by Sarah Price
Fortunately, Mammi Ana loved to sit in her wheelchair and hold the baby, immune to the loud, piercing, and never ending cries. Drusilla loved to watch her grandmother hold the baby. Ana and Anna, she thought. Her parents insisted on naming the baby after Mammi Ana for surely this would be Ana’s last grandchild, whether because no one had anymore or Ana was called home, Drusilla couldn’t guess. But she sure enjoyed the moments when her grandmother gave her a break and held that poor, screaming baby.
After the first two weeks of baby Anna’s crying, a midwife had come to the house and shook her head. “She’s got the colic. Ain’t much to do, Esther. Gonna have to use Englische formula. Soy, I reckon. Won’t upset her belly so.”
Esther laid in bed, dark circles under her eyes. Her recovery from this birth had been more difficult than the previous ones that Drusilla could remember. Her mother seemed frail and weak, hardly able to do more than make breakfast and dinner. Drusilla knew that she needed to take charge and often sent her to bed after the noon meal. Her mother never once said no. Drusilla made certain that her younger brothers stayed outside and that sister Hannah helped her keep Elsie quiet for the afternoon hours. Together, the three of them tackled the remaining household chores so that their mother could get some sleep. After all, Drusilla knew that, during the night, her mother sat up with Baby Anna and, as a result, exhaustion had settled in.
Now, with the freshly washed laundry flapping on the clothes line as it dried and the floors shining from the after dinner mopping, Drusilla felt a bit more relaxed. With tomorrow being a church Sunday, she wanted to have everything in tip-top shape so that her mother could relax while the rest of the family attended worship and fellowship. Ever since the baby had arrived, Drusilla hadn’t had enough time to do much of anything that didn’t center on helping her mother. She had been anticipating tomorrow’s service for the past two weeks, wanting to see her cousins, Naomi and Miriam. While they had stopped by once or twice, they, too, were busy on their parents’ farm and with chores. After the worship service, they would have time to catch up and visit for an uninterrupted spell.
And, of course, she was hoping to see Caleb if he attended the youth gathering later that evening.
“Ssh little one,” Drusilla cooed into Anna’s tiny ear.
“That boppli still wailing away, I hear!” a surly voice said from behind her.
Drusilla smiled and looked over her shoulder as her grandfather stood in the doorway that separated the small grossdaadihaus from the main house. “Oh ja! She sure is!”
Jacob scowled. It was no secret that he couldn’t stand the constant crying from his youngest grandchild. “That new formula not helping, then?”
Drusilla shook her head. “Nee, not yet. But the midwife said to give it a few days.”
“Gonna starve, that boppli!”
“Nee, Dawdi, she’s keeping some down,” Drusilla said. “More than before, anyhow.”
Jacob didn’t seem to take much comfort in that knowledge, most likely because of the noise from the infant. “Ja vell, I’m heading to town, then. Can’t stand that caterwauling. You watch Ana, then?”
A few moments later, Drusilla sat on the side porch, gently rocking back and forth in the old wooden rocking chair. Her grandmother sat beside her, a lap blanket covering her legs despite the warm temperature of the July afternoon. In the shade of the porch, Drusilla still worried that her eighty-one year old grandmother might catch a chill.
“Such a nice day out, right Mammi Ana? Shall I bring you into the sun on the grass? It’s probably even warmer there.”
But her grandmother dismissed her with a wave of her hand. It was clear that the elderly woman had only one thing on her mind. “That boppli sleeping yet?”
Drusilla stared at the sky. It was turquoise blue with only a few wispy clouds hovering far overhead. The field of corn was not quite six inches high, but as a breeze blew, it waved back and forth, a gentle rustling noise mixing with the happy chatter of the birds. “Spring sure was wonderful, Mammi Ana, but summer is just as lovely, don’t you think?”
Her grandmother didn’t answer the question. Instead, she tried to peer over Drusilla’s shoulder. “You holding that boppli proper? She’s still fussing a bit, ja?”
Smiling, Drusilla looked at her grandmother. While everyone knew that Mammi Ana was not able to focus on conversations—and sometimes didn’t even recognize who she was talking to!—Drusilla loved that her grandmother still focused all of her attention on the care for this baby. It was all she ever asked about, as if baby Anna was the most important person in her life. Drusilla knew that she would share these stories with her youngest sister for many years after their grandmother went home to God.
“The baby is fine, Mammi Ana. You know the midwife said it’s just colic. And she’s not fussing that much at all.”
“I think I best be the one to hold her. I reckon I know a lot more than you do about holding babies, Hannah!” There was a fierce determination to her grandmother’s tone. It wasn’t a question or request; it was a demand. And, even though the sassiness in her voice, not to mention that Mammi Ana confused her with Hannah, Drusilla sighed and reluctantly handed the baby to her grandmother. She should have known that was what her grandmother wanted all along. It was all she ever wanted anymore. And Drusilla was not about to deny her such a simple request, even though Baby Ana was just starting to all asleep in her arms.
As expected, the baby woke up and began crying again.
“See now? I told you something was wrong!” Ana bent down her head, the yellowing strings of her prayer kapp falling over her shoulders and brushing against the baby’s cheeks. Ana began singing a hymn in German to the baby, her weathered voice not quite hitting the notes but the determination in her delivery impressive anyway. She couldn’t rock the infant to sleep, but she patted Anna’s diapered bottom and continued singing the song until Baby Anna fell asleep once again. “That’s how you do it!”
Without having to hold and comfort the baby, Drusilla stood and stretched. She felt the tightness of her muscles in her shoulders and back. Reaching up, she rubbed at the back of her neck as she walked to the corner of the porch and peered into the distance. Amos, Daniel, and the two younger boys were cutting hay in the back field. The sweet smell of freshly cut grass carried on the air and Drusilla shut her eyes, inhaling deeply. She wanted to imprint the scent in her memory so that she could always remember this very moment.
“Thinking of Caleb?”
Her eyes opened and she quickly glanced toward the driveway. Naomi grinned at her, stopping short of the grass so that she could drop the handle of her foot-scooter. It fell to the ground with a clank.
“What are you doing here?” Drusilla glanced over her shoulder, hoping that her grandmother hadn’t heard Naomi’s comment. From the way Ana stared at the baby, still singing hymns, Drusilla knew she was safe.
Naomi followed Drusilla’s eyes. “Hallo Mammi Ana!” she called out. Ana barely lifted her eyes to acknowledge her other granddaughter. Naomi gave a soft laugh and shook her head. “Reckon we shouldn’t be offended, eh?”
“Nee, it’s good she is so enamored with the boppli. Keeps her busy as well as happy,” Drusilla replied. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Nor you mine!” The mischievous sparkle in Naomi’s eyes told Drusilla that her cousin’s question hadn’t been just for teasing; she wanted an answer.
“Nee, Naomi. I wasn’t!” Truth was that Drusilla had not seen much of Caleb since Anna’s birth. He had stopped by once that first week to see how everyone fared. Two days later, he brought two freshly made shepherd’s pies from his mother. But that had been it. At the last youth gathering, he had not shown up and Drusilla couldn’t help but worry that his words had been spoken without much sincerity. Or, she feared, the crying, colicky Anna scared him away from her.
“Hmm.” Naomi didn’t look as if she believed Drusilla. However, pushing that topic aside, she finally answered Drusilla’s question. �
��Miriam’s off at market in Jersey so Maem asked me to run an errand. Just down the road to Eshs’ farm.”
“We’re to worship there tomorrow.” Drusilla said.
Naomi laughed. “I know that!”
Of course Naomi knew that. After all, that Esh family was somehow related to their grandfather, Jacob. Embarrassed at her mistake, Drusilla rolled her eyes and made a face, gently mocking herself. “Ja, you would know. I’m sorry. I’m just a bit flustered, I reckon.”
From behind them, they could hear their grandmother cooing over the baby who, to Drusilla’s surprise, had stopped crying, if only for a few minutes. The silence felt like a gift and, for a long moment, Drusilla enjoyed it before Naomi sighed.
“Sure am glad my maem didn’t have more bopplis! Although Miriam always wishes we had a younger schwester.”
Drusilla smiled. “Hannah sure would have liked that.”
“And me, too! Then she would have had to go over to the Esh farm!” Naomi shook her head and frowned. “Maem wanted me to drop off some bread she baked this morning. Twelve loaves! All in a tall box on my scooter! Why, I almost toppled over twice!”
“Oh help!” she said, laughing with her cousin over the image.
“Saw your beau, by the way.”
Drusilla stopped laughing and stared at Naomi. “You did? Why didn’t you say so already? Where?”
“Ah ha!” Naomi pointed at her, a big smile on her face. “I knew he was your beau!”
Trapped, Drusilla blushed. Her excitement about hearing something…anything!…about Caleb had caused her to let a careless slip give away her secret. Or, at least, she hoped it was her secret.
Naomi seemed to preen in delight. She nodded her head at Drusilla as she continued telling her about Caleb. “I ran into him when I stopped at the Esh’s farm. He was there, you know.”
“What on earth?” Drusilla frowned. No. She hadn’t known. In fact, she was just as surprised by Naomi’s information as she was about her cousin’s disclosure regarding where Caleb had been. “Why would he be all the way there? Shouldn’t he have been helping his daed on their farm? Surely they have hay to cut or bale. The weather’s been too fine for them to not be taking advantage of it!”
With a lift of her shoulders, Naomi shrugged. “Can’t speak to what his daed’s doing on the farm. But I can tell you that Caleb sure was quick to ask if you were going to worship tomorrow. Sounds like he intends to be there, too.”
“He did?” Suddenly she forgot about the hay cutting as she took Naomi by the arm and led her around the corner of the porch, away from any ears that might overhear. “Tell me exactly what he said!” Drusilla demanded in a hushed voice.
“Oh my!” Now that she had Drusilla’s interest, Naomi seemed to intentionally take her time in responding. With a drawn out and very intentional delay, she made a display of peeling Drusilla’s hand from her arm. She took a deep breath and pretended to be thinking, as if searching her memory. “Let’s see now…What exactly did he say?”
“Naomi!”
With a little roll of her eyes, Naomi sighed and gave into her cousin. “He saw me when I dropped off the bread. He was helping Thomas Esh and John Miller. They were setting up the benches in the gathering room for tomorrow’s service. He took a quick break, came over to shake hands, and asked how the boppli was doing.”
“The boppli? That’s it?” Naomi’s lack of detail disappointed Drusilla.
“I already said he asked if you were coming to worship tomorrow.”
“What, exactly, did he say?” Drusilla demanded.
Naomi made a face at her. “Just asked if the family would make it.”
Drusilla felt as if her heart dropped. Asking about the family was a whole lot different from asking about her. If he lumped her with ‘the family,’ than he wasn’t particularly asking about her. “Nothing else?”
“Vell, his horse was unharnessed so I reckon he’d been there for a while. Oh, and he had that fancy courting buggy of his!”
This didn’t make sense to Drusilla. Why would Caleb help the Esh family? Even if he wanted to attend service, he certainly didn’t need to drive all that way to assist the family. Besides, John Esh had nine children between the ages of twenty-two and ten. He certainly had enough hands to help. “I don’t understand why he was there at all, Naomi. Seems awful strange to me.”
“When he saw me, he smiled and came right over. Shook my hand and asked how you are doing.”
“And?”
Naomi made a face, rolling her eyes and trying not to smile. “And wanted to make certain you are coming to worship tomorrow. I already told you that part.”
Drusilla turned her back to Naomi and started pacing on the porch. She hadn’t seen him alone since baby Anna was born, and those last two visits had been short, really nothing more than a courtesy visit. Yet now he was spending time in her church district and at the Esh farm? Helping them with the set up for worship in the morning? Certainly he would not drive home and come back in the early morning hours, which indicated that he was most likely to sleep there.
As she started to put the pieces together, Drusilla stopped pacing and stood there, her back to Naomi and her heart pounding. There was only one explanation for this: John Esh’s daughter, Verna. After all, she was twenty-two years old and probably better suited for marrying, especially since she was older and not needed to help at home much. Mayhaps that was why he hadn’t come calling since Anna was born!
“This is dreadful!” She spun around. “He must be courting that Verna Esh!”
“Oh Dru! You’re not making sense! Verna Esh is a lunkhead. She barely graduated school! Teacher passed her on mercy alone!”
A lunkhead or not, she was awful strong and would be a good farmer’s wife. Besides, God graced her with very pretty eyes. Light green eyes. Any Amish man would be drawn to her.
“I won’t be able to sleep at all tonight!” Her heart beat rapidly and she could feel her palms sweating. “And I surely won’t be able to attend that retreat if Verna’s there!”
Naomi exhaled and shook her head. “That’s four weeks away, Dru! And you are making some wild crazy assumptions.”
Her cousin’s words went in one ear and out the other. Fretting as she paced, Drusilla could scarce think about anything else than Verna Esh. With each passing second, Drusilla continued to find more reasons why Caleb would favor Verna over her. And, as Verna began to rise higher in her opinion, Drusilla began losing confidence in her viewpoint about herself.
“I best go check on Maem,” she mumbled to Naomi and headed toward the door, her shoulders slumped forward and a heavy feeling in her chest.
“See you tomorrow, then?” Naomi called after her.
Drusilla nodded her head, barely able to make eye contact with her cousin. Her mind wandered to the image of seeing Caleb in the morning and hoping against hope that, lunkhead or not, Verna Esh was not on the receiving end of Caleb’s gaze.
Chapter Two
“You understand, Dru?”
Drusilla stood in the kitchen, wearing her dark navy dress with her white organdy cape and apron freshly pressed for worship service. Her black prayer kapp, the one that she wore only on Sundays for worship service, was pinned at the top of her head, a small straight pin holding it to the black elastic band that she wore to help keep her hair, and the kapp, in place.
Her father stood at the door, holding the cardboard box filled with canned goods, mostly pickles and beets, that the family was contributing to the fellowship meal that would follow worship. Like Esther, Amos did not appear well rested, the wrinkles under his eyes deeper than in the past. As he looked at Drusilla, he seemed to silently plead with her for understanding.
Just before her father had taken her aside to talk privately with her, Daniel had left in the older buggy, Jacob seated beside him and Elsie, Henry, and Elam riding in the back seat. There hadn’t been room for everyone so Hannah was left behind, kicking at rocks in the yard and mumbling about something, cer
tainly angry that she had to ride in the “boring” buggy with her parents.
Drusilla wished she was young enough to go outside and kick rocks. She felt exactly the same way as Hannah. Angry and disappointed, but those were two things she would never say out loud. “I do, Daed,” she said softly. “I understand.” But she didn’t. Not really. God would surely forgive her for that little white lie.
“Good girl,” Amos said, look of relief spreading across his face. “Your maem needs to get out of the haus. She’s got a touch of those baby blues. Will be good for her to see other women folk.”
And that was the only reason Drusilla hadn’t made a fuss when her father pulled her aside to request that she stay behind and tend to Mammi Ana and the baby instead of attending worship.
The previous night, she had tossed and turned, unable to think about anything except seeing Caleb and finding out if her suspicion was correct. Would Verna serve him water during fellowship? Would he slip away and take her for a buggy ride in that courting buggy of his? Would he promise Verna Esh that there would be no breaking off too? Now, however, Drusilla was to be left at home and she wouldn’t be able to see how Caleb interacted with Verna.
Now, as she watched her father carry that box of canned goods, pausing to hold the door open for Esther who appeared happier than she had in weeks, Drusilla took a deep breath and knew that her sacrifice was just a small one for the benefit of the entire family. When her mother was happy, the rest of the family seemed to respond accordingly.
For the next few minutes, Drusilla stood at the kitchen window, watching as her father helped her mother and Elsie into the buggy. He must have paused to double check something with the harness for he did not immediately join them. By the time he finally drove the horse and buggy out of the driveway, her mother seated beside him, Hannah was already hanging out the back window, a scowl on her face.