Loved by Darkness

by Autumn Jordon

  Jolene folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the slider’s frame. Confused was not a word she’d use to describe how she felt about her childhood. She was very interested to know why her mother thought she was. “I’m not confused. You were never around.”

  “That was because your father and I had an agreement. I earned the higher wage. His job as a boat mechanic was done at night or on the weekends when the boats were at dock. We decided together that I would open my own practice. Everything was fine, or so I thought, until it wasn’t.” Joan bit her lip, obviously fighting back emotions.

  Jolene crossed her arms thinking about all the hours Joan hadn’t been at home and was presumably at work. “Was there someone else?’

  “What?” Joan’s earrings swung against her cheek with the motion of her head. “No. Something happened. Then your father became depressed and started drinking.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’m embarrassed to tell you.” Joan picked up a forgotten toy from the cement patio.

  It was as Jolene had thought. Her father became an alcoholic because of her mother. Jolene ground her molars together and waited for her confession. “What happened?” she asked.

  Joan placed the small truck in a nearby toy bin. She inhaled and faced Jolene.

  “Without me knowing, he’d started to gamble. At first his losses were small. Nothing I’d really missed out of our household budget, but then the amount grew. He lost tens of thousands of dollars before I found out. I never thought he would steal from you and Martina.”

  Jolene’s heart cracked. “Our college funds.” Her mother had always been wise concerning finances. She insisted Jolene and Martina save at least a third of whatever they earned at their part time jobs.

  She remembered Martina’s and her sister’s surprise when it came time for them to go to college and their parents had to re-mortgage their home to help pay the bills. “He lost our college funds?”

  The knuckles of her hands became as white as her complexion. “Yes. He was in debit beyond his ears and in a last attempt to get the bookies off his back he forged my name and withdrew the money from your accounts. Of course by that time he was an alcoholic and wasn’t thinking straight.”

  Jolene staggered back and sat on the patio glider. Behind closed eyes, memories, like pieces of a puzzle, fell into place. All these years she blamed her mother for so many things. Not having the time to attend school events. Not having money to buy new items young girls thought they had to have because they’d die a slow death if they didn’t get them. Not loving them the way a mother should. Always, always working, at her law firm. Never at home.

  A memory of her mother wanting to hold her when she was fourteen popped into Jolene’s mind. They’d had an argument. Over what? Jolene couldn’t recall. She’d pushed her mother away and ran to her father. She recalled her mother’s hurt expression. She’d thought her father walked on water. He hadn’t. All those years her mother had been trying to keep their family from falling apart. And worse, how sad for her mother to carry the burden of the secret that was unfair to her as well as her daughters.

  Jolene pressed a hand to her mouth as bile tickled the back of her throat. Her entire collection of childhood memories now seemed a lie.

  She heard her mom approach her and then a soft but shaky hand smoothed over her head.

  Jolene jumped up and backed away. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Tears moistened her cheeks and she swiped them away. She sensed her mother wanted to move closer, to comfort her.

  “You loved your father so much. You’ve always idolized him. I couldn’t take that away from you. Or him. He needed your admiration to help him get through his addiction treatment. It took a year before he could look into my eyes and accept that I stilled love him.”

  Tears trailed down her mother’s face.

  Jolene choked on the thickness clogging her throat. “All these years you let me think the worst of you. Why?”

  “Because I loved your father, and you and Martina.”

  Jolene stiffened her spine. “Does Martina know about this?”

  Her mother nodded.

  “How long?”

  “For some time now.”

  Growing anger tightened Jolene’s shoulders. “And she didn’t tell me?”

  “I asked her not to. I wanted to tell you myself. I tried to talk to you many times when you were home but you always shut me out. I couldn’t talk to you over the phone, you’d hang up on me before I could explain.” Her mother sighed and took a step toward her.

  Jolene backed up.

  “When I learned you were coming to visit I decided I was not going to let you walk away from me again. I didn’t want you to be angry with me on your thirtieth birthday. You’re old enough now to understand how life happens. How people make mistakes. How they right the mistakes and ask for forgiveness. Your father did both. I forgave him. He received Martina’s forgiveness. He wants yours too. We both do.” Joan’s hands wrung together. “You’ve been so angry and whether you believe me or not, your anger has affected your life. It’s time to let the past go and build a life which doesn’t revolve totally around danger and pain.”

  Her mother wanted her forgiveness but Jolene couldn’t erase all the hurt and rationalizing she’d harbored over the years, like dust that clings to an old book. She needed to digest what Joan had told her and work it out in her head and in her heart.

  From inside the house Jolene heard her father’s booming voice and the children’s squeals and she quickly backed toward the gate to the yard. “I don’t think I can see Dad right now. I need time to think.” She bit down on her lip, checking the emotions which made it hard for her to breathe, to think straight.

  Joan’s pleading smile faded. “I understand.”

  Watching the slider door for her father to appear, Jolene said, “I’m going for a drive.”

  Joan nodded. “Take the time you need. I’ll tell him you were called back to the station.”

  Jolene started toward her escape exit and then halted, snapping her fingers. “Oh, my keys.” She turned, looking toward the house. “They’re in my purse. It’s inside.”

  “Wait by the front door,” her mother replied then headed inside.

  Two minutes passed before the door opened with her purse strap laced over its handle. Jolene stood in the shadow of a nearby butterfly bush, looking at it. This was the first time she could recall she and her mother were on the same side. Her stomach felt like a cobra coiled inside it, waiting for the best moment to strike.

  Jolene rushed to the door, grabbed her purse, and then walked quickly away. As she climbed into her vehicle her mind raced back over the years. How could she consider herself a good investigator if she hadn’t seen what was going on within her own family for decades? She was once a child, yes, but she’d been a U.S. Marshal for nearly five years. She should’ve known something, had some kind of hint.

  She turned over the engine and signaled out into the street. She needed a drink.

  With relief, she drove away from her past. And in her rearview mirror she saw lightening light up the sky.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  A few minutes before ten Norris pulled his Jeep in front of the small cove shack he’d rented at a premium price for its solitude. The roar of waves beyond the swath of light from the deck called for him to lay his head down. He pushed himself out of his Jeep and grunted. This was the first time he’d been home in two days and he needed to shower and shave, and then snag a few hours of sleep so he could think straight.

  He reached the rear of his vehicle when his yard was flooded with the glare from headlights. The ocean sounds had concealed the sound of an engine, and he hadn’t noticed the approaching vehicle that cut through the sea grass along the winding narrow trail he considered his driveway.

  Who’d have reason to follow him? It wasn’t one of his team. He’d checked in before leaving the station. Could it be the drunk he’d arrested for causing a full-fledged fight
at the downtown bar last week? That guy was stupid enough to seek revenge.

  Or could it be the woman who seemed to break the speed limit every time he was on duty. The one who offered him her services so he wouldn’t write her a ticket?

  Or had he come too close to learning the truth about who set Lia adrift on the ocean?

  His hand found his gun and he thought to draw his weapon and take aim but the vehicle continued toward him at an even pace. An uneasiness tightened his gut. His leg muscles became taut, giant springs enabling him to leap away if he needed to.

  The dark shadow drew closer.

  His breath caught in his lungs, waiting for the moment the truck would speed forward. And he released his breath only when the vehicle rolled to a stop a few feet away from where he stood his ground. Norris’ heart jump-started and he put his hand up to shield his eyes from the glare. He squinted, searched for any familiar detail to tell him who’d followed him home. He heard the driver’s door creak before the headlights cut off. He blinked. No interior lights had come on to reveal who the driver was.

  “What’s this place?”

  Jolene. He exhaled and snapped his holster. “I thought you went home for the night?”

  “That had been the plan.” Jolene slammed her SUV’s door. “You live here?”

  “Yeah. Did you try to call me?”

  “No.” She scanned the area, not once connecting with his gaze. “This place is definitely secluded.”

  Something was on her mind. Had Carter contacted her with a possible DNA match? Or had something happened to Simon? “How’s your brother-in-law?”

  Jolene wobbled into the soft glow cascading from the mercury light near the shack’s rear corner. She steadied herself by holding on to the hood of the vehicle and rounded the front of her car.

  Norris wondered if she was distressed over her brother-in-law’s accident or if she’d been drinking.

  She lowered herself onto the SUV’s bumper, looking even more drained than he felt.

  “Simon was damn lucky. He has a broken ankle, a cracked rib and bruises and cuts from the air bag. His injuries could’ve been much worse.” She kicked off her shoes and then tapped the sand from their soles. “Martina called me while I followed you into this path. He’s out of surgery and is resting.”

  “You followed me? From where? The station?” He had to be tired. He never noticed the tail.

  She chuckled softly and shook her head while placing her shoes on the bumper next to her.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Nothing.” She waved her hand. “Yeah, I followed you from the station. Now we’re even.”

  Her small smile faded.

  For a second, he wondered what she found funny and then his mind turned to the night he’d followed her to the beach. Their time together had ended with a kiss that had him wanting a hell of a lot more from her. He let his gaze wander over her curves. His cock twitched as he recalled the feel of her supple body against his.

  When she inhaled deeply he couldn’t help but notice the plump tan skin pushing against the scoop of her dress. Then she sighed heavily and with that sound of her distress, the desire to cup her firm breasts in his palms disappeared. Something troubled her.

  He stretched his arms, shaking off the memory of her body as he changed his stance.

  “Something important must’ve happened for you to follow me down a dark trail instead of calling me? Carter?”

  “No. Not Carter. Nothing to do with Lia’s case.”

  “What then?”

  With her head down, she shuffled her feet, digging her painted toenails into the sand. “I needed to talk to someone.”

  He waited, listening to the crash of the waves, giving her time to sort through her feelings and come up with the words to express them. When a minute turned into two long minutes his concern made him ask, “About...?”

  “Maybe I should go?” She pushed off the bumper and stood straighter.

  He reached out and snagged her wrist above her bracelet so she wouldn’t turn away. Her soft skin heated the rough pad of his index finger and underneath it her pulse quickened. He couldn’t deny he wanted this woman.

  “Don’t go. Stay.”

  With his free hand he lifted her face to look at him. His heart flip-flopped when he stared down into her soulful eyes. They were filled with such raw emotion he wanted to pull her into his arms and stop whatever caused her pain. Was her problem with job or family? “You don’t need to tell me what’s going on. Just stay.”

  Her gaze wavered. “Do you have anything strong to drink?”

  He smiled. “I have beer.”

  She scrunched up her nose.

  “Vodka? There’s an unopened bottle in the freezer. I might have orange juice.”

  The corner of her lips pulled up slightly. “Forget the juice.”

  She was sassy. He loved sassy. He let go of her and stepped back to give her space.

  She slipped on her shoes and then followed him along the wooden planks that served as his sidewalk.

  The old screen door screeched when he opened it. Using his backside, he held it ajar for her.

  “Do you want to come in or would you rather we sit on the deck?” he asked over his shoulder while he unlocked the padlock that secured his home.

  “The deck. I’d like to listen to the ocean,” she answered. “I can’t hear it from Martina’s place and I find it relaxing.”

  “Okay. I’ll get our drinks and meet you there in a few minutes.” He reached inside and flipped the switch so the tiny lights along the deck railing came to life. Norris kept an eye on Jolene until she disappeared around the corner.

  He stepped inside and scanned the two-room shack. One room was his kitchen, living room, bedroom combo. The far wall had two French doors overlooking the deck and ocean. The second room was a tiny bathroom, installed in the cabin when indoor plumbing became the thing.

  Quickly he entered the bathroom, ripped off his shirt and washed his face and ran the washcloth over his chest and under his arms. He toweled off and pulled a clean T-shirt from the shelf in his closet and yanked the moss-green shirt over his head. He ran his comb through his hair before entering the kitchen where he quickly poured three fingers of vodka into a tumbler. Then he grabbed a beer for himself.

  Taking a deep breath to calm the eagerness making his nerves zing, Norris headed out to the deck via the French doors near his La-Z-Boy recliner.

  He found Jolene by the railing. The ocean breeze pinned her dress against her shapely legs and hips. His cock hardened at the sight of her heart-shaped ass. Good God he wanted her.

  She turned and looked at him. Normally, he wasn’t attracted to women with such short hair, but Jolene’s jagged cut fit her. It accented her high cheek bones and showcased her almond-shaped eyes and adorable ears.

  “Here you are.” Norris handed her the tumbler.

  “Thanks.” Jolene took a sip of the liquid and let the heat it produced in her throat escape through clenched teeth. She turned and once again leaned against the railing and looked out into the darkness. “Did you ever feel as if your life has been an illusion? That you don’t know what’s real and what’s not?”

  He opened his beer and tossed the lid into a nearby recycling bucket. “What do you mean?”

  In the dim light, he saw her neck muscles work.

  She took tiny sips of her drink, letting its heat escape through her full lips and then she stared off into the darkness. “Have you ever believed in something so much you missed all the signs telling you that you were utterly wrong about it?”

  Norris swept his tongue across his suddenly dry lips. Did he ever. The deep pain he’d felt when he discovered his life was a lie still plagued him. His heart had been mutilated. He didn’t intend to ever fall into the dark hole again.

  Jolene stood next to him silent, not really asking for anything more than someone to be near.

  Her hands trembled slightly.

  He looked down at the Lynx
tattoo on his foreman. It reminded him of the strength he’d nurtured. What happened between his ex-girlfriend and himself wasn’t something he’d shared with anyone, but Jolene’s deep-seated sadness made him want to open up to her.

  He leaned his forearms on the railing and let his beer dangle from his hand. He didn’t look at her but kept his gaze focused toward where the dark sky met the sand dunes. “Yeah, I did.”

  “Makes you wonder if you’re as good a cop as you thought, right?” Her nostrils pulled in when she inhaled deeply.

  “Everyone second-guesses themselves at some time or another.”

  She nodded . “True. True.”

  “You’re damn good,” he said, hoping to dispel whatever worried her.

  She smiled at him. “So are you.”

  For a few minutes they drank in silence, listening to the ocean’s repeated melody.

  Jolene emptied her glass and turned toward him. “Do you want to go for a swim?”

  Her delighted tone caused him to arch a brow. Apparently, she wasn’t ready to tell him what was bothering her. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. Yes, I am.” She padded across the deck and set her glass down on the table positioned between two Adirondack rockers in the deck’s private corner. “I need to do something physical. Join me, or not,” she said, walking by him. “Grab me a towel. I didn’t bring my beach stuff.”

  Then she disappeared around the corner.

  No beach stuff meant no swimsuit.

  Holy shit.

  Feeling all of his blood heading south, Norris swallowed. He had to remain in control of his desires. For some reason, Jolene was very vulnerable now. He didn’t want to take advantage of her or hurt her.

  ***

  What she said was crazy but she needed to do something wild and impetuous. Her heart was pounding so loudly the sound of the waves crashing against the shore were only a backdrop to its throbbing. There was no doubt she’d become an adrenaline junkie over the years and Norris was her fix of choice tonight. She wasn’t going to think about tomorrow and what hooking up with him would mean. She needed to get her mind off a boatload of shit and she knew he was the man who could do that for her.