“And another thing, stop apologizing for everything, for being you. I’m not upset with you for being you. If you’re going to survive this city it’s a must you put on a game face. Show people they can’t take advantage of you. They will turn your shyness into weakness. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I think so.” She holds my gaze as she says it. Longest ever. Good girl.
“Good. I know you don’t know many people here, I want you to think of Maya and me as friends, not just your boss and co-worker. You also need to familiarize yourself with your surroundings. What do you think?”
“I think you’re right,” she says moving her eyes down to her lap again, “I’ve been in New York for months going to school and I hardly know anyone. It’s just work, school and home. Living in a big place as New York can be intimidating. I feel like a floundering fish in a sea of people I don’t come close to matching up with.”
“I know it can be scary when everything is new to you. I think when you come back you should spend some time with Maya. Let her really show you what the Big Apple is about, instead of turning her down every time she offers to hang out or take you with her to a party.”
“I think maybe I will take her up on her offer. Maybe I do need to get out more and meet people. Maybe it’ll make the transition easier, this city can be intimidating for a small-town girl.”
“You’ll find it’s not as intimidating as you think once you take a real tentative bite out of it.” I laugh. “If you need anything, you can always call me. Even if it’s just to talk about nothing in particular.”
“Thank you, Ava.”
“No thanks needed.” I get up from my seat to give her a big ole hug.
I let Emma go home early to get ready for her flight. For the past hour I’ve been sitting up in my chair doing as much work as I can, feeling like crap. Thirty minutes ago, I caved in and took some ibuprofen in hope of some relief from a minor headache and a few aches and pains. It hasn’t kicked in yet. I know what the label says but if I’m going to make it over to Cat’s like I promised, I need to take two more in hopes they will kick in by the time I get over to her place.
I know I should say something to her but...maybe I should just go home and get some rest. But I cancelled on her yesterday. She’s excited about Jace’s christening. I don’t want to bring her down with my problems. It’s a happy time for her, Jace and Nick. I don’t want to be the wet blanket just because I’m not getting enough rest. I’m definitely not losing my mind as that quack doctor was saying. If I told Cat or Nick about going to see three different doctors and their so-called diagnosis all she would do is worry about me instead of finally being happy.
Decision made, I pop my pills, put my heels on and lock up shop with Maya before hailing a cab with her. “Hey, Maya, I had a talk with Emma today. When she comes back, could you show her around the city?”
“Sure thing, boss. I’ve been trying to get her to come out with me and some friends but you know how she is.”
“Super shy and intimidated.”
“Exactly. It’s like pulling teeth with that girl. A shame too because she’s pretty, but she doesn’t know it. She could have a booming social life. With the right outfit, she’ll have guys all over her.”
“I said take her out, not send her into cardiac arrest.”
“Could be the thing she needs. You warm up the paddles and yell, clear! I jump out of the way as we shock the ever-loving life into her.”
We laugh and I push her arm. “She’s like a newborn foal, take it easy on her. We have to ease her into a New York state of mind social life.”
The cab reaches my stop. I get out paying the full fair for Maya and me and wave goodbye to her. Cat buzzes me in upstairs. I walk into the middle of a conversation between my best friend and the brother of her’s who is my hands down favorite. I came at the right time.
Cat is saying to Chris, “She called, I’m not ready to revisit the scene of my almost demise yet.”
“I understand completely. Did you tell Mom this?”
“Not exactly. I’m not out to make her feel bad, some things I’m not ready to discuss with her. Baby steps, like you said.”
“Hi Chris,” I say sashaying into the living room. He’s sitting on the floor with his niece and nephew in his lap and a mess of toys surrounding them. I smile at them, kiss Sasha hello and sit across from them on the couch.
“Hi, Ava.”
That’s all I get, huh. After all we’ve shared. Figures. The three adults talk while the kids play. They play with the toys, driving me crazy. Sirens going, whistles blowing, at one point I threaten to take all the batteries out of them. It should be a crime to make a child’s toy so loud. We leave Chris with the kids while Cat shows me the christening suit she bought for Jace. It’s as cute as him with the little booties to match.
“I can’t believe he’s eight months, Cat. He’s growing fast.”
“I know. My little baby. I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love him. I was wrong.”
“I’m happy for you, Cat, I really am.” I tuck the suit back into the bag and zip it up. I turn around and she’s wiping under her eye. “What the hell? Are you crying?
“I’m not.”
“Do I need to invest in a trailer load of Kleenex for the christening? I don’t want to be washed away by a river of saltwater tears. My designer heels and I will not have it!”
“Be quiet.” She smiles. She hooks her arm around my neck pulling me down in a mock headlock then releasing me. “Sometime I still get emotional, after the accident. But not as much as before.”
“I know it was hard getting ahold of your emotions when you first came out of the hospital. You’re doing well now and that’s all that matters. You and Jace being happy and healthy.” I hug her.
We go back in the living room. I almost laugh seeing Sasha jumping on her uncle like a trampoline, tag teaming him with Jace giggling loudly at his uncle’s pain as he yelps, “Ouch! Ouch!”
I love it. I take a seat across from them on the floor and simply enjoy the action, laughter and good cheer. A while later Cat leaves us to make a quick call to Nick. Leaving Chris and I alone for the first time.
“What’s wrong?”
I stop tinkering with one of Jace’s toys and raise my head at his question. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”
“It’s way past five minutes since you’ve stepped through the door. Yet you haven’t made one pass at me. Something has to be wrong.”
“You know I have to keep you on your toes, if I don’t this happens.”
He squints at me. “What happens?”
“The conceitedness of it all.” I smile. “Really, look at you, over here fishing for compliments. For me to drool over you. I expect better from you, Chris you’re disappointing me. I think I’m going to start bestowing my ample affections on some other handsome shmuck with a girlfriend.” I pout.
He laughs shaking his head. “Ahh, Ava you are a pill. Rough going down but sooner or later you know it’s going to make you feel good but with unknown side effects.”
I laugh at his analogy plus description of me. “Dare I say, is that a compliment? Those are rare from you to me. I’ll take it, one of those from you may never come my way again.”
“That’s not true. I’ve given you a compliment before.”
“When was this?” I say surprised at the offense he’s taking in his voice.
“When you were down on your knees in front of me.” He smiles mockingly.
Making me smile even harder. “Of course, the best sex of your life doesn’t count.”
He shakes his head at me chuckling. “I love your confidence.”
“You should. I know I’m good, you don’t have to say it. I’m a woman of many talents.”
“Yes, you are.”
We have a moment where we smile at each other. The smiles slowly replace something else, though. A charge of a sudden spark in the air exchanged betwe
en us. My lips part taking in air. His eyes go to my hair then stray to my mouth, lingering there. As if he’s remembering the same thing as I am. My tousled hair around my face, in sublime ecstasy. Bodies quivering, mine underneath his as he repeatedly pulls out, entering me. Invading my body again and again until I scream his name.
Sasha jumps in his lap jarring us both out of what I would like to believe is a shared memory. He has to shift her on his leg. I look down at his lap and smile knowingly. “Uncle Chris, I smell poop. Jace did a stinky.” She wrinkles her noise.
“Sweetheart, your right. Come with me, I’ll take Jace to his Mommy. Uncle Chris draws the line at cleaning poopy diapers today.” I smile at them. Sasha bouncing next to him holding his hand. A minute later he comes back. He takes a seat on the sofa next to where I’m sitting on the floor. “You didn’t answer my question from before.”
I lean my head back on the cushion looking up at him. “Which was?”
“Unless you’re suffering from short term memory loss I’m sure you remember.”
“Oh, how you do like to sweet talk me.” I deadpan.
“It’s our way.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
“I’m fine, nothing a little rest won’t cure.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Sir.”
We stare at each other for a while and he says, “The only time I remember you being this quiet is when Jace and Cat were in the hospital.”
“And you came to my rescue, so to speak.”
“You sure you’re all right?”
“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. If I need saving, I’ll let you know.”
“I know you will.”
He looks into my eyes and I lean my head to the side, my face touching his thigh. Needing to touch him just once in his concern for me. As if reading my mind his hand strokes against my hair caressing me softly, melting me to his touch. I wish it could be more. If he would only let it be, and take a chance
Just then Sasha grabs his hand. He looks away from me and his tender touch is gone. Holding her hand he says, “You ready to go see your parents, Princess?”
“Yes!” Cat comes over to let them out helping Sasha with her jacket.
I get myself ready to leave as she says goodbye. When I come to the door Cat says to me, “What was that? You guys seemed like you were having a conversation no one was being harassed into.”
“You’re a pill, Cat.”
“What?”
“Nothing, our first inside joke. Just know hope is alive.” I wink at her in lieu of saying bye.
Ava
I roll out of bed feeling like a limp noodle ready to break apart, eyes half open, muscles aching. I want to go back to bed, groaning out the rest of my day in an unending discomfort of pain and fatigue. My head. Rubbing my eyes, I drag my body to the bathroom over to the tub, bypassing the sink entirely. Eliminating what seems like one too many extra steps to get ready with the energy I have.
Today is Jace’s christening and I need to do whatever it takes to get it together and muster up the energy to do my godmotherly duties. At a minimum, which consists of me showing up, smiling, and assisting Cat if she needs help with anything.
I lean against the shower wall with my head back water pouring over my body. I do everything I can in the shower, including brushing my teeth and relieving myself. Another day I would have waited or done it before stepping in but I just don’t have the energy to waste on the steps to the toilet to relieve my bladder.
Fucking doctors! I’m not a crier, I hate crying but...enough. Get your shit together, Ava. I mentally shake myself. You can do this. You’ve been doing it for months and all week at work with Maya not noticing a thing was wrong. I’ll take a few extra pills-pain relievers, a muscle relaxant, slap a smile on my face, and put on a knock them dead outfit. I’ll be my kickass self again.
After slumping down in the shower for thirty minutes, I nearly crawl out holding on to the walls and dry myself off. I try my best to wrap a towel around my hair to keep it from getting me all wet again. This is one time it does not pay to have a thick head of hair down to my back. Holding onto the sink I push off, shuffling to the bedroom, collapsing on my bed with my eyes closed. Taking a few measured breaths, I roll my hand over to the side pulling out two pill bottles from under my pillow. With my other arm, I move it across my body shifting my weight to turn on my side to see what the hell I’m taking before I open them. After all, I don’t want to kill myself while I’m self-medicating to get me through the day. I clumsily knock out two pain killers and two muscle relaxers, swallowing them all at once without water. Laying back to wait for a few minutes for them to start working, my eyes drift close.
Fuck! Two hours later, my eyes fly open. My body lurches up feeling somewhat better but not great. I scramble to put my clothes on, blowing my hair out, brushing haphazardly, arms weak. I stumble through the house moving as fast as I can to get out. Nick and Cat are going to kill me. Shit. By the time I’m finished, I’m thirty minutes late. Cat has called me once and I sent her straight to voice mail. I feel bad for doing it but-shit-they’re going to kill me.
My first day on the job of officially being the best goddamn godmother in the world and I’m fucking it up already. I grab my phone heading out the door looking the best I can, sending Cat a quick text. My purse almost drops, making me groan to grab it before hitting the ground. Hot coffee I poured into a cup almost splashing over my dress. I separate it away from my body as quick as I can in a jerky motion. Sloshing it over the rim of the cup, burning me on my hand, making me scream out “Shit!” In my frustration with myself and the hot liquid.
At the exact moment one of my neighbors walks by with her son giving me a dirty look along with an unwarranted comment which makes me boil over. “I’m having a bad freaking day Mrs. Bryant. I didn’t know the potty mouth police was here.” She’s a nice enough woman but damn. It’s been one of those mornings.
Hell, it’s been one of those months progressively getting worse, with no hope of relief in the foreseeable future with every doctor telling me I’m fine. The last one telling me I’m most likely losing my grasp on reality. Sighing heavily before she turns the corner I call out to her and her ten-year-old son. I was in the wrong and I’m taking my problems out on her. “Mrs. Bryant, I’m sorry. Sorry, Jasper for the potty mouth.”
With a beaming smile he say to me, “That’s okay, I like your potty mouth.” His mother ushers him around the corner, saying nothing. Yeah. Most guys do like my potty mouth. Picking my phone and bag up, I send Cat a text.
Me: I’m so sorry. I’m on my way right now. I’m still going to be god-mommy right? :,-( see the track of my tear as I wipe it away.
Cat: Get your ass here as soon as you can. :-) don’t worry no matter what Nick says your god-mommy number one. You’re the only one hurry up!!!
Me: You’re the best. Xoxo 15-20 minutes tops!
Cat: NO DRIVING!!! Take a taxi Mad Max. No Thunder Dome antics. :-)
I smile dropping the phone in my bag. I needed that smile.
I show up at the church, late as predicted. “I’m really sorry, Cat. How upset is he?”
“Don’t worry about Nick. He’s more concerned with my mother hinting towards holding Jace. I’m going inside to take my place and tell them we’re ready.”
“Okay.” I hold up my cup to show her. “Let me drop this in the garbage. I’ll be right in.”
“While you’re doing that you might want to go to the bathroom. You look like you’re perspiring.” She puts a hand towards my forehead. I block it, backing out of her reach. “Are you feeling well, Ava?”
“I’m fine. You know me, always late. On top of that, I overslept. Spilled coffee on my outfit and you know how long it takes me to find something. Let’s not even talk about the traffic I was ordered not to drive myself in,” I say with a smile. “Hectic morning but nothing could keep me from officially becoming a godmother. I’ll meet you inside.”
My ramblin
g ends, something I don’t ever do and she watches me for a quick second doubtfully before reluctantly nodding and going inside. She’s not asking but I know she’s going to ask me what that was about at some point. Thankfully, she’ll be too busy with her family here with Nick and Jace. After popping two more pills and fixing my makeup, walking back I stop when I here talking.
“You would think she would have the decency to be on time for her godson’s christening. I mean, if Cat can’t count on her to show up on time for a thing as important as this, then how can she count on her take care of her child?”
“Sage, she’s not asking her to raise Jace. It’s not that serious, Cat isn’t even upset. Neither is Nick. If they’re not making a fuss, then no one else should.”
“I’m only saying it’s an important role, not just a title, contrary to what most people think. You’re the godfather and we made it here on time. Have a little common courtesy for the rest of us. She’s such a prima donna.
“No, she’s Ava.”
Damn right. As bad as I feel, I’m not going to let this slide. She doesn’t know who she’s messing with. She’s going to know though.
I step out of the bathroom walking up to them. “Hey, Chris, pure pleasure seeing you as always. Sage, is there something you want to say to me?”
She turns to me, smoothing down the side of her dress. Her lips pressed together thinning out like a duck with a major chip in its beak. “Better late than not at all, I guess.”
“Yes, yes it is.” Stepping closer to Chris, I smile and take his arm. “Hey god daddy, ready to become the proud godparents of a bouncing baby boy?”
He doesn’t answer but he does smile saying, “Glad you made it.”
Turning my head to Sage whose face is screwed up most likely seeing red I add fuel to the fire. “Ready, sweetheart? We have a godson to get christened, our families are waiting. I believe you’ll agree when I say they’ve waited long enough.” I end with a dazzling smile.
The fireballs shooting from her eyeballs could burn me alive. It’s enough to make this ol Country gal almost feel like herself again.
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 6