“Don’t worry about it, Sage.” Cat leans back against Nick. “You’ve been Candice Reed’d, which means she likes you.”
“Well...that’s good. I think?”
I give her a reassuring smile. I look around the restaurant, somewhat listening to the conversation Cat and Sage are having. At the far end of the restaurant near the back I see a couple sitting close together who look and awful lot like Shawn and Ava.
Ain’t this a bitch? I told his ass to stay away from her. What the hell is she doing with him? Taking my hand from around Sage, I brace my forearms on the table. “Cat, you made the reservation for the restaurant, right?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you choose this one of all restaurants?”
“It’s one of Ava’s favorites.” I instantly feel Sage tense up. “She swears by the food, so I thought I’d give it a try.”
Explains why we are here when she’s on a date with my friend. I swear...if this is one of her games...
“If you would excuse me, I suddenly feel the urge to go to the bathroom.” Sage brushes past me. I watch her turn right, right past Ava, not noticing her and her date. Soon to be my former friend.
“Sorry, Chris. I forgot not to say the A word around her.” Cat frowns.
“It’s fine.”
Nick says, “She looked pissed off to the point of spitting nails. Hate to be you tonight, if my cousin’s name can do that.”
I tune them out, my attention across the room. “Sage and I will work things out later. I’m going to the men’s room. Suddenly, I have an overwhelming urge myself. Tell Sage I’ll be right back.” They watch me walk out through the restaurants side door as I pull out my phone. Within five minutes Shawn and I are eye to eye.
“I told you she was off limits.”
“What you said was you were good with me asking her out. I asked, she said yes. That supersedes whatever you said.”
“Since when? You’re supposed to be my friend. As my friend, you should have backed the hell off.”
“For what? You have no claim to her. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t you on a date, in there, with your virtually live in girlfriend. You don’t want Ava, but no one else can have her either? It’s crazy.”
“I’m not saying it again, stay away from her. She is more than just some girl you want to screw and forget about tomorrow,” I say, fist clenched.
He looks down at my hand. “Or what? What are you going to do if I don’t?”
A spark of anger in his eyes and tempers flaring, I drop my hand and we practically circle each other.
Nick rushes out between us. “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” Pushing Shawn and I back a step. “Guy’s what’s going on? We’re all friends, friends don’t fight friends.”
“They do when they’re taking things which do not belong to them when they’ve been warned,” I say.
“Your boy needs to get a grip. He’s about to get arrested for assaulting an officer for something that is not his and he has no say about,” Chris says.
Nick interjects, “Good I came out here when I did. I saved you a lot of paperwork and regret tomorrow, when you realize you arrested one of your best friends.”
He backs up putting his hand on our shoulders looking at me. “And I’ve saved you from spending the night in jail. Win-win for everyone, I’d say. How about we squash this head-on, back in to our separate tables and dates and tomorrow next week, maybe next month, we’ll have a good laugh about this. You’ll be with Sage and Shawn will most likely be with someone else.”
He looks between the two of us in a heated stare down. “Okay, maybe not. But this isn’t going to happen tonight. My wife would kill me. So would your dates. Let’s move this along gentleman and salvage the rest of the night, please.”
“You’re going to let a woman you keep claiming not to be interested in come between our friendship?” Shawn says.
“As my friend, when I said to stay away from her that should have been good enough for you,” I tell him.
He shrugs Nick’s hand off his shoulder. “Tell Sage I said hi, the girlfriend you left to almost get arrested for another woman.” He walks back inside.
I close my eyes and swing around, punching my fist through the air. “What the hell am I doing,” I shout.
“What Shawn said, almost getting yourself arrested for a woman you claim not to care about? But it’s apparent to anyone who has eyes and ears, how much of a lie that is. Put yourself out of the misery and just admit it to yourself, you care. She’s more than a friend or the annoying little pest of a girl you used to know.”
“I admit it, she’s more. Way more.”
“Good, about time. Let’s get in there, your girlfriend’s waiting for you. That I can’t help you with. You’ll have to deal with that on your own. Good luck.”
“Thanks, I’ll need it.” Slapping me on the back, he leads the way to what I know needs to be done.
“Sage, we need to talk.”
“We sure do,” she says leaning back against the wall, hands clasped in front of her. “What the hell was that? I saw her; don’t deny it. I go to the bathroom and you can’t make a bee line over to her fast enough. What the fuck, Chris?”
“Sage-”
“Do my feelings mean so little to you? Do they? You wanted me to stay, you said you wanted to work things out, what the hell happened to that, tell me!” Her hands fly apart with anger shaking her body.
“Sage, it was never my intention to hurt you. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. If I could change things, I would. I’ve tried. I can’t, I don’t know why, I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t? I don’t know how much you have tried to change things. Really, Chris, how hard have you tried? She’s manipulative and ruthless. You’re letting her come between us and you can’t even see it, what she’s doing. How blind can you be to her obvious tricks? This is all a game to her. Why can’t you see what she is, what she’s doing to us? She’s systematically pulling us apart. Don’t let her do this to us, Chris,” she says, voice thick with emotion.
“She’s not the one,” I say quietly. “I know who she is. She hasn’t done anything but be who she is. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I’m the one fucking up, not doing right by you. You deserve so much more than what I’ve been giving you. I should have let you go when you wanted to leave. I was selfish and egotistical enough to believe I could change things already in motion. I’m hurting you. I’m the one to blame, no one else. I take full responsibility for not manning up to let you go. I held on too long and I hurt you, I’m so sorry.”
“You’re going to leave me for her? To be with her? The woman who- do you love her?” She demands.
“I’m not leaving you. I haven’t spoken to her or seen her since the night of Jay’s party.”
“Chris,” her voice breaks, “You’re leaving me...I love you, I don’t want it to end like this. You love me, don’t do this.”
“I’m not leaving you alone,” I say, watching her tears fall for me and the love we can’t save.
“Lies!” She rushes forward hand lashing out at me.
I grab ahold of her hand remaining silent, giving her what she hasn’t gotten since the day her mother died and I stepped in to take care of her, to rage against everything in this life that is unfair. For the mother she loves to be taken away by forces beyond her control.
“You made a promise. My mother! You said you wouldn’t leave me alone, you’re leaving me. I don’t have anyone,” she cries.
I’ve done this to her.
“Come here.” I fold her into my arms stroking her hair. “I’m not leaving you. You will always be a part of me.”
“You are...taking a piece of me.”
I don’t want that to be true. I want her to be whole and happy. Nothing but the best. I’m not the best for her.
“If you need anything day or night, you only need to call and I’ll come. If you need to talk, I’m here. You’re special. So special. I wish things could be
different and I could make them the way we both want. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, I’ll be here. I promise.”
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It wasn’t just breaking her heart, it was breaking a piece of me, too. I wasn’t lying when I said she is truly special. She and Ava both deserve way more than I have been giving both of them. How do you choose between two women perfect for you in different ways?
One keeps you grounded and balanced. She’s like you in so many ways. It’s like she was written and made for you. The other is the perfect opposite but she makes you laugh and feel nothing you’ve ever felt before. Stirring up your feelings and emotions to the point you’re speechless and captivated, making you rethink it all, your perception of perfect, shattered.
How can you choose?
True to my word, when Sage called wherever I was, if she needed me I was there. It was the least I could do for doing this to her. Letting her down, in return letting myself down and hurting someone I cared about and loved.
I thought we were going to possibly get married one day and I could see us having a family. This was one of the many conversations we had when she called late at night, voice shaking and emotional. Even though I may have wanted those things, I could see now how much more she cared about me than I did for her, which is what truly hurts. My heart wasn’t in it as much as hers.
Not with the love it’s supposed to be. But she will always be in my life. I owe her that much. I owe it to Sage, and the last wish of her dying mother to take care of her only daughter.
A week later, I finally called Shawn to hash out our differences after having time to cool down and some much needed time to myself. We met up on his short lunch break and between two of my appointment showings. Leaning up against the precinct building with my hands in my pocket, I see him come out. All serious with his no-nonsense detective face on. He isn’t going to make this easy.
“What’s up, Chris?”
“Not much.”
“Then why are you here? I don’t have much of a break. Cases aren’t going to solve themselves. Say what you came to say.”
“I want to apologize for the way I acted at the restaurant when you were out on your date with Ava. I didn’t have any right to tell you to stay away from her. I was wrong.”
“Damn right you were. If I wasn’t an upstanding citizen and had an oath to uphold the law, I would have broken your jaw.”
“I know. Then I would have had to as an equally upstanding citizen break your jaw, ending us both in the hospital and a possible trip to a holding cell.”
We both laugh and he holds his hand out to me. “Apology accepted.”
“We good?” I ask.
“It’s like it never happened. Besides, I know you’re sprung.”
“I’m not.”
“Sure you’re not, you’re in denial. But the first step is admitting you have a problem and her name is Ava. Let me help you, I fucked her.”
I grab his shirt getting into his face, fully ready to go to jail. “What the fuck did you say?” He pushes my hand off holding up both hands stepping back. “Take it easy, killer. Let’s not give the guys in blue the wrong idea.”
We are getting some stares, mostly at me but I don’t give a fuck.
“Nothing happened with,Ava. I didn’t lay one hand on her except to help her put on her sweater. I was only trying to enlighten you to your obvious problem.” He smiles, shaking his head taking a tentative step towards me. “You good? Damn, you got it bad.”
I shake my head and laugh. “You ass.”
“Follow me, I’ll treat you to lunch. We all know she’s waiting for you. There’s a Mexican food truck up the block, best one around. It’s the least I could do for almost making your head explode.”
“Yes it is. By the way if you ever talk about her like that again you’re going to have your jaw wired shut.”
“It would be the least I deserved.”
A few days later I’m at my mother’s house after Sunday dinner getting ready to go home when my mother stops me.
“Come talk to me.”
“We had a conversation over dinner. There is nothing left for you to wring out of me.” Amused, I wrapped my hand around her shoulder from the look she gives me and all the wine I drank over dinner.
“Humor me. Sit down with me for a minute before you run off. Don’t think I didn’t see how much you were drinking. Don’t you even think about driving yourself home.”
Nothing gets past her for long. “I wouldn’t think of it. I was indeed going to call a cab.” I have a seat next to her on the couch and get ready for her question. The one she didn’t ask yet but I was fully expecting.
“Where’s Sage? I noticed she hasn’t been around and your brother and Vanessa have successfully managed not to notice her absence, either. Which leads me to believe they know the answer to my question. I would like to hear it from you, though.”
“What do you think the answer is? Twenty questions, winner takes all?”
“Don’t be flippant with me.” She fixes me with a stare to set me straight like when I was eight. One which would make me think twice if she wasn’t my mother. I settle back and just tell her the little I’m willing to.
“Things weren’t going so well between us. We broke up.”
“Oh, darling, such a shame. You’ve been a great source of support for her since her mother’s passing. You seemed right for each other. Your jobs and your personalities, plus she fit in perfectly with our family.”
“That she did. She was...perfect, for me.”
“Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help. Maybe you could work it out?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Maybe you’ll get back together after both of you have had time apart to reflect on your relationship.”
“Nah, I don’t think that’s possible. Too much has happened.”
“How do you know if you don’t try? She’s a lovely woman. She cares about you. And on the plus side, she and I get along fabulously. What more could you ask for?”
I chuckle, rubbing my thumb over my phone screen. “Yes, Mother, what more could I ask for? If you’re happy and approve, then that’s all that matters.”
“Now, Chris, you know I didn’t mean it in that way. I want you to be happy. And I would love the chance to come to your wedding which I thought was going to be soon.”
“Sorry to disappoint.” I’ve been doing a lot of that. Disappointing people I care about with only so much as an apology.
“I’m not disappointed. I don’t like to see you like this. Let me know if I can do anything for you.”
I stand up and look at her and the question rolls out of my mouth unchecked. “What do you think of Ava?”
Blinking up at me, she pulls me back down next to her. I see her brain working up a storm of questions. “Catherine’s Ava?”
“Yes,” I say, willingly sitting on the edge of the couch.
“I think she’s exceptionally lovely. I’ve always liked her. She’s like family, she was a beautiful child. She’s grown into an even more exceptionally beautiful smart woman. Absolutely nothing like certain other members of her family. She’s delightful. Somewhat reminiscent of a younger me.”
I groan inwardly, holding my hand over my face. “I could have done without hearing that.”
One of the things I was running from
“It was a compliment. You should be flattered I think so highly of her. I’m not trying to influence the way you think about her.”
“I would hope not because that is not doing it. Comparing any woman I’m interested in to my mother. Unless you’re giving me a subtle hint to stay away from her.”
“Christopher,” she tsks shaking her head. “I wouldn’t try to influence your decision either way. You know I don’t like to meddle in my children’s romantic lives.”
“You’re saying this to me? Where’s my mother and what did you do with her? Invasion of the body snatchers, I knew somethin
g was up.”
She cracks a smile patting my knee. “I’m learning.”
That she seems to be. Mostly because she likes both of them.
I make it through my apartment door, throw my coat down passing the couch and flop back on my bed. Thinking about the things my mother said...and Ava. I haven’t seen her in so long. I can’t. I want to get myself together and I need to give the relationship I had with Sage time it needs and deserves to settle. After all, it did mean something to me, so did she? But as always Ava Alexander is always present in my mind behind every thought I have. I can’t say I’m sorry for that. I miss her.
I change and just as I turn for the lights to go to bed my phone rings. I contemplate answering because I know it’s Sage. I made a promise and this time I’m going to keep it. I reach over sliding my hand across the screen barely opening my eyes. “Hello.”
“Hey, Chris.” Her sultry voice bathes over me. Tugging a smile to my face.
Ava.
Ava
“Hey,” he says.
“Were you sleeping?”
“Not yet.”
“Good. I would hate to think I was depriving you of a good night’s rest. The only things I’m in favor of a night of disturbance for involves highly intensive forms of stimulation.”
His low chuckle rumbles through the phone making me tingle.
“No forms of stimulation, only you talking to me. Which is as close to a form of stimulation as I can get at the moment.”
I sit back smiling. “Good to know.”
I know he’s home alone. That is to say, Sage isn’t with him and I hope no one else is. Cat told me they broke up a few weeks ago. The first thing I wanted to do was call him. Scratch that, I wanted to knock down his door and jump on him. But I knew he needed time to come to terms with the end of their relationship. I’m not oblivious and incapable of caring, after all. I know he cared about her. I also know not in the way he should. If it was so, he would still be with her. Wouldn’t he?
I think I’ve given that relationship the proper amount of grieving time it deserves, it’s been long enough. I have waited way long enough.
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 14