by Casey Herzog
“I know what I have to do, but there’s really only one way to be sure how this is all going to unfold. I don’t know if you can hear me, father, but I have heard you loud and clear. The things you taught me were subtle, but I have retained the knowledge. I wish I could be near you again and tell you how sorry I am for the way I behaved. All I have left is my undying love for the man who raised me to be the strong and confident woman you see now. I can do this because you have always been there and it doesn’t matter if I see you or not. Your influence will always be felt in some way or another.”
I was still hanging on to Damien and felt like I was in an impossible situation. I was practically doing the splits and could actually hear my clothing ripping with the effort.
I moved my feet back a few inches, and the quake underneath my feet was slowly subsiding. I got back to where I was on the ledge with Damien fluttering his eyelids and coming back to face this head on.
“This was brought about by a memory that buried so deep it wasn’t supposed to see the light of day again. My father was protecting me from the bad memories. Whatever wall he put up is now crumbling like pieces of clay in my hand.” Memories I thought were real became nothing more than my father’s machinations.
“That…that is only part of it, Gillian; the rest falls on my shoulders. I have a very strained loyalty to your father. It could break at any moment, but right now it’s the only thing keeping us alive. You have moved me with your words and touched my heart like nobody has in a long time. I want you to know I believe in what your father taught me. He made me strong and gave me what I needed to take those few necessary steps in the right direction. I can’t make this decision for you, and you know that deep down you already know the answer.”
I stood there with the diminishing warmth I felt from our combined magic. The chill was freezing us to the spot, and it wouldn’t take very long for hypothermia to set in. We both took a few steps back as the ice and snow began to break away, piece by piece. It was threatening to swallow us whole, which definitely brought back memories I didn’t want to think about
“Gillain, there’s a part of me that believes you can be a force for good, but there’s also a bigger part that believes you can be corrupted.” I could only hope to give Damien a reason to trust me.
I didn’t want to believe him, but the magic eyes within me were telling me a tale of despair. I turned and looked in either direction to see that the snow and ice were crumbling from all sides. We were basically an island onto ourselves. The small piece of snow and ice was the only thing keeping us from falling into a pit that didn’t look like it had a comfortable landing. They say it’s not the fall that kills you, but the landing. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to find out firsthand what that saying was all about.
“I should’ve seen it! What you have said about my father has confirmed my love for him. He was there holding my hand and he’s doing that as we speak. It might be in spirit only, but it’s strong enough to let me know I need to let go. You may not agree with this decision, but it’s the only one that makes any sense. I’m sure you’ve noticed the ice around us has stopped chipping away and we are going to freeze to death standing here like statues unless we do something drastic.” I took his hand and we both looked at each other, not quite knowing we were putting our faith in words that had been given by the dead.
“I would say we need to take a little bit of time to think things over, but I can read between the lines. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, yet through the clouds, I see the shining light of your father’s face. In my life, there has been heartache and sorrow like I have never felt before. I don’t know if I can ever face something like that again, but maybe with your father’s words and teachings I can strive to be better than what I have ever thought possible.”
My father was showing me the way. That memory was now followed by others that left me stunned with the realization that a happy childhood was nothing compared to the truth.
I had nowhere left to hide, and my father’s eyes had finally found me. There was no point in waiting any longer. We were going to be in need of somebody to chisel us out of the icy grave of our own making. I wanted to know what real love was all about. I had a feeling that William could show me if I only opened myself up to the possibilities.
“I didn’t really need you here, but it’s obvious you’re here for a reason. My father touched you and gave you a sense of who you are. I had to see that for myself to know that his absence was not for nothing. I literally had to raise myself; I thought he was ashamed to have a daughter. That’s not true, though. He knew I could take care of myself and always found time to stop by to look in on me when he came back from whatever research he was doing even though I know research was nothing more than an explanation to hide what he was really doing. Let’s do this together. This one small step means one giant leap for my father.” I had his hand and we both took one long deep breath before extending one foot in front of the other.
The island was gone and in its place was a plummeting fall with an eerie sense of calm surrounding me. I was not screaming or showing any signs I was out of my freaking mind with worry. I was ready for what was to come.
Chapter Twelve
I heard knocking on the door and the frantic voice of William. “I don’t know what’s going on in there, but if you don’t answer me I’m going to have no choice but to knock down the door. I don’t want to do that since I’ll just have to fix it later. I’m not exactly a handyman, you know.”
I could hear that he was trying to impart a bit of levity into a serious situation, but was failing miserably. I tried to say something, but I had no voice of my own. I was left stunned into silence with my hands shaking and looking at the mirror like there was no possible way that had just happened.
“I need your help with Damien. He has gone into a catatonic state and there’s no way I can reach him. I don’t even know why I think you can, but I believe in you more than anyone. There has to be something you can do, but now I’m afraid you might be affected in some way by what is going on with him. I’m begging you to come out of there. I’m worried and I need some sign that you are there.” I tried to reach out to the door, but my limbs felt like they were made of lead.
I fell back onto the toilet with a resounding clang that had him wondering why I didn’t answer him. I heard him slamming his weight against the door and watched in fascination as the wood buckled against the impact. It took five tries and then it swung open with him holding his shoulder in distress.
I gave him credit for not giving up. He was soon kneeling at my feet, holding my hands and looking at me like I was in grave danger.
I had my mouth open, but the words escaped me like they were on the edge of my tongue, but then fluttered away, never to be heard from again. It reminded me of how the wind in that other world had frozen my words. I thought I could handle the tests on my own, but Damien had proved to me I couldn’t. There was strength in numbers. It was something I was going to have to remember.
“I’m glad to see you are alive, but it can’t be a good sign you’re not saying anything. If you trust me, take my hand and I will try to do what I can to alleviate the stress on your vocal cords. You can take whatever strength you want from me and I will gladly sacrifice any power I have to make you whole again. I don’t know what I will do without you. Please, for the love of God don’t make me have to find out. That would be the worst kind of hell to live through and I’m not sure I would have the strength to do it.” I took his hands and I drew from him a small bit of his life essence. I didn’t even know I was capable of such an act. His face turned as white as a ghost, and I could see that I was draining him a little quicker than expected.
I snatched my hands away and he fell backward with the very breath from his body expelled out of his mouth. He looked slightly confused. His eyes showed he was in some kind of trance. His eyes blinked and then came back into focus. I had a feeling if I had gone any further there wouldn�
�t be anything left of William.
“You didn’t have to do that.” My voice sounded like I had a frog in my throat. “I would’ve come back on my own, but not as quickly as I would’ve liked. I need to know I didn’t do any permanent damage. Say something, I don’t care what it is. Tell me you hate me. I wouldn’t blame you for that.” The strength of his life essence combined with a modicum of magic had given me a jumpstart.
“How the hell did I get here? I was downstairs with Damien having a lively discussion, when he suddenly went into convulsions. That’s the last thing I remember.”
William was rubbing his sore shoulder with no idea he was responsible for knocking the door down. It was barely hanging off the hinges, and the briefest wind was going to finish the job.
I tried to get up, but my legs felt like jelly. I collapsed and fell into his arms with our lips so close I could almost taste them. We looked at each other, and the heat of the moment was more than either one of us could bear.
“Have I ever told you I’ve always wanted to kiss you? I don’t know how many times I have used you to fuel my fantasies. I shouldn’t be confessing something like this; it’s not ladylike. I’ve seen you with other girls in school, and they hang on your every word without missing a beat. I wished with all of my might you would look at me like that. If you did at any time, then I didn’t see it, but maybe that was by design. You were afraid of my father. Are you sure that’s all there was to it?” I could feel the heat of his breath touching my lips and drawing me closer until only a mere inch remained to separate us.
“I told you I have been watching you from afar. You’re not the only one who has been thinking about doing something unheard of. These things don’t come easy for me. I usually just have to wait for a girl to approach me, but you’re different. I don’t know how much heartache I can stand without finding that love to make me live again. I was hanging on by a thread, and then your father died. I was a coward not to come to you sooner; I don’t have any excuses.” I could feel his broad chest pushing against my body, making all my nerves come to life at the same time. I was tingling from the top of my head all the way down to my toes and everything in between.
“I want to believe you, but you can understand my skepticism. I have dreamed of this moment, never believing for one second it was going to come true. I want you to hold me like this all the time, but how can I trust what you feel is real? I’ve been fooled in the past; just think about Mr. Coleman. He was always a good man, but he was a two-faced liar. You can’t possibly think I’m going to allow you to sweep me off my feet.” I knew that I loved him, but I was trying to be cautious in order to make sure he was playing by my rules.
“I’m thinking about how people fall in love in mysterious ways. It doesn’t matter if it’s just a fingertip or small smile. It all leads to me telling you who I really am. Having you this close is better than all of my fantasies rolled into one. I thought my fantasies were the only thing I had and it seemed impossible to me that we would be here looking at each other in this way. Maybe now, I can find the courage to show you how much you mean to me. I have been captured in your eyes for a long time without you even knowing it. You don’t have to believe me, but maybe this will prove to you once and for all that I’m on the level.” He leaned in closer so that our lips were barely touching, and then we were wrapping our bodies around each other like we were octopuses.
I felt his hand on the inside of my thigh sending signals that were obviously making his actions speak louder than words. I didn’t know how long it lasted until we finally pulled apart. I looked at him and was unsure what to say to convey to him I was convinced.
His hand was still on the inside of my thigh, and I never wanted him to take that hand away. It was hard for me to justify my actions. My father would never condone having a boy in the house, but he wasn’t around to make sure I was a good little girl. He had to know that by restricting my movements, I was going to do something that wouldn’t sit well with him. Having relations with the scruffs and talking openly about magic was risking discovery by the Elders. The hunter had made the scruffs go underground. It wasn’t right, but it was the only thing that could be done at the time. They wanted to rise up, but they didn’t have a true leader willing to sacrifice life and limb for the chance to bring magic back to the public. It was a gift, not a curse.
“You have an interesting way of convincing me of your sincerity. I thought we were worlds apart. In the mirror of your eyes, I see who you really are. I don’t think that you can fake something like that, but I still find myself wary of letting you in. I’ve shown you my flaws, and you’re still standing, which is a testament to your character.”
I wanted him to know that having him by my side was giving me the strength to fight the good fight.
“I know we are young and even thinking about something like this is to leave the Elders to do something drastic. Outside of these doors, we are susceptible to the link they have with all of our minds. It’s a good thing that when we are out of phase we can leave behind a phantom image of our minds in the real world. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep away from you.” We left the bathroom with me looking back at the mirror and wondering what other little surprises were in store for me for the next two tests.
“Being afraid is not a good excuse, and we have used it as a crutch for way too long. Our lives will never be our own if we continue this way. I think I’m starting to understand what my father was trying to accomplish, and we owe it to ourselves to fight. The best way to do that is to quietly have others join the cause. I’m not saying anything that you don’t already know.” I felt better, but it was going to take some time before my energy returned. Then, I remembered what he had said about Damien. We had to get to him quickly. I was like his big sister. I had to protect him at any cost.
Chapter Thirteen
Damien had given me every reason to believe he was one of the strongest. His eyes were open, but there was nobody home. Trickles of blood ran from his nose, eyes, ears, and mouth. It had stopped and congealed on his skin like a painful reminder of what I had put him through.
I checked for a pulse. He was still alive, but something was preventing him from coming back from the world I dragged him into. I had passed the test, but the price seemed a little too high in my opinion. I didn’t want to be alone and was thankful William was holding my hand.
“I would love to say I know what to do, but I don’t. I really didn’t take into consideration this could have such a high cost. I look at him and I see somebody who volunteered. He put himself in harm’s way when he didn’t have to. I’m the one to blame for his condition. How am I supposed to live with myself? The only prudent course of action is to take him back to the school.” I felt like I was falling apart; my mind was shattering.
“I don’t know too much about the test. Each person is different, but what I have been able to gather is that nobody is forced to do anything against their will. He could’ve easily refused to help. I would have never believed he had a selfless bone in his body. It really shows you never know who somebody is. He seemed lost, but you somehow found the real Damien underneath the caustic attitude.”
I wasn’t sure that I would say the same thing. I still felt that same animosity, but we had learned to rely on one another. “Damien is exactly what my father said; people have never given him a choice. Shoving your beliefs down somebody’s throat sometimes makes them feel they’re being made to swallow something they can’t. I gave Damien every chance to redeem himself in my eyes, and he has done that.” I looked at the kid and wondered if there were any way he would find his way back. I had no idea what he was going through and was just thankful he was still breathing.
“He never gave us any indication he wanted to be there. He always thought he was better than everybody else. He has an untapped energy that needed the edges smoothed out.”
I put my hand on his shoulder and watched my hand go straight through. Damien’s image swirled into nothing more
than particles of dust. I took a step back, trying to figure out what happened, unable to wrap my mind around the fact he was here one minute and gone the next. It brought back the painful memory of my father and how he had left me abandoned.
“That’s not something you see every day. I’m totally at a loss for words. He seemed so real, and you even checked for a pulse. However, I have a feeling this isn’t the last time we’re going to see Damien. Don’t ask me why, but I think there’s more to the kid than meets the eye.”
I held onto William, grasping his shirt and tearing into the fabric with the grief I felt for losing my father, and now Damien as well. “My father would never forgive me if he were here to see me fail. Damien was supposed to be a great warrior in this battle between magic and the Elders. He was the one who was supposed to bring them to their knees. He just needed some fine tuning, and I was willing to work with him.” I had to give some thought to how I had taken away his magic and left him defenseless.
“Gillian, we are just going to have to soldier on without him. It won’t be easy, but we’ve had setbacks in the past, and we have always stood strong against whatever enemy comes our way. It won’t take the hunter very long to sense the power you have inside. I could try a spell to hide the existence of magic eyes, but I’m not sure how effective it will be. It’s up to you if you want me to try. Be warned, I don’t know if there are any side effects to worry about.” William was giving me an option, but I just didn’t think that it was a good idea to mess with something I didn’t fully understand.
I heard the door opening and then the stomping of boots just before the Guardians surrounded us. I thought for sure they were after me, but they never even gave us any thought. They turned everything upside down, and I was tempted to say something, but I knew better than to interfere in their duties. It was obvious that they had a one-track mind; Damien was the target..