Chris gives me a sidelong look with a slight tightening of his lips. Which, of course, only amuses me. Making me want to provoke her even more. I manage to bite my tongue as he holds out his other hand to her to smooth her ruffled feathers. “Come on Sage, we’ll walk in with Ava. Our seats are together.”
She stares at me then smooths out her features. Then like a barnacle he can’t shake she latches on to his proffered hand. I hold tight to his other arm making sure she knows I’m not going anywhere.
I don’t like sharing but I don’t mind today. I know it’s temporary.
The christening went off without a hitch even with me holding it up. I kept up my smile on so many damn pills I’m feeling loopy. But no one has noticed so it’s all good. Cat and Nick rented out a restaurant for a few hours for the afternoon. I have another hour or so before I have fulfilled my duties for the day. Then I can go home, crash and hopefully not burn out.
I sit to the side of the room observing everyone. Nick is standing like a centurion warrior beside Cat. Jace in her arms secure and smiling like the cute baby angel he is. Her mother reaches over to stroke his hair ignoring Nick completely. There is no love lost between those two and there never will be.
Feeling my head start to throb again, I sit tight. I’m not going to pretend I can even go over there and enter into a conversation to ease any building tension. I sit back and listen to the conversation and if needed I’ll mange to go over there. Mrs. Reed and I get along fabulously if I was up to it I’d be talking with her and freezing Sage the want-to-be daughter in law out.
“He’s adorable, Catherine and those eyes are to die for. He’s going to be a little heart breaker,” Mrs. Reed says.
“Exactly like his daddy.” Cat smiles up at Nick who bends down and give her a peck on the lips. The sweet quota between them is sickeningly high.
Mrs. Reed looks away clearing her throat saying nothing but, “Mmm...” to that. It’s comical. Her husband pats her on the arm and gives her a look and she puts a smile on her face looking at Nick. “Yes, like his father.” She purses her lips.
It’s near painful to watch the two of them interact. Thankfully, Kate decided not to come. Which would have made it out of this world awkwardly painful. Chris joins the group with Sage saying something that makes them all laugh. He takes Jace kicking his legs and his mother kisses Jace on the cheek, relaxing her features. I notice the look Chris is giving my cousin, an asking look. Nick takes a deep breath and nods his head then Chris hands Jace over to his mother. Cat wraps her arms around Nick’s waist and he rubs her back. She seems happy. Leave it to Chris and his magic touch.
Seeing all is well, I get up and make my way to the back of the restaurant out of sight near the restroom. I contemplate taking another pill and decide against it. I’m already feeling out of sorts on top of everything else. The pain pills are not really working. I seriously do not want to go to the hospital for mistakenly overdosing myself. They’re really going to think I’m crazy. I’m going to get myself committed for real. On top of feeling like double shit grounded into pulp pushed through a rusty meat grinder when they pump my stomach.
“Last person I expect to be sitting by themselves in the middle of a celebrations.”
My head snaps up out of my hands to see Chris looking down at me. One hand in his pocket the other on the chair next to me. Gosh he looks good...and I’m sick.
The only words I have twirling around in my overworked mind leave my mouth low and hollow. “Something’s wrong with me.”
“I’ve known this for years. Tell me something I don’t know.”
One corner of my mouth goes up and I turn my head back down. I need to tell someone other than myself out loud. He sits next to me placing his hand over mine capturing my attention making me look back at him, meeting kind warm brown eyes. Eyes that make me feel things I thought no man could get me to feel after only one night with him.
Every time I see him, I think this could be the man I spend the rest of my life with. To him I may seem bold, overbearing and relentless in my pursuit of him but only because I know if he would give me a chance I could show him what we could be together. Something special one night together proved. Why the hell is he fighting it? Fighting me. Let’s see if he proves me right again about the future we could have together. Times like these make you see what’s real and what’s not when the truth is revealed.
Here it goes. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I say low and hoarse.
“What do you mean?”
“My doctors think I’m crazy...maybe they’re right, it’s all in my head. I’m beginning to think they’re right.”
“What doctors? What’s wrong, Ava? Talk to me.”
“Chris, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I say voice breaking. He holds my hand tighter and puts his other hand around me. Giving me a sense of comfort and strength to talk freely. “I haven’t been feeling well for weeks. I’ve seen three different doctors and they’ve ran all sorts of tests. Every single one of them has come back negative.
The last one, short of telling me I was crazy, said I needed to see I psychologist. The pain I feel is all in my head. He confirmed it from comparing notes and tests with my other doctor.” I slowly move my head from side to side looking at him. “It can’t be all in my head. Pain like this-not being able to get out of bed some days I’m so tired-it’s not me. You know me, Chris.”
I bite down on my lip, looking away from him when he doesn’t say anything, letting my hair fall down into my face. Maybe it is all in my head. I should stop being difficult and see that therapist. Better than sitting here by myself in pain.
I start to pull my hand away from him defeated and tired, just so damn tired. His fingers firmly close around mine, not letting go. I keep my head down, not wanting to know what he’s going to say.
“I know you.” My eyes turn to his. His eyes directly meet mine while the gentle touch of his hand strokes my hair against my back stroking my doubts away. “I believe you, if you say something’s wrong, something’s wrong. You’re the ballsiest, fearless, demanding, maddening chick I know. If you say something’s wrong, then something’s wrong.”
His words compounded with the sheer conviction in which he says them makes my lips curl to a faint smile.
“You’re going to see my doctor.”
“I am?”
“You are. It’s your body and who better to know if something’s wrong than you.”
“What if your doctor doesn’t find anything either?”
“Then you’ll see another one. As many doctors as it takes. You’re not crazy. I can attest to it. You are of sound mind and body. I’m probably more qualified than your doctors-after all-I’ve put your body through a few tests, more than once.
“You have.” I agree. “Those are tests I can’t forget.”
“Have you told Cat, Nick, or anyone?”
“I don’t want her worrying. She and Nick are getting their life on track to what would be considered normal after the shit storm of craziness they’ve been through.”
“You know as well as I do, they’ll drop everything to make sure you’re okay.”
“My point exactly.”
“They’re not going to be happy when they find out you didn’t tell them about this.”
“As soon as I get the answers I need, I’ll tell them. Don’t say anything.”
“I won’t.”
He’s still touching me and as much as I don’t want to I move sitting up straight. “I guess I should get back out there before someone comes looking for me.”
His hand keeps a steady stroke up and down my back. He doesn’t say anything. We sit in companionable silence wanting to say more but not able to. He moves his hand across the fabric of my dress making me feel naked at his touch caressing my skin. His hand goes to my face, brushing my hair aside. I love when he does that, his eyes on me moving down to my lips, watching them part as I lift my head. The slightest of moves I make towards him remin
ds him of who I am not.
When he says, “We probably should get back out there. Wouldn’t want someone getting the wrong impression?”
“No, wouldn’t want that to happen.” He moves his hand and I sit up leaning back brushing my hair over my shoulders. “Give me a minute. I took a crap load of pain pills, all they did was make me groggy. I still feel like shit.”
Brows furrowed he stares at me. “You sure you don’t need me to get Cat or Nick?”
I brush him off, not wanting him to make a bigger deal out of this than I already have with my breakdown. “No, it’s Jace’s day. I’ll pull it together just give me a minute.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. I saw the breakthrough out there with your mother,” I say trying to distract him. “You’re on it today performing great acts of divine intervention.”
“It wasn’t divine, it was intervention. Knowing how to deal with determined doggedly stubborn people.”
“You know how to do that well.” I muse.
He shrugs getting up. “It’s a necessary skill to learn in my family and with the women in my life. Speaking of, anything I can get you?”
Smiling up at him I hold out my hand. “A hand would be nice. Smiling back he holds my hand firmly in his helping me to my feet. He’s not pushing me away. It feels good. He believes me. So, I give a voice to my thought. “I wish I could lean on you out there, but I think Sage would try to rip my head off.”
“Probably,” he says, leading me out right before he lets my hand go.
Why did I bring her name up!
“Then I’d have to kill her. I’m not too sick to throw down.”
“I don’t doubt it.” He chuckles as we enter the room with friends and family to celebrate our godson’s special day. And without me doing a thing bringing him closer to me in a time of need.
Ava
Chris calls me two days later like he said he would to give me the time and day of the appointment he insisted on making with his physician for me.
“How you feeling today?”
“Much the same but a little better, if you can understand that. I doubt you can, it’s hard to explain,” I tell him.
“Did you take more of those pills? If you did, I want you to limit the amount you’re taking. Those things can be addictive.”
“I only took a few to get me through the day. Cat’s here-it’s easier for me to keep her from seeing I’m not as well as I’m trying to be.”
“Ava, I know you’re not well but I mean it,” his voice deepens with an edge of warning. “Don’t take more than is prescribed. I don’t want you to get hooked or worse accidentally overdose.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you taking such an interest in my wellbeing?” I honestly want to know.
“What kind of question is that?” He says sounding surprised. “That’s like asking if I saw someone laying in the street who needed help, would I leave them or call an ambulance. What kind of question is that?”
“I’m not a stranger. I’m the woman you had a night of mind blowing sex with who wants you. Who thinks you want her too, even while you’re protesting.”
“Ava,-”
“Stop whatever you’re about to say.”
I don’t let him finish. I don’t want his denial to start. He can save that for Sage. Besides, I need to ask him something and if he’s in denial mode his answer might be no.
“I’m sorry, I won’t bring it up again. I need a favor from you, though.”
After a long sigh, he says, “What is it?”
“Don’t be quick to say no. Think about it first. Forget what I said before.”
“It’s almost forgotten. What is it?”
I poke my lips out tapping my fingers against my leg stalling. “I need someone with me, it would usually be Cat but I can’t ask her for the obvious reason she doesn’t know and she won’t. Neither will anyone else until I know what’s wrong with me.” I sigh working up to my question. “I’m not use to asking people for things. I’m usually the one in charge running things. What I’m trying to say is...”
“Ava, it’s okay. Whatever it is, ask me.”
Fine. “Be my friend. I’m asking you to be my friend, please be my friend for now.”
“You don’t have to ask. I’m already your friend. You want me to go with you to your appointment?”
“Would you?”
“Of course. I have to go but how about I pick you up tomorrow?”
“At my place, not here. I’ll be waiting for you outside.”
“If there was a doubt in my mind you weren’t feeling well, it’s gone. You turning down a chance to get me alone in your apartment, we need a doctor stat!”
“Shut it!” I laugh at his true, but somewhat funny, attempt at a joke. “Bye.”
“There’s the fire I’m used to. See you tomorrow.”
Putting the phone down I see the bottle of pills. He’s right, I’m concerned about the amount of pills I’ve been taking. It would be one thing if they were dramatically alleviating me of the fatigue and muscle pain but they’re not. I open my desk drawer, toss the bottle in and close it. I take a drink from the bottle of water that was beside the pills. Comb my hands through my hair and walk to the door. I do a quick check of myself then walk out into the boutique where Cat is sitting in a chair. She and Emma are watching Jace in Maya’s arms where he’s giggling and squirming, bubbling over with laughter. My godson is just too damn cute.
“Oh my god, Cat, he’s so cute.” Maya gushes. Her face pressed against his tummy blowing raspberries. “Look at his chubby little cheeks.” She looks up, voice in awe. “He smells so good. Like a baby.”
Emma rolls her eyes. “He is a baby.”
“You know what I mean, Emma.”
“Stop hogging him, Maya, I want to hold him.”
“No, I’m not finished.” Maya protests, hugging Jace to her body.
For heaven’s sake, they’re turning him into a human wishbone. “Ladies! Ladies! Back off my godchild, he’s not a wishbone. The privilege of holding him goes to me.” I hold my hand out smiling at his little giggly face wet fingers in his mouth. I don’t even care, I still want to hold him but first I take a seat across from Cat. “Go on, hand him to me.” Emma frowns and Maya hands him off to me cooing at him. “Hey baby boy, look at you.” I coo to him. “It’s amazing how much you do resemble your daddy. It’s those Alexander genes, strong. I missed you so much. Did you miss Cousin Ava? I know you did, I know you did, oh so cute,” I say kissing him all over his chubby cheeks and forehead.
“Hello! What about me?” Cat speaks up.
“What about you?” I turn my head to her.
“I’m here too, no one’s said hello to me.”
“Hello,” I say playing with Jace’s hands.
Emma says, “Sorry Cat.”
“Yeah, sorry we accosted your child without saying hello to you,” Maya says moving over to finish hanging up a set of silk scarves.
“I’ve gotten used to being invisible when I walk into a room with a good-looking man such as my husband and my son. Woe is me,” She says with a forlorn expression akin to a wounded animal.
“Oh poor baby. You want some love? Come here.” I hold Jace securely in my arms holding onto the table with lips puckered leaning towards her. “Let me kiss it and make it all better. Mommy’s needy today, Jace let’s give her some loving, too.”
She puts her hand up to my lips stopping me with a broad smile. “Get your lips away from me. I’m not that hard up for love and affection.”
“I figured you weren’t. Your husband lavishes enough of it on you. I’m surprised you haven’t popped another one of these cuties out yet.” I cock my head to the side in mock thought. “I’m surprised you’re not too sore to put your leg off the bed.
“Ava!” She shouts in her usual whisper when she’s scandalized by me.
“What?” She points to Jace and around the store. “Oh,
please, he doesn’t understand a word I’m saying. If he does, then he’ll thank me when he gets older. He’ll be making more than a few women happy from the things that come out of my mouth.”
“I can count on you to keep things in perspective.”
“You can count on it, isn’t that right, Jace?” I coo kissing his baby soft cheek repeatedly. “You know your god mommy is the best. Yes, you do, yes you do, yes you do.”
My employees are staring at me as if I’m a demented cat lady who hasn’t had human interaction in decades and Cat’s laughing. “Are you the same woman who said she didn’t want kids?”
“Correction, I believe I said I wasn’t ready for kids. In a few years, I would be ready to willingly turn my body over to the ravages of pregnancy upon my body. For my children when I’ve found the right man. Those were my words. Until then, I’m perfectly happy to share my godchild with you.”
“How generous of you. To share my child with me.”
“I know! I’m all sorts of generous, aren’t I? I give give give and I love it.”
“You and your cousin.” She shakes her head in dismay. “If you gave any more lord knows what I would have to resort to, to stop the overflow of unwarranted generosity, to the poor souls crossing your paths.”
“How is my equally generous cousin,” I say holding Jace against me handing him a baby toy off his stroller. “I haven’t spoken to him since the christening. I saw the exchange with Jace and your mother.”
“I’m surprised as anyone he let that happen. It’s a monumental milestone in my family moving forward. We’re bridging the gap of hate to low grade animosity.” She teases accurately. “Chris has had a lot to do with it. Nick trusts him more than almost anyone. They’ve talked a lot and their friendship is back to where it should be. The fact that he’s level headed and calm in the tensest of situations, and he knows how to be the voice of reason has helped tremendously. He has a way of calming us all down.”
I know. “He’s good with people in that way. So, is this a new turning point with your mother? Will you be going over for family dinners with Jace and Nick in tow?”
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 7