“Can’t believe my brother has fallen so low in his life. I don’t know how you’ve managed to get your poisonous hooks into him. He’ll come to his senses again. If he doesn’t, it’ll fall on me as his twin to help eradicate you from his system permanently.”
“Kate, we both know I’m not going anywhere until I’m good and ready. I’m not easily spooked and I take my challenges head on. I’m here to stay permanently.”
“I know you think you’re the super shit and all. They all come to play, they never stay long. The faster he drops you by the waste side, the better he’ll be.”
“I think you meant wayside, which isn’t going to happen. I don’t get dropped, I’m the one who does that.”
“Waste, discarded or no longer useful or required after use. I got it right.”
Here we go. “I promised Chris I’d try to get along with you but if you’re not going to play nice, I’m going to take my gloves off. You won’t like what comes your way.”
“Anytime, Ava, bring it.” She sneers lips curled.
“I always bring it to the knock down drag out screaming end, Kate.”
“I love my brother, Ava, don’t fuck with his heart cause I’m going to kick yours through your washed up beauty queen ass.”
“I would say it was nice to see you, Kate, but I’ve wasted enough time with your unhappy going to spend the rest of your life by yourself ass because you’re a loveless bitter bitch. You’re dismissed,” I say flinging my hair over my shoulders. I give her my sweetest award winning beauty queen smile as we thankfully part ways.
I’m not saying a word to Chris about that run in with his evil joy stealing twin. It’ll only put us in an argument. I came here in a great mood to spend time with him and I want the first night we spend at his place to be fun. I’m not going to let her nonsense steal my joy. Not today. I can’t stand her!
I knock twice. Hearing his voice, I smile shaking off the bad vibes. The door opens and I smile at him with my hand on my hip, giving him the best pose I can showing off my curves.
“Is it possible for you to look better than you did five hours ago?” He smiles, but it’s not his usual smile for me.
“It is absolutely possible.” I reach out wrapping my arm around his neck kissing him. Securely holding me against him, he closes the door walking us into the living room. I pull my head back to look at his face and he pecks me on the lips.
“You don’t seem excited as I thought you would be to see me,” I say, trying to read his mood.”
“I am,” he quickly states.
“So what’s with the face? It’s not your excited face.” I tilt my head to the side. “I know all your faces.”
He rubs his hands up and down my sides. “I’m going to tell you something and I don’t want you to react the way you’re going to react.”
I laugh running my hand over his hair kissing his cheek. “What does that even mean? I’m on the fence of being offended. I’m going to react like Ava, whatever you tell me.”
“Exactly.”
“This must not be good. I don’t know why I’m still smiling though, but I’m in a good mood. Lay it on me so we can get it out the way and get to the good stuff.” I nuzzle his neck. “The making up part.”
“Sage is coming over here.” Urrrrrrk! The sound of the music stopping with a loud ass screech heard around the world.
My arms fall away from around his neck and I pull his hand away from my waist taking a step back. Automatically, my brain comes up with an explanation I hope is true.
“This must be a joke.” Yes. I smile looking around. “Where’s the hidden camera? My hair is right, my body is tight,” I run my hands down over my hips smoothing out my skirt. “I’m ready for my close up.”
He takes a deep breath shaking his head at me pushing his lips out. “No. No cameras. No joke.”
Time to get serious and be the only Ava I can be.
“Why would she be coming here? More importantly, you weren’t going to tell me?” “I’m telling you,” he says as easy as a lazy Sunday morning. Wish I could be so at ease telling my current my ex is making a house call in an apartment we almost shared.
“You’re telling me because I showed up unexpectedly.” I spin around on my heels walking further away from him trying to control my voice.
“She’s only coming to get a few of her things.”
“A few? Her ass should be getting all her shit, which shouldn’t be here,” My voice pitches higher.
“I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m with you. You said you understood.”
Does he actually believe what just came out of his mouth? What’s the big deal!
I tap my hand on the counter. “You know what the big deal is. But you don’t want to admit you’re wrong.”
Oh, the colors I’m going to create. When I’m finished in here Pollack would be astounded by my work.
“You need a damsel. You’re the kind of guy who works best with a damsel and I’m not a damsel, in any sense of the word.”
“That’s not true, Ava.” He levels me with a stare.
“Yes, it is. I can try but inevitably I will fail at it. Perfect example, you didn’t take notice of me until I was in distress. You didn’t give me the time of day before that. You laid it out for me that that was what you wanted.” I point to him. “And I wasn’t it.”
Taking a step towards me he stops raising his voice, I can tell I’ve hit a nerve.
“You’re being ridiculous. I’m offended that that’s how little you think of me. FYI! Sage is way more than a damsel in distress. She’s a confident, well accomplished, capable woman with brains and integrity. Those are the qualities she possesses, I appreciate about her, and I’m attracted to. No damsel.”
“Oh my god,” I yell, “Now you’re turning her into saint fucking Sage.”
“I care about her,” he raises his voice above mine. “I don’t want to see her hurt. I’m trying to be sensitive to the relationship we had before you-”
“Before me what?” I shout back at him. “Before I came along and took you away with my manipulative wiles.”
And wouldn’t you know it, right in the middle of our screaming match the damsel herself walks in. With a key. Unfuckingbelievable.
“This is just great. Why the hell does she still have a key?”
As if I’m talking to her she answers. “Ava, we were almost living together, of course I have a key.”
I don’t even acknowledge her presence. I can’t.
Calming his voice like she’s a fragile egg he says, “Sage, could you please give us a minute.”
“Sure. I’ll go get my things.” She walks past me into his bedroom closing the door. Unbelievable. “Why is she freely walking through your apartment with her own personal fucking set of keys?
“Not that I need to or feel like explaining anything with you acting this way but she came to get some things she needed, like I said.”
“You do realize you are not in a relationship anymore. Her shit should not be here, still. It’s been months.” I throw my hands up in the air. “This is what I’m talking about. You have a damsel complex.”
The suppressed anger rolls off him like a steamroller. “You have a problem. Keep your voice down.”
I don’t give a shit. He invited her here, let her hear everything I have to say.
“Damn right I have a problem with this.” I come to stand in front of him, face to face not deterred by his anger.
“You need to pull yourself together,” he says between gritted teeth. “We can talk about this later. You’re being irrational and acting like a petulant child whose behavior needs correcting.”
“I haven’t been anyone’s child in a long time. If I’m a petulant child whose behavior needs correcting, you certainly won’t be the one doing it. I don’t need any man to slay dragons for me, I slay my own, hell, sometimes I am the dragon. The fair maiden is waiting for you I’ll drag my firing breathing ass out of here. Later, Charming.”
I’ve had enough. I came here with good intentions of spending time with him and here he is inviting his ex over and acting like I’m the villain in a bad movie.
Securing my bag, I walk out the door. I make it halfway down the hall. He grabs me by the arm spinning me around with such force I almost stumble. “Get off me!” I heave surprised because he’s never done anything like that outside the bedroom before.
He’s furious, in my face almost nose to nose touching. “You do not get to walk out. Not like this. You have some fucking nerve. Everything you said back there was bullshit. You are destroying us. You need to give me a fucking explanation before you walk out. This is more than Sage being here.”
I try to pull my arm back but it’s useless he won’t let go. Fine. He wants the truth. It’s obvious he hasn’t been listening to me since we’ve been together.
“It’s occurred to me you might decide I’m not perfect enough for you. Then I’d be left with a broken heart. I’ve been upfront about my feelings from day one. Am I alone in what I feel, Chris? If I’m not, then you need to verbalize and let me know. I love you. Do you love me? You need to tell me now.”
He finally let’s go of my arm. I see some of the anger leave his features. He doesn’t answer me as quick as I would like and that right there is a problem. It’s saying a whole lot and not enough. I’m going to be clear for him. He knows I’m all or nothing and it’s time he steps up, all in. If he can’t, there is no point.
“There is not room enough for me and your ex in your life. Where do your loyalties lie, Chris? I’m not her, I demand loyalty.”
“Demand.” He looks down for a split second. His eyes snap back to mine, not blinking. “This is our problem. I don’t know how things worked in your past relationships, the men you were with, but you don’t demand anything. I will freely give you what you want and what you need. Demand is not a word I respond to. In the same way, I will never demand anything of you. This here, is a give and take. You can freely decline to take whatever you do not want. You assume you know it all-”
“I don’t know it all, Chris. If I did, we wouldn’t be arguing.”
He holds his finger up to me to be quiet. I reluctantly do crossing my arms.
“You’re accusing and asking me questions and answering for me. You’re arguing. You’re always arguing. At some point, you have to bend, too. It can’t all be about what you want.”
“Not true.”
He ignores my denial and continues like I didn’t say anything. “I’ll put up with a lot of things, Ava. I accept who you are and set aside what I thought I knew about you to give us a chance. This isn’t going to work for me. This it’s my way or nothing at all. I’m not a kept man, you can’t pull my chain and make me heel. You laid down an ultimatum. Something for me to think about, this is mine. I don’t do break up to make up. If you want to have a reasonable conversation and work out our problems, I’m all for it. The choice is yours. Whatever you decide will be final. I’m telling you, don’t make a hasty decision based on jealousy and blinding misplaced anger you’ll regret, because it will be too late.”
With that I leave. How dare he give me an ultimatum!
Ava
Eight days. I haven’t spoken to him in eight days. He hasn’t called, texted, nothing. I’ve gotten nothing. I left him outraged, beyond the point he has ever been. That’s saying a whole lot. I was in the right. He was wrong. She came in there with a key like she lived there and owned the place.
My god, she went into his room while we stayed on the other side arguing. She must have been eating it up. For all I know, right know she’s fucking poisoning his mind against me. Reclaiming what she thinks I unfairly took away from her.
If he was happy with what he had, he would have stayed with her. He obviously wasn’t. My powers of persuasion are not so potent. If I had that kind of power, he would not have had a thing to do with her once he made the decision to be with me. Am I asking too much?
Am I really being so unreasonable to ask him not to associate with a woman he loved? Still may love. When he can’t even say the same about me. Fuck. Am I wrong? Did I break up a relationship that was unfinished? Did a read the signs wrong in what he wanted and what would be best?
I have never second guessed myself this much. I’ve done that more in this relationship than I can count. Do I love him? Hell yes I do. Do I want to let him go? Of course not. Is it what’s best for us? I don’t know. All I know is I love him more than I have loved anyone in my life. I’ve never loved another man the way I love him. I push and he pushes back. I pull and he pulls harder, challenging me, questioning me, not giving into me and my every demand. Things I would hate in another man. Those are the things that draw me near to him, moves me to keep on trying.
I think I’ve finally found my match. I’m not ready to give him up. But it seems he might be ready to give up on me. Have I finally pushed him too far? I don’t have all the answers, after all. I don’t cry, that’s not my thing and I’ll be damned if I start now. But damn, it hurts.
No call. I gave him an ultimatum with a simple enough answer. Do you love me, yes or no? Here I am, no answer day Eight. I feel like everything has turned upside down. I throw myself into working staying late at the store. Trying not to think about him, us, and her. It’s not working.
The harder I try the harder the memories of them together flash back at me. And now I’m left wondering if I did wrong? God, as each day passes by I didn’t know my heart could ache in this way. A sadness has come over me and I’m fighting but it’s useless.
Every hour of the day I don’t hear from him, every night he’s not with me, I can’t feel his touch against my skin warming me from the inside out, brings me nearer to losing the battle of staying strong. Of picking up the phone and showing up at his door. Just as I gave him an ultimatum he gave me one. Until I can give him an answer I need to figure my shit out. I need to know for myself. Am I all in or out?
Making up my mind, I call Cat. Someone needs to know where I’ll be. I need to think, clear my mind to make the best decision I can.
The first thing I say when she answers is, “I fucked it.”
She doesn’t even sound surprised. She calmly asks, “What happened?” Like she knows and she’s been waiting for this call.
I sigh. “In short, big fight about Sage, which she walked in on. With her own key. I said some stuff about demanding loyalty. It all was shot from there.”
“You went all alpha bitch on him, didn’t you?”
“Pretty much...I took a turn in his ass and he bit back hard.”
“That bad?”
“My anger got the best of me, especially when she walked in. I showed not only him but her, the side of me he doesn’t want.”
The side that kept him running away from me for years. I stepped right into that. I really showed my colors. I was in my full glory. I sit back on the couch in my office, put the phone on speaker, rubbing my temples. Trying not to stress more than I already am.
“Please, by now there is not one side of you Chris doesn’t want. He’s crazy about you.”
“I really like him, Cat,” dropping my hands I cover my eyes and admit what I haven’t admitted to anyone but him. “I love him. Never used those words before. What if he realized he doesn’t want to deal with me and my craziness?”
“Trust me, it won’t happen. If he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be with you.”
“He’s not with me.”
“Ava, you are not for the faint of heart. My brother knows. He’s not faint of heart, he’s cautious. The truth is you’re an imperfectly perfect match for each other. Things will work out. You’ll see, I’ve got that feeling.”
“You and your feeling.” Wish I could be as optimistic.
We end the call and I tell her I need some time to get away and think. I let her know where I’ll be giving her all the needed information in case I need to be reached. Then, I make a call I wouldn’t normally make in this situation. Bu
t I do because even though she can drive me nuts being a mother hen, sometimes you just need to hear the voice of the person who has taken care of you your entire life. No matter what shit you do or how much in the wrong you are. They will be by your side. I need that.
“Hi, Mom,” I say without my usual flare.
“Ava, honey, is everything all right?”
“I’m fine. Actually...I’m not.” I tell her truthfully. I usually don’t talk to my mother about my relationships because most of them aren’t worth mentioning. This time is different.
“Tell Mama what’s wrong.”
“I set something in motion I was absolutely sure about. You know how I take charge when my mind is set. I create my destiny, I don’t let destiny dictate to me, it’s unstable and unpredictable. Even when I’m wrong, I’m sure of the decisions I’ve made and accept the outcome. This time...I may have overestimated the predictability of my destiny and my ability.” She’s quiet for a bit but I know she’s still there and she heard everything I said.
“My dear, you have been an uncontrollable force from the day you broke out out of my womb.”
I smile at her words shaking my head. “Mom.”
She’s laughing. “You were. You came out screaming and hollering. You didn’t even give the poor doctor a chance to slap you. Glad he didn’t, you would have slapped him back.”
I laugh seeing it. “You’re probably right.”
“I knew then you were forever going to be in control of your own destiny. You had fire in you. When all the other babies were laying quiet in the nursery, you were raising hell. Screaming and wailing. They couldn’t put you in my room fast enough. But as soon as you got what you wanted, all was well.”
“Mama, I’m in love. I don’t know what to do. What should I do?” My voice cracks getting emotional. The one thing I don’t want to be.
“I’ll tell you what you’re not going to do. You’re not going to let anyone, man nor woman, take away your fire. You are who you are. You are a strong confident woman who knows what she wants and goes after it. Don’t ever apologize for it. If this man truly loves you, he will accept you for who you are. Fire and all. That is what makes you special, don’t let anyone extinguish it. You keep making your own destiny. As long as your heart is in the right place, it will work out.”
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 22