by Tang Xianzu
MIAO SHUNBIN (On his knees):
Miao Shunbin, Your Majesty’s Chief Examiner to the last imperial examination, begs to report.
(To the previous tune)
The scholars who took the imperial test
Are waiting for Your Majesty’s behest.
Now that war has come to an end,
It’s time for scholars to contend.
Ha,
Now that papers have been carefully marked,
It’s time to announce the results.
We shall not keep the talented men
Waiting like dragons in the den.
The laurels are waiting for their owners;
The chrysanthemum wine is waiting for the winners.
VOICE WITHIN:
Wait for the imperial decree outside the palace gate.
MIAO SHUNBIN:
Long live the emperor!
(Rises to his feet and moves aside)
The results for the imperial examination will be announced today. These poor scholars have waited long enough.
WAR MINISTER (Sneers):
By smuggling a pirate’s letter, this Mr Chen does not have to wait long.
VOICE WITHIN:
On your knees to listen to the imperial decree: “I am very, very pleased to learn of the appeasement of bandit Li Quan and the withdrawal of the Jin troops. These are the meritorious deeds of Du Bao, whose return to the capital has been made clear in my previous decree. For his eloquence, Chen Zuiliang is appointed Palace Announcer at the palace gate, with due attire of hat and belt. Among all the candidates for this imperial examination, Liu Mengmei has been selected as the Number One Scholar. He will attend the royal banquet, escorted by Imperial Squash and other guards of honour.” Give thanks to the imperial decree.
(All shout “Long live the emperor” and rise to their feet)
(Enter attendants with hat and belt)
ATTENDANTS:
“When a student wins renown,
A purple robe replaces his blue gown.”
CHEN ZUILIANG (Changes clothes):
Thank you very much, Your Excellencies.
WAR MINISTER, MIAO SHUNBIN:
Congratulations, congratulations to you. Tomorrow we’ll have a new announcer at the palace gate to make announcements.
CHEN ZUILIANG:
Where is Liu Mengmei, the Number One Scholar proclaimed in the imperial decree, from?
MIAO SHUNBIN:
He’s from Lingnan. His experience is quite unusual.
WAR MINISTER:
How is it unusual?
MIAO SHUNBIN:
When I finished marking the papers the other day and was about to submit the results to His Majesty, this scholar wailed loudly outside the palace gate and begged for a make-up examination. It happened that he missed the examination because he had moved his family to the capital. I included his paper in an appendix to my list and he, out of everybody’s expectation, was selected as the Number One Scholar.
WAR MINISTER:
How remarkable!
CHEN ZUILIANG (Aside, to himself):
It sounds like that Liu Mengmei I knew! Does he have a “family”? He must have married that old nun!
(To War Minister and Miao Shunbin)
To tell you the truth, I knew this Liu Mengmei.
WAR MINISTER, MIAO SHUNBIN:
Another congratulation to you!
MIAO SHUNBIN:
The gilded names of candidates shine bright;
WAR MINISTER:
The border conflict makes a long report.
CHEN ZUILIANG:
Don’t blame the official for displaying might;
ALL:
He has a high position at the court.
Scene Fifty-Two
Searching for Liu Mengmei
(Enter Hunchback Guo, carrying a bundle and an umbrella)
HUNCHBACK GUO (To the tune of Wuxiaosi):
Ninety thousand li by air
Or three thousand li by land is by no means near.
A month’s journey
Takes me half a year.
The bundle of lousy clothes weighs on me
And makes my body awry;
I crawl like a turtle to the sky.
Thank heavens, I’ve reached Lin’an at last. The capital is full of hustle and bustle. As I don’t know where Mr Liu is, I’ll try to look for him in the main street. Well, here comes a troop of dirty soldiers. I’d better step out of their way. As the saying goes,
“But for the fisherman to lead the way,
How can I see the billows in the bay?”
(Exit)
(Enter two sergeants, with flags and gongs)
SERGEANTS (To the tune of Liuyaoling):
We’ve put posters on every gate,
But where’s the Number One Scholar Liu Mengmei?
He can’t be a rebel sneaking away.
We go from door to door
Without delay,
Lest he miss the honourable day.
SERGEANT A:
How funny it is! How funny it is! Something strange has happened in our country. Isn’t it unbelievable that the Number One Scholar makes light of his career! Isn’t it incredible that the Number One Scholar brings so much trouble! Isn’t it unthinkable that the Number One Scholar walks away without notice! Isn’t it inconceivable that the Number One Scholar disappears like a coil of smoke! Men from Lingnan are the oddity of oddities. Just look at the placard. It reads, “Wanted: Liu Mengmei, the Number One Scholar by imperial decree, born in Lingnan, aged twenty-seven, of middle height, with a pale face.” The descriptions are clear, but the man is nowhere to be found! Has he gone home, or passed away, or gone to sleep? He’ll miss the palace banquet for him.
SERGEANT B:
Brother, how can we pick him out in an ocean of people? Why don’t we grab a Confucian scholar and bring him to the banquet? If the real person shows up, we’ll pay him for the banquet he missed.
SERGEANT A:
That won’t do. It will do to find a substitute for a banquet of our Palace Guards, but it won’t do to find a substitute for a banquet of scholars. The Number One Scholar will have to compose a poem in the palace.
SERGEANT B:
Brother, how many Number One Scholars are heard of composing impromptu poems? Well, I’ll do as you like and continue to call out.
(Walks and calls out)
Where’re you, Number One Scholar Liu Mengmei?
(Calls out three times)
SERGEANT A:
No one answers at the twelve city gates and through all the main streets. Let’s call out in the side lanes.
SERGEANT B:
There’s a Hainan Regional Guild in Sumu Lane. Let’s ask the community chief.
(Calls out)
COMMUNITY CHIEF’S VOICE WITHIN:
What can I do for you, sirs?
SERGEANTS:
An earth-shaking event has happened and you are still sleeping! Now listen,
(To the tune of Xiangliuniang)
We ask you about the new Number One Scholar;
We ask you about the new Number One Scholar.
COMMUNITY CHIEF’S VOICE WITHIN:
Where’s he from?
SERGEANTS:
He’s from Guangnan.
COMMUNITY CHIEF’S VOICE WITHIN:
What’s his name?
SERGEANTS:
Liu Mengmei with a pale face without spots.
COMMUNITY CHIEF’S VOICE WITHIN:
Who’s searching for him?
SERGEANTS:
The present emperor;
The present emperor.
When the man is found,
The palace banquet will be held.
COMMUNITY CHIEF’S VOICE WITHIN:
The man of your description is nowhere to be found around here, but there’s a southerner staying in Sister Wang’s place in the marketplace.
SERGEANTS:
Well, let’s go, let’s go.
Ah Liu Mengmei,
Ah Liu Mengmei!
We’ve searched several rounds,
But he’s nowhere to be found.
(Exeunt)
(Enter Sister Wang, a harlot)
SISTER WANG:
“Why doesn’t a harlot know of her age?
She only grieves o’er flowing rivers in her cage.
While gorge by gorge the river flows down,
She mistakes Hangzhou for the capital town.”
I’m Sister Wang, opening a little brothel here. Oh heavens, there’s not a visitor today, but here come two sergeants.
(Enter the two sergeants)
SERGEANTS:
Congratulations, Sister Wang. The Number One Scholar Liu is in your house.
SISTER WANG:
What Number One Scholar Liu?
SERGEANTS:
A southerner.
SISTER WANG:
I don’t know him.
SERGEANTS:
The community chief gives the information.
(To the previous tune)
A scholar sleeps with a flower of a girl;
A scholar sleeps with a flower of a girl.
SISTER WANG:
A visitor came yesterday and he went off before he got his pants on.
SERGEANTS:
Well said, well said,
The man slipped off from your bed!
Is the Number One Scholar in?
SISTER WANG:
I’ve only got a scalar.
SERGEANT B:
Let’s go and get the scalar.
(The sergeants go into the house and search, molesting)
(Exit Sister Wang, running away when she is molested by the sergeants)
SERGEANTS:
We seek for the amorous Number One Scholar;
We seek for the amorous Number One Scholar.
He’s on which pillow
To idle away his sorrow?
Let’s go.
Ah Liu Mengmei,
Ah Liu Mengmei!
We’ve searched several rounds,
But he’s nowhere to be found.
(Exeunt)
(Enter Hunchback Guo, leaning on a stick)
HUNCHBACK GUO (To the previous tune):
Here I am in the capital;
Here I am in the capital.
It’s a city for the elite,
With marketplaces and crowded streets.
Oh, Mr Liu,
You’ve left no trace;
You’ve left no trace.
With a pretty wife on your side,
Where on earth will you hide?
I’ve no way out than walking on the streets.
Ah Liu Mengmei!
(Enter the two sergeants)
SERGEANTS:
Ah Liu Mengmei!
We’ve searched several rounds,
But he’s nowhere to be found.
HUNCHBACK GUO (Yells when Sergeant B bumps into him):
You’re killing me! You’re killing me!
SERGEANT B (Catches hold of Hunchback Guo):
We’re calling Liu Mengmei and you’re also calling Liu Mengmei. We’ll put you in jail!
HUNCHBACK GUO (Kowtows):
Oh, I see. It must be for the Plum Blossom Nunnery affairs. I know nothing about it.
SERGEANTS (Laugh):
You must know something! What’s your relationship with him?
HUNCHBACK GUO:
I’ll tell you everything.
(To the previous tune)
I tended the garden for him;
I tended the garden for him.
I’ve walked all the way to see him.
SERGEANTS (Anxious to know):
Have you found him?
HUNCHBACK GUO:
There’s nowhere to find him.
SERGEANTS:
You must know his whereabouts.
HUNCHBACK GUO:
Pity on me. I only know that he’s been to Nan’an.
SERGEANTS:
Funny, funny indeed! He’s been here in Lin’an to enter the imperial examination and has become the Number One Scholar.
HUNCHBACK GUO (Surprised and overjoyed):
He’s become the Number One Scholar;
He’s become the Number One Scholar.
He came from the vegetable garden
To make his way to the royal garden.
Now that he’s the Number One Scholar, he can’t get lost!
SERGEANTS:
We agree.
HUNCHBACK GUO, SERGEANTS:
Ah Liu Mengmei,
Ah Liu Mengmei!
We’ve searched several rounds,
But he’s nowhere to be found.
SERGEANTS:
Well, we’ll spare you this time but you’ll search for him with us.
SERGEANT A:
After he won the imperial test,
SERGEANT B:
He lets the honour slip out of his hand.
HUNCHBACK GUO:
Along the road of dust and sand,
SERGEANTS, HUNCHBACK GUO:
Where can he be in this strange land?
Scene Fifty-Three
Interrogating Liu Mengmei
(Enter Liu Mengmei)
LIU MENGMEI (To the tune of Fengrusongman):
I’m jailed for not a single reason at all;
Is this due treatment for a son-in-law?
All I’ve got is a bowl of porridge
And a mattress of straw.
Oh heavens!
All the way I’ve come
To see my father-in-law,
But who knows that he should put to jail
His very son-in-law!
“To be detained here in a foreign place,
A gentleman must learn to bear disgrace.
If my father-in-law acts like this,
Who else would understand the case?”
I, Liu Mengmei, followed Miss Du’s words to go to Huaiyang and meet Envoy Du. I was sent to jail in Lin’an, because he was not willing to accept me as his son-in-law before his subordinates. I think that he will have to accept me when he comes to question me and sees the self-portrait of his daughter. For the time being, however, I’m in a wretched situation.
(Enter the warden, followed by a jailer holding a rod in his hand)
WARDEN:
“When you have the prison god in sight,
You’ll know the warden’s might.”
Well, where’s the prisoner from Huai’an?
(On hearing these words, Liu Mengmei raises his hands)
What do you have for a gift for our first meeting?
LIU MENGMEI:
I’ve got nothing to give you.
JAILER:
What about your entrance fee?
LIU MENGMEI:
I’ve got nothing to give you, either.
WARDEN (Annoyed):
Then, how do you dare to raise your hands when you’ve got nothing for us!
(Beats Liu Mengmei)
LIU MENGMEI:
Oh, please don’t! You can take whatever you find in my bundle!
JAILER (Searches Liu Mengmei’s bundle):
What a wretched devil! He’s only got a torn bed-sheet and a small scroll of painting.
(Looks at the portrait)
It’s a portrait of Bodhisattva Guanyin. I’ll give it to my grandma.
LIU MENGMEI:
Take everything except the scroll.
(The jailer tries to grab the scroll from Liu Mengmei’s hands)
(Enter the bailiff)
BAILIFF:
“The son-in-law is put in jail,
Where he suffers from blackmail.”
Where’s the warden?
JAILER (Bows his salutation):
So you’re from the Grand Chancellor’s office.
BAILIFF (Shows the warrant):
Orders from the Grand Chancellor to fetch a prisoner for interrogation. He’ll bring all his belongings with him.
JAILER:
The prisoner’
s here, but he’s got no belongings.
LIU MENGMEI:
He’s taken away everything.
BAILIFF:
What did he take? I’ll bring the jailers to the Grand Chancellor’s office.
WARDEN, JAILER (Kowtow in panic):
All he’s got is a scroll of painting and a bed-sheet.
BAILIFF:
Give them back to the scholar, you dirty dogs, and bring him to the Grand Chancellor’s office.
WARDEN, JAILER (Respond and escort Liu Mengmei):
Will you start moving, sir?
“If you learn the Confucian rites with awe,
You will not violate the law.”
(Exeunt all)
(Enter Du Bao, followed by attendants)
DU BAO (To the tune of Tangduoling):
In a crimson robe girdled by a belt of jade,
I’m promoted to serve in the court.
Standing with a sword of shining blade,
Now I take the Grand Chancellor’s post,
But my hair has greyed.
“Now that I’ve quelled the autumn strife,
I’m thus promoted to the highest post.
When I look back at my eventful life,
I’ve suffered more than I can boast.”
I’m Du Bao, the Grand Chancellor. As I’ve quelled the bandits in Huaiyang, I’ve been promoted by His Majesty to the position of Grand Chancellor. But a vagabond came the other day and pretended to be my son-in-law, and so I had him put in jail in Lin’an. Today I’m going to interrogate him.
(Enter Liu Mengmei, escorted by the warden and the jailer)
DOORMAN (Announces):
Here comes the prisoner from the Lin’an Prefecture!
LIU MENGMEI (Bows):
My respect to you, father-in-law.
(Du Bao remains seated and laughs)
Man should put courtesy and music in the first place.
(Sighs when attendants shout at him)
(To the tune of Xinshuiling)
A scholar has to learn more
When he enters a noble house
And faces the deafening roar.
However I bowed,
However I showed courtesy,
He sat motionless and proud.
DU BAO:
Wretched pedant, what do you think you are? As an offender of the law, why aren’t you on your knees before me?
LIU MENGMEI:
I’m Liu Mengmei, a scholar from Lingnan. I’m your son-in-law!
DU BAO:
My daughter has been dead for three years. She had neither accepted betrothal gifts, nor been engaged before her birth or in her childhood. How can I have a son-in-law? How ridiculous! How disgraceful! Attendants, have him tightly bound!
LIU MENGMEI:
Who dares to bind me!
DU BAO (To the tune of Bubujiao):
I have no son, but have a daughter,
Who died young.
How can I believe your wagging tongue?