by Sarah Price
Drusilla sighed and turned away from the window. Her grandmother sat in the sitting area of the kitchen, reading from the Book of Psalms which she rested upon her lap. At first, Drusilla wondered if Mammi Ana recited the words from memory, but when her voice wavered, sounding weak as she struggled to make out the words, she knew that, even with her glasses on, Mammi Ana had a hard time seeing anymore.
“Shall I read to you for a spell?” Drusilla asked, her voice soft and gentle, as she walked over to join her grandmother. Grateful for the distraction, Drusilla took the Bible and glanced down the page to see which Psalms her grandmother read. “Were you reading Psalms 131 then?” She didn’t wait for her grandmother to respond as she read it out loud:
Lord, my heart is not haughty,
Nor my eyes lofty.
Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
Nor with things too profound for me.
Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever.
For a moment, Drusilla reflected on those words. It was as if Mammi Ana had read her mind, knowing that she was struggling with matters that were far greater than what she needed to concern herself. If Caleb Lapp favored Verna Esh, there was not a thing that Drusilla could do about it. She needed to remain calm and quiet, letting her trust in God be as innocent as that of baby with a mother.
No sooner had she thought this when, as if on queue, Anna began crying from her cradle in her parents’ bedroom.
“Aw now!” Mammi Ana said and tried to reach for her wheelchair. When she couldn’t get up, she waved her hand toward the first floor bedroom door. “Go on and fetch me that boppli, Esther! You know I’m better with those wee ones!”
“I’m Drusilla, Mammi Ana, not Esther,” she reminded her grandmother. But Drusilla knew it didn’t matter. Her grandmother confused everyone, especially when the baby was crying.
Lord help me, Drusilla thought as she stood up and hurried to her parents’ bedroom. She needed His strength to survive this day, that was for sure and certain. She only hoped that she’d be able to attend the youth gathering later that evening. Mayhaps Caleb would think that she wasn’t interesting in him, especially since she wasn’t at the worship service. Her father wouldn’t announce to everyone that she was there because her mother was feeling depressed. And if Caleb thought she didn’t show up on purpose, especially if Naomi told him that she visited with Drusilla the previous day, why!, he’d think she wasn’t interested in him, for sure and certain.
Drusilla picked up the baby and held her against her chest. She could feel that Anna needed a diaper change so she walked over to the changing table by the window, a sinking feeling in her stomach.
Oh, she could see it now. When she wasn’t there for the worship service, Caleb would certainly think that Drusilla didn’t favor him. Of course, that was if he still had an interest in her at all! Four weeks had passed since baby Anna was born and Caleb sure had made himself scarce during that time. After the fellowship meal, Caleb would be tempted to drive around with Verna after service.
The weather was beautiful with not one cloud in the sky and almost no humidity. Perhaps Caleb would invite Verna to take a ride to the stream. They would probably sit on the picnic table, tossing pebbles into the water while they talked. In another few weeks, they’d continue their courtship and when the camping trip came up at the end of August, they’d walk side-by-side along the tree-canopied hiking trails. It wouldn’t be long after that when the announcement came: Caleb was going to marry Verna in October.
Drusilla sighed. She tried to calm her nerves, remembering the verse that she had just read to her grandmother: Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me. There was nothing that Drusilla could do and fretting about it was not going to make the day pass any quicker or with a different outcome.
With the baby clean and quiet, Drusilla held her as she walked out of her parents’ bedroom. With Anna’s soft cheek pressed against her neck, Drusilla smiled and breathed in the sweet scent of the baby. For just a moment, she forced herself to forget about Caleb. Like Psalms 131 said, she should not concern herself with great matters or things too profound for her. She needed to leave it in God’s hands, let Him handle matters as He saw fit. It wasn’t her place to question them, just to have the faith that, as her heavenly father, God would take care of her.
“My word, Drusilla,” her mother said later that evening as they washed the supper dishes. “You’re about as jumpy as a newborn foal!”
“Sorry Maem.” Drusilla couldn’t argue with her mother for, while she was drying the plates that Elsie washed, she had dropped two plates back into the soapy water by accident.
Esther gave her a quick glance over from the corner of her eye. “Mayhaps best if you let Hannah take over from here.”
From behind them, in the sitting area, Hannah’s ears must have perked up at the mention of her name. “What?” She had been reading a book and clearly did not want to be interrupted. “Why is it always me?”
“Hannah!” Esther shot her a stern look. “Sassiness is bad enough, but on the Lord’s day? Besides, your schwester stayed home with Mammi Ana and the boppli today. She needs a break and it’s time for her to get ready for the singing tonight anyway.”
Pressing her lips together, as if trying to hold back a retort, Hannah stomped across the room and snatched the dishtowel from Drusilla.
“Danke,” Drusilla whispered to her, to which Hannah merely grumbled under her breath.
The morning had seemed to drag on for days, not hours. By the time that her family returned home, it was almost two in the afternoon. With only a few necessary chores to do in the afternoon, Drusilla had convinced her brother, Daniel, and Hannah to play a round of Scrabble, knowing that, if nothing else, it would kill time.
Now that supper was over and Daniel would soon beckon her to ride over to the singing, Drusilla was a tumble of nerves. She had tried to pry information out of her mother and sister, wanting to know how the worship service was, but the only news that she learned was that Widow Fisher was feeling poorly and Maem wanted to bring her some hot dinner one day during the upcoming week.
No one had mentioned Caleb Lapp, the handsome young man from another church district, nor did they mention anything about whether or not Verna Esh served him water during the fellowship meal.
With a few minutes to prepare herself, Drusilla slipped upstairs and hurried into her bedroom. She made certain that her prayer kapp looked properly situated upon her head. With the worship service over, she now wore her white kapp, her black one safety stored in the top drawer of the tall, narrow chest by the door.
“Drusilla!” Daniel called up the stairs. “You ready to go, yet?”
She took one last look in the small, round mirror that hung on the wall. Her hair was smoothed back and her cheeks looked properly pink from having worked outside during the week. Her eyes seemed too round and wide; she hoped she didn’t look too nervous. She put a little lip balm on her lips and rubbed them together. Then, with a deep breath, she hurried from her room and navigated her way down the stairs to join her brother.
The ride to Naomi and Miriam’s farm didn’t take more than five short minutes. Drusilla hoped that she’d have a way to ask them about worship service without raising Daniel’s suspicions. It wouldn’t do any good to have speculation start running throughout the church district or, even worse, her haus. Drusilla knew that she’d just die from embarrassment if her family thought she was jilted by the very first young man who offered her a ride home from a singing.
Naomi laughed when she crawled into the back of the buggy and, no sooner had she sat, Drusilla asked her about the worship service. “How did I know that would be your first question, Dru?”
Miriam nudged her sister. “Ach Naomi, s
uch a pot stirrer you are!”
Still laughing, Naomi leaned forward. “Verna Esh seemed quite taken with the young men’s table, if that’s what you’re wondering, Drusilla.”
“Oh help!” It was the news that Drusilla had not wanted to hear.
Daniel slowed down the horse as they approached a stop sign. “Verna Esh? Why she’s an old lunkhead, she is!”
Both Naomi and Miriam laughed while Drusilla slouched her shoulders and began to fret again. “You all keep saying that, but she sure is a hard worker and would make a right gut farm wife!”
Daniel contemplated that for a second before he responded. “You do have a point there, Dru. She might not know her math very well or recite Scripture from memory like some other girls can do, but she is a nice enough gal.”
“Too bad you can’t ask her home tonight,” Naomi teased from the back seat.
“Aw, Naomi! She’s practically an old maid for someone like me! Why, I have plenty of years ahead of me before I settle down.”
The conversation about Verna made Drusilla feel even more uncomfortable. Not only had Daniel pointed out the very facts that made her worry that Caleb might fancy her, but he also pointed out that, at twenty-two years of age, Verna was in a better position to get married. And that was something that Drusilla could not match.
By the time that they arrived at the Esh farm, there were already more than a dozen buggies and courting carriages in the yard. Several people were outside of the house, standing under the large umbrella of a shady maple tree, even though the sun was already beginning its descent. One of those people was Caleb. Drusilla’s moment of excitement at seeing him was only countered by the fact that Verna Esh and her older cousin Liam stood beside him.
“Ach, will you look at that?” Naomi said in a low voice as she climbed out the buggy door. “And here we were just talking about them!”
Miriam looked in the same direction as Naomi and caught her breath. With a soft intake of air, she clicked her tongue and made a tsk, tsk noise. But she said nothing about Caleb talking with Verna. For that Drusilla was most appreciative.
“Come on, then,” Miriam said, taking a hold of Drusilla’s arm and leading them around the small group of people and toward the house. “No sense fretting about what can’t be changed, ja?”
Just as they were passing the group, Drusilla heard Caleb laugh at something Verna said. As he did, his eyes lit up and he tossed his head, just enough so that a curl of his hair fell over his left eye. He reached up and pushed it away, still laughing. And Drusilla turned her head so that she couldn’t see Verna’s reaction.
Inside the house, Drusilla excused herself and hurried to the first floor bathroom. She could still hear the sound of Caleb’s laughter in her ears, a laugh that he shared with Verna Esh and not her. He hadn’t even looked in her direction, that’s how engrossed he was with the conversation. If she had expected answers to her unasked questions regarding the reason Caleb had not stopped by the farm or reached out to her in the past few weeks, she certainly had them now. Drusilla tried to push aside the image of Caleb standing next to Verna. It wasn’t up to the woman to make such decisions and if Caleb preferred Verna…well…there wasn’t much that Drusilla could do. Best to just get over the heart ache, she told herself.
After splashing some water on her cheeks and the back of her neck, Drusilla took a deep breath before leaving the bathroom. Outside the door, Miriam and Naomi stood with Linda Miller, one of the young women they knew from their school days.
“Dru, why so glum?” Linda asked as Drusilla joined them.
“Just got a little flushed is all.”
Linda accepted the simple explanation and turned her attention to Miriam. “How was market the other day?”
Immediately, Drusilla felt terrible. She had been so concerned with herself that she hadn’t even inquired about Miriam’s day in Maryland. “Ja, how was it? I’m sorry I didn’t ask earlier.”
Miriam shrugged. “It was fine, I reckon. Long day with getting up so early and driving so far. Lots of tour buses. They just kept pulling into the lot! We sold out of our pies and cheeses.” She lifted her hand and brushed some lint from her sleeve. “They sure do love everything Amish, it seems.”
Naomi laughed. “Now ain’t that the truth!”
Linda nodded in agreement. “My bruder John and his fraa just opened a broom making business and they can’t keep up with the orders! People from all over the country want an Amish-made broom, it seems!”
This was news to Drusilla. Last October, she had attended John’s wedding with her family. She had been under the impression that John was going to take up farming. “How can he make and sell brooms if he’s working in the fields? Our hay is growing faster than you can shake a stick at the fields! And the corn crops? The ears are just a month or so shy from being ready to harvest.”
“He’d love to work the fields,” Linda said, a forlorn expression on her face. “Just can’t find farms that he can afford. Everything seems too expensive to buy or too small to support a family.”
Miriam shook her head in disapproval while Naomi responded, her tone sharp and angry. “Seems some Amish folk prefer pocketing the money from selling out to the developers! Money is the root of all evil, I say! And those Amish folks aren’t supporting their own communities!”
Before anyone could respond, the door opened. Drusilla glanced at it to see who was entering. She wasn’t surprised when a large group of young men and women came into the kitchen, a clear indication that it was time for the singing to begin.
The four young women took their seats toward the back of the room on the women’s side. As more young people began to sit on the benches, Drusilla realized that more than one church district was in attendance. She thought she recognized a few women who lived two towns away from Gordonville. Sometimes church districts combined for youth gatherings, a way to expand the social networks of the unmarried adults in their communities. Tonight was obviously one of those nights.
For the next hour, Drusilla focused on the singing, forgetting about her troubles. She loved to listen to the voices as everyone sang hymns that praised God and Jesus. She began to feel better, knowing that as long as God loved her she didn’t need to worry about anyone else. He would always take care of her as any good father would do for his child.
Just before the midpoint of the singing, and just before she knew that they would take a break for people to mingle and enjoy some refreshments, Drusilla excused herself from the other women and hurried to the back of the gathering room. Her throat was parched from singing and she needed a cup of water. She used a small green plastic cup and filled it with cool water from the sink, her back turned toward the benches where the youth sat, singing fast hymns and laughing at some of the sillier lyrics.
“Drusilla Riehl.”
She felt the words rather than heard them over the din of the gathering behind them. He whispered them in her ear, his breath warm upon her neck. Startled, she dropped the cup and spun around, only to find herself face-to-face with Caleb.
He held a finger to his lips, indicating that she shouldn’t speak. With a quick glance over his shoulder at the group, he made certain no one watched as he took her hand and led her out the side door.
“What are you doing?”
He kept walking, away from the house and toward the place where his courting buggy rested near a fence. “You’ve been hiding, Drusilla,” he said. “I’ve been waiting all day to see you.”
“Me?”
His feet stopped moving and he turned around to stare at her. “Ja, you!”
“But I thought…” Immediately, she stopped talking, realizing that she had spoken without thinking.
“You thought what?”
Drusilla was thankful for the dim light of dusk so that he couldn’t see the color flood to her cheeks. Oh how quickly she had jumped to conclusions when he stayed away for such a short period of time. “Never mind.” She started to walk toward his buggy, hoping
that Caleb would drop the subject. But she felt his hand on her arm, his fingers gently touching her wrist.
“Hold on there, Drusilla Riehl.” While his touch was gentle, his voice sounded firm. “I want to know what you thought,” he said. He stood close to her, his height overshadowing her just enough that she felt like Elsie being scolded.
“I…well…” She stumbled over her words and avoided looking into his eyes.
“Drusilla?”
“I…I thought you favored Verna Esh!” She blurted the words faster than she intended. Once they were out there, they could not be taken back. The expression on his face did not change, his gaze steady and unwavering.
Ashamed, she looked toward the sunset wishing that she had never said anything at all.
“I see.”
That was all that his said. No explanation. No attempt to reassure her. No comment that Verna Esh was the lunkhead that Drusilla thought and Caleb did not have an interest in her.
His simple response to her confession startled her and she turned her head to stare at him. “That’s it? You see?”
“Ja, that’s it.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and smiled at her. It was a soft smile and she wasn’t quite certain how to interpret it. “Now, Drusilla,” he said at last. “If that’s over with, we best get going. There’s a hill not so far from here. I want to get there in time to see the colors changing in the sky.”
He reached out his hand to help her step up and into the buggy. Then, whistling a little tune, he walked around the buggy to the right side, quickly untying the horse from the hitching rail before he effortlessly jumped up and sat next to her. With a quick motion of his foot, he depressed the parking brake and he clicked his tongue, pulling back on the reins so that the horse backed up.