Prelude to Love

by Anne Barwell

  What if his father was angry because Joel had admitted he loved Marcus in front of everyone at the concert? Bad enough that Claude didn’t accept his son’s sexuality, but now everyone knew about it.

  Joel sighed. His thoughts were bordering on ridiculous. Joel had been out for years and had never hidden who he was, although he hadn’t advertised it either. No one had ever put two and two together and realized he was related to the man who owned Ashcroft Engineering.

  “Penny for them,” Marcus said. “I worry when you’re quiet. It’s never a good sign.”

  “I guess I’m still scared of being hurt.” Joel rested his head on Marcus’s shoulder. “You’d think after all this time…. I’m a grown man, and I know who I am. It’s ridiculous. I don’t need his approval.”

  “He’s still your dad.” Marcus reread the letter. “He wants to meet on neutral ground, so that’s—”

  “Yeah, right, and that makes the whole thing sound like we’re getting ready for battle. I don’t want to fight with him. I like my life right now, and I don’t need him in it.” Joel flinched as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

  “You don’t really think that, do you?” Marcus kissed Joel’s cheek. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s normal. You don’t have to do this alone either. I can come with you, at least until he shows up, and then make my excuses and leave once you know everything is okay.”

  “I’d like that.” Joel sighed again. “If I don’t do this, I’ll never know how it could have gone.” As much as part of him wanted to run away from dealing with this, he knew it wasn’t really a choice. “At least he’s let me choose the venue, even if he’s specified the date and time.”

  “You’re on holiday, he’s not.”

  “Sometimes you’re far too logical.” Joel loved that Marcus could approach a situation calmly and sort through the details, while Joel often got bogged down by emotion if he thought about something for too long. He leaned over and grabbed his phone off the coffee table. “You can take the morning off?”

  “Yeah, no problem. The weather’s been good lately so we’ve caught up quite a bit. I’ll let Brendan know I’ll be starting later.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” Joel figured at least with it being the next morning, he wouldn’t have to spend too much time thinking about it. Whatever his father wanted to say to him, he obviously wanted it over and done with as soon as he could. He brought up his father’s name in his contacts list—Bernie had given him the number a while back—typed a message, and sent it.

  A couple of minute later, his phone told him he had a new message.

  Thanks. See you then.

  “I’M sure he’ll be here soon.” Marcus tried to sound positive for Joel’s sake. “Perhaps he’s not sure where the café is?”

  He hadn’t known there was a café across the road from the Waiwhetu stream either until Joel had told him about it.

  “He brought me here years ago,” Joel said. “He wouldn’t have got lost.” He shook his head when the waitress offered to top up his coffee.

  “Thanks, none for me either. I’ve still got quite a bit left.” Marcus glanced at the clock on the wall behind Joel. “Perhaps he’s been held up at work.”

  “He would have texted.” Joel sounded strained. “Dad’s always been a stickler for punctuality, while Mum runs late. They used to drive each other crazy with it. I don’t think he’s coming, do you?”

  “Why don’t we give him another ten minutes?” Marcus suggested. He took a slow sip of his coffee. “This is a nice place, and I like the way they’ve converted the front of the house into a café, yet left the rest intact. It fits in well with the houses on either side of it. I’ve never noticed it when I’ve driven past.”

  Despite the cooler weather, people sat outside at the tables and chairs on the deck, chatting in low tones while they finished their morning tea. The wooden fence out front gave the illusion of privacy, although the lattice work at the top of it was wide enough to see through. The painted sign hanging from the gate creaked back and forth in the breeze. Marcus would have offered to oil it, but no one else had commented on it.

  “You’re changing the subject.” Joel shot him a glare, which Marcus didn’t take personally.

  “Yes, I am. You’re nervous, and thinking about it isn’t helping. I was trying to distract you.” Marcus drained his coffee and placed his cup on the table.

  They’d chosen an inside table tucked into a corner, which, despite giving them some privacy, also provided a good view of the ranch slider that was the café’s front entrance.

  “Thanks, but don’t waste your time.” Joel checked his phone again. “Still nothing. I guess he’s not coming. So much for wanting to meet up with me.” He shoved it back into his pocket. “Shit, how could I have been so stupid? He hasn’t changed. Why the hell did I think one meeting could make everything right between us again?”

  Marcus placed one hand over Joel’s when Joel raised his voice. A woman at the next table glanced at them and then looked away again, clearly embarrassed by Joel’s obvious distress.

  “You’re not stupid, Joel. I honestly think something’s happened. Your dad might not agree with you being gay, but he still wants you to be happy.”

  “Hah!” Joel picked up his cup, stared at it for a moment, and then slammed it down onto the table so hard that Marcus flinched. Joel grimaced and examined his cup. “Not broken. Thank God for one small mercy, at least. Sorry,” he said, lowering his voice. “I’m just so tired of all of this. I honestly thought this time might be different. I guess I wanted it to be different.”

  “Your father does want you to be happy.” Marcus wanted so badly to make this better, to at least help Joel through his heartbreak. He hated seeing Joel so upset, but he didn’t blame him. Although Marcus had made excuses for Claude, he couldn’t understand why Claude would go to the trouble of setting this up and then not follow through. “He didn’t strike me as—”

  “As what?” Joel pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry, Marcus, and I know you’re trying to help, but you haven’t met him, and at this rate you’re not likely to.”

  “Umm, well, actually….” Marcus cringed. The words had slipped out without him thinking about them. Now that they had, he wasn’t going to lie to Joel. Keeping something from him wasn’t the same.

  “Well, actually?” Joel narrowed his eyes. “Please don’t tell me what I think you’re going to. You’ve met him, and you never told me?”

  “Umm, yeah.” Marcus reached for his cup, then remembered he’d already finished his coffee. “I was worried about you, and you wouldn’t go see him, so when I said I could, and you said ‘whatever’….”

  “Whatever doesn’t mean yes!” Joel glared at Marcus. “Fuck it, Marcus. How dare you go see my father behind my back.”

  “I was worried about you,” Marcus repeated. “So when you kind of agreed, I… I’m sorry, okay?” He deliberately softened his tone although he suspected it would be a waste of time. “He told me he wants you to be happy. That’s all I wanted too.”

  Joel pushed back his chair. “You know how I feel about being with someone who plans stuff without telling me. I’m not some kid who needs protecting. I’ve got this, okay?” Joel’s voice broke. “I’ve got this.”

  “Joel….” Marcus didn’t know what else he could say. Perhaps he’d already said far too much.

  “I… I’m sorry too.” Joel stood and shoved his hands in his pocket. “I need some space. Please don’t follow me. I need to think. About all of this.”

  He turned on his heel and stalked out of the café.

  “Are you okay, sir?”

  Marcus looked up to see the concerned waitress standing next to him. “I… I don’t know.” He couldn’t go after Joel. Not now. No matter how much he wanted to. Yet he couldn’t stay there either. He cleared his throat. “It’s fine. Thanks for your concern, though. My… he’s just got some bad news, that’s all.”

  He didn’t know why he felt the need to g
ive an explanation to a stranger, but she nodded, smiled kindly at him, and went back to work.

  Despite everything, Marcus couldn’t switch off his need to protect Joel even now. Crap. How much had he screwed up? Joel would calm down, right?

  Marcus felt sick although he’d known what Joel’s reaction would be. He mumbled a good morning to the barista as he paid for the coffee, and then he strode out of the café. Luckily it was close to home, so they’d walked there. Marcus didn’t think it was a good idea to drive right now.

  He’d head home and wait for Joel. Hopefully by the time Joel showed up, they’d be able to talk this through. They’d argued before, and they would again.

  Right?

  JOEL’S phone rang. Hope surged through him. He dug it out of his pocket, annoyed at himself for his reaction. His father should have contacted him long before now—Joel had waited for nearly an hour.

  Nevertheless he checked the caller ID instead of just answering. Damn it. Still not his father. Whatever Bernadette wanted could wait. Joel didn’t want to talk to her now. He went into the phone settings, muted the sound, and shoved it into his pocket.

  A car honked at him when he stepped out onto the road without looking. Joel darted back onto the pavement, his heart hammering in his chest.

  Getting himself killed or badly injured wasn’t going to help the situation.

  He checked for traffic, then crossed the road. Typically, the car had been the only one he’d seen, or rather, not seen.

  The area by the stream was quiet, the storm clouds overhead adding to his state of mind. Joel strode over to the water, picked up a few sticks, and threw them into the stream. A few minutes later, he felt a little better, although his thoughts kept racing in a repetitive jumble.

  Why would Dad set up this meeting, then not turn up?

  Marcus had been trying to help. He loves me.

  I need our relationship to be equal. I won’t be with someone like Reed again.

  Marcus and I are building something good together.

  Aren’t we?

  Dad, where the hell are you? I want us to be the way we used to be so badly. Don’t you?

  Joel crouched by the water’s edge, watching the current flow toward the footbridge. A drop of rain, then another, hit the water, sending slow ripples toward him. He zipped up his jacket and retreated to stand under one of the larger trees. After finding a dry spot, he sat with his back to the trunk and tried to make sense of the morning.

  He’d reacted, rather than thought things through. Marcus’s admission had touched on one of Joel’s triggers. He still wasn’t happy about what Marcus had done, but he shouldn’t have sworn at him. Joel smiled despite his mood. Marcus had an overprotective streak a mile wide, and he’d only been trying to protect him, right?

  Right.

  Marcus wasn’t Reed. Joel glanced at his ring and twirled it on his finger. Marcus had put a lot of thought into choosing it, yet he’d told Joel if he didn’t like it, they’d find another.

  Reed wouldn’t have done that. He would have just thrown a hissy fit if Joel had hinted it wasn’t quite right.

  Not that Reed would have proposed. After all, they’d been together long enough for him to do it if he’d wanted to. In hindsight, Joel was pleased Reed hadn’t.

  A few months with Marcus were already so much better than the years he’d spent with Reed. Joel thought of the guilty expression Marcus had worn when he’d let it slip he’d talked to Joel’s dad. Not just guilt but concern, and… fear?

  Joel sighed. God, could he have screwed things up any more? So much for reacting like a mature adult and talking stuff through.

  He stretched out his legs, ignoring the dampness from the grass seeping into his jeans. He’d sit and watch the rain for a bit, then head home and hope Marcus was there. He almost pulled out his phone to call Marcus or text him, then decided against it.

  Better to be calmer and think through what he was going to say this time. Joel could understand why Marcus had acted the way he had. He still didn’t like it but, if their relationship was going to survive the long haul—and he hoped Marcus still wanted that as much as Joel did—they’d need to talk this through properly and come to some kind of compromise about what had just happened.

  Chapter Fifteen

  MARCUS barely made it home before his phone rang. Bernadette sounded frantic. He took a deep breath before attempting to get a word in edgeways. He’d caught the words Dad and hospital and not much in between.

  “Slow down, Bernadette. I’m not going anywhere.” Marcus shook out a few cat treats for Nannerl to distract her, as trying to hear over loud meowing wasn’t helping either. He ignored his own growing panic. “What’s happened? Is your dad okay?”

  Shit. Was Claude in hospital? That would be why he hadn’t shown up at the café.

  “Dad’s had another heart attack. Hillary rang the ambulance. I’m trying to contact Joel, but he’s not picking up.” Bernadette’s voice cracked, and she sobbed loudly. “Oh God. What if Dad doesn’t survive? What if—”

  “I’ll find Joel, and we’ll see you at the hospital.” Marcus sounded calmer than he felt. If Joel didn’t get there in time, he’d never forgive himself. He’d be here now if they hadn’t argued. He leaned against the kitchen table, his knuckles white as he gripped it in order to stop his rising panic. He had to focus and be strong for Joel and his family. “Hutt or Wellington Hospital?”

  “Hutt. He was at work, so it’s closer.” Bernadette blew her nose loudly. “I’m here with Mum. Please find him, and hurry, Marcus.”

  “I’ll do what I can.” Marcus ended the call and rang Joel’s number.

  No answer.

  Damn it. Joel wasn’t picking up at all. Marcus sent a quick text—Contact me. Urgent.

  He almost added “Dad in hospital,” but decided against it. Joel was already in bad shape emotionally, and finding out about his father by text wouldn’t help.

  Marcus grabbed his car keys and jumped into his SUV. He had an idea where Joel might be, but if he wasn’t there, Marcus would drive around until he found him. He’d phone Darin too, and Toni. They might have an idea where to look next.

  It only took him five minutes to reach Guthrie Street and the stretch of stream Joel loved so much. By then the rain was coming down hard. Marcus shrugged his coat on as he sprinted across the grass. He immediately spotted a lone figure sheltering under a tree.

  Please be Joel. Please be Joel.

  “Joel!” Marcus yelled.

  Joel looked up in surprise. “Marcus? What are you doing here? Look, I’m sorry but—”

  Marcus pulled Joel to his feet and gave him a quick hug. Water dripped off Joel’s hair onto Marcus’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, but we need to run.” He wanted to hold Joel tightly and protect him from this anguish, but he knew he couldn’t. “Your dad’s in hospital. That’s why he didn’t come. He couldn’t.”

  Joel stared at Marcus as though he hadn’t heard him correctly. “Hospital?” His pallor turned white. “Oh fuck.” He sagged against Marcus. “What if? Oh God. Why did I…? He’s still…?”

  It didn’t take a genius to work out what Joel couldn’t say.

  “Bernadette didn’t say that,” Marcus said firmly. “But we need to go. I said we’d meet them at the hospital. Thank God you were here. I…. Come on, let’s go.”

  Joel nodded. He slipped his hand into Marcus’s, and they ran for the SUV.

  JOEL gazed straight ahead, not seeing anything in front of him. His dad was in hospital. He fished out his phone. Five missed calls from Bernadette and at least ten texts. Another missed call from Marcus and a text.

  “I should have answered the damn call,” he muttered repeatedly.

  Marcus turned the SUV onto Witako Street. He glanced at Joel. “Whatever happens, this is not your fault, okay? It would have happened anyway.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” Joel leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. Crap, he was crying. He scrubbed at his face quickly.
r />   “You’re here now. Focus on that.”

  The SUV slowed, and Joel opened his eyes. “I’m sorry, Marcus,” he whispered.

  “I know.” Marcus reached for the parking ticket and then drove under the raised barrier into the hospital car park. “So am I. I still love you, you know that, right?”

  “Yeah. I still love you too.” Joel took solace in the words they exchanged. After their argument, and now this, he needed to hear them. He suspected Marcus did too. “Thanks for coming to find me.” He glanced around looking for somewhere to park but couldn’t see an empty spot. “Can you let me out here?”

  “Sure. I was just going to suggest it.” Marcus leaned over and kissed Joel softly on the lips. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  Joel nodded, jumped out of the car, and ran for the emergency entrance of the hospital. The seats in the waiting room were full, and only a couple of people turned to look at him. He strode up to the receptionist.

  “My father, Claude Ashcroft, was brought in by ambulance.”

  The woman gave him a sympathetic nod. “I’ll check our records.” After what seemed like minutes, she spoke to him again. “He’s been taken through to a cubicle on the emergency ward. If you give me a few minutes, I’ll see what I can find out for you. Who shall I say is inquiring?”

  “Joel. As I said, I’m his son.” Joel added, “Thank you,” as she got up from her seat.

  She smiled at him kindly. “Take a seat, Joel. I won’t be long.”

  He looked around for a seat but there wasn’t one spare. He preferred to stand anyway.

  She’d spoken of his father as though he was still alive, so that was a good sign, right? Joel sighed. Not that she’d reveal much more than that without permission, and Joel doubted he was listed anywhere on Claude’s records as family.