by A. M. Brooks
“Except they didn’t stay out, they started pushing B+ here,” I remind him.
“Exactly.” Trent watches me closely. I know he can see my brain piecing everything together. “Which was discovered when you reported to DTF...”
“And Roman is in prison still,” I finish his sentence. “I didn’t know,” I tell him. I can feel the panic building inside. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Nora.” Trent steps closer to me slowly before reaching for my hand again. “As much as I hate this and I really, really hate it, I need you to know.”
“Okay,” I say, I’m hanging on to his every word waiting for the world to drop out from underneath me.
“Darrian came to see me. That’s how I know most of this.” He looks away from me before he can see the pain flash in my eyes.
“Darrian,” I repeat his name. Of course he had already plowed his way through. Even if I didn’t want him to be in my life, he had found a small wormhole to wiggle through.
“I wasn’t thrilled to see him either, but I agree with him on this Nora. You’re in the middle of a very dangerous war. I know he knows, everyone knows you’re innocent in this. They don’t see it that way though. Darrian asked me to tell you to be careful.” Trent moves to the other side of the wall so we’re shoulder to shoulder again.
“What else did he say?” I demand quietly. If this was as bad as Trent is saying, then I know Darrian wouldn’t just say to be careful.
“He asked me to watch out for you, stick by you, that kind of stuff,” he answers. “He also wanted it to be me to tell you.”
I close my eyes at Trent’s admission. Darrian thought he was taking control of the situation and used my friend to soften the blow about what was happening. Which meant there was more I didn’t know yet. My cheeks suddenly felt heated. I needed to move.
“Let’s head back,” I grit out before running back over to the bike. Chills zip up my spine as I imagine being watched by unseen eyes. My movements being tracked by unknown predators waiting for me to be vulnerable. Trent doesn’t waste time though and soon we are cruising back down the highway. I let the chill of the wind wrap around my body and enjoy the sensation of my breath being taken away. Adrenaline kicks in. I make up my mind then that I won’t care about what Darrian has planned for me. He can’t touch the new life I’ve been building.
The rest of the way back to my house, I felt hyper-aware of my surroundings. Every flashing light, every car alarm in the distance, the roar of the bike’s engine wasn’t blocking it out. I tried focusing on anything but Roman and the way he would sneer at me. The way he called me “King’s girl,” or the way he looked at me with pure hatred when I made it out of that room that night. I spent days wondering if he thought I would tell Darrian what he almost did to me, but I had held it in. Stupidly, I thought I would feel safer if he was in prison. Now that small security had been ripped from away. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember exactly what Cody looked like. I didn’t see when DFT arrested him at school. I had thought he and Darrian must not have been very close since he never brought up Cody’s trial. I only remember reading about it later online. I hadn’t even been asked to testify. The police must have had a solid case without my anonymous tip. Anonymous my ass.
When we pull up, I noticed we actually beat my dad and Jodi home tonight. I quickly climbed off Trent’s bike before sending my dad a quick text to see how far out he was. A small trickle of fear lingered in my stomach.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” Trent asks, clearly, he could see I was wound tight.
I pry my lips apart in the best smile I can produce. “I’ll be fine, Trent,” I tell him even when I’m not sure it’s the truth.
“You sure?” He shrugs. “I don’t mind waiting ‘til your dad gets home.”
I wave him off. Despite the situation I’m in, the idea of having to entertain right now grates at me more. I just want to be alone. “If anything happens, I’ll call you,” I promise him. Not once in over three months had I shut Trent out and now I had. His blue eyes wander over me and I know he can see I’m ready to snap. His face softens when he realizes he can’t change my mind tonight.
“Okay, Sutton.” He swings his long leg back over so he’s straddling the bike before he looks at me again. “See you tomorrow?”
I nod as he turns the key and revs the engine up again. I step toward the front door before he takes off, gliding back down my driveway, watching him until he is out of sight. I’m suddenly very aware of being alone in the dark. My heart racing, I bolt into the house and lock the door quickly behind me.
I charge up to my room and make sure the windows are all locked and everything is how I left it. I can feel the blood pounding in my ears as I close the curtains and back away. I exhale, trying to get my breathing back under control.
I am strong.
I am capable.
No one can fuck with me.
I repeat the mantra I learned over and over again in my head until my body is quiet, and my breathing is normal.
“You got this, Nora,” I say out loud to no one but myself. I am not that scared, weak, girl I was before. I need to remember this. I need to remember danger and heartache are attached to Darrian. Two things I do not want to experience again.
My phone dings in my hand right as I set it down to charge.
Lily: Did you make it home okay on that death trap?
I smile, if only she knew.
Nora: Yes. I’m fine.
Lily: Good. I know Trent knows what he’s doing but some people can’t drive.
Nora: We’re all good ;)
Lily: K.
Lily: Smallest Bean tomorrow before our first day of senior year???
Nora: Sounds perfect :)
Lily: See you there!
Lily: Night!!
Nora: Night
I wash my face quickly before changing into my normal night, wear a tank and a pair of cotton shorts. I hum to myself to fill the quietness in my room. A quick look at my phone tells me it’s already ten o’clock. I’m surprised my dad isn’t home yet. I roll my eyes thinking of how concerned he was that I would be the one not home on time.
Ding
Trent: Your dad home yet?
Nora: Not yet :(
Trent: Want me to come back over?
Nora: No! lol I’ll be fine. I’m going to bed now anyway.
Trent: K.
Trent: See you tomorrow then?
Nora: Yes! I’ll bring you a coffee from Smallest Bean. Lily and I are going before school.
Trent: Yuck. I’ll pass.
Nora: You’re such a baby.
Trent: Yeah Yeah. :P
Nora: See you tomorrow :)
He doesn’t reply so I scoot under my covers and pull them up to my chin. In the distance, I can hear cars drive past the house.
Ding
Dad: Sorry sweetheart! The dinner went longer than expected. We’re still an hour out.
Nora: That’s okay. I’m going to bed though, early morning tomorrow!
Dad: Senior year :)
Dad: Now I really feel old.
Nora: You are old, dad.
Dad: HA! Goodnight Nora bear.
Nora: Night dad :)
Turning over, I rub my legs under the covers, mimicking making a snow angel, trying to create friction. The warm August air is doing nothing for me tonight. Even on the second floor where no one can get to me, I can’t shake the feeling I’m being watched. The hairs on the back of my neck twitch. Paranoia eats at me and I turn on the small lamp by my bed before scooting back under the covers.
“Just for tonight,” I whisper to myself. I roll to my side and see the small picture of my mom that Dad had framed for me. It’s from her college days. I reach out and trace her face, smiling. I close my eyes and let my body relax. My breathing deepens before evening out. A new school year starts tomorrow. I remember the knots of anxiety I was experiencing this time last year. I push those thoughts away quickly. Not this time. N
ot ever again.
“I almost thought you weren’t going to make it,” Lily laughs while handing me my favorite Smallest Bean coffee drink. An iced caramel latte.
“You’re the best,” I tell her, taking a long sip from the cool drink. “I can’t believe I almost overslept.” I shake my head again.
“How late did Trent bring you home last night?” she asks, drinking from her own coffee as we head back to our vehicles.
“Not late at all. My alarm went off, but I think I hit off instead of snooze.” I shrug. The morning wasn’t going exactly as I had planned. At least I still made it for coffee, and we wouldn’t be late for our first day. Lily is still laughing when I slide into the driver seat and start the engine. I playfully flip her off as she drives past, smiling when I see her start laughing harder. I turn on FKA Twig’s “Two Weeks” and drive the few blocks to the school.
The impressive building looks the same, and it’s hard to believe only months ago, this place was sometimes a sanctuary and sometimes a prison for me. I had faced ridicule and judgment when it wasn’t fair. It was also where Darrian had carried me across the cafeteria, decorated my locker for Valentine’s Day, and where I had told him I loved him. That last memory causes me to pause before pulling the door handle. I take a deep breath before stepping out. I shoulder my backpack and walk to where Lily is waiting for me.
“Ready?” I ask her, but she isn’t moving. Her gaze is focused past me, her cheeks tinged pink. “Lil?” I say before turning to look over my shoulder to see where she is looking. Bad decision. Ethan and Elijah are walking up the front steps. My skin tingles with awareness again, my eyes slide past the wall of broad shoulders, clashing with Darrian’s eyes through the windshield of his Jeep. Yanking my gaze away, I turn around and push my legs to keep moving until I get inside the school doors. Lily is right behind me, but we don’t speak, both of us lost in our thoughts, and me...I’m lost in the memories.
“You okay?” Lily questions in a quiet voice. I open my mouth then close it again. Am I? I survived seeing him. It wasn’t what I had thought it would be though. His stare had sent flames over my body and all I could see was white. My brain felt slow and sluggish as I try to process her question.
“I’m not sure,” I finally answer. Reflected light hits my vision, making me squint. This time, my eyes connect with Ethan’s. His gaze slides from me to Lily then back. I watch his face fall as Elijah murmurs something to him. He’s still watching me. I can’t stop looking at him either. He looks more tan, telling me he must have spent his summer at the beach catching waves. His hair is longer and the top of a neck tattoo peeks over the collar of his red t-shirt. I admit to myself that I miss his humor and how he would normally have had a way to make this situation less awkward. He drops his gaze to the floor as Elijah’s hand guides him toward the locker bay. I feel deflated. My own words echo in my head from when I last saw him.
“He’s going to be okay, Nora,” he says, his eyes pleading with me to stay longer. Hold his hand longer. Help him through this.
“I hope so,” I tell him because honestly, I do. Despite the incredible damage he has done to my heart, the world would not be right without Darrian King in it.
“So stay,” Ethan repeats again. “He will want to see you when he wakes up. He was trying to get to you. We heard the news story.”
Tears fill my eyes again for the hundredth time tonight since Lily called me about Darrian’s accident. I cried the entire three-hour flight and forty-five-minute drive to the hospital.
“It doesn’t change what he did,” I say. Warm tears stream over my lips, salt coating my tongue. I can’t stop the gasps escaping my chest. “He ruined me, Ethan. I can’t stay here. I’m not a toy and I’m so tired.”
“Please stay and hear him out.” Ethan’s eyes tear up, he reaches out to me, but I step out of his reach.
“I can’t.” I shake my head. “I can’t do this.”
I hear him sigh. “I know. It’s okay,” he tells me, but I hear his voice crack. Darrian is all sorts of fucked up and I’ve taken the brunt of his emotional whiplash. For Ethan though, Darrian is family.
“He’ll be okay,” I tell him, trying to be comforting. “I hope he gets the help he needs after this.” Ethan nods, but he’s quiet. “I need to leave,” I tell him. I need to get out of this hospital. Now that we know Darrian is in a good place, I want nothing more than to escape back to Seattle. I need more distance between us before he wakes up.
“When will you be back?” Ethan asks so quietly I have to step closer.
I lift my shoulder, feeling defeated. “I’m not sure,” I say. Right now I never want to come back, but I hold the words in.
“Will we ever be okay again?” His eyes move to mine. His are rimmed red and look bloodshot. I try to process what he asked me, and I don’t have an answer. They have never been my friends in the way I needed. They are Darrian’s friends. His family. Not mine.
“When he wakes up, tell him not to contact me. I’m glad he’s going to be okay, but I don’t want to see him or hear from him. I don’t want to hear from anyone,” I tell him. His head hangs down, the front part of his hair falling over his forehead.
“I’m sorry, Nora,” he says quietly. “So sorry.” I let his words hang there. I don’t respond. There is nothing more to say between us.
“God, that was fucking awkward,” Lily says next to me. I hear her breath come in choppy as a single tear slips down her cheek before she wipes it with the back of her fingers.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, rubbing a circle on her back. “I wish I could tell you it gets easier.”
She laughs. “Great!” I smile with her.
“It will,” I say. “Slowly. Painfully. But eventually we will forget all about the Kings.”
“I hope so,” she responds before shoving her book bag into her locker. As seniors, we get to choose where our lockers are this year and we chose numbers right next to each other. I stare at my own locker longer than intended, long enough for unease to slide in. The outside is grey and pristine. It’s new.
“It’s not going to bite you.” Trent laughs behind me. I smile before turning and sliding my arms around his waist in a hug. I feel better with both Trent and Lily here now.
“Miss me that much, Sutton?” Trent laughs again. I push away smiling, the episode from this morning fading to memory.
“You wish.” I joke back and shove my bag in my locker.
“Where’s Liv?” I hear Lily ask Trent.
“She’s at the guidance office. Apparently she received an updated schedule yesterday and all her classes are messed up,” he explains.
“That sucks,” Lily says, and I nod in agreement. That would be a horrible way to start the first day.
“What do you have first?” I ask Trent.
“Ahhh.” He pulls the folded paper from his back pocket, “I have Calc first then Government.”
“Government is our only class together besides lunch, right?” I ask him.
“Yup,” he responds before tucking his folded schedule between the notebooks in his hands.
“Well, at least we all have the same lunch,” Lily adds next to me. We start walking toward the wing where the majority of our classes are, and my stomach starts to twist again. Goosebumps raise on my arms despite how warm the building actually is today. My skin heats knowing I’m being watched. I quickly look around the halls. Everyone seems preoccupied and doing their own thing. You’re being paranoid again, the voice in my head whispers. I know she’s right. I try to shake off the feeling and push the past aside.
“See you guys later.” I wave as I open the door to my Spanish class. I take the same seat I used last year and smile at the other familiar faces in the room. Pulling out my notebook, I feel comforted by the conversations around me until I hear the collective gasp followed by girly giggles. I pause when the desk next to me shifts.
“This seat taken?” Ethan asks no one in particular. I’m staring at him, but he avoids m
e and starts unpacking his backpack. My thoughts spin. How is this possible? Ethan had fulfilled his language requirement as a sophomore.
“What are you doing?” The words leave my mouth before I remember I’m not talking to them.
Surprise is evident on his face, his hazel eyes widen in shock. We stare at each other for a few seconds before a small smile cracks his mouth.
“I’m taking Spanish. This is Spanish, right?” he asks, nodding toward Senora Kimball’s sombrero hanging off her desk.
“Yeah,” I answer, still unable to comprehend what he is telling me. “But why are you here?”
“I needed an elective,” he shrugs like it makes perfect sense.
“You didn’t take Spanish III,” I blurt to myself trying to work through this process.
“Don’t need to apparently,” Ethan comments before winking at me. I lean back in my seat and face forward. He winked at me.
Ethan doesn’t talk to me the rest of class even when we break up into pairs and discuss our summer breaks. I’m happy he’s still respecting my space, but I also miss the bantering. I’m messed up to be thinking about them right now.
I rush to Government next and slide into a seat by Trent. I barely hide my groan when I notice Ethan walking into this classroom as well. Trent doesn’t say anything, just raises his eyebrows at me. And I shrug. Maybe it’s nothing? We’re both seniors and there are few actual classes we need besides our electives. There is still something not sitting right with me though. This all feels eerily familiar. By the time I make it to my third hour, I’m relieved to see Lily and Shea. We take seats in the front and talk excitedly. This writing course is supposed to be the best class offered to seniors and we had the potential to get college credit. The smile slides from my lips though when once again, Ethan walks in. I watch as he sees Lily and my best friend’s laughing stops completely. Without a look in my direction, Ethan walks two rows behind us and slides into a desk. He’s far away but too close for comfort at the same time. Lily is bent over slightly, her long blonde hair hangs over her shoulder like a curtain.