The Amish Nanny

by Patricia Davids

  As much as she wanted to be a part of that, she wasn’t.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Clara watched Ethan release Micah and slowly rise to his feet. His eyes were bright with moisture when he looked her way. “Clara, would you be kind enough to fix the children something to eat.”

  “Of course.”

  “Micah and I will be in soon.”

  She nodded and took the little ones inside. “Go change out of your Sunday clothes while I find something to fix for lunch.”

  “Okay.” Amos went upstairs.

  Lily said, “Can we have cinnamon toast? Mamm used to make cinnamon toast on Sundays sometimes.”

  “That sounds like a fine idea. Go get changed, and you can help me fix it.”

  Clara glanced out the window but couldn’t see Micah and Ethan. When Lily came downstairs, Clara took slices of bread and laid them on a cookie sheet. Mixing the sugar and the cinnamon together in a large shaker, she buttered the slices and gave the shaker to Lily. “Sprinkle it over the entire pan until it’s gone. Try not to get too much on the floor.”

  Standing on a chair beside the kitchen table, Lily proceeded to shake the container as hard as she could. Most of it hit the bread, but a lot ended up on the tabletop.

  Micah came in from outside. “Onkel Ethan said I should come get something to eat.”

  “Where is he?” Clara looked toward the door.

  “He’s taking care of the Lapps’ horse.” Micah licked his finger, ran it across the tabletop and popped his sugar-coated digit into his mouth.

  Clara grinned and did the same.

  “My mamm used to do that,” he said.

  “Lick the sugar and cinnamon off her fingers like this?” Clara made another swipe to demonstrate.

  He grinned. “More like this.” He licked his finger and made a big spiral through the sprinkles on the table before putting his finger back into his mouth.

  Lily didn’t bother with the tabletop. She pressed her hand on one of the slices of bread and licked her palm.

  Clara glanced at Micah again. It was good that he could talk about his mother. She carried the bread to the oven and slipped it in. Casually, she asked, “What else do you remember about your mother, Micah?”

  “I remember the way she laughed. I remember the way she would kiss my forehead when I finished my prayers and she tucked me in at night.”

  “I remember that, too,” Lily said.

  “Remember what?” Amos asked as he came in.

  “Lily and Micah were telling me some of the things they remember about your mother.”

  “I remember that she made the best fried chicken,” he said.

  “And apple pie in a brown paper bag.” Micah took a seat at the table. Amos came and sat beside him. Both boys continued to clean up the spilled cinnamon sugar.

  Micah folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on them. “She loved pickled beets. She always offered me some when she opened a jar. I always told her no because I don’t like them. She would laugh and say, ‘All the more for me.’ I miss her laugh. I wish I liked pickled beets.”

  Clara heard the screen door open. She glanced that way and saw Ethan come in. The children hadn’t noticed. She held a finger to her lips. Ethan gave her a funny look but stood still.

  “What else do you remember, Lily?”

  Lily touched her kapp. “Mamm used to brush my hair and sing a song for me. Onkel Ethan brushes my hair now, but he doesn’t do it right. He pulls on the tangles, and he doesn’t sing.”

  “She liked to sing,” Amos said. “She told Daed that he sounded like a bullfrog when he tried to sing.”

  “Ja, like the bullfrog I caught in the creek.” Lily picked up the shaker, poured some of the mixture into her palm and licked it.

  Micah looked at Clara. There were tears in his eyes. “I wish I could remember her face better. Sometimes I can’t see it.”

  Her heart twisted with empathy when she saw the pain on his face. She wanted so much to help him.

  “I see her face every time I look at Lily,” Ethan said from the doorway.

  The children all looked his way. Micah wiped his tears away and put his head down.

  Lily touched her face. “I look like Mamm?”

  Ethan came to the table and sat down beside Lily. “You look a lot like her. You have her eyes and her nose. You have her smile, too. Amos, you are going to have your daed’s big feet. You for sure have his ears.” The boy grinned and put his hands over them.

  “What do I have?” Micah asked, but he didn’t look at Ethan.

  “You have your father’s heart. I see all the love he had for his family in you. You have his eyes and his short temper.”

  That made Micah look up. “Daed didn’t have a temper.”

  “When he was your age he sure did. He hit me in the mouth and knocked out my front tooth when I was seven and he was six. He got a spanking from our daed for that.”

  “What did you do to make him mad?” Clara asked, so happy for them all that she thought she might cry. This sharing was what they needed. Grief had its time, but good memories would last forever.

  “I broke his scooter. It was an accident, but he didn’t see it that way. He never was scared of me even though I was older and bigger. After he met your mother, Micah, I never saw him lose his temper again. He loved her so much.” Ethan wiped his eyes with his shirtsleeve.

  Micah’s lip quivered, but he said, “He loved you, too. He used to talk about you a lot after you moved away. He missed you. Why did you leave?”

  Ethan rose to his feet and crossed to the open door. “For a foolish reason. I know that now. I wish I had stayed and worked with him the way we always planned. Lily, I’m sorry I pull your hair. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

  “That’s okay. Clara does it nice. I like it when you’re with us, Clara. I don’t miss Mamm so much when you’re here. I wish you could stay for always. I’m gonna ask God if He can do that.”

  Clara couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat. She couldn’t look at Ethan or he would see how much she wished for exactly the same thing. Any doubts she had about her feelings for Ethan vanished. She loved him. And his children.

  “How else am I like Daed?” Amos asked.

  Ethan rejoined them at the table. “Your dad was scared of bees.”

  “I’m not scared of bees.” Amos puffed out his chest.

  “You are, too,” Lily said. Amos scowled at her.

  “Everyone is afraid of something. Clara is afraid of big horses. Micah is afraid of something, too. What is that, Micah?”

  “I don’t know.” The boy looked down.

  Clara said, “When my parents died, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my sisters. I was the oldest, so I knew it was my responsibility. What were you going to do when you got back to Indiana, Micah?”

  “Go home.”

  “Someone else lives there now,” Ethan said gently.

  “I know. I was going to see Mr. Danny. He told me when I was big enough he’d give me a job in his sawmill.”

  Clara saw his reasoning. “So you would have a way to take care of your brother and sister if something bad happened to your onkel Ethan.”

  Micah looked up at Ethan with tears flowing unchecked down his face. “A widow-maker might get you, and if you aren’t here anymore, the old aunts could take Lily and Amos away. God took Mamm and Daed away for no reason. He could take you, too.”

  Ethan gathered the boy into his arms. Micah clung to him and sobbed as if his heart was breaking. “You don’t have to worry, Micah. You don’t have to be the strong one and try to do it alone. I’m going to make sure you kids stay together. I’m going to make sure there is someone to take care of you if I can’t.”

&n
bsp; Clara stroked his hair. “To be Amish is to care for one another. If need be, there are many families in this community that will make a place for all of you. My family would take you in. Adrian Lapp and his family would take you in. You are not alone here unless you choose to be. You blame God, but His ways are beyond our understanding. You mother and father are with Him and with each other. Their love for you has not died. It shines strongest when you love and care for each other.”

  Ethan cast her a look filled with gratitude and something else. Was it affection she saw shining in his eyes? Or was she only seeing what she wanted to see?

  She turned away and pulled the toast from the oven before she made a fool of herself and told him how much she had come to care for him.

  When she had her emotions under control, she carried the tray of bread to the table. Ethan was drying Micah’s eyes on his shirtsleeve. Lily and Amos were watching their brother with worried faces. Clara hugged them both. “It’s going to be all right now.”

  Ethan nodded. “I think you’re right. I think we’re going to be okay. What do you think, Micah?”

  He sniffed and said, “I think so, too. Can I have some cinnamon toast now?”

  Ruffling the boy’s hair, Ethan said, “You can have all you want.”

  The children finished eating just as the Lapp family arrived with the wagon. Ethan went out to greet them.

  After Adrian transferred his family to his buggy, he came to Clara, who was waiting on the porch. “Ethan and I have talked it over. I’ll take Faith and the baby home, then I’ll be back to take you home.”

  “You don’t have to do that. I can walk.”

  “My wife will have my hide if I don’t take you, and you know how she can be.”

  “All right. I’ll wait for you here.”

  “Goot. I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”

  Clara could have insisted on riding with them now, but her foolish heart wasn’t ready to leave. She wanted a little more time with Ethan. She was waiting on the porch for him when he came back from putting his horses up.

  He took a seat on the railing the way Micah often did. “Thanks again for your help. You dropped everything to help, even after the way I spoke to you last week.”

  “It’s forgiven and forgotten.” Yet it wasn’t. She could tell by the guarded look in his eyes. Was it her broken engagement that troubled him or was it something else?

  They sat in awkward silence until Adrian Lapp returned. Clara rose and grasped at one last straw to see Ethan again.

  “My family and some of our friends are having a picnic at the lake on Thursday. We’re celebrating Naomi’s birthday with a surprise get-together. You and your family are welcome to come. You and the boys can bring your fishing poles.”

  She held her breath as she waited for his answer and tried not to get her hopes up. Ethan wouldn’t look at her. “I never cared much for fishing.”

  Her hopes fell. “I see.”

  She started to leave, but his voice stopped her. “It would be fun for the children, though.”

  “It would. There will be other children there for them to play with.”

  “Thanks for the invitation.” He turned around. The warmth she had come to treasure was missing from his eyes.

  “Does that mean you will come?” She held her breath.

  “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.”

  * * *

  Ethan drew the wagon to a halt in the shade of an element tree beside the lake in Woolly Joe’s pasture on Thursday afternoon. Half a dozen buggies and three farm wagons were already there ahead of him. He saw a number of women seated on quilts near the shore. Four older girls in dark blue dresses and white bonnets held their skirts hiked to their knees as they waded a few feet out into the lake. He recognized Clara among them. He’d spent two long sleepless nights trying to come to grips about his feelings for her. He was no closer to resolving them than he had been the day she left his house.

  The women were laughing and splashing each other by kicking the water in wide arcs that sparkled in the sunlight. Farther down the shoreline were men with fishing poles casting out into the water. He saw only one woman with a pole in her hand and recognized Joann Weaver, a woman who worked at the printing company. He had met her before when he placed an ad for his business in the paper. She saw him and lifted a hand to wave at the same time the tip dipped. She quickly began to reel in her catch.

  Kyle Lapp came racing up to the wagon. He was wearing only a pair of wet pants held up by his suspenders. His red hair was plastered to his head. It was apparent he had already been in the water. “Hi, Micah, do you want to come and try our rope swing? My uncle Ben rigged it for us and it works great.”

  Micah looked at Ethan. “Can I?”

  The boy had changed drastically since his aborted attempt to run away. He was no longer brooding and moody, but a joy to be around with a quick wit and a ready smile. It would be good for him to have fun with boys his own age. Ethan nodded. “Sure, as long as there is an adult present.”

  “My uncle Ben is there and so are Atlee and Moses.”

  “Okay. Leave your shirt here, Micah. You brought dry clothes to change into, didn’t you?”

  Micah was already peeling off a shirt. “I did.”

  He jumped down from the wagon and headed up the shoreline with Kyle. Amos asked, “Can I go play on the rope swing?”

  “I think you’re too small yet. You should stay with Lily and me.”

  Clara approached his wagon with a wary look in her eyes. He knew a stab of guilt. He missed the warmth that used to fill her gaze when she looked at him. She said, “I’m glad you decided to come.”

  He handed Lily down to her. “You look like you were having fun.” The hem of her dress was soaked, and there were damp spots sprinkled across the fabric.

  “I was. Lily, would you like to go wading with us?”

  “Can I?” Lily looked to Ethan.

  “She will be fine with me,” Clara reassured him.

  “I know she will.” Some of the tension left his body. She truly cared about his children. Was he wrong about her? Was she a woman of honor in spite of breaking her vow to wed? He wanted to believe she was.

  “Amos, would you like to join us?” she asked.

  “Sure.” The children scampered down.

  Clara took them to introduce them to Naomi, who was surrounded by friends and family and holding her new grandbaby. Ethan unharnessed the horses and staked them out to graze, then he joined Joe and Carl King at the edge of the lake. “If you don’t like crowds, Joe, how did this happen?”

  “My granddaughters dreamed it up. Naomi is happiest with folks around her. Never forget that a happy wife makes for a happy life.”

  Ethan and Carl shared an amused glance. Joe didn’t look all that happy.

  Joe scratched his beard. “Ethan, you were right about the price of the walnut wood. I made a tidy profit on the few you took in. Would you like to take a look at another grove of timber for me?”

  “Sure. I have time now.”

  “Carl, why don’t you take him up there. You know the spot I mean.”

  Carl led the way and Ethan followed to the opposite side of the lake. After about ten minutes of walking, they entered a narrow ravine similar to the one Ethan had logged out earlier. A bare trickle of water ran along the bottom, but the sides were steeper.

  “Will it be a problem to get your horses in here?” Carl asked.

  “Not to this point, but let’s see how much steeper it gets up ahead.”

  They followed the ravine to where the trees closed in on either side of the high bank. Just beyond the narrow place, it widened out into a sloping meadow studded with tall walnut trees. “I think this is where Joe had in mind,” Carl said.

  Ethan walked aroun
d the largest tree, studying the lay of the land and how close the other trees were to it. He flexed his sore arm. “It’s a nice stand. I count fifteen of these big fellows. I can cut them, but I’ll need to widen a trail to haul them out over that narrow spot.”

  “I’ll help you with that.”

  Ethan looked at him in surprise. “Danki, it will make the work go faster and smoother.”

  “I worked as a logger for a while. Before I became a shepherd.”

  “Which is easier?” Ethan asked with a grin.

  “You’d think sheep, but I say logging.”

  “There’s at least five days of work here. Do I talk price with you, or with Joe?” Ethan asked.

  “With Joe.”

  “All right. We should get back to the party before all the food is gone.”

  “Lizzie and her sisters brought enough food to feed us for a week. You don’t need to worry that they will run out.”

  “You haven’t seen how my nephew Micah can pack it away.” The two men started back down the ravine. “Clara mentioned that you and Lizzie planned to wed in the fall.”

  “Did she sound happy about it?” Carl asked.

  It was an odd question, but Ethan told the truth. “She said she wasn’t certain it was the right thing for Lizzie.”

  “She is not certain that I’m the right man for Lizzie or that any man would be the right man. Clara has a poor opinion of marriage.”

  “I heard she was engaged, but she changed her mind at the last minute and moved here. Some women think there is better to be had. A pledge to marry is not something to be discarded. She didn’t strike me as a fickle woman, but I’ve been wrong before.”

  Carl looked shocked. “Did Clara tell you about her broken engagement?”

  “Nee, it was someone else who mentioned it.”

  Carl was quiet for a moment. Then he said, “After their parents died, the girls went to live with their onkel. He was an abusive man.”

  “Clara mentioned that.”

  Carl looked surprised. “Did she?”