Quick to the Hunt

by Cameron Dane

  Pressing his palms against one another as if in prayer, Dr. Royan shook his head. “You’re missing the point, Hunter. It’s not that you were able to use Hercules as a way to focus your destructive thoughts. It’s that you got through one of those terrible nightmares without hurting yourself or someone else, and it didn’t break you. It didn’t kill you. Up till this point, you didn’t allow any room for the possibility that you could live through emotions such as you just let come to the surface. Today you proved that belief wrong. You did live through it.”

  “Because of him,” Hunter said, unable to get that crutch of Hercules’s presence -- a temporary replacement for the cutting -- out of his head.

  “No,” the doctor insisted. “Because of you. Because that is reality, and now you know it firsthand. Because when you have another nightmare tonight -- and you will have one, probably the worst one you’ll experience yet -- you’ll know, even if you give in and cut yourself, somewhere in your head you will know that you did succeed once in getting through one of these episodes without bringing yourself or someone else harm. That seed has been planted now, and when you succeed again, because you will, it will plant another seed, and then another, until you accept that you can get through any emotional moment in your life without turning to self-harming. Together we will keep bringing nightmares like this to the surface until you believe that even if Alex or Sarah angers you, or even if they just love you so much that it hurts to feel it, that you won’t hurt them. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

  Hunter’s gaze slid to Hercules, but he couldn’t get the memory out of his head that he hadn’t been able to control the violence with Alex. “But what if I can only feel this way with Hercules because he doesn’t have the ability to understand what I’m going through? I can’t warn him away or tell him not push my buttons, and then have him ignore me and set me off. That’s what will break me again, like I did with Alex.”

  Dr. Royan’s mouth lifted just at the edge, in something of a knowing, indulgent smile. “That’s the military person in you who wants a set mission he can clearly map to a successful end. You want a clear, concise answer, but healing is not going to come to you in that way. You’re going to take some steps forward, but there are also going to be setbacks. In time we’ll have sessions in other places, and I will put other stressors on you. You will hate it and fight it -- and certainly you’ll want to strangle me -- but a point will come where you genuinely believe that no matter who you are with or what environment you are in, you will be fine. The goal is to have a lot more progress in the right direction than the wrong until you reach a point where you believe in your gut that you are mentally stable and can reintegrate into your life. You have a solid foundation and the strong will of someone who doesn’t quit. You can do this. I know you can.” With a nod, Dr. Royan extended his hand. “Will you trust me and let me help you get there?”

  Every bad, destructive place inside Hunter scratched and poked at him, working hard to permanently etch all the terrible things he’d done to himself and Alex into his brain. The rage quickly swelled and roared in Hunter’s ears in an effort to defeat him, but for the first time since Will’s death, a true, real whisper of genuine hope found its way inside Hunter too and somehow managed to be heard among the chaos.

  Clinging to that whisper, needing it as a lifeline to a way back to Alex and Sarah, Hunter clasped his hand in Dr. Royan’s and let himself start to believe.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  OCTOBER

  Nervous excitement hummed through Hunter as he watched Alex pull his car to a stop at Forrest-Hawk. Parts of Hunter’s mind still wanted to slam him back to that terrible morning and force him to see Alex with bruises on his face. However, once Hunter had truly accepted Dr. Royan could help him, he’d learned to walk through the anxiety without hurting himself and to accept that with the right tools in place, he could survive highly emotional situations without hurting himself or anyone else.

  A brisk chill harkening snow made the air crisp, but the sun shone brightly on this late October day, beaming warmth on Hunter’s face. The light twinkled against Alex’s windshield, blocking him from view and amping up Hunter’s anticipation. This would be the first real contact between him and Alex since parting ways months ago. Hunter couldn’t deny his heart skipped some serious extra beats today.

  Alex emerged from the car and once again captured Hunter’s breath. His blond hair was cut the perfect, professional length and neatly combed into place. The dark suit, stark white shirt, and fashionably designed tie he wore under an unbuttoned gray wool coat were impeccable, and all spoke of the shark comfortable and at ease swimming in the cutthroat real estate world. So attractive, and now the model for what Hunter considered sexy and arousing in a man. Yet what brought a secret smile to Hunter’s lips, what made his stomach flutter more than anything, was the hem of Alex’s expensive pants tucked into work boots -- a man ready to walk anywhere on the property Hunter chose to take him.

  Sunlight haloed Alex as he approached. When he reached Hunter, warmth saturated the green in his eyes. “Hi.” He sounded a little breathless.

  “Hi.” Hunter’s voice possessed an equally breathy tone.

  Alex pushed back his coat and jacket and tucked his hands into his pockets, drawing Hunter’s focus to the way his tailored shirt hugged his flat stomach.

  “I came as soon as I got your message,” Alex said. “You wanted to see me?”

  “Huh?” Hunter shook his head and snapped himself out of his fantasy of licking Alex’s firm belly. “Yeah. Yes. Sorry.” Sobering quickly, Hunter gathered his courage and met Alex’s gaze. “When Forrest-Hawk first hired me, one of the things that excited me the most that day was the thought of sharing the news with you.”

  Alex’s shoulders immediately pushed back. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” Hunter fidgeted with his glove. “But then things changed and got intense between us very fast, and then everything went to shit, and I never got the chance to invite you here to show you what I do.” His pulse skittered wildly, but Hunter didn’t look away. “I’d like to do that now.”

  For a full minute, Alex opened and closed his mouth, as if he couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do to form words. “Wow,” he finally said. “You’ve left me speechless. That doesn’t happen very often.” Pressing his fingers into his cheeks, Alex smiled sheepishly. “I can feel myself blushing.”

  Hunter pushed his hands into his pockets and rocked on the heels of his boots as a fifty-pound weight flew off his back. “I like when you blush.”

  “And now I’m doing it worse.” Between the fire-engine red flaming his cheeks, Alex grinned and chuckled. “Who knew when I woke up this morning I’d regress back to fifteen years old.”

  “Do you want to blush and walk at the same time?” Hunter jerked his shoulder toward the rest of the property. “I’d like to show you around.”

  “I’d love that,” Alex murmured. “Thank you.”

  “Good.” Hunter waited for Alex to fall into step beside him, and then said, “Let’s start with the equipment and corrals.”

  * * * *

  Nearing the end of their tour, Alex shook hands with Cain Hawkins first and then Luke Forrester. “It was good to see you,” he said. “And again, you have a fantastic operation here. A dear friend of mine” -- pangs of losing Mack still hit Alex all the time -- “would have loved what you do here. I wish he could have seen it.”

  “Thank you.” Cain took off his Stetson and scratched through his chestnut hair. “We’re very happy with what we’ve built.”

  Luke added, “And we could not have been more thrilled when Hunter excelled during our recruiting process. We can’t imagine the place without him.”

  Hunter only dipped his head in acknowledgement of his boss’s praise, but from this tour Alex already understood the man’s absolute respect for Cain and Luke and the property for which he worked.

  After exchanging good-byes with the bosses, Hunter pushed open the
sliding door to a red barn. “I have just one more thing to show you,” he said, his voice dropping much softer as they entered the structure. “My pride and joy” -- Hunter came to a stop at the farthest stall -- “Hercules.”

  “Oh my.” Alex took in the golden-hued horse standing in the middle of the stall, awed by his magnificent size and stature. “He’s beautiful.”

  “He has a story attached to him.” Hunter proceeded to explain the animal’s mysterious, aggressive behavior change, as well as his just as unexplained slow climb out of his self-imposed isolation. “He’s well enough to be transferred to the intermediate stable, but he fights it, so we stopped trying. This is his permanent home now.” Hunter leaned his shoulder against the stall door. The horse immediately trotted to him, nudged his head over the door, where Hunter quickly acknowledged him with a good thump on his massive shoulder. “The bosses told me they had a discussion one night, and they decided Hercules was trying to tell them he wanted to be my horse.” This time Hunter’s cheeks slashed with crimson. “So they offered him to me, no strings or bills attached, just because they believe the animal wants it that way.”

  Comfort existed between these two magnificent beasts, Alex could see it in the way they nudged each other like two childhood friends. “Maybe Hercules was trying to tell them that,” Alex said, his attention riveted on Hunter. “They’ve certainly worked with horses for long enough to read them.”

  “I don’t know, but he seems happy. He gives me more than I could ever give him in return.”

  As Hunter stood there playing with Hercules, almost as if he were a puppy, his entire being gleamed with light from within. Watching them filled Alex’s soul with the sweetest, best pain.

  Alex moved closer, pulled into their magnetic force. “May I?” He started to lift his hand but then curled it back at his side. Glancing from Hunter to the horse, Alex took a cautious breath. “Would he let me?”

  The easiest, most beautiful grin took Hunter over. “I think so. He likes a good rub.” Hunter took Alex’s hand in his. The simple contact brought all of Alex’s nerve endings to life, stirring needs and love that hadn’t dwindled one bit in the time they’d spent apart. Hunter guided Alex to where to place his palm, and then took his hand away. “Just run your hand up from the top of his nose there to that tuft of hair on the top of his head,” Hunter instructed. “Go ahead.”

  Giving Hercules his undivided attention, Alex rubbed his palm up and down the line of the horse’s face, marveling at the coarse yet somehow soft texture of the hair tickling his skin. “Wow.” The animal’s life force fairly vibrated under his palm. Alex chuckled softly and turned to Hunter. “I feel like I’m saying that a lot today.”

  Hunter’s dark brows pulled and created furrow lines on his forehead. “Have you never been around horses? Do you not know how to ride?”

  Before he allowed himself to become too distracted, Alex let himself pet the horse one more time and then put his hand safely back at his side. “I’ve never ridden,” he admitted.

  His dark eyes connecting and holding on Alex, Hunter said, “I could teach you sometime. If you’d like.”

  God in heaven. Alex fucking had to fight not to well up right there in front of Hunter. “I would be honored to learn from you.” His voice only sounded a little gruff.

  “We’ll set something up.” After responding, Hunter unsuccessfully tried to discreetly look at his watch.

  Alex accepted the slump in his shoulders without fighting. “But now you have to get back to work because this was your lunch break. Right?”

  With a nod, Hunter guided Alex back into the bright, cold daylight. “Cain and Luke would give me more time,” he explained as he walked with Alex to his car, “but I don’t like to take advantage.”

  “Believe me, as a boss, I respect your stand.” Alex opened his door but couldn’t quite make himself climb inside the car yet. His fingers itched to touch Hunter, but he couldn’t grasp or settle on the right next move. So with the open car door between them, Alex stayed in place. “Thank you for calling me.” He looked at Hunter and just absorbed every wonderful imperfection that made him stunning in Alex’s eyes. “I loved the tour.”

  A little half smile hitched up Hunter’s hard mouth. “I’m glad.”

  “Okay, well…” Crap. What the hell do I do? Alex had held back in the wings for so long he didn’t know if he was allowed to freely touch Hunter yet or speak of the love still burning so hot inside him. Shit. I don’t know. “I guess we’ll talk again soon?” Alex asked, settling on something vague.

  Hunter nodded. “We will. Bye.” He touched his finger to his hat -- just as he used to do when passing Alex running in the mornings -- and then did an about-face and strode away.

  Alex watched Hunter openly as he walked back to the red barn. He shamelessly ate up Hunter’s wide shoulders, taut back, tight ass, and long legs, all wrapped up in well-worn work clothes. Proximity to Hunter had reignited the constantly low stoked fires living inside Alex for the man. As much as Alex knew it was premature -- first Hunter’s call, and then this visit -- this short communication solidified a decision he’d let percolate inside him for months. It’s beyond time to do it.

  Once Alex reached his job site and took care of a handful of issues waiting for him, he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

  “Rand here.” That deep, no-nonsense tone of Alex’s right hand registered, even through the phone. “What can I do for you, sir?”

  Alex couldn’t help wondering if Rand slept in a three-piece suit with a cell phone attached to his ear.

  “I can never catch you off guard,” Alex said.

  “You don’t pay me to be unprepared, sir,” Rand replied without missing a beat.

  “True enough.” Every rigid sentence Rand spoke made Alex feel lighter and better about his choice. He leaned back in his chair, and in the cramped space somehow managed to kick his feet onto the desk. “Let’s talk about what I do pay you. How would you feel about a promotion?”

  “The only job above mine, sir,” Rand stated, “is yours.”

  “Not exactly.” Yeah. This is going to work out just fine. “But let’s talk.”

  * * * *

  The doorbell rang, and Hunter put down the book he’d spent the last hour trying to focus himself enough to read. He’d alternated between grinning like an idiot all afternoon at work and kicking himself for acting like a twelve-year-old with a crush who didn’t know how to approach the boy he wanted. He felt so much better about his chances for a full recovery now, and everything had gone better than Hunter could have wanted out at Forrest-Hawk, but at the same time he hadn’t spoken even close to half of what he’d wanted to say to Alex. Starting with I miss you.

  Jerking off twice during his shower had done nothing to calm the need inside him for the man, so right now Hunter would gladly welcome one of his neighbors rambling on to him about gathering a group together to get a completely different neighbor kicked out of the building for banging on her drums too loud. Hunter wouldn’t aid in getting the young woman booted, but he would listen to the asinine rambling just to have a distraction.

  Hunter whipped open the door, and every blessed thought he’d just had flew from his head.

  Alex stood on the other side of the threshold, the tie and work boots now gone. The man appeared a little bit disheveled -- and sexy as hell. Everything Hunter wanted to see tonight.

  Exhaling visibly, Alex clutched the door frame so tightly his knuckles turned white. “I don’t know if I’m making the right move here, or if you have been given some kind of rule to stay out of relationships while you heal. I know I told you I’d stay away and give you your space.” His eyes beautifully bright, Alex barely paused to suck in more air before continuing on, “But you called me today. I want that to mean something -- like maybe you opened a door and so now it’s okay for me to walk through it -- but maybe I’m just telling myself it meant something so I can justify seeing you again, even though I don’t know
if I should be here.”

  “You should.” So fucking aroused just to see Alex, Hunter growled and yanked the man into his apartment. As he kicked the door closed, he pulled Alex to him and scraped a fast kiss across his lips. Hunter pecked kisses all over Alex’s face as he dragged the man’s coat off and started pulling at his shirt. “It meant something. It was a way to open contact with you again.” Touching Alex all over, Hunter didn’t know how to corral his pent-up desire. He wanted everything with Alex, and he wanted it all right now. Hunter forced himself to breathe and focus on Alex’s captivating gaze. “I was at work, and I was nervous, and I wanted you to like where I work and be proud of what I do, and so I fucked up saying all the things I wanted to say.”

  Alex put two fingers to Hunter’s lips. “No, you didn’t mess up anything. I was proud of you. I am. So much.” He drifted his hand up to brush stray hairs from Hunter’s forehead, and he looked at Hunter as if he were a precious gem. “God, how I’ve missed you.”

  Hunter turned his head and pressed a kiss to the side of Alex’s hand. “I missed you too. I thought about you all the time and hoped you were doing okay.” He slid his hand up Alex’s stomach to cover his heart, knowing without asking that Alex still grieved for Mack every day. “That’s only part of what I wanted to say earlier.”

  A hint of shadow crossed Alex’s grass gaze. “I’m doing all right. Better since you called me today. There’s so much I came here to tell you, but damn it…” He grimaced, even as his cheeks turned pink. “Right now, I’m so fucking hard” -- a distinct bulge in his pants backed up his words -- “and I just want to be naked with you again.”