, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn’t even stand the sight of me. I was so sick of everything. Of looking at my face. Of being me.

  Screaming, I clawed at my face with my professionally manicured nails, drawing long scratches down my cheeks, exhaling when I saw the blood trickle down. It wasn’t enough. With shaky hands, I rummaged through my purse and pulled out the mirror compact.

  Sitting at Cam’s desk, I lifted up my dress and lowered the razor to my inner thigh, ignoring the blood that was still there from the assault. I couldn’t even stand to look at it. I carved over and over, but nothing worked. I etched new words on my legs, my arms, my stomach. Nothing released the pain. Nothing brought me peace.

  Flipping over my hand, I stared at my wrist, wondering if I could really draw that line. As I continued to look at it, I noticed the drawer of Cam’s desk was slightly ajar. A folder caught my eye and I put down the razor. Opening the file, my chin quivered as I stared back into the eyes of the first man to ruin me. Sifting through everything, I wanted to scream.

  Secrets destroy. Secrets ruin. And this secret made me feel more betrayed than I ever had in the past. Betrayed by the one person who swore he would stand by my side…who would wipe away my tears…who would help fight the demons.

  Cam knew. He knew where Buck lived. He knew that my uncle, my own flesh-and-blood, was the reason that this sick fuck was out of prison. They still spoke! And often. As I flipped through all the letters, I felt as if my worst nightmare had become a reality. Then my eyes settled on a fuzzy black-and-white photo that the pedophile sent my uncle.