“I remember.”
“Look what it did to Kate. The rippling effects are endless. We’re still living them. I don’t want to hurt Sage. How much more loss can she take in a short span of time before going over the edge when she’s still recovering from the loss of her only family?”
He grows more serious and concerned. “Is it as bad as you think she’ll hurt herself? If it is, she’s going to need more than you to cope with her grief. You can’t stay with someone because you thing they might hurt themselves if you leave. It’s not healthy for either her of you. Trust me I know.”
“Man, I’m not sure. I don’t know if I want to take the chance to find out. I don’t want to be the guy who breaks her down and brings her to her breaking point. I care for Sage. I like it when she’s happy. It makes me happy and calm. My family likes her, my friends like her. She’d make the perfect partner for me. I have a real relationship with Sage. But I feel a connection with Ava. At the same time, she’s an unknown wild card. I can’t be sure of anything with her.”
“I think you have your answer.”
“Do I?”
“You tell me so I can get the hell out of here to my son and wife.”
“I’m going to go home and talk to Sage. Tell her I’m not at the point where I’m ready to move in together but I still want to make our relationship work.”
“Well here’s to hoping you don’t have to work too hard at it to make it work.” He raises his beer bottle in the air clinking it against mine.
Ava: Hey.
Chris: Hey.
Ava: Is it okay I’m calling you?
Chris: Friends can text friends. Smiling right now.
Ava: Are you telling me you’re smiling at my text?
Chris: Yes.
Ava: Why the hell don’t you just use a smiley face emoji.
Chris: Because I’m a man. Giving you the serious face.
Ava: SMH rolling my eyes. Damn you, I can’t find the middle finger emoji :)
Chris: :)
Ava: That’s better. Listen to me and all will be right.
Chris: How you been feeling? Have you heard back from Dr. Graham?
Ava: I’m not feeling as bad as I was yesterday when I could barely make it to the end of the day. I was actually calling you about Doctor Graham she wants to see me this evening. I understand if your answer is no, but I don’t want to go by myself
Chris: I’m going with you.
Ava: Thank you...again.
Chris: :) don’t worry I’m going to be right there with you. I’ll pick you up. What time?
Ava: Two hours from now. Sorry for the inconvenience I know it’s short notice and if you have another commitment I totally understand. I just needed someone or the comfort of the thought of someone who knows what’s going on with me while I’m waiting for my results. She wouldn’t want to see me this quickly if it wasn’t something seriously wrong.
Chris: I’ll be there with you. Stop thinking negative. You don’t know what she’s going to say.
Ava: Exactly!!! For the first time in my life I’m afraid of the unknown.
Chris: Whatever happens I’ll be with you good or bad. I’m choosing to air on the optimistic side though. Stop worrying you have me. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? :) ️see, smiley face emoji. Following - what you’ve always wanted? :)
Ava: :)) and all is right. See you at 12:00.
Chris: I’ll be there.
I did have plans today but I’m clearing my schedule for Ava. Friends don’t let friends receive potentially life altering diagnosis alone. Especially one you’re developing not so friendly feelings for. Even when you know you can’t let it lead any farther.
Sitting in the office with Ava I can tell she’s nervous and trying not to be. Dr. Graham comes in and I take her hand to calm her nerves so she knows I’m one hundred percent here with her. Whatever she hears today, if she wants, I’ll be with her through it all. Not in the way she wants, but I’ll be here. I’m praying it’s nothing like that. I know I’m the one talking about being optimistic and all but I’m nervous and anxious to find out what those test results say.
I wish I could tell how this is going to play out from Dr. Graham’s facial expression. She isn’t giving away a thing but her usual professional courteous demeanor. I wish Ava would have told Cat or Nick so she could have more support. She’s stubborn as hell once she’s made up her mind. She’s not changing course until she decides to. She’s strong but strength can also be your weakness.
Dr. Graham sits and starts talking. “I received all of the previous tests your past doctors ran. I also ran them along with some additional tests. First, let me say all the tests those doctors ran came back matching up with mine and came back negative.
“That’s not good, it confirms that I might be losing my mind. I refuse to believe this is all in my head. It can’t be.” I smooth my thumb across the back of her hand, seeing her agitated, hearing tension and near panic rising her voice.
“You’re right,” Dr. Graham says.
“You are not going to tell me it is. I’m going to leave and find another doctor,” Ava says, getting up.
I hold tight pulling on her hand making her look at me. I use a calm firm voice. “Ava, stop. Listen to her, okay. She said you’re right.”
“What more is there to listen to?”
I hold eye contact with her, covering her hand between mine, gently rubbing. “Let’s find out together. I’m here, you’re not alone. I know what you’ve been feeling is not all in your mind. You’re the sanest...at times, strongest person I know. Whatever you find out, no matter how small, can only help you find what you need to get better. Let’s hear her out.”
“Okay, you’re right.”
“I’m putting that down on record.” I smile and her nervous smile is the answer I need. “What about the other tests, Dr. Graham?”
She clears her throat with an understanding demeanor. “First let me say, Ava, I know how frustrated and tired you are. It is not all in your head.”
“It’s not?” she says as if she’s uncertain of what she heard.
“Those extra tests I did, one of them was for Lyme disease. That’s what you have. You are not crazy. This is not all just in your mind. Your symptoms are real.”
I watch as she listens, lips pressed tightly together as she processes this diagnosis. She doesn’t move or blink. Dr. Graham looks to me after a few seconds getting a nod from me, then focusing on Ava again.
“Ava, Lyme disease is treatable. You can make a full recovery with treatment, which we can start immediately. It’s imperative to start treatment as early as possible to stave off further complications. I’m also going to refer you to a specialist because you have developed symptoms. It seems like you’ve had it for a while. I want to make sure it hasn’t done any permanent damage. Before I continue, do you have questions for me?”
She turns her head to me, lips pressed together even tighter, eyes blinking, she opens her mouth blowing out a quick breath of air, eyes blinking. Then she assesses Dr. Graham, “I know what Lyme disease is, but I don’t know much about it. I know you get it from ticks. Will I make a full recovery? I’ve heard of people who don’t, their lives are severely impaired by this disease.”
As happy as I am to find out there is a reason for why she’s been feeling the way she has, I want her to be one hundred percent better. The way she was before she became ill. I need her to be the pain in my ass she’s always been. It’s only right.
“You are going to be put on an oral antibiotic treatment for twenty-one days. Almost all patients recover after treatment. The rate of recovery varies depending on your symptoms. Recovery may take weeks or months after the antibiotic treatment.”
“How will I know if it’s working? What if it comes back?”
“This disease is not the same for everyone. Recovery time and symptoms vary. But once you’ve gone through treatment, once it should be enough. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but it�
��s rare a patient needs a second course of treatment.”
“Rare but not impossible.”
“Correct.”
“I hope I’m in the lucky percent to get better immediately after the first treatment. It feels like my body has turned against me. I just want to get better. Feel normal again.” She clears her throat, blinking. I squeeze her hand, elated to know she’ll be fine because it would be overkill to kiss her the way I really want to.
“I have to warn you, a small amount of patients usually have a worsening of symptoms twenty-four hours after treatment caused by substances released from the dying bacteria but they should go away in a day or two. Do not stop treatment.”
“Why didn’t my other doctors know what I had?”
“You don’t find many cases of Lyme disease in New York City and Nashville. It’s not easy to diagnose, symptoms vary and can easily be diagnosed as something else like fibromyalgia-CFS. I had a suspicion because you’ve mentioned you traveled to Southern California for a weekend where you’re more likely to find Lyme disease.”
I remember her saying that in the overwhelming stream of questions during her exam. The last day she was there her friends went hiking and she stayed behind. They came back and were hanging out in their backyard and the dog was all over her. Soon after she came back, she came down with the flu.
“With all of that and your symptoms for the past months, I decided to test you for Lyme disease.”
She looks at me with glossy eyes and back at Dr. Graham voice wavering. “Thank you for giving me answers no one else could give me. You don’t know what it’s like-when everyone who supposedly knows better than you, are telling you your fine. It’s all in your head. All you need is more rest, more exercise. When all the rest and exercise in the world wouldn’t have helped me. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Dr. Graham offers with a warm smile.
“When can I start treatment?”
“You can start treatment today. I’ll give you a prescription, some more information, and we’ll set the appointment up for you to see the specialist. You’ve heard this way too much already but, get plenty of rest and don’t over exert yourself when you start to feel better. Your new doctor will go over all of this with you again, along with doing a thorough exam. If you have any more questions, you can call the office.”
I’m so fucking excited to hear the news, you would think it was my diagnosis. I get up, leaving her to wait for her prescription and to give her time if she needs to ask Dr. Graham any more questions without another ear in the room. Although I know she would object to that, saying she has nothing to hide. Everyone has something they would rather not share. No exceptions.
Ava
Taking the prescription, I put it in my bag. “Thank you again, Dr. Graham. If it wasn’t for Chris making the appointment to see you, I wouldn’t have found out what was wrong with me and gotten help, for god knows how long. It feels good when someone believes you and validates what you’re feeling. It’s real.”
“You’re welcome again, Ms. Alexander.”
“Oh please! Call me, Ava.”
“Ava,” she says with a smile. “I think you two make a great couple. I’ve known Chris for-” she pauses and recovers. “I can see he cares about you.” She finishes earnestly.
A slow smile spreads across my face as I sling my bag over my shoulder to leave. “I think we make a great couple, too. See you, Dr. Graham.”
I slide into the passenger seat and buckle up. “You can drop me off at my place and I’ll go pick up my prescriptions from there.”
“Do you have everything you need? I don’t want to drive back here, even though I will.”
“Chris, you don’t need to-”
“Be quiet. You talk too damn much sometimes. I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen and you’re going to listen.”
Hearing him take this tone with me reminds me of the dominant side of him. I had the pleasure of spending a sex-filled night of want and need with only his name on my lips. With a tilt of my head in his direction, my eyes are firmly fixed on him.
“We’re going to pick up everything you need. Including the most important first, your prescription, to get you better as soon as possible. So you can start taking names, kicking ass, and being an undeniable all-encompassing pain in my ass again. I don’t know about you, but this scaled down version of you is not working for me. I need you at full ball busting capacity,”
I laugh, keeping quiet to listen to the rest of his sheer flattery and thoughts of me.
“Some people may not forgive me for this. I don’t give a shit; I prefer a one hundred percent in control ball busting you, even when it’s mostly my balls.”
“Don’t worry, my ball busting skills are still at peak capacity. It’ll be my sheer pleasure and delight to bust your balls. As you know, I’m very good at it. Busting your balls is a specialty of mine, I’ll have you blowing like a geyser again soon enough.”
“Glad to hear it but I think we’re talking about two different busting and blowing.”
“Are we? Sounds one and the same to me.”
Eyeing me doubtfully, he puts the car in drive. “No, let’s bring it back around on the innocent side of things that will keep me out of trouble. Yeah, okay, good.”
“I love it when you get all flustered, it’s sexy.” I throw something out there to see if I’ve lost my touch with him. “How about when I’m better we play the farmer and the buxom milk made and I can milk y-”
“Ava! Behave or so help me-”
“I’m kidding.” I laugh sitting back patting his arm. “I promise I’ll try to behave. Please take me home and to get my medicine.”
I love it. I wish he were mine. I’m so tired.
I get home, take my prescription and change my clothes. I put on my blue tights and a sleeveless white T-shirt over my black sports bra. I must look like a drooping formerly fresh petal flower because Chris insists on getting and doing everything I want and need as soon as we come into my apartment. He also insisted he stay for a while. As far as I’m concerned, he can stay as long as he wants.
I could be drooling a river, whistling and snoring out my ass, I’m sure as hell not going to tell him to leave when I’m not sure how I would get him here again. The first time was unexpected and effortless; it was the promise of unattached sex. This time sickness and sympathy brought him here to me. Doesn’t change the fact he’s here for me, not with Sage.
I fluff my pillows behind me and slump down resting my head. I look up and he’s standing by my bedroom door as if he’s not sure if he should enter. I decide to help him along. “Don’t be scurred, I’m not contagious and you know I don’t bite until you ask me to.”
Head bent, smiling, he walks over, sitting down beside me on my bed on the spot I’m patting. “Which Nashville hood did you say you were from?”
“The one that kicks ass and asks questions later.”
“What am I going to do with you, Ava?”
Placing my head on his shoulder with a sigh that’s a half yawn I can’t control, I look at his handsome face. “Anything you want.” It’s the absolute truth. His wish would be my command.
“How you feeling, beauty queen?”
“Wrung out and tired. I’m happy you’re here. I’ve never had a man take care of me before. I usually take care of myself.”
“Hard to believe,” he says stroking my hair out of my face. “I’m picturing men at your beck and call.”
“You’ve got me all wrong. I don’t like people making a fuss over me. I don’t want to be weak or dependent on anyone, especially a man.”
“It’s not weak to ask for help or take it when it’s needed. I know you’re a strong woman, Ava but have you ever heard a person’s strength can also be their weakness.”
“My Uncle David and father would disagree with you.”
“I don’t know your father but I know Nick’s father would. I know at times he’s proven wrong.”
�
�I’ve never had a man take care of me before...Nick and my father don’t count.”
“I’m honored to be the first.”
I snuggle closer to him moving my arm across his stomach, warmth moving through me. “You would so miss me if I kicked the bucket.”
Looking down at me, he tilts my head up staring into my eyes. I’m not sure if what I’m feeling now is from exhaustion or his nearness in anticipation of what he’s going to do next. Lips parted slightly, I wait for him. To savor that perfect moment when his lips touch down soft and firm against me.
As serious as a man can be, eyes settling on his target, commanding me to hear a deeper meaning he says, “I’d be devastated.” My eyes close, feeling the sweet press of his lips firmly sealing against mine. The palm of his hand gently rests against my cheek as he kisses me tenderly. Sliding his tongue ever so lightly over my upper lip, slowly forging his way between my willing pliant lips, touching the tips of our tongues. They move together in a sensual rhythm, back and forth in a lazy lust filled hazy kiss.
He sighs heavily into me, renewing the cells in my body with a new feeling of exhausted energy, he deepens the kiss slanting his mouth over mine. I moan lightheaded, my hand tentatively pushing its way under his shirt. The skin to skin contact making us whimper. The sounds ricocheting off each other into the room with us.
Breathing heavy, panting from what seems innocent compared to the things we’ve done to each other in the past, he pulls the warmth away leaving a cold rush of air, spreading over my lips that only moments ago were being caressed, worshiped by a man who knew exactly what and where he wanted to be.
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 10