“Ava.” His forehead against mine, he stills the movement of my hand against his bare chest and kisses the tip of my nose. “You don’t know how damn happy I am you’re going to get better. Best news I’ve heard in a while.”
I open my eyes seeing the strain on his face. His eyes intense with a softness, interwoven with a touch of heat. Begging me to softly ask, “But what?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you or her. I’m feeling things for you I shouldn’t.”
“I’ve been feeling them for years. I know you don’t want to hurt either of us, it’s not in you, it’s not who you are. The last thing I want to be, is your friend. I understand your feelings for me are new and you haven’t entirely figured them out. Why risk what you have, a sure thing, for an unpredictable unknown. Right?”
“Ava it’s not like that-”
“Yes, it is. I’m not going to pretend I’m happy. I’m not that woman.”
I want to be the woman in your life that you chose because I love you and you love me. I know he’s not ready to hear those words from me. Not yet. So I settle on something else.
“Not hurting her is more important to you than what you’re starting to feel for me.”
“You’re beautiful and different. You need someone who doesn’t want to tame you or clip your wings.”
“What kind of shit is that? I’m not a mythical creature and I think you pretty much tamed me the first time we were together. As for clipping my wings, no man can do that.”
“You’re saying you won’t be devastated if we don’t get together.”
“I’m saying I will be devastated but I’ll eventually pull my shit together and stand on my own two feet like I’ve always done. No man defines me and who I am. But most things are nicer when there are two.”
“And that’s what makes you so damn dangerously irresistible. You’re different, unlike most women I know.”
“I’ll take that as a shining compliment to who I am.”
“I know you will, as you should.” He strokes a finger against the side of my lips with something akin to longing. “I like the friendship we’ve developed. I should have given us a chance sooner. Can we still be friends or is that asking for too much?”
Moving his hand away from my face, the last thing I want to do is straighten his shirt. Settling my head back against his shoulder and place my palm over his heart, “I promise to be your friend and respect your relationship. You’ve proven to be a great friend.”
What I really want to say is, she’s not the one for you. But time will tell the woman he should be with.
Chris
“Hey, babe.”
“Where were you? I called you multiple times after I came home from work. You said you were going to be here.”
“I’m sorry. I was with a friend who needed me. I couldn’t leave them alone.” I strip my clothes off. I put my arm around her, sliding into bed behind her and she tenses in my arms. Doesn’t take a genius to know there will be no peace tonight. Both these women have me spinning. One more than the other.
“Which friend?”
“Don’t worry about it. You don’t know them. I was thinking about you.”
“What about me? You wouldn’t have thought too hard if you would have answered one of my calls.” She shoots at me accusingly.
“Maybe we should think about moving in together.” Fuck me! I don’t know why that came out.
“Really?” Turning in my arms with a big smile she wraps her arm around my shoulder. “What changed your mind? You said you weren’t sure.”
“Life’s short, why not.”
It wouldn’t be bad living together. It’s like she lives here already. And I did say I would try to make this work.
“Not the enthusiasm I was hoping for. Does this have to do with your friend who doesn’t have a name?”
Ah damn. We’re back to this. “My friend has a name. They’re going through some health issues and hasn’t told anyone yet. We have mutual friends. That is why I can’t tell you who my friend is.
“I’m sorry your friend isn’t well. Is it a female friend?” She focuses on my eyes waiting for my answer.
I look back at her, not wanting to lie. “Does it matter, Sage?”
“It depends. I’m not getting a good feeling about this. Maybe I should stop asking questions like, why didn’t you answer my calls? And why are you home so late from comforting a friend? There is no reason why you can’t tell me who this friend is. Who would I tell? We don’t really have mutually friends?”
“Don’t work yourself up.” I rub her arm. “It’s not the way you’re making it seem. It’s a friend. Only a friend.”
I so badly want to make those words true with the look in her eyes. I know I have the words to make her come apart. Unraveling us for good. Which might be her destruction.
“Who’s the friend, Chris? The friend who has you coming home wanting to move in together. After telling me in a convincing argument the reason you weren’t ready for that next step in our relationship.”
“Does it matter?”
She rolls over, swinging her legs off the bed. “I’m out of here!”
Dammit.
Throwing the sheets aside, I grab her by the arm pulling her back against me. “Sage, I love you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not lying to you, honestly, I was with a friend. She needed a friend, nothing happened. She knows where I stand and I’m committed to our relationship. She understands I’m committed to you.”
Secured tightly in my arms she lowers her head, voice breaking. “Do I need to ask who she is? I have a feeling I already know.”
“Sage, I-”
“She wants you, Chris. Don’t say her name,” she yells. “We both know who she is.”
I sit back on the bed with her on my lap, arms around her waist, resting my forehead against the back of her hair, taking her words in.
“You want her?”
I do want her. But... “I want us to work.”
“I know it hasn’t been easy for us. You’ve had to deal with more than you should in the time you’ve been with me. You are my rock. You’ve held me up when I thought I couldn’t go on. That is why I’m not ashamed to say that I will fight for you, Chris. But will it change anything?”
I wish there was an easy answer. “I don’t know what the future holds for us, Sage. I can’t make you any more promises but I’m going to honor the ones I’ve already made. All I know is I’d like to try. Do you want to with me?”
“She is a force to be reckoned with. Underneath all her southern charm, she’s like a machine gun. Aiming precisely at her targets, shooting until she gets the thing she wants most, you. Can you trust a woman like her? Is that what you want? If it is, then there is no sense in trying.” Turning around, she looks into my eyes- touching my cheek. “I’m nothing like her.”
“I wouldn’t want you to be anything but who you are. Yes, I have feelings for her. Feelings I didn’t have before. I’m telling you like I told her, I want us. Do you want to give us a chance? If so, then I’m fully committed to making us work. If not, I understand.”
“I believe we can have a future together. I can say I love you enough to try. But I need you to promise me you won’t see her. She has plenty of friends to console her in her time of sickness. Your sister being one.”
“I won’t.” I reluctantly agree, wondering how I’m going to keep my word. Knowing if she truly needs me, I can’t and won’t deny her.
I pull her into my arms, taking her to bed with me. All the while trying not to think about keeping my promise of not having contact with Ava. When I know all I’d be doing is wondering how she’s doing. Hell, there’s always a phone call. Nothing can happen over the phone. Can’t break my promise over the phone.
My phone rings in the morning waking me out of my sleep. “Hello.”
“Chris, why didn’t you tell me what the hell was going on with Ava!”
I pull the phone away to see it’s10:18 a.m. I
look next to the empty space beside me and hear the shower. The last thing I want is for Sage to hear me talking about Ava. “She didn’t want you to know, Cat.”
“So I find out with her looking half dead scaring the crap out of me and Jace. We were supposed to have Sunday brunch. She could hardly mange to stay upright. Nick is on his way over.”
Sitting up, I look towards the door making sure Sage isn’t out and try to keep the rising tide of worry out of my voice. “What do you mean she could hardly stand? When I left last night, she wasn’t that sick. Let me speak to her.”
“She’s laying down. She told me everything. I can’t believe she has Lyme disease and she’s been going through this by herself. She must have been so scared. I knew something was wrong but she kept telling me she was fine. I was so caught up in my own life, what kind of friend am I?”
“Cat, calm down, this is why she didn’t want to tell you. She didn’t want to upset you. She wasn’t alone, she had me.”
“You? Great. My best friend would rather confide in the guy who can’t stand to be around her for a minute. You run out of the room as soon as she enters.”
“Hey, shut the hell up, Cat.” Who is she to say I can’t stand her. It’s not true. Well, maybe in the past she bothered me but it’s the farthest thing from the truth and she knows it.
“Stop yelling at me!”
“I’m not yelling,” I say, lowering my voice. “First, tell me if she said why she was feeling so bad. Did she say it was the effects of her medicine?”
“She did say something about the side effects of her medication.”
“The doctor said twenty-four hours after starting treatment she might feel worse than she’s been feeling but it should go away after a day. Make sure she gets a lot of rest. She’s trying to put on a good show by trying to be strong. Make sure she doesn’t do anything too strenuous like go out with you. She needs to rest. Talk her out of trying to going to work for the rest of the week.”
“You really do care about her, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I don’t want anything to happen to her.
“I’m sorry I called and I was all over you. I’m just scared and a little miffed she didn’t tell me. At least she told you. It seems like you’ve really been there for her.”
“I have. She’s great. I can see what you’ve seen in her all these years. I’m glad she let me get to know her...we’ve become friends.” Hearing the bathroom door open I tell Cat, “I gotta go. Make sure she gets a lot of rest, bye.”
Ava
As much as I love Cat, she’s been driving me nuts fawning over me. I’m not a helpless kitten on its last leg crawling through deaths door.
“Cat, stop it,” I grab her hand to keep them still. “I can fluff my own damn pillows and I can sit up. You’ve been here for five days. You refuse to let me lift a finger. I know you’re being helpful but I had enough of you on day two when I refused to let you give me a bath, we are not that close. You better buy me a drink and at least a lobster dinner first, if you want to get into these fine enchanted lace drawers.”
“We both know you’re a cheap date. Your panties are looser than that digger woman’s uterus. Stop your belly aching. I’m not leaving here until I’m satisfied you’re strong enough.”
“You have a husband and a baby who are going to think you’re taking them for granted.”
“Give me a break, your cousin and godson are as worried about you as I am. You know that’s why he comes here straight from work after picking up Jace from his mothers and stays ‘til it’s time to leave.”
“Four hours of Nick a day is overkill.”
“You’re only bent out of shape because he gave it to you for downplaying your sickness to your family.
“Let’s not get started on that again. They know I have Lyme disease, just not the extent of it. I don’t need them all over me like you’re doing. You know my mother can be dramatic, ‘honey, baby, darling, let me take care of you. I’ll be by your side every minute of the day not letting you get a moments peace, darling.” I end on a dramatic high note. “I know she cares but oy ve, this country gal has gotta pump the breaks on that country Mama.”
Cat smiles sitting next to me on my overly made up hotel style bed. “Your mom’s great. Speaking of family, have you spoken to Chris? He seemed really worried about you when I called.”
I fold my arms, laying back. We sit shoulder to shoulder. “No. He hasn’t called. I didn’t expect him to. I was hoping.”
“Strange since he’s the only one you told about being sick. He was concerned about you in a way I haven’t heard from him before. You want to tell me what’s been secretly happening between you? Why for someone concerned and yelling at me to shut up because I said you weren’t feeling well, why he hasn’t come to see you, to make sure for himself how you’re doing? Doesn’t sound like my brother.”
“Nothing’s happening. I didn’t tell him I was sick. He saw me at a bad moment, twice. Figured something was wrong. I told him. We’ve become good friends. Besides, he has Sage.” I pick at the sheet. “You know your brother is not the cheating type. Love em and leave em, he’s not. He’s a good guy. We decided to be friends.”
“I’m happy you found out how great you both are. My caring, understanding brother and my best friend. It’s about time you found out how great you are, together...I mean, as friends.”
“Yeah, he is great.” I didn’t know how great until I actually got to know him without trying to force myself on him.
“Wouldn’t it be something if you guys ended up together? I know he’s with Sage but you never know what’s going to happen in life.”
“We decided just to be friends. I promised not to put his relationship in jeopardy.”
She immediately sits up and feels my forehead that I promptly slap away. “Hmm...no fever. You don’t seem delirious. Maybe it’s the side effects of the medication? What the hell is in those things?”
I shake my head and smile. “Not delirious. Biding my time hoping he sees how wrong Sage is for him and how right we are together. My illness has finally taught me how to fall back and let things happen. He came to me and I’m betting he’ll come back. Hopefully.”
She throws her hand over me in an awkward hug sinking me back into the pillows. “Take it easy, will you? I thought you were here to help me feel better, not damage the goods.”
“I’m sorry.” She sniffs. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. I love you, you bitch.
I laugh out loud. “Thank you, I love you too, you bitch.”
It’s a relief to finally be able to tell her what’s been happening. I love her, Nick and Jace to pieces. They’re my family.
I take a three-hour nap. Yes, that’s a nap for me these days. Jace and I are on the same schedule. Cat helps me make some calls to handle business. I refuse to blindly let anyone else take over for me. Maya and Emma are running the shop for me with the help of one of my managers who flew in from Nashville. He’s temporarily going to help out until I feel well enough to resume my full-time schedule. I stopped procrastinating and called Chloe to pitch her the idea of working for me. She agreed on a part-time basis which works.
Around three o’clock, I get out of bed. I go to the kitchen where Cat is making something. I hope she’s sticking to what she knows. I’m feeling restless and melancholy. If I wasn’t sick, if that damn tick didn’t bite me, I would be at work. Going about my business and my life. I love what I do. Having the power to run my own business doing what I love. Shopping for a living, doesn’t seem like work to me. I like the fact I get to socialize with all kinds of people from different backgrounds. It’s my nature, I’m a people person.
Being trapped in here with my thoughts and fears I didn’t know I had or didn’t want to confront is like a pin prick. At first you might not feel it. You don’t see it until blood starts seeping out from that minute puncture spreading, running over until it’s unavoidable to ignore and you finally have to deal with it.
“Sit down or I’m going to hurt you.”
I narrow my eyes at her. I make my way around the kitchen counter and sit down at the table without protest. I don’t have the energy to.
“Pass me the bread before you do that, though.”
“You should have said that before I sat down. Go do it yourself, Nurse Ratchet.”
She stops slicing the tomatoes and looks at me. “You’re just a shit spray of sun shining rays, aren’t you?”
I give her a dry smile and low chuckle. “Good one.”
“I know. Thought that would make you smile.”
“You’re sounding more like me every day.”
“I find myself slipping into Ava-isms. Nick hates it.”
“I bet he does. You might want to consider abandoning your nursing duties.”
“Not a chance.” She puts my turkey sandwich in front of me and sits with her sandwich. “Nick doesn’t really care what the hell comes out of my mouth so long as I come home and he gets to wrap his body around me at the end of the night.” She ducks her head smiling a secret smile.
I can only imagine what she’s thinking about. With those two all over each other, it could be anything. I sigh, picking at my bread, feeling an ache in my chest. It doesn’t spread. It’s a dull ache, recently showing up now and then. Listening to Cat and seeing the smile on her face when she thinks about Nick has me feeling it. Not jealousy. A new feeling, longing.
“I want what you have, Cat.”
Her forehead scrunches finishing a mouthful. “What’s that, a BLT sandwich?”
“If it can put a smile on my face the way you talk about Nick, serve it up.”
She pushes her sandwich away. “What are you talking about? It kind of got lost in translation.”
“What you have with Nick and Jace. It’s true love, real. He’s a goner when he looks at you.” I clear my throat pushing my uneaten sandwich across the table which looks like it was picked apart by a flock of birds. “I don’t want to be alone.” It comes out as a squeak and a blurry telltale tingling behind my eyes.
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 11