Odds n Ends
Page 7
*****
Odds n Ends
Kornfield Baseball
“Welcome everyone to Barefoot Park. My name is Tight-lipped Sammy and I will be your announcer for today’s game. Today the Billy Bubbas from the kornfield of North Hickman County are playing against the Hayfield Losers from South Hickman County. I have to say that it is a beautiful day here at the park in old Uncle Ned’s cow pasture. Just look at the sunshine. It makes you glad to be alive. Today is the final game of the season and we have a tie for last place between the Bubbas and the Losers. I talked with the Losers when they first got here and asked them how they felt about today’s game. They assured me that there was no doubt they were going to lose. I also talked to the Bubbas in their dressing room down at the shed by the barn. They said the Losers were a tough team to lose against but they believed with their hitters and pitchers they could manage to do it. Well, there you have it; the pessimist view from both sides. Who will be the loser today? Will it be the Kornfield Bubbas or the Hayfield Losers? Whoever loses today will be this season’s last place finisher. I do have to admit the crowd is picking up. It looks like it may be a sellout here today. If not, it will be one seat short of one. The Kornfield Bubbas have a twelve game losing streak. So, something is going to have to give here today. Someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. But, who is going to lose? What team will come in last place? Those are the million dollar questions here today at Barefoot Park.”
“Play ball!” someone in the stands suddenly yelled.
The crowd cheered as the umpire and two coaches walked out onto the field. They waved their arms and hands and pitched their hats up into the air. Carefully, the umpire placed the coin on his thumb to flip to see who would be first at bat. Kornfield Bubbas’ coach called heads and the Hayfield Losers’ coach called tails. The coaches watched the ump flip the coin into the air. They patiently waited for the coin to decide the call. What would be the outcome? Who would be first at bat? Unexpectedly, the ump failed to catch the coin and it fell into the tall grass.
“Oh, no, I can’t believe it. How in the world did this happen? Oh, wait a minute,” cried the ump.
Quickly, the ump and the coaches got down on the ground and searched for the coin. No one knew who won the toss or who would bat first.
“Well, ladies and gentlemen, we’ll have to wait and see. Can you believe it? I can’t believe they lost the coin in the tall grass,” chuckled the announcer.
The two teams ran out onto the field to help search for the coin. They all fell down on their hands and knees and looked for the coin. But, it appeared there wasn’t much hope of finding it. Patiently, the crowd watched and waited as they all crawled around on their hands and knees searching for the coin. About an hour later, a played jumped up.
“I’ve got it!” he yelled.
Quickly, the ump reached for the coin.
“That’s not it. I used a quarter, not a nickel,” stated the ump.
The player reached into his pocket and his finger stuck out through a hole in his pocket.
“Oops,” he mumbled. “That coin must have fallen through the hole in my pocket.”
“Play ball!” yelled one of the fans from the bleachers.
“While we are waiting, I want to tell you about the teams and some of their players. The longest home run was hit by Square Lip Harry. He hit a 734-foot homer across the cow pasture, over Miss Nellie’s garden and across the barbed wire fence in Zeb Barker’s turnip patch. But his record was later disqualified because he missed a base. Loose Leg Jack now holds the record for a homerun of 648 feet. However, they were all foul balls.”
“I’ve got it!” screamed another player as he leaped into the air.
“Huh,” he sighed, “it’s only a bottle cap.”
“Play ball!” yelled a fan high up in the bleachers as the teams continued to search for the coin. The crowd was getting restless.
“The longest ball thrown was by Quick-eye Pete,” announced Sammy. “He also holds the record for most stolen bases. Billy Bob Bubba holds the record for the most strikeouts. He is also trying to break Loose Leg Jack’s homerun record.”
“Play ball!” screamed out one of the fans. “Play ball!”
Hurriedly, the teams rushed to find the coin. Then all of a sudden, a fan discreetly threw a quarter out onto the field.
“Play ball!” he screamed after he threw the coin.
The search for the coin continued.
“I’ve got it!” yelled the umpire.
About the same time, a player yelled, “I’ve got it!”
A hush fell over the ball field. Everything was quiet. How could they both have it?
The ump yelled, “Heads!”
“Tails!” yelled the player.
Who was right? They both couldn’t be right because there was only one coin tossed. As they tried to figure out what to do, the umpire motioned for them to go ahead and sing the National Anthem. Timidly, little Bessie Mae Miller from Happy Shepherd Chapel walked out onto the field. The poor little thing was scared to death. Her bony knees knocked and her voice quivered as she opened her mouth to sing. But, nothing came out. She nervously cleared her voice and tried again. Still there was nothing.
“Play ball!” cried one of the fans.
No one could figure out what was wrong with little Bessie Mae’s voice? As she stood there, her face turned red. Her eyes also fell back into her head and her hands sweated. And she had a large lump hung in her throat.
“Play ball!” yelled the fan from high up in the stands. “Play ball!”
Bessie Mae struggled to get it out. About forty-five minutes later, she swallowed really hard which drove the lump down her throat and into her stomach.
“Oh, say can you see…” she sang.
The crowd stood and faced the flag that was nailed onto the side of old Jess Willard’s barn just across from the field. She struggled through it as the crowd stood with their hands over their hearts. Then all of a sudden, she stopped right in the middle of the song. She had forgotten the words. She panicked and gasped for words but they just wouldn’t come out. Quickly, little Johnny Jenkins jumped on his bike and headed down the road to the church. Nervously, Bessie Mae waited for Johnny to return. The crowd showed their support by continuing to stand.
All was quiet until a fan yelled, “Play ball!”
About an hour later, Johnny rode onto the field. He quickly threw down his bike and rushed over to Bessie Mae. She was so glad to see him. The crowd was still standing and the umpire and coaches were still trying to figure out if the coin had landed on heads or tails.
“Here you go, Bessie Mae,” Johnny said.
“Thank-you, Johnny. That was very sweet of you to go get this for me,” she replied.
Bessie Mae opened up the songbook and started to sing.
“Oh, say can you see…,” she sang.
It only took her a few minutes to finish singing the song. As she hurried off the field, the umpire still hadn’t figured out what to do. Then he got a bright idea. He decided to let each team pick a number between one and ten. The Billy Bubbas picked the closest number so they batted first.
“Play ball!” yelled the umpire as he threw the ball to the pitcher.
The Losers took the outfield. First up to bat for the Billy Bubbas was big Lockjaw Jim. Jim eased up to the plate and took a couple of short choppy swings with the bat, tapped the plate and then knocked the dust off his shoes with the bat. He dug his cleats down into the ground to get a firm stance. As the pitcher, old Slide Hand Jake, looked the batter over and waited for the sign from the catcher. He slowly wound up, looked from side to side, spit and then threw the ball as hard as he could across the plate.
Boom, boom, boom sounded the thunder. It started pouring down rain. It was as if the bottom had fallen out of the sky.
“I can’t believe this,” cried Sammy. “This storm came o
ut of nowhere.”
Everyone waited to see if the rain was going to stop. About an hour later, there were a few still sitting in the rain waiting for the game to resume; they were soaking wet. However, mostly everyone had headed home.
“Play ball!” yelled one of the fans.
Finally, a couple of hours later, everyone had gone home except for one fan.
“I don’t know if you know it or not,” said Sammy, “but the game has been rained out.”
“Do you know if the coin landed on heads or tails?” asked the fan.
“I don’t know,” Sammy replied with his shoulders hunched up.
As the fan sat there, he looked out across the field and wondered how long it would rain.
*****
Beyond the Truth
A Cry in the Wind
Thistles and Thorns
Dead Limbs and Leaves
Troubled Waters
When Autumn Falls
When Time Was
Bittersweet
Sycamore Tales
Stepping Out on a Limb