by DC Renee
“Then why the hell did she tell me she didn’t love me?”
“For a smart guy, you really are completely clueless.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Mason huffed.
“Voice of fucking reason, I swear I deserve to be a saint after dealing with you and your messed up life. And I thought I was into some shit,” Benny mumbled to himself. “All right, fine, let’s say it’s easier to see shit from the outside looking in. But let’s see if you figure this out anyway. Your life before all this,” Benny said, waving his hand around Mason’s place. “What was it like?”
“You know what it was like.”
“Humor me.”
“I was a well-respected doctor and was considered upper middle class.”
“Middle class?” Benny raised his eyebrows.
“What? I was!”
“All right, Doctor, we’ll say you were in the way, way upper middle class. Would you have ever been in the same circles as Kat?”
“Probably not. But I don’t see what this has anything to do with her not loving me.”
“You don’t, huh? Okay, now that you’re free and clear, could you go back to that life?”
“I guess, technically, but it would be hard work. I would have to earn my respect all over again if anyone would be willing to give me a chance in the first place. My name might be my own again, but that doesn’t stop people from judging anyway.”
“But, you could try, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And does Kat know that?”
“Sure, I guess.”
“And you still aren’t seeing the fucking connection? Goddamn! Either you are being stupid on purpose, all the alcohol you’ve consumed in the last few weeks has done some permanent brain damage, or I have no clue how you got a medical degree in the first place.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Kat doesn’t want to hold you back, you dumb ass!”
“What? Why? Why would she think that? Hold me back from what? And how the hell do you know?”
“She’s afraid she’s going to hold you back from your old life because she doesn’t belong there.”
“That’s bullshit! She belongs anywhere. But she’s not holding me back anyway because I don’t care about all that without her. And why the hell do you think that anyways?”
“Because I actually talk to her. And when she speaks, I listen. And when she drops hints she doesn’t realize she’s dropping, I pick up on them. You think you can live on the streets and not read people?”
“You’re serious? You’re sure?”
Benny just nodded.
“But that’s ridiculous! How can she think that?”
“She just does.”
“So she loves me?”
“Yeah, asshole, she does.”
“My, God! Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“First off, you wouldn’t listen to anything I said. Second, you shouldn’t be so damn blind and should have seen it all yourself. And lastly, it took me a while to figure it out myself. And even then, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to force feed you the information. But, shit, I guess even you need a guardian angel. I’m telling you, I better get sainthood after this life is over.”
“Benny, I love you!” Mason said as he wrapped him in a hug.
“Love you too, buddy, but can you go shower or brush your teeth or something before you decide to show me more love?”
Mason laughed. “You got it.”
“So what are you going to do?” Benny asked.
“I’m going to fight for her. And I know just what to do.”
*****
Kat was pretty damn depressed. She let Mason go, which was the right thing to do, but it still hurt being without him. It had been three and a half weeks and she felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She kept working as a waitress so she had something to keep her busy and spent all her time with Trent, Ty, Diane, and some other friends of Trent’s. She was still heartbroken. And she couldn’t blame Mason because it was all her doing.
Although she didn’t expect to hear from Mason, when her birthday rolled around two days ago, she couldn’t help but feel hurt that he didn’t even call to wish her a happy birthday. Benny had called, offered to take her to dinner, but she wasn’t up to it. Trent wanted to take her clubbing and find her a nice rebound, but she refused. Finally he convinced her to at least let him stay with her. They ended up watching chick flicks and gorging on ice cream all night. It made her feel a little better, but she thought of Mason the entire time.
After sleeping all day yesterday, she couldn’t sleep now. She tried desperately, but to no avail. Her thoughts kept drifting to her disappointment. She tried watching television, but there was nothing on at the late hour, at least nothing worth watching. She debated on waking up Trent, but then she felt bad. So she grabbed some cleaning supplies and got to work. Hopefully that would exhaust her to the point where she could at least fall asleep. In theory she could take a sleeping pill, but with her family’s clear history of addiction, she didn’t want to risk it.
She had finished the kitchen and the living room and was just starting on the office. She moved the chair and accidentally knocked over some of the mail she hadn’t looked at yet. She leaned down and started scooping it up when a small package caught her eye. It was small, like the size of a CD, but it was one of those thick envelopes with padding. She didn’t remember seeing that with the mail before. At least, she was sure she hadn’t seen it. But, then again, Trent had gotten her mail the past few days because she was so out of it. She lifted it and there was no address or return mail. That was odd. How did it end up here? Trent must have definitely left it for her.
She opened it and out slid an iPod and a letter. The iPod looked vaguely familiar but when she opened the letter, the first tear dropped even before she read it.
Dear Kat,
When I learned my name was cleared, the very first thing I thought about was the fact that you weren’t here with me to share my joy. You were the first person I told and the first person I wanted to see. In fact, you are the first person I want to see every minute of the day. The past few months, without you, have been rough on me. And the past few weeks have been torture.
Whatever life I am meant to live, be it a doctor or a handyman or even a stay-at-home dad at some point, that life is meant to be lived with you. My life isn’t complete unless you are part of it. I know you are scared, but I’m not, at least not anymore, because I love you and I know you love me. And whatever happens to us, we can overcome it. I think we’ve more than proved it.
I’m sorry it took me this long to realize why you pushed me away. I have to admit that I had some help. Benny is a pretty smart guy. Don’t tell him I told you that though.
They say it’s better late than never. So I hope you take this as my apology to you for not seeing everything clearly, for letting you push me away, and for not fighting for you sooner. I’d deliver this to you in person, especially with it being your birthday and all (you didn’t think I’d forget, did you?), but I will admit I’m still kind of nervous. Just because I’m not afraid to face the world doesn’t mean I’m not afraid to face you. I will fight for you, every day of my life. I only ask that you come to me and let me.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, the enclosed iPod is mine, well, yours now. I didn’t delete any of the songs you love, but I did add one song. Please press play and listen to it. And just know that this letter, this gesture is my way of fighting for you, of showing you how much I care. And I hope you understand how the lyrics match that.
Happy Birthday, Kat! I hope it’s a good one. You deserve that. And I secretly hope you’ll let me spend the rest of it with you.
Love you always and all ways,
Mason
Kat was clutching the letter to her heart after reading it, tears streaming down her face, but she didn’t bother to wipe them. He wanted her. He wanted her abo
ve all. She picked up the phone, but when she saw the time, her heart dropped. Three in the morning. She almost didn’t care; she wanted to hear Mason’s voice so badly. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him and how badly she wanted to be in his arms. He hadn’t forgotten her birthday. He had somehow given this to her on her birthday and she missed it. She didn’t know how and didn’t care. All that mattered was that he wanted to be with her. And she didn’t respond, she didn’t tell him he was right. God only knew what he was feeling right now. Maybe she should run out and find him, she wondered to herself. That would put him at ease. But then, suddenly all the emotions she had been holding in took over and she could barely stand. Everything was overwhelming her.
She would let him sleep, assuming he was sleeping, and would find the strength to tell him the next day that she was sorry. She barely made it to the bed, her heart and guilt about hurting him weighing her down. She had to listen to the song before her eyes closed on her. Kat turned on the iPod and the first song listed was obviously the one she was supposed to play. It was called Lonely Nights by The Scorpions.
She pressed play and more tears fell from her eyes.
Since you're gone
There is an empty space
Since you're gone
The world is not the same…
The rest of the song was just as achingly beautiful, about how lost and lonely the man was without his love; how his memories were all he had; how lonely his nights were now that she was gone. It might have been written and sung by someone else, but the words could have come straight from Mason. She knew exactly what Mason meant. He may not have grand gestures, but he had sentiment. He was telling her he couldn’t live without her and it was the most exquisite thing she had ever heard.
She listened to the song one and a half more times before sleep finally claimed her, tears staining her cheeks the entire time.
*****
“Fuck, Benny. It’s been two days since her birthday. I thought she would call me, come over, something,” he said nervously.
“What? You haven’t talked to her in weeks, you send her an iPod with some sappy song and a love letter and you expect her to run to you?”
“I didn’t want to freak her out. I was hoping she’d realize I meant I’d fight for her once she gave me the opportunity, which clearly, she isn’t.”
“Stop ripping your hair out.” Benny laughed as Mason ran his hands through his hair for the fifth time in a less than a minute. “You said you were going to fight for her. Hell, you even told her you were going to fight for her. What the hell are you doing, huh? Waiting around holding your dick, hoping she’ll throw you a bone? Well, I don’t see you fighting.”
“What if you’re wrong? What if she really doesn’t love me and that’s why she’s not responding.”
“That’s why you didn’t want to personally deliver it to her, huh? Because you’re scared she’ll push you away again.” Mason didn’t have to answer; Benny just nodded like he knew. “You chicken shit. How will you know if you haven’t tried? And Mason, I’m never wrong. You should know that by now.”
“Fuck! I don’t know what to do!” Mason screamed at no one in particular.
“Yeah you do,” Benny told him confidently. “Fight for her like you promised.”
“Damn, Benny, you’re a genius.” Mason smiled at him.
“Yeah, I know, but why are you saying it in this particular instance?”
“You’ll see. Shit! I need to prepare!” Mason looked at his watch, saw the time, and didn’t comprehend where the time went. He needed a few things before he could put his plan in motion.
*****
Kat woke up feeling groggy. Her eyes hurt and felt heavy, probably because of the insane amount of crying she had been doing over the past few months, weeks, days, especially last night. God, Mason! She needed to get out of bed and find him. Slowly, her surroundings came into focus and she drew in a sharp breath. This wasn’t her room, well, not her room in her apartment.
Her eyes darted around quickly and landed on Mason. He was eyeing her, warily. He was worrying his lower lip and bouncing his knee nervously. She guessed he had a reason to be nervous, considering she was currently on the bed of her old room in his place. She could only imagine how she had gotten there, but the last thing she remembered was falling asleep in her bed listening to Lonely Nights and dreaming of Mason. He kidnapped her! He fucking kidnapped her, again!
She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. “What took you so long?” She laughed as Mason almost fell out of his chair in surprise and shock. He was across the room and Kat was wrapped in his arms in seconds.
“I love you so much. God Kat, I was so worried, so nervous. I love you. I missed you. Please say you love me too and want to be with me.” He spoke softly against her lips.
“I do, Mase. I love you. You’re my future.”
“So I guess we’ve come full circle,” Mason mused as he captured Kat’s lips again.
“Looks like it.” Kat smiled. “But this time, don’t ever let me go.”
“Never.”
Epilogue
“Mase, are you okay?” Kat asked as Mason sat at his desk, his eyes glossing over and having a hard time concentrating on the words he was reading.
He looked up at Kat, seeing the concern in her eyes. They had been back together for only a few days, but it was the best few days of his life. “This, a letter.” He couldn’t get the words out. He took a calming breath and let his mind clear for a moment before continuing, “You know how the past few months haven’t really been good for me.” She nodded and he continued. “Well, I didn’t check my mail either and well, the last few days we’ve had some time to make up for,” he added slyly, “but, I finally sat down and started going through everything, and this, this was in it.”
“What is it?” she asked.
“A letter.”
Kat laughed. “I can see it’s a letter, Mase. What’s so special about it?”
“It’s from Katherine.” Kat gasped. “She must have sent it a while ago, but I wasn’t interested in bills and ads, so I missed it. Oh God, if I had read it before, I would have known, I would have understood. I would have come for you sooner!”
“Mason, what are you talking about?”
“I would have known what you were trying to accomplish. I would have helped you, been there with you. You would have known that I didn’t want to be anywhere but with you and you wouldn’t have pushed me away. Such a fool,” he muttered to himself.
“Mase, honey,” Kat soothed as she stepped closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have changed a thing. It all worked out and I love you and you love me, and I probably would have pushed you away regardless. And I’m happy you wanted to be with me, but I wanted to do things my way and clear you while we weren’t together so you could get a chance to see if you really cared about me anyway.” She paused, but Mason stayed quiet, not looking at her. “May I?” she asked, reaching for the letter.
He nodded.
Dear Mason,
If you are reading this, I guess I accomplished what I set out to do; I’m setting things right. My name is Katherine Gingham and I go by Kat, but I’m not Kaitlyn. I am the one who accused you of rape, not my sister. I will not pretend to be a nice person. I will not pretend to want forgiveness; at this point, it doesn’t really matter and besides, I don’t deserve it. I didn’t have a great life and I always had a bitter hatred for those who did, including you and my sister. Even after meeting Kaitlyn, I still hated her. She thought she had it rough? She didn’t know rough, not like me. So I decided I would use her and get to you, another way to stick it to some privileged people and maybe get some cash out of it too.
I was wrong. I was wrong about you and I was wrong about Kat. She did have a hard life, maybe not like me, but she could have turned out like I did, and yet she didn’t. I guess that says something about her character versus mine. I didn’t really realize this or th
ink about it until I went to see you.
When I came to you to try to screw you again, you pushed, you wouldn’t give up. I was strung out, I was fighting you, I told you off and tried to score cash, but you only wanted to help me. No matter what I did to you, past or present, you wanted to help me. I looked into your eyes and I saw the love you had for my sister. I never had that, and frankly, I didn’t think it existed. But you showed me it does. You were willing to help me even after what you thought I did to you. I’ve had moments of clarity over the years, I’ll admit to that, but I’m selfish and I pushed those way back. This time, they were at the forefront of my mind. I already took away years from your life and much more, and now I was taking away your redemption and your second chance at life, while I didn’t have anything to live for.
I couldn’t go on. No, really, I didn’t want to keep going on. I guess I haven’t for a while, but never had a reason not to. You and Kaitlyn, you are my reason. I couldn’t go on knowing that there was real love out there, and I would never have it. But I couldn’t let go of this life without setting you free. I sent Kaitlyn a letter as well with a signed confession. She should have received it a while ago and if everything goes according to plan, hopefully you’ve been exonerated. I wanted to wait until that happened before you got this letter in hopes that that will lessen your resentment of me a bit. I’m sure it’s not fun being dead and being hated.
Like I said, I don’t expect your forgiveness, but if you can find it in your heart to let your hatred of me go, I would really appreciate it.
Please be good to Kaitlyn, and please be good to Eddie (Kaitlyn will explain about Eddie, I’m sure).
I hope you find your happily ever after and it better be with Kaitlyn. I didn’t do all this for nothing. I may have been bitter toward my sister most of my life, but I have let that go too, and I want her to have the happiness I never had. And I know you could make her happy.